There are many forms of abuse–many of which are not physical–that not a lot of people talk about.
The maltreatment of others can be so subtle, the victim may not even recognize they are being bullied, perpetually undermined, or dismissed altogether until they long after the fact.
Curious to hear what others experienced in an attempt to identify the abuse Redditor TheBeardedAntt asked:
"What’s a form of mental abuse that no one really talks about?"
Constantly not getting validated eventually chips away at your confidence.
"When someone consistently undermines your interests and goals and mocks you for them."
"Constantly undermining someone or second guessing someone. My brother does this on a regular basis about big, small or totally irrelevant stuff. At first I didn't think much of it but after a long time it started to make me not be able to make decisions properly because I was always told my decisions were wrong. It took a lot of time to come to the conclusion that even if my decisions are wrong, they're MY decisions and I'm learning from my own mistakes."
"Death by a thousand paper cuts."
"When you finally crack, as you should since you are literally being tortured, they paint you as the crazy one. They also cut you in private, until they know you are at your breaking point, then do something seemingly innocuous in public to cause you to explode."
"Some people are really good at it. My mother was very good at it, much to my mother-in-laws chagrin. My MIL is an idiot compared to my mother, so her attempts just look stupid and amateurish to me."
Piling On The Guilt
"Definitely guilt tripping. Both of my exes used to take everything I did 'wrong' as a personal attack and used it to try to make me feel guilty. I want to see my best friend instead of them today? Oh, you must not love me. I didn’t get the right order from Starbucks? You must not care enough to remember the right order. Even worse is when I’m mad at something they did and they use me being mad to guilt trip me, leading to me having to apologize for something they did!"
"I see it all the time and nobody calls people out for doing this, but it really infuriates me."
Not all adults are fit for parenting.
"Neglect. People always talk about abuse. But neglect, as humorous as it may sound gets neglected. When I was a teenager I would regularly go missing for days. I'd purposely dip out and go to friends houses with a packed bag and tell their parents my mom said it was ok for me to stay for a week."
"My friends parents must've understood no one cared about me at home and would oblige me and let me stay. I'd return home after a few days and see if anyone knew I was gone. After asking if they knew I wasn't home I'd always get a "No, you were out? Oh well that's nice." Once I left for 10 days. I snuck back in that time thinking they have to know I wasn't home and I would be in trouble. I came in through the back door and could clearly hear my mom and stepdad watching TV and enjoying themselves. I break it to them that I wasn't home for 10 days after questioning them in regards of whether they noticed I was gone. They tell me "We thought you were in your room." I was 16 at the time."
"Yeah, you are correct, it f'ks with your head pretty bad. Once as a teenager I stayed up all night with stomach ache and spent the morning puking, after brown ooze came up I figured f'k this I want to go to the hospital, so I tell my mother and she just brushes it off 'you are fine'."
"I call my friend and his mother takes me to the hospital and I have my appendix removed. Anyhow, I already distrusted my mother but after this I knew to never count on her. It was not a question of means, we have free healthcare, middle class etc."
"Same. My parents once left me alone at 11 for 2 weeks to go on vacation. Never checked up on me and I skipped school the entire time. Finally found out a year later and when they asked how I just said 'no one ever asked.' They gave me rules like I 5 minutes to talk to them after school because I was 'annoying.' I couldn’t see for years because they’d forget that I needed glasses."
"It lead me to develop selective-mutism and I spent most of my childhood on my own and disappearing for long periods of time. If I had an issue I learned to either deal with it myself or be silent about it. Many relatives and friends parents along the way that would 'adopt' me and would basically teach me how to be a functioning person. I grew up too fast yet also lacked basic social skills:knowledge (at one point I was tested for autism because of it). I opened up more later on but I still have those habits that creep in once in a while."
"Any kind of fear based parenting."
"I remember how you made me feel when I was small and vulnerable. I was afraid. No you didn’t hit me that hard, but that’s by adult standards. To me you were a giant 3 times my size."
"If a child is afraid of you they won’t trust you. Ever."
Ticking Off Boxes
"Being brought up by parents who think that if you’re fed, watered & clothed that’s their responsibilities completed."
"Not allowing children to make choices."
"I was raised by parents who dictated most decisions. Making good choices is a necessary skill. I think children raised this way do not develop a sense of autonomy. I have a terrible time making decisions, and I don't care about many things like color choices, food, recreation, and more important life choices like partners and occupations. It is harder to find pleasure in life when choices are based on what you dislike the least."
The people you bring into your life may not always be who you had hoped they were.
