People Reveal The Times They've Realized Others Were Telling Their Story
[rebelmouse-image 18350142 is_animated_gif=We all have embarrassing moments. If we're "lucky", some of those moments end up entering into legend. Like the time I fell down a ramp at school and took out no less than a dozen people with me - because I couldn't walk in heels. Some friends are teachers at that same school now, and I was just informed that YUP - people still talk about it. Apparently, the importance of "proper footwear" - particularly on the ramp - is a topic of discussion now on Freshman orientation day.
**It was two decades ago. **
One reddit user asked:
Has anyone ever told you a story like "this thing happened to this guy" and you realized the story was about you, what's the story?
Bedtime Rules
[rebelmouse-image 18350143 is_animated_gif=Everyone in my 6th grade class had to go to a outdoor nature center for a 3 day camp. They have been doing it for 20+ years. The goal was to learn about the environment, team building etc.
Well on my last night at camp, 12 year old me rolled off the top bunk in my sleep and cracked my head against the concrete floor. A concussion, skull fracture, and brain bleed later I woke up in the ICU. Long story short, after a duration in the hospital I made a full recovery.
Flash forward to high school and they are asking for counselor volunteers for 6th grade camp. Wanting to prove to myself that I could make it through a camp meant for 12 year olds, I signed up. During the orientation/training they started talking about bedtime rules... Sure enough, they start telling a story about a kid who fell off the top bunk and was badly injured.
Only I knew it was me.
Still Pregnant
[rebelmouse-image 18350144 is_animated_gif=I spent 3 months in the hospital before giving birth due to my water breaking at 21.3 weeks. On Valentine's Day of all days! It was just like the movies, except there was multiple puddles of fluid on the floor.
So I go for a scan with the same lady about 2 months later (I had lots of scans between then, just with different techs). They wanted to check fluid levels and the babies growth. The tech asks why I was there and I told her my water broke early and I was in the hospital or something like that.
She then tells me "well at least it's not as bad as this girl whose water broke on Valentines Day. I came in the room and they had thrown down bed pads on the floor to soak up the fluid. I almost stepped in a puddle". I looked at her and said "yeah that was me". She goes "you're STILL pregnant"? Uh yeah. I laughed though
Ruining It For The Children
[rebelmouse-image 18350145 is_animated_gif=When I was a kid, I used to impersonate the Rock a lot because he was my favorite. This led the school to ban wrestling themed stuff.
Now, almost twenty years later, my friends kid goes to the same school and can't wear a John Cena shirt to school. Because they still have the rule.
Crazy man.
That Pants Pisser
[rebelmouse-image 18350146 is_animated_gif=Someone once told me about a friend of a friend who got mugged downtown and pissed her pants from fright. That pants pisser was me.
Spoil My Legacy
[rebelmouse-image 18350147 is_animated_gif=When I was very new in police service, my helmet got stolen when I piled into a fight on a busy Night Time Economy patrol in the city. It came off when I ran in and someone picked it up and cycled off with it. One of the older officers told me that I needed to record a crime for the theft and inform the Inspector personally. Of course, that was rubbish, and I didn't need to inform anyone aside of recording the incident.
Years later, I was listening to two officers talk about "that rookie who got his helmet nicked in a fight" only the story had been so embellished that I supposedly hand-wrote the crime report and delivered it personally to the Chief Constable.
I didn't want to spoil my legacy, so I didn't say anything :)
Flappy Bird
[rebelmouse-image 18350148 is_animated_gif=Roommate in collegebhad an unhealthy obsession with flappy bird, this was shortly before the game was taken off the market. He was top 1% in the world, had an insane high score. He talked about hearing people behind him in a lecture hall about how their friend knew a guy that was in the top 1% of flappy bird. To him it was his 15 minutes of fame.
My Website
[rebelmouse-image 18350149 is_animated_gif=I came up with a website, we had a launch, received some decent praise locally. Real jobs got in the way so I let the project die. A couple of years down the road I mention to a co-worker about creating a site. He responds "Don't bother, there is already a site that does it." and he mentions the site I had created.
Mr. Steal Yo' Girl
[rebelmouse-image 18348583 is_animated_gif=Kind of - when I was younger I had a part time job in a DIY store. There was this guy who I worked with, roughly the same age as me but crazy and could beat me up quite easily but we got on well.
He starts telling me that some guy has been seeing his girlfriend and one of his friends seen them making out at a local club. I don't think too much of it and simply say that you should find the him and beat him.
Fast forward two week - I'm out with my friends and I bump into my work colleague. He's with his girlfriend and well, you've guessed it. His girl is a chick I was kissing in this club a few weeks ago. She doesn't acknowledge me as I think she's too shocked that I know her man. I sure as hell don't let on that I know her to my colleague as I like my body intact. We do the usual "Hey, where you going" etc and I get away from them.
