You think you and your friends throw some good parties? These people will make your most epic rager look like an afternoon of tea and scones with grandma.
Here are the 17 most legendary parties ever thrown. Enjoy! And make sure to check out the sources for even more.
It began as a normal peaceful day on October 17th, 1814 in St. Giles, London. However, trouble had been brewing behind the scenes for quite a while and soon the day would become known as the great London Beer Flood. Industrialization and a rapidly growing London population had led to a sharp rise in the city's production of beer (which was cleaner and safer than water at the time). Beer Barons had begun popping up over the city in fierce competition with each other, and Sir Henry Meux was determined to outdo them all. He created a brewing vat so large that 200 guests could dine inside of it, then filled it with porter liquor. The vat burst and the whole structure began to go, releasing almost 1.5 million litres of beer (approx. 7.5 million frothy pints) flooding into the streets.
The massive tsunami of beer caused at least seven drownings, and total chaos broke out. Attempts to rescue those drowning in beer were thwarted when thousands of people instead started to drink from the streets. An entire neighbourhood became intoxicated and had to make a trip to the hospital soaking in beer. Then the hospital patients began to riot thinking they'd been cheated out of free beer.
Meux was never charged, as the court ruled the flood was an act of God. Probably Dionysus to be specific.
Imagine one of the most powerful Empires on Earth and all the massive wealth and power at its disposal, being run by a spoiled, narcissistic hedonist with the sole desire of throwing parties. Well thats exactly what happened when Nero became Emperor of Rome in 37CE. After the great fire of 64CE destroyed a good portion of Rome, Nero finally had the real estate that he needed to build the party crib of his dreams. Completely ignoring the starving citizens, or the entire empire that he was supposed to be running, Nero took up to possibly 300 acres to build the Domus Aurea (The Golden House.)
In order to entertain himself and his rich friends, he built a vast compound of artificial lakes, manufactured groves and exotic gardens. The winding pathways between the festivities were reportedly kept lit at night by setting Christians on fire.
At the centre was a massive domed building with over 300 rooms, plated with gold on the outside and decorated on the inside with ivory, diamonds and solid marble. Engineering marvels allowed entire rooms to rotate while guests were inside, and there were floors that could catch the light of the sun and project it into other rooms. Historian Suetonius wrote that all the dining rooms had ceilings of fretted ivory, the panels of which could slide back and let a rain of flowers, or of perfume from hidden sprinklers, fall on his guests. Oh, and he had a 116 foot tall statue of himself placed just outside the main entrance.
Eventually the Roman people got sick of Neros opulence and staged a revolt. Nero committed suicide rather than be captured and tried, and his party palace was condemned and filled in with dirt. Archaeologists are still finding new rooms complete with frescoes and artifacts that have gone untouched for centuries.
250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of wine, 1400 pounds of sugar, 2500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice and 5 pounds of nutmeg. Thats the recipe for the largest cocktail ever created in history, served to over 5,000 sailors and officers by Admiral Edward Russell. Out of appreciation for their service, he poured all the ingredients into his gardens fountain and let them drink their fill.
But this wasn't some low-brow grog chugging affair either, this was an Admiral's party after all. Russell set up a tent above the fountain to prevent evaporation and hired bartenders to serve up the cocktail. Unfortunately the walls of the fountain were too high to make regular service easy, so the bartenders had to paddle around the cocktail in canoes. Even for a bunch of sailors, the concoction still took an entire week to finish.
Showing a total lack of social awareness that would give Nero a run for his money. In 1903 while the people were starving and freezing to death, Tsar Nicholas II and the Empress Alexandra threw the most infamous Russian party this side of the Bolsheviks. In the Winter Palace of St. Petersburg, the theme of the night was a throwback jam to the 17th century. Everyone dressed in the famously opulent style of the Baroque era, complete with musketeers, rapiers and feathered hats. Priceless artifacts were taken from the Kremlin to become accessories for the party goers. The more famous (and arrogant) guests dressed as famous kings and queens, including Nicholas and Alexandra as Tsar Alexis I and Tsaritsa Maria Miloslavskaya.
At the time Nicholas was worth over $20 Billion dollars, which would equal roughly $300 Billion in modern US dollars. Sparing no expense, the entertainment for the evening was a triple billing of some of the greatest Russian operas ever written, performed by the most famous musicians and dancers of the time. Followed by a dinner so large it spilled across three whole rooms while full orchestras played the music of Handel and Bach. At the end of the night formal photographs were taken of the Russian nobility, who were perhaps too drunk on the night to realize what the real cost of the party would be. It was the last time they would all be assembled together to be photographed before the October Revolution.
