Picturing your own funeral can be an eerie and depressing exercise.

For some, though, the freedom to subject all your friends and family to your own morbid humor is an exciting idea.


These Redditors have no shortage of ideas regarding their hypothetical funerals.

Luckily, questions of legality or logistical possibility need not apply to this thread.

The result is a collage of ideas that take different approaches to a couple key factors of the parting ceremony: what happens to the actual body, and how funeral attendees ought to feel.

They’re often meant to be grossed ought, entertained, shocked, or some bizarre combination of the three

aroadcaptain asked, "Social/religious norms aside, how would you like your death to be mourned/celebrated?"

A Nice Mix

"New Orleans has a tradition of marching slowly to the graveyard, mourning. Then a ceremony and a dancing jazz party on the way back to the church, where food and drinks are. The party continues from there."

"I've always thought this is good psychology - mourn, but celebrate also."

-- Naweezy

Quick and Cheap

"After my death, just throw me in the trash." -- leiner240

"If it's summer time, I just hope you die close to garbage day...you'll want your family to remember you fondly after all." -- Bradiator34

"trashes to trashes..." -- michar

Taking Your Principles With You

"I want to become a tree. I don't want my family going broke after I die. If my 1st choice isn't an option, I want them to do something sustainable and affordable." -- jennybean2442

"I want to become Coral Reef!!" -- SamwiseEGangeefff

"Do you want haunted forests? Because this is how you get haunted forests." -- Throwaway726368

Epic

"I want to be dropped like 500 or so feet from the sky and wherever I land is just a surprise." -- pukichoo

"I think there's a funeral parlor that cremates your body and put the ashes in a big-a** firework and blows you up over the sky..." -- superciuppa

At Least Have the Decency to Cure It

"I want my body to be cured, stuffed with candy, and hung from the ceiling so the funeral guests can beat the candy from my dead body like a piñata." -- fxstfullofashes

"Hmmm a human jerky piñata. Nice." -- DerpyArtist

A Minor, Important Stipulation

"I want my remains to be scattered over Disneyland but I DO NOT want to be cremated." -- fu**ingham_green

"My spouse, a wildlife photographer, said that instead of spreading my ashes over my favorite part of Yellowstone that he'd throw me out limb by limb so he could get some amazing photographs." -- chickaboomba

Viking/Irish/Italian Burial Rites

"I'd love to be placed in a wooden ship soaked in gasoline and pushed into the sea while an archer shoots a fiery arrow from the bay."

"The people will then mourn me watching my ship on fire and crumbling into the sea while a bagpiper play a sad Irish music."

"Then, after a while people will start questioning the irish sad song since i'm italian but i will be gone forever, not to be bothered by them."

-- Xobark

Living Reputations Will Follow You

"When I die, I would like one of the following said about me at the service, and written on my tombstone."

"If I outlived the average life expectancy age: 'Late for death, as he was for most things in life.' "

"If I died before the average life expectancy age: 'Finally, something he wasn't late for.' "

-- AMN-

Educational

"I want my body donated to the Body Farm with one special stipulation."

"I want to be put in a car trunk and spring-loaded so that when some hapless grad student comes to check on my decomposition, my corpse pops out at them like a fermenting eyeless jack-in-the-box."

-- redmollytheblack

A Corpse That Keeps on Giving 

"I want them to take my bones and make me into one of those skeletons they always have in high school science classes."

"This is not in jest, I think it would be truly cool."

"I got the idea from a guy who lost his arm, and later had it taken to a taxidermist. It now sits on the mantle above his fireplace, a skeleton arm and hand."

-- FedMyNed


Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "🤐" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.

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