"The Weirdest Things Keep Happening To Me."
It can feel like the world is out to get you. Running late for work, misplaced keys, low on gasoline, and pigeon poop on your windshield can only happen every day for so long before coincidence becomes conspiracy. Reddit user, u/Hi_Im_zack, wanted to know about the weirdest things that follow in your shadow when they asked:
What's some weird sh-t that keeps happening to you?
When You Question Your Whole Existence
Automatic doors have a tendency not to open when I approach. Am I dead?
[Corynne\]1_
When You Can't Trust Your Parents
My parents are both vegan. I lean more towards being carnivorous. Over the past 5 years every girl i have dated has been either vegan or vegetarian. I swear my parents are planting them.
When You're A Stepping Stone To Their Happiness
Every woman I have dated seriously, have ended up meeting and marrying their husband right after breaking up with me.
So far the list is 5.
Some Call It A "PoPo Sense"
I have an eerie 6th sense for police officers.
No matter where I am, I will suddenly just get this weird feeling like when you can feel your mom watching you do something you shouldn't. And I can guarantee within 2 minutes of having that weird feeling, we will pass an officer. State cops, local, undercover, my talent apparently doesn't discriminate.
My husband has even started to recognize it because he notices me slow down without saying anything then notices the cop that always makes an appearance soon after! It's wild.
When Your Face Is Super Approachable
I'm a dude and random straight dudes always talk to me at the grocery store, Target etc.
They usually start by complimenting my shoes or something and then ask my whole life's story. It's only been since I moved to a new city.
F-cking bizarre.
When Phones And You Don't Mix
My phones keep self destructing in bizarre ways. Most recently, the vibration on my iPhone SE (three weeks old), turned on and didn't turn off again, despite numerous hard resets, until it just plain died.
It was a replacement for another SE which was (also three weeks old) refusing to play audio out of the left side headphone when plugged into headphone jack. It also added in ambient noise to otherwise dead silent videos that made it sound like I was filming right next to Niagra Falls.
My phone before this one started typing by itself. It would open the text app and go MMmm. Mmm mmMmm mmm. And then send that to people. It was so dang funny I just let it happen.
When You Control People's Actions
I will be thinking something like 'man, I wish my calves were bigger' and someone will come up and compliment me on my calves.
I don't know if I mumble my thoughts sometimes or what, but it's kinda scary.
Karma Lightning Rod
I think my friend is some sort of karma God. Every time someone does something mean to her, something really bad ends up happening to that person. And I know, bad stuff happens to everyone, but it's pretty soon after they do something to her. Some examples:
- A guy she was dating cheated on her and left her for the other woman. A week later, he gets into a car accident and is disabled. He comes back to her saying that the other woman left him because he is in a wheelchair now. Tried to get her back, she declines because he left.
- This one girl in high school was making fun of my friend for the way she walks (she had some back surgery so her posture is very straight, some people think it looks weird) girl slips and falls on her face a few seconds later and breaks her nose
- Yet another guy cheats on and leaves friend. Other woman ends up stealing his wallet and valuables and just up and leaves a few weeks later. He tries to get friend back, she declines.
- Random drunk girl in a bar walks over to friend and sticks her whole hand in friend's drink. A few hours later random girl has a minor allergic reaction to something she ate, her face swells up and turns red and she has to leave.
These are just a few of many examples I could think of off the top of my head. Funny thing is, I've known this girl for ten years and people are rarely rude to her. She's extremely attractive (think young Monica Bellucci) but every single time, without fail something bad happens to people that are mean to her. She is now engaged to a dude who seems really cool. After they started dating her got a promotion at work and a great deal on a car. I don't know if she even connects the dots. It's just really strange.
Coincidence Becomes Conspiracy
Every person I date turns out gay. None of them knew it at the time. I'm still friends with all three of them (barring the most recent, things are still awkward) and two of them are in a relationship right now. It's like I've got some kind of reverse gaydar. Once is a coincidence, two is happenstance, but three times? God is laughing his a-- off somewhere.
FOR THE LOVE OF GUITARS, TELL BILL
I'm a guitar player, have been for a number of years. Four times now I have found someone who I play really well with, we get along great and make wonderful music.
Tom got stabbed to death in a park by some bums. 1980
Jamie got killed in a skiing accident. 1989
Greg got killed by a drunk driver. 1998
Kenny got some kind of cancer and died. 2006
Now I just met Bill, lets see how this goes.
Edit: Should I tell Bill?
H/T: Reddit
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swiped
dean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
Sicko!
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
Bye Girl
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
- Letharos
Take it All!
skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boy
bicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
Dangerous Woman
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
- orstius
Be Gone
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
The "Actor"!
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
Money Blues
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop Off
Tom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
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