Friends Of Psychopaths/Sociopaths Divulge When They Realized Their Friend Had Issues
We may have a specific image of what a psychopath or sociopath is ingrained in our minds—you can thank films like American Psycho and scores of other horror flicks for that—but the truth is they're significantly more complicated than that.
It's bad enough running into a psychopath or sociopath—I've had a negative experience with a psychopath and I lived to tell the tale—but imagine being involved with one intimately. Maybe they were a partner or even a best friend and you didn't notice their issues right away.
People shared their stories with us after Redditor DexterADB asked the online community:
"Friends of psychopaths/sociopaths, how did you realise your friend wasn't normal?"
Psychopath or Sociopath?
Psychopaths and sociopaths share a number of characteristics:
- lack of remorse or empathy for others
- lack of guilt or ability to take responsibility for their actions
- disregard for laws or social conventions
- inclination to violence
- deceitful and manipulative nature
But how to tell them apart?
Sociopaths are normally less emotionally stable and highly impulsive. They will lack patience, giving in much more easily to impulsiveness and lacking detailed planning.
Psychopaths will plan down to the smallest detail, taking only calculated risks. Psychopaths don’t get carried away in the moment.
"He could not comprehend the difference..."
"He could not comprehend the difference between harmless pranks and cruelty, which manifested in high school. Got so far that he broke into a friend's home, stole her TV, then got angry that her family called the police over a 'prank.'"
"Trying to talk to him about the difference between pranks and crime was met by a blank stare, almost confusion, followed by vicious mocking. I didn't see him much after that, then completely cut ties with him after he started casually talking about raping women."
StoolToad9
To which this person replied:
"We had a dude like that in high school. He is now a photographer in LA, and I'm 100% sure it's only so he can have access to women's bodies."
[deleted]
"She let me read a written complaint from someone..."
"She let me read a written complaint from someone who claimed to have been bullied by her. It was very detailed, too detailed to be made up, but she denied all of it and played innocent. She showed it to me to gain my support against the accusations. A few months later she started bullying me with the exact same methods described in the complaint."
kjersith
To which this person replied:
"People lie to others because they can't stand the truth of their own actions, in effect lying to themselves."
framspn
"He was very open..."
"He was very open with it. That guy was genuinely helpful. What he seemed to fear the most was to regress into a helpless person who couldn't fit into society, like the psychopaths that go in and out of jail."
"So, he made it a habit or a challenge to help at least one person with something every day with no strings attached, friends or strangers, as practice, to hold himself accountable. It was.. well, it was a bit weird, and he was kinda weird too, but he was open about it in advance so that he'd have a harder time screwing us over if ever he had a relapse in willpower."
Haustvind
To which this person replied:
"It’s always viewed as virtuous to be a nice/helpful person but people seem to forget that it’s a hell of a lot easier for some people than others. Sometimes just not doing something bad is the most good you can manage that day and no one sees that."
letsgetawayduuude
"He was a liar."
"There were lots of red flags. He was definitely closeted bi (which is fine, but his behavior wasn’t)."
"The main red flag is that he had a slew of ruined relationships in his wake. He was a college theater professor and had a pattern of behavior in which he would identify young men in the department who were emotionally vulnerable, often who’d had recent girl trouble and/or had no current male role model/father figure."
"Many of them had issues with their dads or their dads were deceased. He would then start spending time with them and love bombing them until they thought they were his best friend. He fed on adoration. I don’t even think he exploited all these guys for sex, though he probably did some. He just got off on people adoring him."
"When they started showing interest in other people, he’d go hard on the discard. There was a pattern of subtly putting these guys down and then building them up so they were conditioned to please him. If he got bored, he threw them aside."
"He once told me he viewed all his interactions with people through a caricature he created of them. For example, a black friend of ours was 'the loud black woman.' Another friend who’d lost his dad recently and suffering severe depression was 'Eeyore.'"
"He was incapable of self reflection. If he knew he’d upset you he’d apologize, but it was always empty. He could not reflect on his actions and actually accept accountability for wrongdoing. He was a budding alcoholic and would attend lectures and rehearsals drunk, then laugh about it later like it was some kind of inside joke."
