Frightened People Share The Near Death Experiences That Still Haunt Them[rebelmouse-image 18349944 is_animated_gif=
Anyone that's had a near-death experience comes back a different person. Seeing the door close to closing on your life can be earth shattering to your world view. Once, you were invincible, never-ending. After a near death encounter? You're mortal, and you have an ending. Reddit user, u/evierajah, wanted to know how those experiences changed you when they asked:
How did you almost die?
Math Is Deadly, Kids[rebelmouse-image 18349945 is_animated_gif=
My maths teacher wouldnt open the window in our very stuffy classroom. This induced a asthma attack and she denied me going to the bathroom because she thought I was faking.
3 hours later I came round from an asthma attack, being told I was hanging by a thread.
Don't Lose Your Head[rebelmouse-image 18349947 is_animated_gif=
Was walking along not paying attention like an idiot, and stepped out in front of a double-decker bus. The guy behind me grabbed the hood of my sweater and yanked me back, but I was close enough that the bus still smacked into and broke my 'leading' foot. If he hadn't been there, or I wasn't wearing a hoodie, or I was a bit heavier, that would have been my head.
When The Nurse Almost Kills You[rebelmouse-image 18349948 is_animated_gif=
Had a bad cough so I went to the doctor. He gave me a puffer (can't remember what it was called) and when I went home I fell asleep.
Something woke me up from a dead sleep and when I sat up I started having a hard time breathing. I couldn't talk at all so I had to write on a pad of paper to tell my boyfriend, now husband, to take me to the hospital.
I wrote down my symptoms for the triage nurse and she asked me if I could l talk I shook my head no but she made me try. I choked out an "ok" and she said I could talk and said I could go home since I'm just sick or I could wait.
I waited 4 hours in the waiting room and couldn't get a great breath unless I was sipping water. It was getting frustrating watching people go in before me. I know a lot of them had good reason to be there but with how few people were actually there is was evident she kept me as the lowest priority.
When I finally went in I was feeling like death and even the few tests they did were like torture. The nurses and doctors in the actual ER were very nice and gentle but it still was awful at that point.
A short time after they were done the tests the doctor came in and said I was septic and I should have come in earlier. Any longer and my organs would have shut down and I would have died.
My boyfriend told him I had been in the waiting room for 4 hours and the doctor was pissed. I don't know what happened to the triage lady but I hope she got in some kind of trouble. I know they have to deal with a lot but her bad day could have been a worse day for me and my family.
I was put on an antibiotic pump for a week but it took a couple weeks to feel like myself. The doctor said I could have easily stayed asleep and died at home so it was good I woke up.
The Heart Knows Best[rebelmouse-image 18349949 is_animated_gif=
My parents didn't believe I was in agonizing pain, so I went back to partying, next day the pain was back, stood my ground, went to the hospital. Doctor finally comes to inform me I have a heart infection, wouldn't have needed to come in the next day.
Truck Sandwich[rebelmouse-image 18349950 is_animated_gif=
Was in a bad wreck with an 18 wheeler when I was 16. I was on the passenger side in the back seat and the car we were in got crushed when the trailor jack knifed and squished us between the truck and trailer. None of the first responders could believe nobody in our car was killed or even really hurt.
A Quick Escape[rebelmouse-image 18349951 is_animated_gif=
I was on my motorcycle as a six-car accident happened AROUND ME. I came around a curve on the interstate as one car hit the concert barrier and spun out into four lanes of traffic. Cars were spinning and rolling around me, and I was barely even dodging, it was like they were dodging me. I pulled off and as I was coming to a stop a semi came sliding sideways through the whole mess. I hit the throttle again and it smashed into the guardrail a meter or two behind me. It was like seriously like a car chase action movie, except it was all luck and not skill.
The throttle punch at the end was the only thing that was on purpose.
Look In The Mirror[rebelmouse-image 18349952 is_animated_gif=
I had an accident while moving a big antique mirror by myself at home. It broke and half of it fell onto my neck. It severed my jugular vein and I came within a few minutes of bleeding to death. The paramedic who saved me said I lost about 2 litres of blood (a little over 4 pints) and I was extremely lucky to survive.
Aqua Trap[rebelmouse-image 18349953 is_animated_gif=
When I was 8, I very nearly drowned in a swimming pool in France. I was playing on the divider between the deep and shallow areas - which was effectively a row of large boulders - and slipped between two of them, getting my leg firmly stuck (and badly cut up in the process). I was trapped, hanging upside down in the water, and unable to twist my leg at all.
The only sign that anything was happening on the surface was the very tip of my foot sticking out, mostly obscured by the boulders, so there wasn't a good chance that anyone would spot anything unusual. I remember looking at all these upsidedown legs moving in the water and thinking "This is how I'm going to die. In France." After what felt like an age, I vaguely remember seeing two big hairy legs move towards me, and next thing I knew I was forcefully yanked out of the water, with blood dripping into my eyes. The guy carried me to the side and made sure I was alright. No idea what would have happened if he hadn't noticed.
Just A Bunch Of Forgetful Chickens[rebelmouse-image 18349954 is_animated_gif=
...in second grade I got chicken pox and ended up having viral encephalitis as a complication.