For the next few weeks at work I was crapping myself thinking the next time my colleague and his girl have and argument, she'll spill the beans and I'll get murdered.
Perm
[rebelmouse-image 18350150 is_animated_gif=In 2013 I went to a cosmetology school and they supplied us with all kind of cool gadgets. One of which was a very small texturing iron. I loved it and would give myself very curly hair kind of borderline Shirley Temple but imagine tighter smaller curls. So anyway, I loved the look so so much that I decided I wanted a perm. We had been learning the process and I volunteered to be a model for the class...I asked my teacher to use the second smallest rollers in my hair. I had a bob cut. Everyone asked me if I was "sure I wanted to do this."
That should have been a clue. It was not.
So I'm sitting there, with a giant smile on my face, all excited for the results. They wash my hair. Pat it dry. Jheri Curl. No big deal, I'll style it at home it'll be fine..hah, right guys? I go home, it's terrible. I looked like Krusty the Clown. I ask myself in the mirror why I did this, cry and do exactly what I'm not supposed to do - wash my hair. I made it worse. But I'm stubborn and I still didn't learn.
It's the weekend and I can "fix" this, so I go to Sally's buy myself a perm kit and brush perm through my hair the next day. I processed the f*** out of my hair and ended up getting a pixie cut and growing it out.
My instructor was not happy. Everyone laughed. I died inside.
Years later, I meet someone that is attending the same cosmetology school I went to, and happens to have the same instructor I did.... and apparently she tells the story every year as a way to encourage the students to actually listen to the instructors.
Weird Cubicle Rocks
[rebelmouse-image 18350151 is_animated_gif=So when I got a new job, I was in a little cubicle. In my desk were some tiny decorative rocks, apparently from a previous employee's broken fountain. So I lined up all the rocks between me and the girl in the cubicle next to me. She didn't mind, she didn't really care.
I got promoted a few months later, moved to a bigger desk. Took my rocks with me, its a bit of a bigger cubicle. I had sat the rocks on a pile on my desk not knowing what to do with them. Another coworker who wasn't in my department asked me where I got the rocks, I told her how they were someone else's abandoned rocks I just took them. She then proceeded to tell me a story of this weird girl who lined up the rocks on the side of the cubicle...she said it was so weird.
I didn't even tell her it was me. I just nodded in agreement.
Arm Snapped Off
[rebelmouse-image 18350152 is_animated_gif=When I was in Year 8 I broke my arm very badly in PE playing bench ball. Like snapped in half requiring two surgeries and over a year of physiotherapy bad.
Fast forward to PE in Year 11 and walking back in to the same gym, a girl that I hadn't really started talking to until about a year earlier mentioned "Did you know I heard a girls arm snapped off in here!?" When I questioned her about it she recited all the details of how it happened (apart from my arm falling off, but I'll leave that to the effect of whispers changing the story a little) all the while not knowing she was talking about me.
The ER Trip
[rebelmouse-image 18350153 is_animated_gif=I was super accident prone as a child. This lead to a interesting trip to the ER.
My sister was chasing me around the backyard with a little plastic shovel and I was fleeing for my life. I fled to the side yard and dove into some tall grass, turned out there was a huge pile of redwood planks obscured by the grass. I dove in and came to an abrupt halt. I had managed to impale a roughly foot long redwood "splinter" (thing was about as think as a pencil) right in-between my left ring and middle finger, right through the webbing and all the way down to the wrist. I end up in the ER, and I had this very very attractive redheaded nurse that kept my attention even as a 9-year-old. I sat quietly while she slowly removed the whole twig from between my fingers.
Fast forward 2 months. I am camping with my grandparents and my grandpa is teaching me how to fish. I was using one of those little three pronged barbed lures, and when I cast it I noticed nothing hit the water, so I start reeling back my line and lure until it stops and my arm starts hurting. Oh well, certainly that is a coincidence. So I can't seem to reel my lure all the way back to me and I am tugging and reeling and my arm is hurting more and more until my grandpa noticed that I hooked my upper right arm and had successfully dug the barbed lure all the way into my arm. My grandpa being the resourceful one decided he can yank it out with pliers, so he grabs a pair. This pair must have been the original pair, they were huge and probably a good 73% solid rust. Several fruitless attempts later I am sat in the passenger seat of his truck being taken to the ER.
I get in there and I am wailing, and the universe decides to hate me today.
- We end up at the same ER that I went to for my twig removal
- My male nurse is wearing scrubs with a fishing lure pattern printed all over it.
- And lastly when they get me into the room, mister fishhook shirt has the audacity to tell me I shouldn't be crying, that it's not that bad, that some poor kid was in here just a few months ago with a huge stick stuck in his left hand right between his fingers.
I lose it. I start bawling and blubbered out a"That.. that was me!" The nurse looks up at my grandpa and my grandpa just nods a silent "Yup" to the nurse.