Novelist Truman Capote swore up and down that one day he would become so rich and famous he'd throw a party no one would ever forget. The time finally came after the release of his classic 1966 true-crime novel In Cold Blood. Left with enough money and time to finally throw his dream party, Capote spent three months planning his masquerade at New York City's famous Plaza Hotel. The ball had a famously strict black and white theme, which was designed so well it was rumoured to be the inspiration for Stanley Kubrick's use of black and white sets in his films.
Not shy to show off, Capote invited all the elites of the day. Royalty, politicians, movie-stars and many, many writers that Capote personally admired were in attendance. Classic southern fare was served up to the guests, along with 450 bottles of notoriously expensive Taittinger champagne. The part finally raged through the night, but finally started to dwindle at 2:45 in the morning when Frank Sinatra left. Capote begged him to stay, knowing that once the crooner left he would be hounded by hungry reporters outside and in the process drag everyone to the impromptu after party at Jilly's Bar.
The party was apparently so incredible that it has been called the last great moment in New York City's social history.
Paul Poiret was one of the most influential fashion designers of all time. Most well known for his modern dress designs that eliminated corsets in favour of using drapery to accentuate figure. By 1911 he was a celebrated Parisian designer set to release his much hyped fragrance, Perfums de Rosine. His marketing strategy? Poiret was going to throw the best party Paris had seen in a long, long time.
Held at his own villa with a Persian theme, all 300 guests and the house itself were decked in colourful, florid style that would make any Sultan envious. Palm trees, tropical birds and lots and lots of gold decorated wall to wall. Poiret's wife Denise took the place of honour, basking on a sofa in a golden cage suspended over the guest and laughing riotously at the patrons.
Imagine one of the most long awaited parties of all time, celebrated simultaneously around the entire world. With the brutality of WWII over, Victory in Europe and Victory in Japan Day saw millions of people flock to city squares in France, UK, US and Russia. People who attended describe a feeling of overwhelming euphoria in the crowd, a chance to finally let loose and celebrate peace after years of watching the world being torn apart.
The party was so intense that Moscow actually managed to run out of liquor entirely and all the free drinks resulted in a vodka pond forming in the street.
Celebrities are known for throwing incredible parties on their birthday, but the party to top them all remains the Sultan of Bruneis 50th birthday bash in 1996. As one of the last absolute monarchs and among the richest people in the world at the time, the Sultan spent 27.2 million dollars on his 10,000 guests.
Starting with a military march and display before treating them to caviar and champagne. The Sultan didn't even attend the entertainment for the evening, a $16 million dollar concert put on by the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson.
Whenever the Pope died, Italy found itself with a strange dual responsibility thanks to its position as the heart of the Catholic world. While there were days of mourning, the process of selecting a new Pope almost always meant a a serious party was in order. Of particular note was the Papal Conclave of 1667, which had come after a series of long and frustrating papal elections starting in 1644. Tired of all the political manipulating from France and Spain, as well as backstabbing between the cardinals, by the time Clement IX was elected Pope it was time to forget all that and get obliterated.
The city of Rome celebrated the elections at the famous La Fontana Dei Leoni. At the foot of the grand stairs designed by Michelangelo himself, the Renaissance revelers replaced the boring old water that the lion statues spouted with wine. Literal fountains of wine available free of charge to anyone who wanted to dunk their goblet in.
Count Etienne de Beaumont and his wife Edith were renowned throughout Europe and America for throwing some of the greatest parties of the roaring twenties. Every summer they would host an extravagant masquerade party at their mansion in Rue Duroc, Paris. The parties were so exciting that frequent guest Raymond Radiguet wrote an actual novel about them entitled Le Bal due Comte dOrgel.
However, in 1924 they decided to kick it up a notch with an odd and outlandish theme. Everyone had to dress up as cars, which were still a fairly recent invention at the time. Pictures of costumes from the Automotive Ball are still circulating to this day, perhaps only topped by Beaumonts other theme party in which guests were required to leave exposed the body part they deemed most interesting.
Coming from the Old Testament, the story of Belshazzar's feast may have been based on the true to life conquering of Babylon by Cyrus the Great.
According to the story, Belshazzar decided to throw a party for a thousand of his lordly friends in the ancient city of Babylon. Dining on treasures from all around the world, Belshazzar and his friends became so drunk on Babylons famous barley beer that they decided it was a good idea to swap their regular fancy chalices for the sacred golden vessels stolen from the conquered Solomons temple. Why? Because he had them, and he could.
Belshazzar's flippant rager came with serious consequences though, as his kingdom was assailed and conquered that night by Cyrus the Great. With all the leaders of the city too drunk to think straight it was an easy fight, and the much more popular Cyrus took control. Hows that for a hangover?
Andrew Jackson ran his campaign as a man of the people. So it wasn't much of a surprise that after running on a populist platform he threw one of the most memorable inauguration parties in American history.
