People sometimes make bad choices (the likelihood of this goes up considerably goes up if there's alcohol involved) and those choices can have consequences; getting arrested, for instance.
Reddit user u/pickleowens asked:
Short Shorts Walk Of Shame
Had a friend a while ago went to a Halloween party dressed as Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. He and another guy wound up getting DUIs and spending the night in jail.
DUIs are not funny in the slightest. But watching this dude do the walk of shame out of a precinct dressed as Lt. Dangle was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
I have a friend who used to drink a lot and get into all sorts of drunken shenanigans. Once at a college football game someone cut in line ahead of him at the port-a-potties. He got pissed and pushed over the port-a-potty with the dude in it.
Protip if you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to push over a port-a-potty with someone in it. Push it over onto the door. Otherwise you'll quickly find yourself dealing with a very angry, very sh!t-covered individual. A fight ensued. He nearly got expelled, but it all worked out.
Anyway he's a doctor now.
If They Give You A Chance, Don't Throw It Off A Bridge
A friend of mine got arrested for stealing a traffic cone. At first the cop just asked for it back but my buddy responded by throwing it off a bridge. Ended up doing like three months on house arrest.
Traffic Tickets Aren't Something You Can Just Nope Out Of
Officer gave her a ticket and she decided she didn't want it so she took it and threw it in the officer's face. When the officer decided to arrest her, she drew her knife and it all went downhill from there.
Once a former coworker was trying to get sympathy for his girlfriend being sent up to state. We asked why, he said "she was being arrested and didnt want to go to jail, so she pulled out a knife"
This Could All Have Been Avoided By Staying On The Ground
Couple friends of mine climbed up a microwave tower in the middle of town. They never would have been caught but when they got to the top they startled the big flock of pigeons that roost there. When the birds took off they pooped all over them. They started shrieking and cussing and woke up the security guard in the building next door.
When I went to post their bail the next morning they still had bird sh!t in their hair.
"Penis Bandits" 🤣
Penises. Sold my friend a can a spray paint that I stole from my garage. Did the transaction at school with him telling me he'd be painting his bike. Instead, I'm getting called into the office because he ratted on me after he put a huge penis on the bathroom wall. He got vandalism and I got minor in possession of spray paint (which I didn't even know was a thing until they put me in cuffs lol).
Apparently, he'd been doing this a while and the sheriff referred to us as the "penis bandits".
I'm Sensing A Trend
Guy I know fell asleep at 3 in the morning in a mall parking lot cops came to check on him and found him sitting there with an ounce of cocaine on his lap.
Following that one up was another acquaintance who got pulled over for going the speed limit when everyone else was going a little bit above it subsequent search of his vehicle they found a million dollars of cocaine. And the funniest part is how he got out of it because he was pulled over without just cause.
Scooby Does Not Aproove
My cousin got arrested for shoplifting scooby-doo on DVD from his local Walmart.
He was 22.
Like zoinks, man.
Definitely Not An Uber
One of my friends got so drunk one night he started "teleporting". As we are walking to get food after the bars we notice he is missing. We call him and he says he's in the back of an Uber and he will meet us. 15 minutes later the same guy calls saying he's down at the police station. He didn't get into an Uber... He climbed into the back of a fire truck and laid down. Apparently he doesn't remember it but he's about 5'5" so I can only imagine how surprised the firemen were when they got back to the truck to find a small man sleeping in it. He got criminal trespassing I'm pretty sure.
That's Definitely One For The History Books
Had a boyfriend in high school that was a bit of a delinquent. He and some friends found a box of dildos outside. They took this trash and because they were teens proceeded to put these all over the neighborhood, the dildos were hollow so they put them on car antennas, etc.
Turns out the box was sitting outside a porn shop, and it wasn't trash, it was merchandise, now stolen. Poor boy had to tell that story every time someone asked how he ended up in juvie.
Assault With A Deadly Chicken
When I was a kid, my mom's friend was arrested once because she threw a piece of fried chicken at her husband.
Her husband came home after drinking one night, and saw her eating fried chicken. He asked, "where the f*ck is my fried chicken?!" To which she replied with a drumstick to the face.
He called the cops and my mom had to go pick her friend up from jail, and kept joking she was charged with assault with a deadly chicken.
Doesn't Stop Stupidity
A drunk guy at a gas station I worked nights at walked up to a cop who was wearing a light vest and asked him really odd questions like "Does that stop a nine? How about an AK?" before poking him in the vest. Cop was super chill and told him not to do that again if he was smart. Drunky tried to grab his stun gun when he turned around and the cop literally put him in a hammer lock and smashed him face first on the ground.
Of all the reasons you could have; why?
Don't Do This
Friend got separated from other friends on his birthday. He got too drunk to answer his phone/call for his friends, but eventually managed to flag a taxi. He was aggressive to the taxi driver and didn't know/remember where his friend lived, so the taxi driver just drove him to the cop shop (jail). He was not in trouble and they were just going to throw him in a cell and let him sleep it off. Instead he yelled some racial slurs, punched the cabbie, and tried to tackle the cop. Assault. Fines. Real jail time.
Be Careful Where You Pee
One time we were in traffic and my friend needed badly to pee. I dared him to run about a hundred yards in front of us, pull his pants down to his ankles, and pee with his bare ass facing traffic. The f*cking madman did it but there was a cop not too far away and he saw. Got arrested for indecent exposure but nothing too serious
EDIT: The cops were cool about it at the station and let him go with a warning. This was in California.
It's Not Even Metal
My buddy hates anyone knowing about this, but it's pretty funny. He went to the courthouse to pay a speeding ticket and at the metal detector he emptied his pockets into the container. This included a small bag of weed. He spent the next five hours being the butt of a joke as officers took turns laughing at him. Sh*tty way to get arrested lol.
One Heck Of A Fake
Stick with me here. A friend of mine in college had a fake ID and was arrested for public intoxication. He didn't remember a thing, and upon his release we asked if they also charged him with a minor in possession of alcohol thru consumption. He didn't know so we asked to see his citation.
Turns out, when he got arrested, he showed the police his fake ID rather than his real one. So whomever the ID belongs to, you have a public intoxication charge in Lancaster county in Nebraska as of 10 years ago! And therefore, my friend was not charged with anything.
They Can Always Do Something
Driving drunk at college campus after his last bachelor's degree exam.
"What can they do? Expel me? I FINALLY GRADUATED!"
Meh... he hit a police car, 0.19%.