The Exact Moment People Realized Their Friends Weren't Actually Their Friends
Many people seek validation from people they call "friends" when they're actually only acquaintances.
Do you ever contemplate your social life and wonder just how good a "friend" these people purport themselves to be?
Are they actually there for you when you need them or are you just another notch on their friend lists on their respective social media?
The term gets thrown around loosely too often and it seems many friendships are either taken for granted or are conditional. Those aren't friendships.
Curious to hear from strangers online about their social lives, Redditor VexAndStuff asked:
"When did you realize your 'friends' were actually fake friends?"
Those who deliberately isolate you are not exactly the kinds of people you want in your circle to begin with.
"Went to pick up my xbox 360 a friend was borrowing, and our whole group of friends were there. They had spent the entire day playing games with snacks and pizza, and I had not been invited. And now I was in the situation of being the douche who takes the ball home and ruins the fun for everyone. I took my xbox and never spoke to anyone in that group again."
Selective Group Chat
"Back in my first year of college, I used to have a group of friends (like 7 dudes with me included). We always hang out together and we're used to have this 'group chat' where we discuss about anything from class subjects to random things. After a year, I noticed that one of the guys (let's just call him Randy) keeps getting excluded; Not invited/informed to group hangout while they're talking smack behind his back. And the 'unofficial leader' of the group actually made a whole new group chat, inviting everyone (myself included) except Randy without his knowledge."
"I know what it feels to be left out, I experienced that in Middle school and it's really awful. I stopped hanging out with them and I starts hanging out with Randy. He's quite eccentric but a very good person at heart. We've been friends for more than 6 years, and he still got my back"
"When I returned to work after being off for 3 months due to an injury and I practically begged them to go grab a beer and do pub trivia but all 3 of them passed because they had plans. Well it turns out their plans were to go grab a beer and do pub trivia... Without me. Found out through social media. Deleted it shortly afterwards."
"I've been a lot less depressed about things since I've deleted social media and stopped looking at them as friends and just as work acquaintances. It took that for me to realize that the 'friendships' were really one-sided and I'm better off not pursuing anything other than being cordial at work."
People who take advantage of you under the guise of being friends are the ones to watch out for.
Friendship Of Convenience
"When I slowly realized I was only around for chores and errands. Rides to the airport, pick up furniture, help move. Anything social always resulted in either last minute cancellations, showing up 45 minutes late and bolting after 10 minutes. I thought they were busy, but no."
The Underappreciated Babysitter
"When I was babysitting her kids things were going great. We would hangout all the time...have movie nights and just talk and chill. But the second she no longer needed a babysitter was the second I got kicked to the curb. No explanation...not even a text back. Some people will act like your best friend until they no longer need you. Their loss though."
A Cringey Greeting
"Yep, this happened to me, but more generally. Had a 'friend' who would only contact me when she needed something, but she was pretty sly about it in the beginning (inviting me over to hang and then bringing up the favor organically, like oh we don't have anyone to watch the dog next weekend, or I want to move this bed but it's so heavy, etc). After a while it got more egregious and obvious - only calling to ask to use my truck or dog sit. I'd politely say I wasn't available and eventually she stopped calling. She still texts every now and then to 'catch up' (she tried that a few times in the past and it was always followed by a request) despite my no longer responding. To this day I cringe when someone says 'Hi Friend!', her freakin catchphrase."
Something Came Up
"Whenever we were supposed to hang out something came up and that something was hanging out with other mutual 'friends.'"
Looking For Better Options
"Yes! My 'best friend' in high school used to do this to me all the time. On Wednesday, I’d ask if she wanted to see a movie Friday night. She’d always say maybe, if I can get out of doing whatever with my parents. Come Monday I’d hear her talking about how great the movie was. Apparently, last minute her parents said she didn’t have to go and miraculously a group of people called right then and asked her to see the same movie. She’d always say 'I figured you made other plans' when I confronted her about it. In reality, she’d just wait to see what the better option was and pick on Friday. God that pissed me off."
