They say honesty is the best policy, but does that apply to EVERYONE?
It most certainly does not. Kid-level honesty is pretty much hilarious, but as grown ups we could absolutely not get away with that same comedy routine.
One Reddit user asked:
... and listen, this is comedic gold - IF you can get away with dropping these hits.
The Happiest DayMackenzie Ziegler Whatever GIF by KenzieGiphy
I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while.
Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.
I was playing a game with my 4-year-old nephew. I (32 years old) couldn't figure out how to put it together.
He turns to me and says "I think we need an adult"
My 1 year old asked my 22-year-old to take him to the park. She replied, "No, we need an adult to go to the park." I just stared at her then started laughing. She somehow hasn't connected that she's the adult.
My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names.
When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!"
I love how he skipped Snorlax or Wailord and just went straight for, "Pokémon Stadium"
That's is the sickest burn. I'm going to use it.
We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.
Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone's bare legs as she walks past. She's got the attention of the whole carriage by now.
The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.
One of the locals announced "She said Panda" and the other half of the carriage lost it too.
I was about 18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager.
Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face "We have the same!"
Me: "The same?"
Him: "We have the same!"
Me: "Same what?"
Him: "Your teeth are messed up just like mine"
He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious. Out of nowhere roasted by a child lmao
Raging At Richard
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, we had a big tree in the front yard with a couple branches low enough that I could climb it without assistance.
I was such a monkey, I could climb to the middle of that tree (a little higher than our single story home) with an ice cream cone in my hand. It was very much my happy place.
My uncle Richard came over one day to trim some of the tree away from the chimney. For whatever reason he also cut away the low branches I used to get up in it.
I could no longer get up into my happy place. I was so mad that he ruined my tree that I went up to him, in all my 4/5 year old fury and snapped at him "Richard, are you pregnant?!"
Yes, he had quite the belly.
My younger brother was four at the time this happened. My parents taught all of us kids to be kind and not make fun of people.
We were walking into the grocery store and as we approached the entrance a rather large man was walking in our direction.
Right when he got alongside us my younger brother turned to my mom and said in a very loud voice, "Mom, we don't say, 'hey big fatso' do we?"
He was obviously trying to show that he was being considerate, but was quite the opposite. Fortunately, the gentleman must have had a sense of humor, because he started laughing. My mom did not laugh. She nearly died from embarrassment.
Unintentional roasts aren't the only way kids tend to be hilarious.
Sometimes it's just about how they see things.
Good BoyGood Boy GIF by memecandyGiphy
My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand.
He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together.
I told him he was a good boy.
As a mom to a toddler and obviously an adult myself I find this extremely charming and I can guarantee you that you spread joy in the world that day
Both that man and that older woman went home and told stories about this for weeks.
A Horsey Suit
My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.
He's going to the optometrist.
On The Green Part
This might not be as funny on text as it was in person but I was babysitting a little girl and asked her where she got her Build-A-Bear bear from. She was 4.
Her: you know the globe?
Her: you know how there's a blue part and a green part?
Her: I got it on the green part.
Do You Live Here?
During a lesson as a swim teacher
Kid: So do you live here?
Me: What do you mean?
Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?
I can just see this as a scene in a Will Ferrell movie where he plays a has been Olympic hopeful turned kids swim instructor.
Saw a cute little boy, probably 3 or 4, smiling at me while in line at a grocery store checkout.
I smiled back, he said 'Hi,' so I said 'Hi,' back. His mom was smiling, and I said, 'What a handsome little man.'
He said, 'If you come to my house I have chocolate money.'
Best offer I've ever had.
Best pick up line I've ever heard
The Best Mispronunciation
My daughter has said quite a lot of funny things but the one I remember the most was when we were playing some space-themed mobile games.
I think she's around 6 at the time. She's passionate while playing kinda likes trash talk. So when she manage to acquire an asteroid, she screamed at the top of her lungs, "ASDESTROYED".
I lost it and just laughed out loud. No, I didn't explain to her what @ss means.
Not to me but I can't help but share.
One time my toddler cousin Martha* and her family visited our grannies. Their place is a big, gated area which comprised of their house at the front, and a short driveway to the back leading to a building. It's mostly used for retreats and meetings for a Roman Catholic org they're part of. Anyway, Martha wandered over there and found the housekeeper cleaning a large crucifix on a table.