One thing I remember was a woman visiting me in the hospital and I asked her name, and it was the same as my mom's name so I told her that. Turns out it was my mom and I just didn't recognize her at the time. I spent two weeks in the hospital with that.
Wife = Safety[rebelmouse-image 18349955 is_animated_gif=
My wife went on a weekend away with friends. We lived in a little old wood house with a gas heater built into the floor of the hallway. It was late spring, and the heater was kept turned off by pushing the thermostat way down. 59F was as low as it went. I went out with some friends and came home late, went to sleep.
A cold front blew in and at around 5am the temperature dropped to 58F in the house. We kept a throw rug over the floor grate in the hall most of the year to keep out dust. I awoke to smoke filling the air and the sound of the smoke alarm. I sat up in bed and looked down the hall just in time to see the throw rug burst into flames. I jumped up, grabbed it by the corner and ran outside, hosed it off. I went back in and got the pets into the yard, woke up my neighbor, and then realized that without the smoke alarm I would be dead. I would have suffocated and the house would have burned up like a book of matches.
Smoke alarm saved my life.
Parachuting Disaster[rebelmouse-image 18349957 is_animated_gif=
I'm a paratrooper in the 82nd airborne division and had the (now rare) misfortune of suffering a static line injury.
Essentially the cable that opens my chute is attached the top of my chute and the inside of the plane. Through bad luck i ended up with too much slack and it wrapped my arm. I bounced off of the outside of the plane and my parachute was too twisted to open properly. I ended up with a torn bicep and shattered shoulder blade. All things considered my injuries should've been way worse and i'm lucky to be alive
That's A Funny Way To Describe It[rebelmouse-image 18349958 is_animated_gif=
Parted ways with my motorcycle at 80 mph.
Let's Go Around One More Time[rebelmouse-image 18349959 is_animated_gif=
First two times I was rushed to the ER anaphylactic shock. I swear if my mom wasn't beside the hospital bed crying the 1st time I would have let go.
Third time I was on a plane landing at the airport, but clearly flies around it a couple times. The captain comes on the speakers and informed us the wheels may not be locked/deployed. The landing way was lined all sorts of fire/EMS trucks. No problem with the landing, everyone cheered when we touched down. The captain said it was probably just a burnt out light.
I started having seizures in my late 20s, resulting in permanent partial blindness. I kind of brushed off the danger of seizures until I had one for more than a half hour. The neurologist explained that it's really bad for your brain and I was lucky to still not be a brain dead vegetable, let alone alive.
Sometimes Called "The Porcelain Throne"[rebelmouse-image 18349961 is_animated_gif=
Just pushed pretty hard on the throne. Vision narrowed and saw stars.
100% thought [dead]
Like Yo' Mama Always Told Ya'[rebelmouse-image 18349962 is_animated_gif=
Running with scissors.
I was a kid and I was running up the stairs with scissors in my hand. I was holding them in a fist by the handle with the shears facing upwards. I tripped and caught myself with my elbow with less than 1 inch before I impaled the scissors into my neck.
Oh, and I also OD'd on Flintstone Vitamins when I was like 5 years old. Most vitamins won't cause an issue, but the amount of iron I ingested was a problem.
Don't Take The Blue Pill[rebelmouse-image 18349963 is_animated_gif=
When I was barely 6 months old I had a really high fever. My mom took me to the doc and put one of those pills they put up your butt (I forgot what it's called) to fight the fever. He calculated the dosage wrong and after about 40 minutes my whole body was basically blue and I couldnt wake up. My parents rushed me to the ER and they got my body temperature back to normal. The doctor calculated the dosage wrong due to my weight, I was a fairly fat baby but not as fat as he thought I was....
35 Seconds Is All The Difference[rebelmouse-image 18349632 is_animated_gif=
I was 35 seconds too late to die in a major terrorist bomb blast. I was walking directly towards it.
I paced it a few years later. 35 seconds.
edit: doesn't matter which one. it was a big one.
Battling A Tsunami[rebelmouse-image 18349964 is_animated_gif=
Got chased by tsunami then nearly drown in it.
It was 2004, I was on the coffee shop with my best friend, our body still shaking after we had experienced the 8.9 earthquake earlier. We don't know why people began to scream and running to and fro. I saw the electricity tower from far away swaying left and right, we have no idea what really happening. That's when the water slowly rising from our feet rapidly, I thought it way a massive flood, so we just run along with people. Suddenly the stream of flood (it was black) got fierce and went up to 3 meter, we're all swept away.
I alone got sucked into a small store after the water breach the door, I got pulled in along with a few bikes, and a car. I got drowned under those vehicle, I thought, this is it. Somehow there's a force of stream from below, pushed me up, I slipped between the vehicles above me, not smooth though, my upper body got injured badly. As I reached the surface, there's only 30 cm space between the ceiling and the surface of water. Luckily, the water surface level got no higher, it slowly degrading. There are three of us survive inside that small store, pretty sure there's a lot of body on the floor, below the vehicles.
But...How?[rebelmouse-image 18348911 is_animated_gif=
Got my head stuck in a library book return slot.
Wow...[rebelmouse-image 18345776 is_animated_gif=
A big plane hit the building I was in.
Yep. South tower, ~40 floors below the plane.
(c) Oh Myyy LLC
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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