A technical malfunction revealed the real status of friendships.
Out Of Touch
"When my phone got stolen and I lost their phone numbers. Mine stayed the same, but we just never talked again."
Abandoned And Forgotten
"When my Apple account got compromised and I lost my backup when I changed phones I lost all of my numbers. I haven’t gotten a text or call from any of my friends since. That was 5 years ago."
"When I traded in my truck for a smaller more eco friendly vehicle. Communication plummeted now that i can’t haul furniture around, assist with moving as much, dispose of garbage.. etc."
"I flew out to support a friend going through a messy divorce. While I was there, she left me in the apartment to meet up with her boyfriend that I didn't know about. He turned out to have just been released from prison for manslaughter. Once she told me that, I told her that I didn't want to spend time with him, especially considering the circumstances of my visit."
"The next night, I woke up in the middle of the night to find him in the living room. She said that she thought it wouldn't matter since I was asleep. The next day, she invited her soon-to-be ex-husband over without telling me and then asked me to meditate their conversation once he got there. That conversation turned ugly fast, and she ended up storming out. He broke down and asked if I thought it was salvageable, and I told him that she had already moved on. Maybe not the best idea on my part, but at that point, she had shown me how vile of a person she is."
"My wife and I separated and she got the majority of our friends. Almost nobody checked in on me to see how I was doing."
"Then we decided to work it out and stay together and now there's a whole list of people's birthdays I don't have to remember."
"The group made plans to meet and hang out. I was getting ready in the salon. A couple of friends had to back out for some reason. The other friend then made excuses of his own, and I could tell. I tried cajoling him and offer ways for him to go but he basically decided to cancel the entire group meet up."
"It was my birthday."
"Same thing happened to me on my 21st birthday- all my "friends" made up excuses why they couldn't come. Then the 3 friends that did met some guys and we went back to their house and awkwardly sat around."
"Happened again for my 25th birthday- I had moved across the country and found new friends, but they all bailed at the last minute. I called my roommate at the time who came out when he got off work, and he called some of his friends who came out and I had the best night ever. Those guys are now my real friends, and I married that roommate."
I couldn't help but realize while reading the thread that there must be a lot of people in my life I mutually acknowledge as friends but aren't really there for me when I need them.
However, that doesn't make me want to visit all my socials and start cleaning house.
All I really need are a handful of people I can call actual friends who don't get offended after a long absence. The ones I practically recognize as family to me are the ones where we can pick up where we left off as if no time had passed–even if it's been a significantly long time.
People come and go out of our lives. Friendships fade; we drift apart. It's a disheartening fact of life, but as long as you have that one person who will unconditionally have your back, that's all that really matters.
That also doesn't mean others in your periphery haven't impacted your life in some small way. You should hang onto those acquaintances who genuinely like you as well.
It just never hurts to check up on them every once in a while.
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When I was seven, I saw a cartoon of Ben Franklin discovering electricity when lightning accidentally struck a kite that he was flying. I didn’t totally understand how that helped him discover electricity, but since I was only seven, I believed that to be what happened.
The truth is, Ben Franklin did not actually discover electricity -- that happened over 1,000 years prior. He just demonstrated the connection between lightning and electricity.
Moreover, his kite was not accidentally struck by lightning. If it was, the lighting would’ve struck him by extension, and he might not have even survived long enough to demonstrate his findings. In fact, the kite was part of an experiment that he conducted on purpose.
I know all this now, but not everyone does. A lot of people still believe lightning accidentally struck Ben Franklin’s kite, and that he discovered electricity through that happy accident. And that is just one of the many historic events that people believe in.
However, most of those events either didn’t happen at all or happened differently than we may think.
Redditors have recognized a lot of other historical events or facts that people believe, but are actually fake or untrue, and have shared this information.
It all started when Redditor FarajEltaira asked:
“What is a part of history that we consider to be a fact is 100% fake?”