"He was a liar. The man was pushing 40 trying to convince these college aged men he was in his late 20s so they’d hang out with him. He didn’t care about your boundaries. At his house he’d regularly expose himself 'as a joke' and acted confused when I didn’t find it funny."
"As one of these guys he love bombed and emotionally manipulated, I eventually wised up and realized that my relationship with him was not healthy, and that it was not acceptable for him to have the emotional relationships he was having with his 19-20 year old students. I cut ties and he went from love bombing to resentment so fast."
"Later on, my wife and I were visiting some friends who were also friends with him. They’d known him longer than we ever did, and let him stay in their guest room for months when he lost his living arrangements during Covid. They eventually kicked him out and cut ties too. Then they told us they had recently run into a former high school classmate of his who said “I’m so glad you got away from him. There is something wrong with him. He’s dangerous.”
Mrminecrafthimself
To which this person replied:
"That guy reeks of narcissistic personality disorder. Their actions can be similar but the difference is that the root of narcissism is insecurities while sociopaths have none. Their egos are really that big while narcissts inflate theirs so no one finds out the truth that it's empty."
HyperSpaceSurfer
"His mom basically committed the rest of her life..."
"We were friends with him and his sister. We later realized when we could only see anger in him and pretty much nothing else. That was the first flag."
"One of the friends started dating the sister and he came to us one day and told us that our friend had taken him aside and told him that if his sister was hurt he would have no problem hurting him in turn. Our friend was terrified because he truly believed him. That was our second red flag."
The final one was when his family got T-boned at an intersection and his dad and sister were killed and his mom was in the hospital for observation and he was in there as well with some broken bones. He didn't seem to care at all when some buddies went to see him."
"The hospital was a teaching one with psychiatrists and all and one came to see if he wanted help while he was there and he basically asked why would I need help. Mom agreed to a formal evaluation and he was confirmed psychopathic."
"His mom basically committed the rest of her life to make sure he could function in society. Taught him what societal right and wrong was and laws governing behavior and stuff."
Sanguinitron
To which this person replied:
"Damn. Good for that mom though! Hope she accomplished her goal."
WestCardiologist180
"I was a pretty vulnerable teen..."
"I had a friend who always seemed a little off/low empathy, but I ignored a lot of the signs. She was a destructive party girl with a weirdly hostile relationship with her mom (as in she was regularly hostile to her) and i noticed she could be a bit of a bully and thought of people as below her."
"I was a pretty vulnerable teen who always struggled making friends so I tried to brush that stuff off because she was cool with me."
"There was a point where she got super drunk, slept with my boyfriend, and they called me together to mock me about it. It was humiliating. Like peak embarrassment. What's even more wild is the week after, she approached me as if nothing was wrong and it was all just a bit of fun."
"I knew she was a bad person when she called me, but I knew she had something deeply wrong with her when she had no self awareness about the fact that an action like that would make me not want to be her friend. She seemed genuinely surprised that I was pushing her away."
"I have had some updates about her from mutual friends and it sounds like this is a pattern she continues to repeat in her adult life as well."
"She really treats everyone in her life like a disposable amusement and she's not smart enough to 'mask' and manipulate them – everything she does is extremely blunt and she doesn't seem to ever really care or register that it is hurtful."
"Losing friends also doesn't seem to bother her. She is never like "how dare you be mad at me"? She just doesn't get why people are so sensitive."
imhereforthemeta
To which this person replied:
"Had a destructive party girl friend too. She also slept with two men I started dating. Twice because I was dumb enough to forgive her the first time. The second time it happened, she jokingly said she was seeing me as 'competition' and wanted to show me who was the boss."
"I cut ties with her. To her merit, she did acknowledge she had problems, sobered up, went to therapy and apologized. Honestly happy for her, but I'll never let her into my life ever again because she broke my trust forever."
yourelatefortea
"My nephew is two..."
"He yelled at me because my nephew didn't want to watch a movie with his kids."
