Not having to earn a living through work is quite the luxury. You've only ever done small, non-demanding jobs and now yuo need a serious one. That can be quite the life shift. One Redditor Orbmave has had to face this experience and she needs help dealing. She wrote... Hey, Sorry if this is rambling and weird, Im having a rough time.
This all sounds so stupid and first worldly but I am seriously struggling. Im in my 30's and have been spoiled much of my life. I was the youngest of my family. While I was a child we were poor but then my dad made a career change and we were suddenly doing quite well. I had no obligations or expectations on me. I see as an adult that I was neglected a bit. I think my parents were done raising kids before I came along.
As I was a good kid as a teenager, didn't do great in school but I didn't cause my parents many headaches. I was never punished for anything though. Bad grades? Broke a window? Supposed to clean my room but didn't? Just "don't do it again." And I'd just get the same words next time it happened.
I had a few jobs as a young adult. Cashier at Target then later data entry at a mortgage loan firm. I only worked at Target for a month and the firm for three. So even that experience is small and kind of sad.
At 21 I left my job at the firm to marry my husband and move with him to Canada. He's in the Navy so for the next 12ish years we've moved around while I was a stay at home wife. We didn't want kids so it was easy to afford our lives without me working. I'm not blaming my husband for spoiling me in that way but I wish now that we had made different decisions.
Now my husband has retired after 20 years and we've moved back home near my family. His retirement pay is alright but extra would lessen the burden. He's been looking but hasn't found anything yet.
I got a job as cashier/stocker at a local small grocery and I hate it so much. I get this terrible tightness in my stomach/chest just thinking about having to work tomorrow. I feel like puking and crying all the time. I just flatten out and can barely have a conversation with my husband when i get home. The job is totally fine, everyone is nice and its pretty laid back but it's so difficult for me to handle. I feel like such an idiot and a child that I can't do what everyone else does almost every day of their lives. My husband tells me he's so proud that I got a job but it hurts so much just hearing that. How can anyone be proud of this? I don't want to disappoint him by quitting. I don't want to quit because I worry I'll never get another job if I do that. He tells me to talk to a therapist but when do I do that? There's no time for anything! I get home and have to recover for like 3 hours then I might have an hour or two where I feel normal but then I start worrying about having to go back the next day.
What do I do? Is this anxiety? Depression? Does everyone else feel this way? My whole body hurts with the stress. I haven't even worked there very long. He keeps saying itll get better. How is that even possible? Will this feeling just go away in a few weeks? I don't know what to do.
Thanks for listening. I have to go to work and writing this was a good distraction. I'll reply when I get home.
Well people... thoughts?
Doing what you gotta do...Giphy
Your experience sounds like something similar to what my wife has gone through recently. She worked to support herself for many years, but when she and I got married, it turned out that the money I was bringing in was able to cover our respective expenses comfortably, so she did not have to work if she did not want to. She decided to stop working at a job and instead focus on other things; that was nearly 15 years ago.
Recently, for reasons that are unimportant to the conversation, we have had some unexpected expenses come into our lives, and my paycheck was no longer enough to cover everything. So she went out looking, and found a job a couple of months ago. And she hates it. Just as you hate yours. She has the same dread each evening, thinking about the fact that she has to go to work tomorrow. She has the same frustration that there's no time (it seems) to do anything but work any more.
I don't believe that in her case it's anxiety or depression; I believe it's simply the stress that comes from adjusting from a lifestyle that one has lived for many years into a new one that is substantially different.
I can't say for certain that it will get better, though it has, somewhat, for my wife; you and she are different people. But once she got into the groove of going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier, and going to the office and doing whatever it is that she does, it at least became regular, instead of seeming like an intrusion every day on what her normal routine was. That may happen for you as well.
I don't know whether that will help you or not, but I wanted to post it so that you would know that at least you are not the only one who is having a similar experience.
In my wife's case, it helps her to focus, not on the job itself, but on the end goal that the job is helping her and us to work toward; carrying a heavy sack of concrete really sucks, and if you are focused on nothing but the weight of the concrete all day, it's nothing but drudgery. If instead, however, you focus on the temple you are building with that concrete, and how beautiful it is going to be when you are done, the weight (though not less) can be more fulfilling.
Do not think of each day as "I have to go to work"; try to think of it as "I am helping my husband and myself have a more secure financial future."
Depression is everywhere.
