Ah, yes, we are in the age of the unsolicited non sequitur outburst.
You know the kind, where you mention the weather and someone launches into a rant about Jewish Space Lasers causing wildfires.
It's time to bring them back to reality and say, "Representative Greene, this is Congress."
Redditor darodori asked:
"What’s your 'Sir, this is a Wendy’s' moment?"
If your wife was treated here...
"Not me, my daughter. She answered the phone, appropriately, 'Radiology'."
"Guy on the phone was looking for some test results, but she couldn’t find his name, or his wife’s name anywhere. Long confusing call."
"Finally she asks for the name of the animal."
"'What animal? I’m asking about my wife’s test!'"
"'Sir, this is a veterinary hospital'."
- Sparky-Malarky
What was the answer?
"My wife was doing an interview and the interviewer asked her 'How she would handle a situation if there was an elephant in the room'."
"Not being familiar with the phrase she proceeded to describe in detail all the things she would consider to help get the elephant out of the room."
"The interviewers allowed her to finish and she didn’t realize it until she told me about it later."
- Overrated_22
GiphyCoupon Clippers
"I actually work at a Wendys, and someone tried to use an Arby's coupon."
- QwertytheCoolOne
"I worked at A&W and someone gave me a McDonald's coupon for a Big Mac."
"Sir. I literally can't make this for you."
- Opening_Wafer_3952
"Similar story, I work in an auto shop. A customer came in with a coupon for Jiffy Lube trying to get us to use it."
"After a few minutes of arguing I actually looked at the coupon. It was only $1 less than our regular price."
- PM_ME_UR_SELF
GiphyMore Coupons
"One time this older dude rushes up to order and slams a coupon on the counter saying 'I want this!'."
"I pick it up It has menu items for KFC. I ask him 'What exactly would you like to order?'”
"He instantly gets disgruntled with me for not reading his god damn mind and shakes his finger at the coupon and said 'Well Whatever is on the coupon, obviously!?' in a condescending tone."
"I just look at him for a minute an say word for word 'Sir, this is McDonald’s. I don’t know what you want me to do with this KFC coupon'. He looks at me dumbfounded."
"Then looks behind me at the menu and around the store, yells 'Awh, Shit!' (Like this isn’t his first time walking into the wrong establishment), grabs the coupon and storms off."
- Apprehensive--Toe
9-1-1, what's your problem?
"Former police/emergency dispatcher."
"People would call for all sorts of things, like settling an argument over the rules of Monopoly or other board games, answers to crossword puzzles, complaints about the weather, etc..."
"My favorite over the years:"
"'The power's out, can you have the fire department come over and hook up a generator? I need to watch the ballgame'."
- Faelwolf
That won't fit in the book drop.
"I worked in the tech department of my university’s library. Some guy called and asked who he needed to contact to donate his body to the medical school when he died."
"I was like 20, and I had no idea how to respond especially since the medical school is another campus."
"I explained to him that he needed to contact the medical school, and he told me he already had."
"I was like… okay… I can’t really help you. This is the tech service department of the library."
"I was on the phone with him for like 35 minutes."
- spiderlegged
Did she see cars?
"A woman came in our shop demanding to help her fix her car because it was our job to do so."
"I worked in a pawn shop. I told her that the car repair store was at the corner of the street and she got the address mixed up."
"She looked ashamed and I never saw her again."
- Ok-Age3061
Driving Them Crazy
"I used to work at a drive through coffee stand. Two guys came through, clearly high af, asking for cheeseburgers."
"We explained that this is a coffee stand, we have breakfast sandwiches, but if they want cheeseburgers they’ll have to go down the street to Jack in the Box."
"It took them a solid 5 minutes of us re-explaining this to them before they understood."
"Another time it was super early in the morning, working at the same coffee stand. A woman rolls up and it legit looks like she’s sleeping."
"She orders her coffee and hands me a punch card for a different local coffee stand. I said oh wrong card (happens all the time).
"She looks at the card, looks at me, looks around, and says 'what, where am I?'"
"And I’ve just realized neither of these people probably should have been driving, yikes 😬"
- pnwrdh
First ExxonMobil Trust
"Had a guy scream at me over the phone because I told him I can't transfer money from his savings to checking."
"Why?"
"I work at a gas station."
- Jaycket
At least it wasn't your core warranty.
"I work at a nuclear power plant."
"A few years ago, the control room emergency phone number got out to telemarketers."
"We get a call on the emergency line. One of the reactor operators picks it up 'xxx power station emergency line'."
"He hears a click [of a person being connected]. Then some dude is asking if we want to upgrade our home security system."
"The reactor operator is like 'Do you have like, microwave or infrared detectors? Oh no, we do. Do you have an option for hand geometry scanners?'."
"This goes on for a few minutes and he’s finally like 'Dude you called the control room for a nuclear reactor. You don’t have anything that could upgrade what we already have for security. Never call this number again.' and hangs up."
"I was dying laughing."
- Hiddencamper
GiphyThe Origin?
"This is really weird that this became a meme, because I swear this is true. In about 95 I was driving from New England to Florida for a college spring break trip."
"Somewhere in South Carolina we stopped at a Wendy's. Near the hallway to the bathrooms they had a big map of South Carolina and I said to a person 'Can you tell me where we are?"
"I was pretty clearly indicating the map."
"The lady said 'Honey, you in the Wendy's!'"
- SabinaDrumm
GiphyWe've probably all been on one side of this situation as either the confused person or the victim of their confusion.
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We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
Promises
Players Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
FriendNegative6013
Honk Off
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
blu3teeth
Circa 2005
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
mageakeem
Safety First
"Does anyone know you're here?"
Baby-hazell
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Hachiko75
Previously...
canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
REDDIT
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
Mirror Mirror
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
Academic_Ingenuity84
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
LurkerOrHydralisk
Oh Baby
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
BuffaloInCahoots
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
phillmybuttons
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
ashoka_akira
Family Dynamics
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
Kiunan5
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
Digital_Punk
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Bobtheguardian22
Be Serious
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
295DVRKSS
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