"My nephew is two and he's scared of the dark. The kids were using a projector instead of a regular TV so the room had to be dark. Every time the door would close, my nephew would freak out, so I decided to keep him with me."
"My friend started flipping out, screaming at me, and threatening to spank one of his kids (who did nothing wrong). He started yelling at his wife also. He has five kids, mostly girls. The oldest girl tried giving him snacks to make him feel comfortable and offered to sit next to him, but my nephew was too afraid."
"It felt like she was trying to help him because the safety of her siblings depended on it."
"I didn't know what to do other than leave with my nephew so the girls wouldn't get in trouble. I tried calling social services but there's no proof that the girls are being harmed or neglected so they're still with him."
"I am afraid for the girls and his wife. Think he's suffering a mental collapse because his mom died from cancer. His mother abused him. He's become very harsh with the women in his life, including me."
"My husband doesn't want me back over there without him. I've been trying to convince their mother to take the kids and leave, but she won't listen. I'm only able to reach her through Facebook. She uses her daughters school tablet to reach me."
"She can only contact me when he leaves the house. He takes all the phones when he leaves. She's not allowed to leave the house, have friends, or have company while she's away."
"He doesn't let his wife buy clothes or do her hair. She's always calling me to cry and complain about how he's treating her but she won't do anything. I defend them all when I'm there, but I try not to because he treats them worst after I leave."
"I feel helpless. I don't know what to do. If I was wealthy, I'd buy her a house and move them far away where he can no longer scare them. I feel so helpless."
Expensivewunderluv
To which this person replied:
"Start a notebook so you can provide evidence if she ever pursues legal action. Character witness and detailed notes about interactions and events can make a case for a long term restraining order. Without them you likely just end up with an angry abuser in your house looking for revenge."
Watch_ae
Some of these stories were more unsettling than others. And they might leave you wondering if you've ever run into a psychopath before. Who knows? Even if there doesn't happen to be one in your daily life, you never know who you might be sitting next to at work... or on public transit.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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*Content warning: suicide*
The concept of an open relationship is nothing new.
It's just that nobody really spoke of it so openly in the past.
Now people are openly discussing whether monogamy suits them in modern times.
Redditor Jakubeu101 was wondering how people really felt about relationships with more than one lover, so they asked:
"What do you think about open relationships?"
It's certainly not for everyone, especially those who have a tendency to get jealous.
Yuck
First Date Dating GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Tried it for a year. Didn't work. It's perpetual dating which is the worst. Then they get jealous."
chewie8291
Avoidance
"All the hassle of 2 (or more) relationships needs to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with. It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on) Unfortunately many couples use 'opening up the relationship' as a solution to avoid the need to communicate better. Those are doomed from the beginning."
CaelTyr
Shenanigans...
"My parents have been together for 40 years, married for 36. A couple weeks ago we went and stayed with one of my dad's childhood friends. As the wine got flowing, she regaled the rest of us with various stories of the shenanigans they got up to with their other friends. My mom was having the time of her life hearing all these stories she'd never heard before. (this was northern Wisconsin in the early 80s, lots of teenage drunken shenanigans)."
mstarrbrannigan
Consent
"Not for me, but I don't care if everyone's a consenting adult and no one is taken advantage of. The issue IMHO is that if you go from monogamous to open it is shifting the relationship in ways that rarely work, but if you come at it from the start there's decent chances of making it work."
Bi_Aint_Shi
All of It
"I think the idea that you've learned everything and there's nothing else new to know about a person is the first problem. I was in a polyamorous relationship for about a year and even to the end of it was constantly learning things about my partners, their SOs etc."
"I'm now monogamous and married, and years down the road I'm still learning things about my partner. They've lived a whole life before me, it will be many many years before I know 'everything' about them."
Dfnstr8r
Consequences
jealous GIFGiphy"I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means. There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly. I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails."
RaijinQ
It's not for everybody. Emotions in check first.
Stronger
Chair Stronger Music Video GIF by Britney SpearsGiphy"I'm in one. Going strong almost 8 years. Requires a ton of communication. Also, what counts as an open relationship varies wildly and the boundaries/rules are determined by the people within the relationship. There is no one size fits all."
nkorper
Bad Ideas
"I met a guy on tinder that was in an open marriage. We went on a few dates, one of which I was surprised to meet his wife and kids."