Situational depression is a thing and needs be taken seriously. You really should make time to see a doctor about how you are feeling. Make an appointment and let your job know not to schedule you for that time. They won't mind if you let them know before the make that week's schedule.
Thank you so much for writing this. My mom has gone through a similar situation, SAHM for 20 years then suddenly back working, and has stressed over it constantly. I had been attributing it to some undiagnosed anxiety, but you've made me consider that I may be being unfair to her. If I could ask, how long did it take for your wife to start feeling better about her job?
You are going through a massive crisis because of significant changes in your life. It is perfectly normal, and you will get used to it in time. Most people don't feel quite as bad about working because they have gotten used to it. But a lot of people feel like that e.g. on Sunday nights when the dreaded workweek is ahead again. Talking to a therapist would probably help. But developing skills will help too.
Your time used to be yours and you could do whatever you wanted with it. Now, with someone else dictating how to spend the most of your day, it has become a precious commodity, and you need to get much better in using it and organising it. You say you have no time for anything, but you have three hours to recover after work! That is loads of time. What did you use to do when you didn't work? What did you enjoy? Go back to those hobbies and schedule them in to your week. Make clear time slots for them so that after work you have something fun to look forward to and life isn't just about work. Even if you feel tired at first, make yourself do what used to be normal.
I would also recommend scheduling in something fun for first thing in the morning, e.g. exercise. That way when you wake up, it's not "oh no, I have to go to work," but you actually have an hour of something enjoyable to do before the 'getting ready for work' starts. Running is the easy one, because you can just get your kit ready in the evening, throw it on and be out the door in five minutes enjoying the sunshine - or the rain.
Building a weekly schedule for everything will help anyway and there are all sorts of cool organisers and youtube videos on how to do that. The benefits are: you will get stuff done, you have a record of what you've been doing and you can see it's not all work, and you have things to look forward to - and you can achieve things because you have a plan for them.
Talking of achieving, you have decades of work ahead, so it is probably best to start thinking about getting an education and an interesting job in something you actually like. If you have no idea what you're interested in, sample lots of different courses online, e.g. on coursera, go to the library and browse books, read blogs and watch videos. Take your time and keep your mind open. I guarantee you that eventually you will find something that makes you excited and wanting to learn more. Then build that learning into your weekly schedule. It doesn't have to be a degree, it might e.g. be a special skill that helps you set up your own business.
You are going through a massive life change, and possibly the first big challenge in your life. It is scary, it is exhausting, you will often have no clue what to do. But if you keep your mind open, get curious and are willing to learn, anything can happen and you can become anything you like. I believe in you!
Run Forest! Run!Giphy
Fun might be the wrong word, but I love my morning runs because as an introvert they're my truly alone time. I get up at 5 in the morning so that I can run before work, and it's so valuable to me to be able to spend half an hour or so just cruising along lost in my own thoughts. Hardly anyone else is out that early so it's just uninterrupted peace and quiet.
But I recognize that it's not worth it for a lot of people!
This is a good idea, just do something you think you will enjoy, whatever it is. I get up between 4 and 4:30 am. I used to get up to an alarm at 6am do all the things to get going and head off to work, sometimes earlier if it was gym day, hated it. Around five months or so ago, one of my dogs became sick and started getting me up at all hours. He has improved on sleeping until 4 or so, but still gets me up. He is in hospice, so now I get up, take him out, feed all of them and then sit on the couch with my morning tea and breakfast for more than an hour reading Reddit with him in my lap. It makes my days so much better, even with not getting as much sleep. Turns out, I really need the slow mornings to make my life happier. I like my job, I really like the people I work with, but given a choice, I'd rather stay home.
Think about what you might enjoy doing, possibly got to school for it. One thing I've noticed is the more white collar and higher in an organization the more flexibility you tend to have in your work life. It's not fair, but reality. I can pretty much set my own hours within reason, but the receptionist or admin assistants can't. You might want to find a position that lets you work from home sometimes, which helps me a lot.
I'll say this: Going to work sucks. I've been working full time everyday for the last 12 years and I'm no closer to a house, or anything. (Don't get me wrong, I have savings but houses are literally 1.5m+ in my city so unless my partner gets his stuff together we won't be buying anytime soon - and that's another story...). Recently, I've had a lot of co-workers, who I've known for years, move on. To new jobs or new locations. I'm the only one left in my section. So, obviously my job, after 12 years, is no longer mentally stimulating. I do enjoy what I do (customer service/helping others) but I can do that with my eyes closed. 90% of my motivation, the co-workers who became my friends, are gone. I'm dealing with a bunch of new people I have no connection with. And hey, added bonus, the pay is still pretty low. (It was worth it for how much I enjoyed being there previously). I used to wake up excited to go to work. Now, all of a sudden, I feel exactly the same as you do. Anxious, de-motivated, and generally pissed off.