"Is that Papa Jesus?"
"Yes, Mart. This is Papa Jesus."
She then proceeded to look around the place.
"Is this Papa Jesus' baby?"
Confused, the housekeeper looked over where she was pointing.
It was a smaller crucifix.
This story was told to me by the housekeeper and I couldn't stop laughing. Kid logic is just hilarious sometimes haha
I was in the nail salon with my kids for a quick fix to one of my nails. The men and women who worked there were Asian and spoke in their language amongst themselves. My 5 year old son finally turns to me and says "Mom, I don't know what they're saying. I don't speak Spanish."
The nearest female employees all busted up laughing, and he was so confused.
And that's how my son ended up receiving a geography lesson about where Vietnam is located, and that they do not in fact speak Spanish there.
Kid-level honesty is the sort of thing we should all aspire to ... or maybe not. lol.
We kind of feel like kids can get away with this sort of thing because they're small and cute. Offering the woman behind you at the grocery store "chocolate money" to go home with you probably won't end well as an adult.
Do not try this at home.
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I tend to avoid public bathrooms if I can help it. They are terrible places. Few are clean and I admit I am a bit of a clean freak. My beautiful bottom will not grace a dirty toilet seat, no thank you. I have standards.
I'm being only sort of serious. I've been in a pinch before. But have you ever seen a gas station bathroom that was utterly destroyed by the patron (or patrons) before you? It's a horrible sight. 0/10: Do not recommend.
Naturally, some crazy things happen in your local public restroom. We heard some stories after Redditor RuffNBoy asked the online community,
"What is the wackiest thing you've seen in a public restroom?"
"At the theater I work at..."
"At the theater I work at I was cleaning the mens restroom and in one of the stalls was an open condom wrapper, a tiny empty bottle of the nacho cheddar seasoning we sell, and the seasoning scattered near the corner on the floor. Bethesda wishes they had environmental storytelling like that."
Do I really want to know what went on there? I honestly don't think so.
"I used to be..."
"I used to be a hotel maid. Cleaning one room I found two things in the bathroom garbage can: a used condom and a whole pickle."
"I was taking a dump..."
"I was taking a dump at a movie theater and a little kid climbed under the stall and grabbed my foot. I screamed and kicked that kid so hard right in the face just out of sheer instinct. He cried. His dad said, "That's what you get Gavin."
Gavin is at it again and this time he faced some consequences.
"I walked in..."
"I walked in and my eyes were immediately assaulted by a fully naked man running a stick of deodorant up and down his crack."
Wow... what a terrible day to be able to read.
"Not only did this bathroom..."
"Gas station bathroom in the middle of nowhere. Not only did this bathroom have a bathtub (?) but there was a fully dressed and made up mannequin in the tub. Very jarring."
This sounds surreal... and honestly rather creepy.
"I once stopped..."
"I once stopped at a gas station on a road trip and the bathroom was full of dolls…. Staring with their little painted eyes…."
Their creepy and unsettling eyes!
"Two people were having sex in the handicapped stall. I was seven."
So something tells me you learned about the birds and the bees rather early.
"A clogged urinal..."
"A clogged urinal filled to the brim, with an anaconda sized turd spiral floating in it, in hypnotic circles. How a turd that size could be buoyant I have no idea."
This is quite the sentence. I don't think I needed it in my eyeballs, but it's too late now.
"I was in a Berlin dive bar..."
"Olives. I was in a Berlin dive bar with some friends. In the bathroom, there was a vending machine, stocked with tinned tapas. So I came back from the bathroom with a can of olives. When asked where I got them I just replied "bathroom.""
This is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying. I can only imagine the looks on your friends' faces...
Okay, so now you understand why I can't abide public restrooms. If you're smart, you'll run for the hills the next time you're in the proximity of one. Things can only go downhill from there. (Am I being serious? Maybe... maybe not.)
Have some stories of your own to share? Tell us more in the comments below!
One should never be fooled by a first impression.
Certain people might behave in a way that is less than indicative of what they are actually like, and might prove to be far more impressive, or much less friendly, once you get to know them a little better.
However, sometimes people will behave in a certain way which leaves one unable to avoid making assumptions about people.