The Absence Of Color
"Ninjas dressed in all black to stay stealthy in the night or something like that. Ninjas dressed like normal people to blend in, the all black look stemmed from Japanese theatre to make it more obvious to the audience who the ninjas were."
"If they wore all black it'd be quite obvious and they'd stick out like a sore thumb"
"EDIT: most of you pointed out it also came from stagehands, that makes a lot of sense too"
Pull It Tight
"Corsets were not typically tight laced. They were only tight laced by the highly fashionable women, and usually only for particular events or portraits. Corsets were designed to be comfortable. Women wore a cotton layer underneath the corset, so it didn't rub against the skin. The corset was more like a bra, bit instead of using the shoulders to support it used the whole torso. Some people claim they are much more comfortable than modern bras. The intense proportions of the past were achieved with Corsets AND padding. Tight lacing was uncommon, but layers of petticoats or hoops or bum rolls or whatever else at the time was very common to give women the trendy body shape at the time."
In The Ring
"The image of Roman gladiators fighting to the death. While there were many exhibition fights in the arenas where the goal was death, these were not gladiator contests. Prisoners, and the condemned, were thrown out to fight to the death, but not real gladiators.Training a gladiator was an expensive, and lengthy, investment and having them die constantly would be bad for business."
"The Midnight Ride Of Paul Revere
"Paul Revere did not run around Massachusetts shouting "The British are coming" because if he did everyone would look at him like he'd lost his mind. ALMOST EVERYONE IN THE COLONIES WAS BRITISH!"
"He actually said, "The Regulars are coming""
"He also only carried that message for a small stretch of the ride. There were about a half dozen messengers passing it along. We remember Paul Revere as the only rider because, no joke, his name fit best in Longfellow’s poem"
All The Information
"The Lady who sued McDonalds didn't do so frivolously. She received third degree burns from how hot that coffee was, and needed a skin graft. It was quickly found that that location was keeping the coffee well above the temperature you can legally serve a hot drink in a cup at. The fact that most people think this suit was over the temperature of the coffee, and not the debilitating burns that woman recieved, is one of the PR worlds greatest triumphs. You are not immune to propaganda."
All You Read Is Not True
"That Einstein said “ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”"
""Don't believe everything you read on the internet" - Albert Einstein"
"Einstein never failed math, the rumor started from Ripley’s Believe It Or Not and Einstein actually responded to them saying “I never failed in mathematics. Before I was 15 I had mastered differential and integral calculus.” He wasn’t very good at the non-science related classes though and did fail French."
A Quiet Night
"The Boston Tea party didn’t have some grand celebration, a lot of the colonists were confused and it’s recorded as one of Boston’s most quiet nights"
"A stegosaurus fighting a t rex. They lived millions of years apart . Stegosaurus 144 lived million years ago T rex 65 million years ago."
"Insane difference. Still almost most every dinosaur related media places them together."
"Whatever the f*ck is on the History Channel nowadays."
"I know the exact moment I gave up on the History Channel. A guy came in to a pawn shop with a uniform and said, "it's from the war with the Philippines.""
"The guy in the shop said, "there's no such thing as the war with the Philippines.""
"My undergrad senior thesis was on the Philippine-American war."
"It ain't even historical anymore they should rename it as the "whatever we feel like it" channel"
"What's Up, Doc?"
"Rabbits CANNOT live on a diet of carrots and fruits. It’s like asking a toddler to live on a diet of candy. They also cannot live on a diet of completely lettuce and leaves (though it’s close)."
"Rabbits need need need hay for a healthy diet, and pellets are heavily recommended as well(though they also have limits, should be in the bag according to the bunny’s weight). Greens are good, not to be the main main diet, and fruits or carrots can be given as treats."
"Bugs Bunny led a lot of people to believe rabbits live off of carrots. They do not. They will die if you expect them to live on a diet of 100% carrots."
The Teeth Of The Matter
"That George Washington had wooden teeth. He had false teeth, yes. But they were made of ivory. He never had wooden teeth."