I know how you feel. It's because you don't want to do it. You don't want to sacrifice 8 hours (+/-) of your day having to do something tedious to earn a few bucks. You, having tasted what freedom feels like, and being able to do whatever you want, and relax at home, probably resent the fact that you are being forced into this position, this environment where you can't do what you want. I've been a little spoiled (work was fun for me for a long time), so I get it. I hope I haven't rambled on too much about my own issues with work but I really feel what you are saying. You are not alone.
See a therapist. Try to change your mindset. Try to not think and just do. Don't feel like you are forced to go in, make it your choice to go in. Try to look for the positives in your job. Customer service can be tough, but it is also rewarding. Think of your husband. Do it for him if you find you can't for yourself. And there are options: Perhaps look for another job you can relax a little more at - maybe a job where you can work from home would suit you better (that's what I dream of!). Good luck.
I'm in a similar position. I escaped retail/service and was working towards becoming a tradesman. I got started later than all my peers, and was fully 15-18 years older than my work mates. But I was hanging on and doing well. And the work was brutal, exhausting, terrible labor. But I was learning a lot, and having a great time, and at no time did a customer ever come up and be an a-hole and ruin my day.
And then, for the third time in my life, I blew out one of my knees.. well having been through it before I figured "I got this." So I put on of my old braces on, and went back to work.. but it got worse, and worse, and worse (yes I know this is all my fault from not seeking medical help). Until it got to the point it is now, where I hobble around and can't do much of anything.
I sit here.. knowing that there was a good life ahead of me, but that opportunity is gone now, and I sit depressed completely out of money, behind on bills, and trying to get myself to apply to these crap jobs, that make me think I'd rather jump off a bridge, than serve another customer coffee, or bag their groceries or whatever.
I've tried leveraging the construction/trade experience into some sort of maintenance position or custodial, but all it takes is for them to see how I walk when I come into the interview, and the interview is over at that point.
Hell I even had a grocery store give me an interview, and when they saw me walk in, looked at my legs (obvious I have bracers on under the pants), and said "ok well thanks for coming in, but we don't really have anything for you."
I hear ya. I have only been working for a little over a decade but I've hated every minute of it. My life is whatever I can piece together with the tiny fragments of time left after all of my 'responsibilities'. And it will never end. I will always need car maintenance, groceries, laundry, bills, the only thing that keeps me going is the hope for a brighter future. If it were the 1800's and there was no technological progress I would have killed myself by now. Not in a dramatic emotional way, just like oh this is what existence is, no thank you I'm not interested. It's not getting easier, as time goes on I just lose a little more of myself and get a little more numb. I worry that if my life ever does get better there won't be anything left inside of me to care.
There is better out there!Giphy
Girl this is just what it's like to have a crappy job. It doesn't mean you'll feel this way about EVERY job. But yeah, minimum wage, unskilled jobs often cause a lot of people to feel this way.
Why don't you try figuring out something you might enjoy doing? Or working part time until you do?
What's up Doc?Giphy
I know someone like this.
He has major anxiety surrounding adulthood. Super smart, fundamentally kind, but absolutely terrified of being a grown-up. He has admitted that if he could spend forever in his childhood bedroom with nothing heavier on his plate than cleaning his room and doing homework, he would do it. Adulthood just scares the crap out of him. For some reason, the idea of working and paying bills and doing taxes and generally just being responsible for himself for the rest of his life overwhelms him. And it's not because he was spoiled - his parents had high expectations and he did very well in school. He's just had anxiety his whole life and this is how it chose to sabotage him.
He is in therapy and on meds. It helps enough that he can hold down a low-stress, part-time job. He's not to the point where he can handle full-time work or living on his own, but that is the goal. You're not going to improve without help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.
I'm similar. Severe anxiety, very much overwhelmed by the daily realities of making in a living in this world. What made it worse was the fact that I did not have a full-time job until I was 28, because I lost most of my 20s to mental illness and wasn't stable enough to keep a job. And starting so late, when everyone else around me - YOUNGER than me - was already accustomed to the demands of daily work was humiliating, grueling, and overwhelming.