"They seemed like a happy family, very content with their arrangement. I enjoyed getting to know the guy, but he started to get impatient with how slowly I was moving. I wasn’t comfortable moving forward physically, so we decided to end it. Fast forward a year later, and he ended up committing suicide."
"His wife wasted no time posting online about how awful he was to her. It seems their 20-year open relationship was his game of control. He was a cheater and an abusive husband. I carry some guilt knowing he used me to upset her, and I sat there with a stupid smile on my face."
blahblah-user
Proven False
"Tried it, she screwed some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren't really open. Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone's getting dragged into, pretending it's okay. Very few true open relationships, it's proven by how many last more than a year."
F33dR
Doing It All
"My husband and I did it...very enthusiastically... For about 6 years. We made the decision to try it after 24 years of marriage and because neither of us had had any other partners before we met. For us it was a fantastic experience. We never had issues with jealousy but we had a very strong relationship with a high degree of trust. We definitely saw a lot of marriages fail due to those issues."
"Eventually we sort of... faded out of it tho. It is just a lot of work. Finding people with the right chemistry-the on line dating scenes, going to the clubs, the meet up's that don't always work: it's exhausting. But for us it was definitely worth it. And if my hubby came to me tomorrow saying that he'd met someone he'd like to screw, I'd still be cool with it."
sabertoothbunni
"guilt free"
"I personally hate them because of an ex. I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn't want to. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a 'guilt free' way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of."
"Generally I don't mind them if that's what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he's never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone."
A_GuyThatDoesStuff
Not Me
No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy"I'm genuinely not a fan, i prefer monogamy as I feel a much closer bond can be created between two people rather than a group. however that is not how it is for everyone."
thra888
Life lesson?
You do you.
Just be honest and really communicate how you're feeling and the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Things People Will Never Understand No Matter How Many Times Someone Explains Them
We can have some things explained something over and over and over, and the details may never stick.
It doesn't mean we're dumb, not everything is meant to click.
Maybe you're more inclined to English and history, so science and math elude you. Or vice versa.
Redditor CodeBlackGoonit wanted to know what aspects of life will probably forever drive us crazy, so they asked:
"What's something you still don't understand even after many different people explain it to you?"
Math, science, love. I give up trying to figure it out.
The Fit
Giphy"How to properly fold a fitted sheet."
crystalsaladsandwich
"It’s pretty straight forward. Pretend to fold it up for 20 minutes, then just shove it somewhere."
dunnodudes
Beyond
"Fourth dimension."
Ceyram
"Think about describing something's location. 3d world is X, Y, and Z. So you could say 'My keys are on the table, 10 ft in from the front door, 5 ft to the left, and 3ft off the ground.'"
"But you go look, and they're not there. So, add a 4th dimension to your description, when were they there? Things move about in space over a period of time; time is that fourth dimension."
thinkofanamelater
Confusing Concepts
"The Krebs Cycle."
kair93
"In 8 years of higher education, I had to regurgitate and draw the Kreb's cycle on tests probably 15 times or so. I had to temporarily re-learn it every time. I still couldn't draw it today. You need to understand the concept, but the individual steps of the process are something most people will never need to remember."
GiggityDPT
Mash
"Math. Just anything more than the basics and my brain turns to mash."
gardenomette
"If it's a problem for you, look into getting tested for dyscalculia. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago and it was such a relief finding out that I'm not less intelligent, I'm not stupid or slow. That there's actually a reason. I wish they were aware of it all the years I was struggling in school. But I'm happy for the kids growing up now that they might have better access to proper help in those classes."
gardenomette
Bad Hype
Trash Cash GIF by Production ClubGiphy"NFT’s."
LeroyJr847
"There's nothing to understand. They're just another Ponzi scheme, but this time each token has a URL attached to it. They are made of hype."
Great-Contest-1928
These NFTs. Who thought this was a good idea?
Value Craziness
Stan Marsh America GIF by South ParkGiphy"The stock market."