By the morning he made it to the capitol, 10,000 people had come to witness the event, and by the time he reached the White House at noon the crowd had more than doubled. The 21,000 strong crowd broke the ship cable used to keep them at bay and stormed the lawn of the White House to party.
Jackson had no way to calm the rowdy partygoers down, and had to climb out of a window in order to escape the mob. With no options left, someone suggested placing large tubs of punch and liquor outside the White House to get them to move.
Jackson would go on to have many parties at the White House, which probably made life difficult for his security detail.
One of the most anticipated performances of its time, famed composer Igor Stravinsky premiered his ballet Les Noces (The Wedding) at the Thtre de la Gat in Paris on June 13th, 1923. The premiere was such a success that Stravinsky's rich friends Sara and Gerald Murphy decided to throw a massive party to help him celebrate. So on July 1st, they rented a barge on the Seine river and invited all the coolest people of the time. Pablo Picasso, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jean Cocteau, Cole Porter and the entire troupe of Ballet Russes were in attendance, enjoying the food of five-star French chefs and an endless river of champagne.
Sara Murphy originally planned to decorate the barge with flowers, but since the florists were closed on the day of the party she instead bought a hoard of toys, stuffed animals and dolls. Picasso decided these would look better in a massive abstract pile while Cocteau convinced partygoers that the ship was sinking and a very drunk Stravinsky jumped through the massive laurel wreath before calling the party the greatest night of his life.
Because peace doesn't mean the end of competition, King Henry VIII of England and Francis I of France celebrated the Anglo-French Treaty of 1514 that ended the Hundred Years War by throwing two massive, rival parties. Although theres no record of how much was spent, the 2200 sheep needed are probably a good indicator of how much the party cost in medieval terms.
Endless jousting, melee and archery competitions kept the crowds entertained while hundreds of tents and even temporary castles were constructed for everyone to stay in. The party lasted seventeen days and ended with a wrestling match between the two kings that reportedly made the blood bad enough to start another war just months later.
Just as Watergate became such a symbol of scandal that everything now ends in -gate, Woodstock has become elevated as the party to which all other American generations compare their parties. In 1969 over half a million people came together on a dairy farm in White Lake, New York for three days of peace and music that would forever leave its legacy on American culture.
First hand accounts describe the miles of overwhelming traffic and abandoned cars on the way to the festival, and it became almost physically impossible to get there.
The entertainment was what everyone was coming to see, and the line up of Jimmy Hendrix, The Who and the Grateful Dead among many others remains legendary to this day. Amazingly, despite a lack of proper hygienic supplies or food and water, no riots broke out among the huge crowd. And only two deaths were recorded at the festival, one from a tractor accident and another from an accidental overdose.
Thousands of iconic photos of Woodstock exist, but perhaps the most famous are those taken during the steady rainstorms that left everyone playing together in the mud.
An annual party since 1924 that only gets better every year. La Sagra DellUva in Marino, Italy celebrates the defeat of the Ottoman navy by local hero Marcantonio Colonna. Patrons like to dress in the Renaissance garb of Colonna's sailors while attending jousting matches and eating ripened grapes hung from fountains. Every balcony door and terrace is strung with garlands of flowers while local shops and restaraunt's hand out free food to partygoers.
The festival lasts from the dawn of one morning to the next, but the event that everyone waits eagerly for happens right at dusk. When the sun hits the horizon the water is drained from the towns Fontana Dei Quattro Mori and replaced with sweet white wine to be enjoyed by everybody. Spending $250,000 on the wine alone, the resulting week long hangover is cured the next Sunday with the well timed donut festival.
While Neros personal pleasure palace might have been impressive, it might have lasted longer if he didn't make everyone feel like there was an amazing party they weren't invited to. In contrast, keeping the public happy was the point of the famous Roman Colosseum. A ten year project completed in 80CE, at the time it was unmatched in scope and complexity. With over 50,000 seats, a covered dome and an intricate engineering system that delivered the entertainment to the stage.
When it was first opened, the celebrations lasted a hundred straight days. A hundred days of liquor, orgies and lots and lots of murder.
In total 9000 animals were killed, and 2000 gladiators died in the opening ceremonies alone. These numbers don't even include the water events staged in the Naumachia outside the stadium. An event in which entire mock naval battles were staged in a giant flooded pool complete with fake shipwrecks for obstacles.
Given how many vivid descriptions of the Colosseums opening survived, its unlikely that a party this intense will be topped for a long, long time.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
Wrapped Up<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p>
Flesh<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p>
Walk Away<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p>
All over the House<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p>
"ride-alongs"<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p>
Melt Away<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p>
Audrey<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p>
Hazard<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p>
After the Crash...<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p>
Fresh Meat<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p>
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.