It took 4 long years and nearly a second mental breakdown before I said F**K IT to the big city rat race and moved to a smaller town in a different part of the province.
I'm doing much better now. I'm in a different line of work that I actually like. The cost of living is 25% lower. I found a family-oriented company that actually cares about its employees and wants them to have a life outside of work. The dread still sets in every Sunday night, and I find myself desperately waiting for Friday every week... but I make it through, and I work hard.
The only lingering thing that pesters me is the fact that I cannot make my own work hours and build work around my life instead of the other way around. But that's the way it is for most everyone. You hand over your time to someone else. That's what makes me dread Mondays. That, and the nagging fear that I will regress into not being able to hold a job again, but that's another story.
OP should def see a doctor/therapist about her anxiety, but a big chunk of the problem is that OP just has to grow up a little later than other people, just like I did. Growing pains always hurt.
You're not alone!
Damn this is me right now. Whenever I get a job it's just constant anxiety until I quit. I did have a job for a few months that wasn't too bad, I didn't like going and sometimes I called in sick when I shouldn't have, but I could manage it it was just a few hours every day doing data entry. Then they changed the job to answering phone calls and dealing with customers and working full time and then the anxiety was to much and I quit. I have no idea what to do with my life tbh or how to get a job I can handle.
Do what you have to...Giphy
Some people say "find something you love," but I don't think that is practical. More like, "Find something you don't mind doing for 8 hours a day," or something that doesn't run you into the ground.
Right now I do something I don't mind doing for 8 hours a day, such that it passes the time and it can be interesting (learning about science). But it took me 4 years to figure out wtf I was good at and what I even liked. I do still look at people who say, "I love my job!" like they have three heads. But I had 5 jobs before this one as I tried to figure out what I liked and what I could handle.
A big reason I can function at this level is because I take daily medication and I go to therapy twice a month. Those two things help mitigate the insane anxiety I have very little control over. It lowers the base line enough that I can try to combat the situational anxiety that still comes through. BUT, therapy is a luxury, especially if you're American, so I know that isn't always practical.
So you do know one thing - dealing with phone calls and customers is too difficult to handle. (Same with me.) The next step is to look at the things you're good at, and figure out the kind of jobs that would let you use those good skills. Skills like: You like to solve problems. You are curious, so you like to research because you find answers to weird questions. You like to figure out how things work, so maybe you'd be good at putting things together or fixing them. You're a good critical thinker, so maybe you'd be good at analysing data. Or you like to do social experiments, so maybe you could test out social media posts to see if you can boost a company's followers/engagement. OR, you like jobs without complicated expectations, so you stock products in a store - that way you mostly don't deal with people, and you need to figure out where things go and organize them. Or you deliver packages. Or you make flower arrangements in a shop.
You can get pretty creative if you want to. Eventually you'll figure out more about what you can/can't handle and you can narrow down the list of the types of jobs you want to try.
I had to quit several call centre jobs because I couldn't stop crying at work. I picked up some light retail hours in an area I was actually interested in - adult retail - and now retrained to work for myself as a sex coach. I don't think I'm cut out for the 9 - 5 world (I still have nightmares about office work) and running my own business is so much less stressful than the anxiety of working for a corporation. The most important thing to me is that I work to my code of ethics and can be proud of what I do.
You know, I think there is a job that for everyone that they will enjoy. That said, it's probably not the first or second or even third job you will have. It takes time to find something you will enjoy. Enjoy the road along the way with each job that doesn't work out, too, because now you know you don't like that kind of work and can try something else.
Draw from your life previously...
Can I ask what you did during the day when you weren't working for so many years? Did you garden or create and plan big meals? Did you tidy the house? I suppose I'm trying to understand if it's just the shock of being somewhere you have no choice about or if there is an actual real problem here. To be fair I've been working since I was 14 and every few years I get that feeling. I feel like I want to cry when I wake up and would rather die on the way to work than actually go. That's when I know it's time to move on and find something new. But that's after a few years usually not a few weeks.
One thing I've noticed that makes it harder to get things done is social media, since everyone likes to pretend on it that their lives are #perfect #soblessed (excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a moment). I sometimes feel guilty for needing to arrange my days like that (no errands or gym after getting home, etc) because people post stuff about their perfect homes and how they go to the gym at like 11 at night after the kids are asleep but then still get up for work at 5...