Namely, their intelligence.
Redditor sparklingshanaya was curious to hear what behavioral traits the Reddit community took as a sign of possessing a considerable lack of intelligence, leading them to ask:
"What are some behaviors that scream unintelligence?"
An unwillingness to learn
"I feel like the classic example is being unable to change your opinion or idea when you are presented with new information."
"You don’t have to set everything you believe in stone."- Rusty_of_Shackleford
"I think a key thing that separates the intelligent from the less intelligent is curiosity and how far you actually go to learn."- TuxedoWolf07
When even they don't know what they're talking about.
"Maybe not unintelligence but ignorance."
"People getting angry when I ask them to explain what they just meant as I want to understand them and not misunderstand."- smokinstuff·
"Getting angry when someone ask them to explain their point."- SuvenPanWorking Julie Andrews GIFGiphy
It's never attractive to gloat
"Obsessively telling everybody how intelligent you are."- terribleUsername18
It's ok to admit defeat every now and then...
"Playing 'last word' in an argument you've lost."- LennonMcCartney65
"Being defensive when corrected instead of just accepting it."- Marthstewart123
"Claiming they are always right but not being able to argument why or have a serious debate about it."- GReatChinookDrop The Mic GIF by In Real LifeGiphy
Are you sure about that?
"Constantly saying 'facts' that are extremely false."
"Gets on my nerves."- Sharkifish
Read the instructions!!!
"I just started driving for UberXL."
"The amount of people who think they can fit 8 people with all their luggage into a midsize SUV is astonishing."
"You can see which car comes to pick you up and it says fits 5 people."
"If you have a piece of luggage each then it's more like 3 people."
"I had one group sit there and stare me down like they didn't understand."
"I swear some people just have a mental limit for figuring things out and they all find each other and never get anywhere."- predict_irrational
One should always reserve judgment, as one never knows for sure what lurks beneath the surface.
Even if more often and not, you are left with little to nothing which encourages you to see what's there.
One of my favorite horror films ever is Black Christmas (1974). It's the perfect slasher film. It's scary. It's uncompromising. It's sordid. It's eerie. It leaves you with a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. It features some great acting, too! There are some powerhouse talents in it, including Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, and Andrea Martin.
But did you know that the film has been remade? It's been remade twice, as a matter of fact. The first remake, which was released in 2006, was so ridiculous. Not even Martin, who showed up in a glorified cameo in the role of a sorority house mother, could save it.
It was remade again in 2019 — this one bore few similarities to the films that came before it. One wondered why this one even had the same name, but there you have it.
Suffice it to say that the original Black Christmas is untouchable. But it is not the only film out there that should never have been remade. Far from it.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor CrescendoX asked the online community,
"What movie is so perfect that if it would remade, it would be a crime against humanity?"
"Misery. I could totally see a remake of Misery that used the way social media creates parasocial relationships so prevalently."
But let's not. I mean, who could ever replace Kathy Bates? She won an Oscar for the role!
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."
I've seen the animation they've done for some of these new "live action meets cartoons" things.. The work the art/animation team put into Who Framed Roger Rabbit is STILL to this day putting them to shame."
A good choice. It was a pretty groundbreaking film and it's still influencing filmmakers to this day. That cast!
"It would be impossible to remake that perfect movie. The cast, story, and practical effects are wonderful. A remake would be full of CGI and a BS script."
Don't you dare suggest this! Don't you dare give those horrible Hollywood execs any ideas!
"Spaceballs. I don't want any other version."
But think about the merchandising!
Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
"Jaws. I read somewhere that Spielberg won't let it be remade."
If someone did someday remake it, I would highly suggest they remove a lot of the unnecessary subplots that are in the book!
Did we really need that affair?
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
"The Silence of the Lambs. Remakes should only be attempted when you are sure that it can outclass the original but Silence of the Lambs cannot be outclassed."
Two Oscar-winning performances. It doesn't get any better than Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster. The film is a masterclass — the Criterion edition is especially beautiful.
Stand by Me (1986)
"Stand by Me. It would be an insult to River Phoenix and many others to remake that."
This film is so highly regarded that a remake just seems foolish. Why even bother attempting one? Go and read the novella instead.