A Wooden Horse?
"The Trojan Horse wasn't real. Historians are all pretty much unanimous on this."
"My personal theory is that the trojan horse story relates to a traitor within Troy's cavalry"
"William Howard Taft never got stuck in a bathtub!"
"I also find it weird/hilarious/sad that that's what he's known for instead of being known for being the only person to have served as both President and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court."
Is it weird that I’m sad the bathtub thing turned out to be false?
People really need to think about tattoos.
Yes, they're cool sometimes.
But how many do you really need?
Some can seriously spoil a romantic moment.
Redditor Flowerlock wanted to hear about the body art that has left people less than attracted, so they asked:
"What tattoo is a turn off?"
I'm thinking about a tattoo, but I don't have the nerve.
This list may have me reconsider.
"When I was changing with my boyfriend for the first time, he took off his pants and his entire upper left leg was covered with giant leopard spots."
"I almost screamed."
Follow the Letters
"Sometimes it can work out though..."
"Some time ago a girl tweeted she got a Waterparks song tattooed on her and it had been misspelt, which caught the attention of the band and they officially changed to the name of the song to match her misspelt tattoo."
"Just one of those rare instances in life that works out for some unfortunate girl who got a bad tattoo... lmao."
"Anything poorly drawn. My ex was a hot guy. He got a wolf tattoo on his chest. Omg, it had crossed eyes and a fat weird face and for some reason pine trees embedded in the fur. Ugh. Just, whyyy?!"
"My neighbor got a wolf tat done when he was super drunk. Besides the fact that all the detail was blurry, the wolf had a short, stunted muzzle. It was like a pug with a glorious mane."
"I know everyone has different standards of quality and art is subjective but I think (within reason of course) the worst tattoo is just a badly done one. Lacking a basic understanding of anatomy, bad shading, terrible line quality, patchy colour, etc. I'm not a fan of certain tattoo styles but if they're done well I can respect them."
Know BetterHappy Peace Out GIF by AmsterdenimGiphy
"Random Chinese words on someone who has no idea what they even say."
"A friend of mine who visited Korea got a giant tattoo running down her back. She thought it meant 'love my family,' or something like that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my other friend (a Korean) quietly translated it to 'foreigner.'"
Use a translation book friends.
OwnershipArtist Tattoo GIFGiphy
"Property of (NOT YOUR NAME)."
"Plot twist: they only date people with the same name so they don't need to remove the tattoo."
"Giant pectoral swastika."
"Yeah my neighbor has one. He got it in prison years ago."
"As he says it, when he was young he got into trouble, went to prison, joined the Aryan brotherhood for protection, served his sentence and has been trying to distance himself from them for years."
"He got it removed but a scar remains. The scar isn't super big and obvious, but it is noticeable, like a slight mis-colouring of the skin, the kinda thing that draws your eye and your not sure you can see anything, but it's a very distinct pattern and your brain puts together what it is after a bit."
"Only God can judge me."
"A friend of mines father was supposed to get 'Only God can judge me' written in olde’ English font across the width of his back. The tattooist was dyslexic and managed to finish the tattoo with 'Only God can Jude me.'"
"He had to have a cover up of his entire upper back as it couldn’t be fixed. He was an absolute chopper of a bloke and got rinsed for years. People still call him Jude now."
"A Marijuana plant. I like smoking myself and do it often, but I wouldn’t go as far as to tattoo it on me. Those I’ve seen get it tatted on them normally revolve their whole personality around it which is very dull in my opinion."
"Same goes for the people who wear marijuana leaf attire. My wife likes all that and brags how she’s a bigger pothead than me, and I feel like a fool when I have to be like okay? Like I have a job I can’t be strutting around in that crap... lol."
"My family and I once saw a biker with 'Seymour' written right above his butt crack when we were on a road trip."
Be really, really, really sure about body art.
And make sure you like the stencil on your body BEFORE they start inking you.
We're talking placement and size. It never hurts to really think these things through.
