As we get older, the things that seemed like common sense prove illogical. What would happen if cooties were real and pinky swears were binding legal contracts?
Reddit user sznelly31 asked:
User responses come together to form a list that would frustrate the heck out of anyone over the age of 8.
Punishment for breaking any law is a prison sentence of no less than one million bajillion years.
Instead of swears there is now just doodoo head, dumb bunny, buttface, meanie head, spaz, dork brain, booger face, crybaby, and tattler.
Imagine going to court and you're appealing to something small like a speeding ticket and the cop who issued it is just like: "NUH UH I SAW IT YOU DID IT" and then you get a ticket.
The practice of filibustering is replaced with holding one's breath. Congress becomes marginally more effective as a result.
Whoever gets to their place of employment first, and climbs to the highest point in that workplace, is in charge.
Money now grows on trees, crashing the world economy as Pokemon cards are the new currency and are traded with no real logic rules.
There are many small monarchies around the world because everyone gets to the top of a small incline or hill and declared him/herself king/queen of the world, but as there can be only one, there are small countries everywhere. Currency exchange and difference in laws is a b*tch.
Chocolate milk comes from brown cows, while milk comes from white / black and white cows.
Who ever smelt it, dealt it. Pretty much everyone sits in a room awkwardly, not wanting to bring up someone farted in fear of being blamed.
You touched it last. It's your problem now. This would solve so many disputes.
"Sir, you're under arrest."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
There will be a small, underprivileged part of the population that are permanently It, no take backs, and they will be discriminated against heavily.
Crime becomes rampant as all criminals evade police by shutting their eyes, as the law states that "if I can't see you, you can't see me." Everyone stays inside as much as possible to stay away from all of the crime. This causes a massive cootie epidemic forcing over a third of the population into exile via silent treatment. The massive drop in the labor force results in stocks plummeting and companies failing, so everyone loses their allowance and dies of hunger.
Presidents will be chosen by an elaborate game of "Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo"
Every time you are first somewhere or do something first, you get a dunce cap that says "the worst", when you get somewhere second you get a crown that says "the best", when you are third, you get inexplicable amounts of hair on your chest.
Walking on the floor instead of furniture results in you dying in lava.
If you say you love something, a marriage license is drawn up immediately.
Rock, Paper, Scissors will now be used to settle all international disputes. Wars will be ended as paper ensnares rock. There will be no takebacks or do-overs.
Minecraft is now an Olympic sport.