People Share The Funniest Thing A Child Has Ever Said To Them
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They say honesty is the best policy, but does that apply to EVERYONE?

It most certainly does not. Kid-level honesty is pretty much hilarious, but as grown ups we could absolutely not get away with that same comedy routine.


One Reddit user asked:

What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you?

... and listen, this is comedic gold - IF you can get away with dropping these hits.

The Happiest Day

Mackenzie Ziegler Whatever GIF by KenzieGiphy

I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while.

Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.

- intagvalley

I'm nearly 40, and watching them tear down my old school last year was the happiest day of my life. I fully expect it to remain that way.

- ineedapostrophes

An Adult

I was playing a game with my 4-year-old nephew. I (32 years old) couldn't figure out how to put it together.

He turns to me and says "I think we need an adult"

- redmarkred

My 1 year old asked my 22-year-old to take him to the park. She replied, "No, we need an adult to go to the park." I just stared at her then started laughing. She somehow hasn't connected that she's the adult.

- Squirrel179

Little do they know we're all as clueless as them, and maybe even more so.

- exceptionallysweaty

Pokemon Stadium

My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names.

When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!"

- locke3891

I love how he skipped Snorlax or Wailord and just went straight for, "Pokémon Stadium"

- mcbreezy94

That's is the sickest burn. I'm going to use it.

- themajorfall

Panda

We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.

Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone's bare legs as she walks past. She's got the attention of the whole carriage by now.

The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.

One of the locals announced "She said Panda" and the other half of the carriage lost it too.

- taxdude1966

Surprise, Roasted! 

I was about 18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager.

Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face "We have the same!"

Me: "The same?"

Him: "We have the same!"

Me: "Same what?"

Him: "Your teeth are messed up just like mine"

He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious. Out of nowhere roasted by a child lmao

- ItsYourLocalRock

Raging At Richard

When I was about 4 or 5 years old, we had a big tree in the front yard with a couple branches low enough that I could climb it without assistance.

I was such a monkey, I could climb to the middle of that tree (a little higher than our single story home) with an ice cream cone in my hand. It was very much my happy place.

My uncle Richard came over one day to trim some of the tree away from the chimney. For whatever reason he also cut away the low branches I used to get up in it.

I could no longer get up into my happy place. I was so mad that he ruined my tree that I went up to him, in all my 4/5 year old fury and snapped at him "Richard, are you pregnant?!"

Yes, he had quite the belly.

- pissedfemale

Demonstrating Consideration

My younger brother was four at the time this happened. My parents taught all of us kids to be kind and not make fun of people.

We were walking into the grocery store and as we approached the entrance a rather large man was walking in our direction.

Right when he got alongside us my younger brother turned to my mom and said in a very loud voice, "Mom, we don't say, 'hey big fatso' do we?"

He was obviously trying to show that he was being considerate, but was quite the opposite. Fortunately, the gentleman must have had a sense of humor, because he started laughing. My mom did not laugh. She nearly died from embarrassment.

- m0resn0w

Unintentional roasts aren't the only way kids tend to be hilarious.

Sometimes it's just about how they see things.

Good Boy

Good Boy GIF by memecandyGiphy

My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand.

He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together.

I told him he was a good boy.

- ValuableMine9

Awwwww

As a mom to a toddler and obviously an adult myself I find this extremely charming and I can guarantee you that you spread joy in the world that day

Both that man and that older woman went home and told stories about this for weeks.

- OpeningThought5736

A Horsey Suit

My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.

- cornishbean

That kid is going somewhere. Maybe not Harvard, but definitely somewhere.

- raphaeldagamer

He's going to the optometrist.

- atmaweapon74

On The Green Part

This might not be as funny on text as it was in person but I was babysitting a little girl and asked her where she got her Build-A-Bear bear from. She was 4.

Her: you know the globe?

Me: yes?

Her: you know how there's a blue part and a green part?

Me: yes?

Her: I got it on the green part.

- GoblinOfficial

Do You Live Here? 

During a lesson as a swim teacher

Kid: So do you live here?

Me: What do you mean?

Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?

- purplefunk36

I can just see this as a scene in a Will Ferrell movie where he plays a has been Olympic hopeful turned kids swim instructor.

- insidli

Well, you didn't answer the question, are you an aquatic creature?

- E69686969

Chocolate Money

Saw a cute little boy, probably 3 or 4, smiling at me while in line at a grocery store checkout.

I smiled back, he said 'Hi,' so I said 'Hi,' back. His mom was smiling, and I said, 'What a handsome little man.'

He said, 'If you come to my house I have chocolate money.'

Best offer I've ever had.

- MopsyMom

Best pick up line I've ever heard

- booksmagic

The Best Mispronunciation

My daughter has said quite a lot of funny things but the one I remember the most was when we were playing some space-themed mobile games.

I think she's around 6 at the time. She's passionate while playing kinda likes trash talk. So when she manage to acquire an asteroid, she screamed at the top of her lungs, "ASDESTROYED".

I lost it and just laughed out loud. No, I didn't explain to her what @ss means.

- lalinluna

Papa Jesus

Not to me but I can't help but share.

One time my toddler cousin Martha* and her family visited our grannies. Their place is a big, gated area which comprised of their house at the front, and a short driveway to the back leading to a building. It's mostly used for retreats and meetings for a Roman Catholic org they're part of. Anyway, Martha wandered over there and found the housekeeper cleaning a large crucifix on a table.

"Is that Papa Jesus?"

"Yes, Mart. This is Papa Jesus."

She then proceeded to look around the place.

"Is this Papa Jesus' baby?"

Confused, the housekeeper looked over where she was pointing.

It was a smaller crucifix.

This story was told to me by the housekeeper and I couldn't stop laughing. Kid logic is just hilarious sometimes haha

- 1395CL

Vietnam

I was in the nail salon with my kids for a quick fix to one of my nails. The men and women who worked there were Asian and spoke in their language amongst themselves. My 5 year old son finally turns to me and says "Mom, I don't know what they're saying. I don't speak Spanish."

The nearest female employees all busted up laughing, and he was so confused.

And that's how my son ended up receiving a geography lesson about where Vietnam is located, and that they do not in fact speak Spanish there.

- sassmouth39

Kid-level honesty is the sort of thing we should all aspire to ... or maybe not. lol.

We kind of feel like kids can get away with this sort of thing because they're small and cute. Offering the woman behind you at the grocery store "chocolate money" to go home with you probably won't end well as an adult.

Do not try this at home.

I tend to avoid public bathrooms if I can help it. They are terrible places. Few are clean and I admit I am a bit of a clean freak. My beautiful bottom will not grace a dirty toilet seat, no thank you. I have standards.

I'm being only sort of serious. I've been in a pinch before. But have you ever seen a gas station bathroom that was utterly destroyed by the patron (or patrons) before you? It's a horrible sight. 0/10: Do not recommend.

Naturally, some crazy things happen in your local public restroom. We heard some stories after Redditor RuffNBoy asked the online community,

"What is the wackiest thing you've seen in a public restroom?"
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