"Getting rid of your stuff without asking. Filming you without asking. Going through your phone and belongings without asking. Nothing f'ks up your trust more than your privacy constantly being invaded. Thousands of pictures, gone. All my social media, gone. Almost all my contacts, gone. My jacket I got for Christmas, gone. All without my knowledge or permission."
"EDIT: My EX did all of this sh*t. My parents are lovely and would never do such awful things."
Walking On Thin Ice
"Living with a narcissist and never knowing what will set them off. Did you say something in the wrong tone? Did you have a good day and want to talk about it? It's like walking on thin ice all of the time and it's stressful because you never know what will set them off."
"Financial abuse. I didn't even know it was a legitimate thing until recently."
"I wish more people recognized it as ACTUAL abuse. It's insidious and controlling and manipulative. Just because it's not physically painful or make someone actually cry doesn't mean it isn't."
As a kid, I always thought being constantly ridiculed for being "different" and "a sissy" and subjected to lots of name-calling and racial slurs were unbearable enough to make me want to vanish.
The emotional bullying was so torturous, I remember thinking I would have rather taken several punches to the face instead.
Words hurt. Words matter.
Reading through some of these examples is a good reminder we should be cautious with how we use them.
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- People Describe The Things Their Parents Did That They Won't ... ›
- People Share The Things That Really Improved Their Mental Health - George Takei ›
- Mental Abuse And Addiction - Addiction Center ›
- Emotional abuse: The hidden form of maltreatment | Child Family ... ›
- Emotional and Psychological Abuse | WomensLaw.org ›
- Emotional Abuse: What It Is and Signs to Watch For ›
- What Is Emotional Abuse? ›
- Forms of Emotional and Verbal Abuse You May Be Overlooking ... ›
- Signs of emotional abuse: Situations and relationships ›
- What is emotional abuse? | Abuse and violence | ReachOut Australia ›
- What Is Emotional Abuse & Things You Should Know | NSPCC ›
- Signs of Mental Abuse: What Are the Signs to Look For? ›
- Psychological abuse - Wikipedia ›
The Mandela effect is when multiple people share the same, incorrect memory.
Its name stems from when paranormal researcher Fiona Broome falsely believed that the future president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, died in prison in the 1980s.
A false memory she shared with a number of others.
Our memories have been known to deceive us, as we might frequently forget someone's name or one of our numerous online passwords.
But when we share a memory that turns out to be false with many others, convincing ourselves it wasn't the truth can be a very difficult ordeal indeed.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
"So I was like 'what?'"
"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
"They all vividly remembered reading articles about it, seeing special report segments before games about it, and other information."
"Some of them even thought they knew the disease the kid had and even extra details about why the kid chose that specific celebration."
"They all had these shared memories that they were sure were true."
"I was floored by all this and insisted none of that was true."
"So we looked it up.'
'No kid like that ever existed.'
"They still have trouble wrapping their heads around this one."
"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphy
His eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
"I drove this car for years and years, like 80,000 miles.'
'All through college."
"I took work breaks in my car, commuted hours every day total, to college and then the opposite direction to work and back."
"I even lived out of this thing on several occasions.'
'The day I go and trade it in, I'm pulling misc things out of the car at the dealer."
'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegionWinona Ryder Omg GIFGiphy
An urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park Giphy
Memories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
One last time. One last meal.
How do you chose a last meal?
Let's hope we never have to find out.
People on death row get that option.
Do they deserve it?
Whose to say?
But they have it.
A steak. A pizza... Burger King.
The food world is their oyster.
Oyster. Also an option.
The menu is endless...
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
Masailor moon cooking GIFGiphy
"Everything my mom has ever made."
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
"Taco bell it is!"
"If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet."
The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
PerfectFried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
DetailsInterested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy
"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
"This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please."
"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
How GoldenGolden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy
"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Most people have friends they've been close to for most of their lives.
But at the same time, friends evolve, and everyone finds themselves losing touch with any number of people they at one point considered their friends over time.
Most of the time, this isn't intentional, but just simply happens.
On rare occasions though, people might realize that their friends were not exactly who they thought they were, and didn't like who they revealed themselves to be.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlatemanThe Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Lack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mjhappy eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
When they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheesela respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphy
Violently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
When visiting any foreign country, one should always be familiar with the laws and customs of the land.
After all, what might be generally accepted on your home turf, might be frowned upon, if not illegal, elsewhere.
For that matter, even locals might need a refresher course on what they can and can't do while at home.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmeganational parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
Allow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93Dog Driving GIFGiphy
Wait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.