Why are men forced to be things they're not?
We are too far along as a society not to let the boys grow and evolve.
A good cry, a good laugh, a song, hug, a dance it out... can help anybody.
Or maybe just watch an episode of 'Grey's Anatomy.'
Redditor 040607AJF wanted all the guys out there to share how they "feel" so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what is something f**ked up that you're supposed to be okay with because you're a man?"
Gents, it's time to start healing and growing.
Go to sleepSwitch Off Good Night GIF by GunmaunofficialGiphy
"Having sex whenever she's in the mood. And if I say no she thinks something wrong with her so you get pressured into doing it so she won't be mad or feel sad."
"30 year old male from India. Lost my dad 20 days back in an accident Relatives and well wishers spend time talking and pacifying mom/sister and listen to them with patience. To me before they leave- 'Now it's your responsibility to take care of your mom/sister' and nothing else."
"What about my grief of losing a parent? How do I handle it? Who is going to pacify me? Who listens to me? Without support from my wife and my friends, I could have gone insane the way people expect me to treat grief."
"Depression and loneliness, as much as I wish I could say the support gotten better it hasn’t. I see the 'mens mental health awareness month' bulls**t all over social media for a day once a year but then nobody speaks about it. Being depressed or saying you’re lonely can often be seen as a cry for attention or a 'red flag' for partners."
"People on social media think posting some picture of 'We need to support our men in the world!' Is going help, it doesn’t. If you legitimately care about the men in your life’s mental health please reach out to them and ask how they’ve been. Don’t compare to them and don’t undermine them just understand them. It does so much for them."
“figure it out”
"The fact that a lot of men have no guidance and are supposed to just figure s**t out or just know yet people will treat you like s**t for not knowing."
"When I was younger I was always told to 'figure it out' cause I’m a man. Every time I needed help whether it be homework, a flat tire, or something I genuinely needed help with like applying for college/fafsa I was turned away because it was my problem. Now if any family needs my help I’m demonized if I say no. Like wtf man I was taught not to bother y’all why are y’all bothering me?!?"
911Role Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy
"You can ask for my help, but I can't ask for yours."
Leave me be...
"Some women should understand that men can be 'not in the mood' as well. I don't know why many people think that men will never say 'no.' I saw many on Twitter, sadly both men and women, thinking that men are these cartoonish wolves that will start salivating and have their eyes turn into hearts when anyone mentions the word 'sex.'"
Out of the Norm
"Getting weird judgment from others for not conforming to the ‘traditional’ male role in a marriage or family. My wife is a highly driven genius, makes a great living, and loves what she does. I’m full time in the arts, and I’m not completely dependent on her, but I don’t have traditional employment or make a lot of money."
"I’ve had people in my life (especially older people) throw shade at me for not being ambitious enough or not having a real career. But together we’re doing much better than okay, and I’m probably gonna be the main caretaker when/if we have kids. I feel that if she were a man and I were a woman, nobody would question it at all."
"We aren't taught how to deal with emotions. (Mental health too)."
"I'm not advocating for men to be super-soft emotional wrecks, or to cry five times a week. But man I wish I knew I wasn't 'wrong' or 'weak' or 'avoiding becoming a man' just because I was sad, depressed, anxious and trying to deal with past events."
"So many women in my lifetime have acted like I’m not a strong guy because I show emotion. I have a big heart and I’m not going to change that for anyone. But I’ve had relationships take an immediate downturn when I showed any kind of sensitive side."
A New LeafBradley Cooper Teacher GIF by Legendary EntertainmentGiphy
"That If I ever finish my AA and teach preschool that I’ll be seen as a threat to children."
"I have known two men attempt to enter the teaching profession. My advice is don't! It really is not worth your time."
Oh gents, we all still have a long way to go.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
When singles finally find a romantic partner after what may have seemed like an eternal love drought, they make sure they put in all the effort it takes to keep that relationship going strong.