Tinydustbunnies
"Owning very small slices of a company. As the company's value goes up or down, so does the value of the individual slices. Some slices also pay out a share of the profits to the 'owners' (dividends)."
SomeHSomeE
WHICH DOOR?
"The Monty Hall Problem."
foxtrot419
"Do this experiment with a friend. Have them shuffle a full deck of cards, and then have you draw one face down."
"Then, have them look through every single card in the deck for the ace of spades. If they find the ace of spades, select it and place it face down. If they don’t find the ace of spades, instead select a random card and put it face down. Put the rest of the deck aside."
"Now, one of you has the ace of spades. Who is more likely to have it: you, who picked blindly from the full deck, or your friend, who got to see every single card in the deck except yours? I think after a few trials, you will very quickly see why the odds are not 50/50."
MoobyTheGoldenSock
Signs
"The greater than/less than signs, <>. I can't read them and am always confused as to which is what. Honestly don't care anymore, I made it this far this long without understanding them so I don't want to know now. But a lot of people still try to explain it to me, the alligator mouth really confuses me even more."
llcucf80
Magic Watching
"How a dvd works. Or how a record player works, for that matter. Like how does it transfer the little grooves to make… sound and light? Black magic."
lilgato443
"DVDs are pits and hills, and it's all 1s and 0s. So it's just reading a file off of the disc, which is usually a video format, similar to an MP4."
"Vinyls have the sound waveform melted into them, the needle vibrates to recreate the sound. That's the gist of it. One complication is that highs are over emphasized and lows are deemphasized, and the turntable runs the sound through an RIAA filter to get the correct sound."
skaterrj
Educational Issues
animation domination lol GIF by gifnewsGiphy"Monopoly."
Heavy_Permission5704
"It was supposed to be an educational tool about how capitalism and private property ownership funnel wealth into the hands of a wealthy few, at the expense of the working class. Then a corporation copied it, rebranded that as a good thing and sold it as entertainment."
HandsomeHeathen
$$$ Issues
"People who don't make a lot who blow all of their money on stupid things that make it look like they have money, rather than actually getting themselves ahead."
"Can explain. Grew up poor. When the basics are (barely) covered, anything else left is seen as extra or feel good money so it is spent accordingly."
Mike7676
I will never get Monopoly. And I no longer care to.
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
It's hard to imagine for someone who didn't live it, but not everyone grew up with a kind and loving childhood home.
So much so, Redditors were able to fill a whole Reddit thread with examples of bad parenting, some of which are startling.
Redditor FiForYourAttention asked:
"What screams 'I'm a bad parent'?"
Confidentiality Who?
"I don't know if this really screams it, but I absolutely hate when adults tell other adults their children’s shameful secrets for no reason. Even strangers! It tells me those children probably don’t feel like they can trust their parents."
- 50637
Trust Issues
"I had a pretty horrible thing happen to me during my senior year of high school. I called my mom sobbing, and the next day I found out she told her two best friends and multiple teacher friends of hers. I also found out she and my older sister were laughing about it with each other."
"I never tell her anything anymore. At least anything important."
- Training-Ad171
What Kid?
"Zero interest in the kid. Doesn’t care what they do or what happens to them as long as they don’t inconvenience them."
- JustinChristoph
Lack of Accountability
"Never saying sorry to the kid when the parents make a mistake."
- SuvenPan
Break into Teams
"Triangulation. After the divorce, one of our parents immediately weaponized our relationship against the other. I’m 32 and still unweaving all of the details in my brain."
- BugzFromZpace
Breaking Decibels
"My mother used to get up in my face and yell at me for trivial things. She would also spit on me while yelling."
"Yelling at a kid is traumatic for the kid. Don’t do it. There are better ways to communicate than yelling."
- rainbowblack79
Physically Abusive
"I volunteer at and have had student placements at a children’s hospital and we’ve had patients with serious brain injuries due to abuse (shaking, attempted drowning, etc.). So yeah I’d say those parents are pretty bad."
- Tapestry-of-Life
Desiring Fear
"Your own children being afraid of you, no child should be afraid of the person that looks after them nearly 24/7."