Then I just don't want to do anything productive, because I'm thinking "what's the point? I'll never be as good as Brenda over there." Ugh! It's frustrating. But oh well, we just have to learn to work with what works for us and stop worrying.
The best medicine...
He tells me to talk to a therapist but when do I do that? There's no time for anything! I get home and have to recover for like 3 hours then I might have an hour or two where I feel normal but then I start worrying about having to go back the next day.
You say you already have 3 hours allocated to "recovery" each day. That's time you should be using to go to therapy. To say that you can't go to therapy because you're too busy feeling badly about the thing you need therapy for is no different than saying "I'm too sick to go to the doctor." Really, when you feel sick is when you most need to go to the doctor. You can't expect to get better before you take your medicine. It's just that in this case your medicine is counseling.
How long have you been doing this job? In rehab, when someone is ready to go back to their job, there is a period of "work hardening" where the person has an adjustment period of getting used to the change in schedule, sleep schedule, energy demands, etc
I know that my friends who left work for their families and then went back also had this adjustment period. The adjustment period includes figuring iut what you actually have time and energy for, making adjustments to daily routines and expectations and getting sleep and wake times adjusted.
You will not have the time and energy to do all the things you did while you were not working. Most of that ends up being no big whoop (so we have rotisserie chicken and sides from the deli instead of a completely homemade roadt dinner), but some changes are harder.
Give yourself a break. Expect that you are going to be more tired and more stressed for a while. Loosen the demands on yourself. Notice what you do like about the job and what you don't like. The job itself may not be an ideal fit.
For all the crime or mystery shows people watch perhaps the scariest instances are the tragedies that happen in real life. The most startling thing is while many murderers display red flags, a large amount tend to be seemingly nice people. Criminologists have found that in domestic-violence-related homicide in particular the perpetrator tends to employ an outwardly charming, charisma-filled act as part of their method.
Have you ever met a murderer? It leaves you feeling gross. There was one murderer in our small wooded town that I met a few different times. He was a business owner of a run down pawn shop and the apartments above it since I could remember. Also since I could remember-dude was creepy.
As even teens if mom needed to run in to grab something like a cheap small appliance or movies we had to wait in the car. When older and working teens my sister had to deliver pizza there once. When she walked in the owner and a couple of guys hanging out there just stopped, then went "oh a wo-man!" and blank stared at her until she left.
We always heard the town rumor mill how he would rent to women in exchange for "favors" etc and he was on the state offender registry. You could just tell there was something wrong there. I personally only went inside the shop twice in my life and left quickly because of the odd atmosphere.
Years go by, the now old man is still running his increasingly rundown pawnshop and rentals and then BOOM police tape everywhere, scanners going crazy, his name is all over the news. Apparently after a conflict his older son went and confessed to helping his father clean up the crime scene.
This man had been involved with a woman and she had gone missing in 1998. No leads ever come about and people decided she must have runaway. It turns out that after a conflict the owner had murdered her cold blood. He then called his son to help him. He had dismembered her and burned her body in the furnace of the pawn shop.
He then continued to stay and work right there every day until he was convicted in 2013 of the henious crime.
While many red flags were noticed many of his oddities seemed to get brushed under the rug following the "poor people are crazy but people with money are just eccentric" rule while enjoying the privileges being a business owner in a tiny town offer.
Wanting to hear others encounter with real life monsters Rediitor White-cherries asked the online community:
"People who knew murders before they killed someone, what are some red flags you didn't notice at the time?"
The answers were plentiful and disturbing.
"He never had a sense of right/wrong.”
“My childhood friend killed his parents. His dad was my dad's best friend. Red flags? Drinking at an extremely young age, like 9."
“He never had a sense of right/wrong. Cruelty to animals. It reads like a profile of a future murderer. Heavy drug use did the rest of the work and he killed both of them for oxy."
“Since he was my friend, I guess I missed it all at the time. But my parents got me away from him with a quickness once I mentioned some things to them.“ andrewfnluck
The school bully...
“I went to school with three eventual murderers, but only one showed red flags to me. He was an extremely violent bully. He'd just attack people in the halls.”
“Trying to punch guys in the balls. Grab your nipple and twist. Punch kids in the arm or back. Typical bully stuff except he put everything into it. You wouldn't know he was even around and suddenly he was attacking you.”