However, there are those who are convinced that the love they found is too good to be true–probably because they may feel they don't deserve it or because they have doubts.
That's the thing about those who don't trust a good thing when it happens. Their skepticism can be all-consuming and it can lead to self-sabotaging the relationship.
Curious to hear from those who struggle with the "what ifs" in their relationship, Redditor DinoNuggieVape asked:
"How do you cope with the fear of your partner cheating on you?"
A certain hobby is more likely to prevent wandering eyes.
Commitment To Knitting
"I’ve been cheated on by my only other long term partner beside my wife. I don’t worry about my wife because 1.) I trust her and 2.) having an affair would cut too much into her knitting time. Hell, I feel like 'the other man' when compared to yarn."
"As someone who crochets, I’m sure this is how my partner feels 😂"
"Mine sews. You're said the Perfect comment. I once complained to my wife about being second love. She sewed me a blanket, and it's now my most comfortable possession. Find the right one for you."
Fixating on the possibility is the bigger problem, according to these love experts.
"By coming to terms with the FACT that there is literally nothing you can do to control what another person chooses to do."
Find Your Self-Worth
"Too many people hang on to the idea of 'I can’t live without this person' love."
"Yeah, you can. Realizing you can exist on your own and be fulfilled. After that? You’ll realize you can survive a cheater."
Finding Independence In Love
"I can't live without this person"
"That's not love. It's obsession. Once you realize you don't need the other person to live, you can start to truly love them."
"This. I had two partners (possibly three, not sure on the last one) that cheated on me. The first one I know for sure. It feels absolutely soul wrecking. So I do know how it feels. But I do also know the signs and what to look out for. Investigating phones or emails or listening for hushed conversations aside, the biggest tell tale is in the personality change. It happens 100% of the time. That is at least from talking to other people about it has led me to conclude anyway. You can always tell. And if you suspect, you could well be right."
"I'm not Mr. Paranoid or anything, but the reality is if she's going to cheat on you, then it's going to happen. There is nothing you can do, if it's going to happen, you can't control it. What you can control however is your reaction to it. And mine is very simple. End of relationship, block contact, see you later. The second time it happened to me, I didn't even offer an explanation. Her friend contacted me at some point asking why I had cold cut her out of my life and how it was so f'ked up of me to do so. I simply responded that I knew she was screwing someone behind my back, to which her friend replied, 'Oh you know about that? Well it really doesn't matter, it's you she wants!' I don't think I actually responded, I hung up."
"Getting past that business for the second time was remarkably easy. She had a few things left at my place which went into the bin, hoovered my house, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, threw out the few bits in the fridge as I used to get some food items that she liked but I never used, total clean out. I didn't feel the need to go nail a new girl that instant, instead spent the evening playing some guitar and watched a movie. I was perfectly happy and was done with the whole thing in an evening practically."
The pain cuts deep, but these Redditors learned to move on.
Trust Goes A Long Way
"I’ve been cheated on by every partner I’ve ever had. I just got married 6 months ago to the only person I’ve ever actually trusted. It comes natural which is crazy… i do have moments where i het intrusive thoughts at random like 'what if…' but i snap myself out of it and remind myself how truly trustworthy this man is and how i know he loves me. A lot of commenters seem to not understand that being cheated on can cause a type of ptsd. It’s something you just work through."
"Agree, my ex cheated on me 16 years ago and I think I will always have some doubts. My wife, who I've been with over 12 years, has never once done anything that would make me think she would cheat on me, and I trust her completely, but that trauma from 16 years ago is is still there, rearing it's ugly head from time to time."
I find that being obsessed with the possibility of one cheating on another can manifest in ways that jeopardize a solid relationship.
It's more important to appreciate being in the moment when something is going well, whether it's a relationship or anything else applicable.
Because fixating on the "what ifs" can take up a lot of energy that could be better spent on enjoying a healthy relationship.
While your instincts are usually reliable, always remember that communicating a doubt that is becoming an obsession is vital to sustaining a trusting and respectful relationship.