Back to the Future (1985)
"Back to the Future. Please please please PLEASE don't ruin it with a remake."
As long as Robert Zemeckis doesn't kick the bucket we're safe!
Uncle Buck (1989)
"Uncle Buck. Don't you dare touch it."
Without John Candy that would be like trying to remake the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in a Denny's with only ketchup and mustard. Just a tragic, ill-conceived imitation.
My Cousin Vinny (1992)
"My Cousin Vinny. Joe Pesci's performance is perfect."
Hey, don't forget Marisa Tomei! She stole the show. And she won an Oscar for the role!
The list of movies that should not be touched is endless and you no doubt have your opinions.
Which movies should be left the hell alone? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Sex talk is still considered a taboo subject in many households. And I don't mean going into detail about your bedroom conquests at the dinner table.
Overprotective parents tend to be evasive about discussing the birds and the bees with their kids because they feel it's not up to them to have that conversation.
Remember Carrie White's religious mom who refused to talk about intimacy with her 16-year-old?
We all know how that turned out in the classic Stephen King novel.
Anyway, parents turning down an opportunity to have the uncomfortable convo or having their kids miss out on sex education can lead a child to potentially develop damaging misunderstandings about their body and puberty.
The effects of which were explored when Redditor sparklingshanaya asked:
"What’s a sexual misconception you had for way too long?"
It helps to have an earlier understanding about your body when you're younger.
"As a girl, I had no real idea of where/what the vagina was until I was like 11 or 12. My mom didn't give me a real sex talk, just a puberty/body book that said 'the vagina is between the woman's legs' and just had a full frontal diagram (legs closed) of a woman with an arrow pointing to her pelvic region. I also didn't know a period lasted longer than a day until I got mine at 14, and then wondered why it was still going on the next day."
"When my mom realized how abysmal my sex education was, her solution was to rent a video from the library about it and make me watch it on the big family TV in the living room at like 3pm. Granted— it was a very educational video but I won't ever forget one of the educators (a 50 year old woman) talking about how to give a satisfactory blow job."
"Ok so I grew up in a VERY conservative household. Was not allowed to take sex ed in middle school and they helicoptered in high school. Any internet access they had access to view so I never watched porn/looked at pics. Absolutely nothing. So for a long time I thought penises were shaped like a smaller pringles can. I thought it was just like...a straight up cylinder. Moved out at 17 and googled some things and man I had men's anatomy SO wrong."
Wrong End Of The Stick
"Friend of mine has a similar background and I just about lost my mind when she said the balls are the END of the penis. Like she had seen those doodles and had it upside down so they just dangle off the end of the shaft lmaooo."
Let's get verbal about getting oral.
Satisfy A Woman
"Learn to go down on a woman, like become a master at it. Do this."
Excuse For Supper
"I second this. Been married for 20 years and it's something I'm happy to do."
"Get involved, people."
"Edit: thanks for the medals and upvotes, people! Be assured that I'll be celebrating tonight."
"Friend of a friend thought it meant kissing. And they were like 19. So glad they found out through a conversation and not through a dude asking for it, or her talking about it. That would've been extremely confusing for everyone."
"My friend back in middle school thought a blowjob meant to literally blow on it. I still tease her about it to this day."
"Man, I thought I was gonna get so many blow jobs. That’s just not true."
As young adolescents, these Redditors got these terminologies mixed up.
"When I was around middle school age I thought that oral sex meant talking dirty :’)"
"I used to sext with my girlfriend in high school. When we broke up, she just went crazy and told everyone in our grade that I was great at 'oral sex' (she meant sexting💀) School hasn’t been the same since then."
Learning By Example
"I was kind of sheltered growing up, and like most sheltered kids, I learned a lot about sex through porn. I kept seeing 'blowjob' videos, and (i had no idea what a blowjob) assumed it was some kind of sex blooper. Like, something got messed up and the director said 'Oh darn, you blew it! Let’s take it from the top.'”
I had sex education in sixth grade after my parents gave the school permission for me to attend the special assembly centering on the topic.
But I remember how vague the instructor was. By the time I eventually had my first nocturnal emission, I remember being terrified, yet simultaneously elated. It was very confusing, and I didn't know what happened.
I remember reflecting back to sixth grade and thinking the school must've skipped that part in sex ed.