"I really don't think it clicks till adolescence either when you look back and realize that you really were terrified of your father 24/7 as a child."
"Or it's weird when you realize that not all children hate their fathers."
- LimitlessTVShows
The Blame Game
"Blaming your own mistakes and regrets on your kids."
"Or living vicariously through your children because of your own mistakes and regrets."
- LilKaySigs
Broken Record
"Saying the same things over and over again like, 'You're such a disappointment' and 'I wish I had a daughter instead' and 'You ruined my and you're mother's sex life.' This is stuff I heard for years."
- FERRARI308GTSI
Disregarding Mental Health
"Saying 'You're too young to be depressed' and ignoring red flags from mental illnesses."
- EclecticMermaid
Invalidation Tactics
"Invalidating your child's feelings, struggles, and/or mental illness in favor of 'you don't know what struggling really is' or some form of 'back in my day' or 'you kids are so weak.'"
"You have just robbed your child of support, told them their feelings do not matter and informed them that you are not a safe person to confide in."
- Acetamnophen
Punishing Adult Children
"Punishing adult children when they don't do everything you say by silent treatment or nasty texts... and days later acting like nothing happened and saying , 'You never let go of things.'"
- kabive2044
Never Going Home Again
"Your kids never visiting once they move out or go to college."
- ashton_yaste123
Hindsight 0/20
"Ironically, never thinking you're a bad parent."
- RandomHeretic
These examples will bring back dark memories for some.
Hopefully there will be another Reddit post where people describe what positive parenting looks like.
As much as we think we can get along with everyone, that's not always the case.
There are certain types of people you gravitate toward and making a connection with them is easy. But there are also those with specific personality traits you know very well to steer clear from.
Try as we might, we can't be friends with everyone. The best we can do is be the best version of ourselves and stay within a community of people who you vibe with.
Curious to hear from the types of people strangers online prefer keeping a distance from, Redditor KnownNormie asked:
"What type of person could you never be friends with?"
Some people like in the following examples should be put in their place.
Too Many Theatrics
"Someone who constantly makes everything dramatic."
– Anxiety_Ridden_Camel
Space Hoggers
"Someone who obviously doesn't care about anyone's boundaries."
– Jay4025
Embracing The Dark
"Guilt Trippers"
"Those who think its cool and edgy to be negative about everything."
– Stormflier
How can people who think the world revolves around them expect to maintain or gain friendships?
All About Me
"Self centered people."
–needtofreemyself
The One-Upper
"Yeah, that gets old really fast. I am a reformed one upper. I would also interrupt people. I was hard to take when I was younger. I didn’t learn to STFU until I was forced to take a sales job and discovered just how crap I was socially. The last twenty years I’ve gotten a lot better and now enjoy listening to other people’s stories more than telling my own."
– MobileAccountBecause
Not My Problem
"The one who always blame others."
– Reasonable-mcArdles
We could all benefit from personal growth.
They Wait For Life To Happen
"Someone who doesn’t want to learn more about life and its intricacies. I only want friends who think deeply about things and can have varied conversations on religion, politics, the world, and all of life. This life is too vast and insane not to seek depth in it.
– Glass-Philosopher302
Don't Take Life Too Seriously
"Someone who is always serious and can't take a joke. As well as someone who gets offended on the behalf of others."
– HoarderOfPaper
These are hard "no's."
You Can Bet Your Life On It
"a serial killer."
– LongjumpingReturn555
All Creatures Great And Small
"Someone who doesn't like animals."
– InterestingMall8958
It's complicated to categorize exactly the kind of person I would prefer to not to be friends with, but I know that one of my biggest pet peeves that can jeopardize how much effort I put into all kinds of relationships is a person's lack of punctuality.
It says a lot about an individual who is perpetually late outside of an acceptable window between 5 and 15 mins–with a heads up about their tardiness.
If they're always punctual in regards to work obligations and business meetings but very late to meeting up with you for a coffee date, you're clearly not important enough for them to make an effort to avoid keeping you waiting.
And I got no time for that.