That was fun.
Cursive
[rebelmouse-image 18350154 is_animated_gif=When I took the SATs, they had us write that whole honesty sentence in cursive for some bizarre reason, as if that makes it somehow more legitimate than actual handwriting. I hadn't written a word in cursive in like 9 years, and couldn't remember how to write some of the wackier letters. It took me several minutes longer than anyone else to write that entire stupid sentence.
Later, one of my friends mentioned how one of his buddies had to take the SATs with this stupid kid who took forever to write a cursive sentence.
feelsbadman.jpeg
#SuitUpSunday
[rebelmouse-image 18350155 is_animated_gif=Co-worker was talking about their brother having been up skiing at my local mountain, and they apparently saw a guy snowboarding in a full suit, carrying a briefcase and sipping coffee while carving down the hill. Apparently it made for a really surreal day for them.
I informed her that the guy in the suit was me, and that I do that every Sunday at my mountain, often times as part of a whole crew of folks wearing suits. #SuitUpSunday, been at it for almost 10 years now, but this was the first time I felt like a celebrity because of it.
I'm just out there to make memories for people, so I was very happy I had succeeded.
Roommate
[rebelmouse-image 18350156 is_animated_gif=When I was in college, going into sophomore year, three friends from the dorms and I decided to get an apartment together. We lived together over the summer before moving into a different apartment in the fall. There was one girl who never paid rent, was a complete slob, ate all our food, just was awful. The worst incident came when I came home late one night and she was sleeping in my bed and peed in it on purpose when I asked her to leave, right in front of me. When we tried to have discussions with her about the mess and the money, she would flat out deny everything or just literally put her hands over her ears and say 'la la la'.
Anyway, after the bed peeing incident, we replaced her on the lease for the fall. It was over a month beforehand so she still could sign up for the dorms (or find another apartment).
So by crazy coincidence, I was at a random party in another state three years later, right after graduation. I was talking to this girl who said "Oh, you went to **university?" and started to tell me this story of her childhood friend who went there who had a terrible apartment story. In this story, three mean girls played an elaborate prank on this girl, tricking her into living with them then throwing her out to literally live on the streets. They stole her books and all sorts of s***. So I was like, oh that is really mean. Then she said,"oh here she is now," and lo and behold ...
It was my former roommate.
Some Desperate Girl
[rebelmouse-image 18350157 is_animated_gif=I once tried to flirt with a guy in college and knew the guy loved Star Wars. Said something along the lines of:
"Why don't we watch all the Star Wars movies together and then not actually watch them ????"
Needless to say, he was NOT into it, but I remained friends with the guy and we had overlapping friend groups and hung out often.
Throughout the years he suffered a few concussions due to rugby, and as a result, he often confused events and overall had a bad memory. We were out at a bar with all his friends and he starts casually talking about some desperate girl who tried to get him to come over by using Star Wars as an excuse to bang!
All his friends died with laughter.
I sat there, red as a tomato, completely mortified and not saying a word.
Near Robbery
[rebelmouse-image 18350159 is_animated_gif=When I worked at Gamestop, I was told there had been a plan by some kids to tie me up, beat and rob the place when I took out the trash one night. But my boss wouldn't let me leave for vacation tomorrow without cleaning the store. So instead of taking the trash out at 9, I got around to it at 11.
In that time, one of the other stores noticed the people waiting by the trash, called the cops and they were arrested. I was oblivious to all of this.
A month later I had moved and been promoted. On my first managers I had to learn about the new rules in place. One brand new rule was that if you were closing the store alone, you couldn't take out the trash. You had to leave it by the door for the morning. Then they told me the story of why the new rule was in place. An employee narrowly escaped possibly being murdered
No one knew it was me who had been working that night.
I Got Killed
[rebelmouse-image 18350160 is_animated_gif=I met a girl in college who started telling me about her brother's friend who had the same first name as me. Proceeded to tell me my life story (drug addiction, abusive relationship, abortion) but apparently her brother heard that I got killed.
My Crush And My Dead Dog
[rebelmouse-image 18346607 is_animated_gif=When I was in middle school, my family went on vacation. We left our dog at home and asked the son of a family friend to take care of her for the two weeks we were gone. This boy was about a year older than me and was dreamy(at least to my 7th grade eyes). I still consider him my first official crush.
Well about a week into our vacation, my dad gets a call. Our dog has been hit by a car and has passed away. Tears all around.
About a year later, I am hanging out with some girls from my class when one of them starts laughing and telling this story about how one time she went on a date with a boy and they walked this dog he was taking care of. They weren't supposed to take her downtown, but they wanted ice cream. They got so distracted making out that they didn't even notice when she ran out into the street and got hit by a car. Who was she on the date with? My crush. And my dead dog.
I've never told my family.
H/T: Reddit
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!