“He murdered a classmate of ours who I really liked. It was in 7th grade and he beat him to death over a bag of pot. He was convicted of 2nd degree murder and was released 6 years later and has a long rap sheet.” GrandUnhappy9211
“So I went to a big university that had a weird close knit feel. There was this girl that I knew but I wasn't friends with. She was nice but very over the top bubbly, enthusiastic about EVERYTHING and super extroverted. She was just a little much for me. Good in very, very small doses.”
“She started dating this guy who was the opposite of her, shy, quiet, followed her around like a little puppy. I can't remember now if it was over a holiday break, like thanksgiving or Christmas or if it was just a weekend but we all found out that his parents, younger brother and dog were all killed in a house fire.”
“Everyone felt so bad for him. Her family took him in. Support poured out from everywhere. Then we find out he killed all of them and then set the house on fire to cover it up. Shocked everyone.” Mom-tired_send-wine
“Nothing. I would have told you he was truly one of the nicest, kindest guys I'd ever met. He was a regular customer at a place my SIL bartended at. He was always nice, friendly, funny, a genuinely good guy."
“When the Husband and I would visit SIL at work he'd chat with us like we were old friends. He obviously had a bit of a crush on SIL but she was involved and had a small child and he respected that. Never even hit on her."
“There were many nights he'd stay past close to help her clean up, take trash out, lug kegs for her. Sometimes they'd go over to the after hours bar with a couple other people. They got to know each other quite well over several years (or so we thought)."
“Then one night SIL' s friend was at the bar and had too much so she couldn't drive. He offered to drive her home. SIL would never watch an impaired friend go out alone with just any customer but she never thought twice about this."
“In fact, she even thought it was so like him to offer... Such a nice guy!! She was happy her friend would get home safe ... They found her friend's body the next day."
“She had been strangled to death. He apparently drove around with her body until almost sun up not sure what to do with her when he decided to return to the bar."
“He dumped her body in the back alley next to the dumpster. SIL had to testify against him. In court it was brought to light that he had a history of violence against women (no murders, but several assaults). We were all absolutely shocked. BTW - He got Life." Kteefish
When a dv victim decides to leave they are at the greatest risk of fatal attack.
“My cousin's husband. When they first got married, he was a decent guy though I had only met him after they got married. I thought it was weird that she had a kid that wasn't living with them, but I was young and brushed it off. Over a decade later, I find out he was abusive and she was divorcing him. He shot her outside her workplace. It was on thr news. Thankfully he was caught not long after.” KosherWitch
“I always think about that one interaction.”
“So I worked with a guy, and one day he seemed upset. He got married young and he feared his wife, who separated from him, was starting to date his ex best friend. I said, "that's tough, sorry to hear it, you're young, next…"…..he immediately got this intense look and said he'd kill them.”
“I told him you don't want to say that, and blew it off. It seemed like blowing off steam kind of comment, but I was surprised at the Intensity…normally an extremely laid back guy. However, I felt it strange enough that I wanted to walk away.”
“Six months later he went to his old apartment at 6am, and the two were in bed. He entered their bedroom, put them on their knees and shot each in the head. He then put the gun to his head and ended it. The girl flinched at the shot, and survived a head shot. The new boyfriend died. I always think about that one interaction.” CLO54
“They were just shady a** people...”
“My friends husband killed her after they broke up by bludgeoning her to death and then took the car and her body and burned it in the woods. Big red flags from this guy was, he was still with his ex wife and they were in a polyamorous relationship with extreme jealousy, he was a total douche, didn't work, very possessive and jealous, and had hit her a few times before that I knew of.”
“He killed her because she broke up with them and was taking the house they had bought. He fought chickens and dogs also. He was using her for a free ride for insurance and financial support. His ex wife and son (17) were also in on the murder and helped to plan it.”
“They were just shady a** people and the world would have been a better place if they had never existed and had a child. We reported her missing an hour after she did not show from work and her daughter had found evidence that something had happened at the end of their driveway, she wasn't found for a few weeks but we all knew who was behind it as soon as she went missing.” AeBS1978
Creepy red flags...
“I worked with Edward Paul Morris right up until the point he murdered his pregnant wife and their children. Can't say it was so much missed signs as much as signs that are even more disturbing in hindsight.”
“On the surface he seemed like a polite, friendly guy if a little awkward. He would make small talk with me in the office breakroom, almost always complaining about his wife and stress at home. He treated it like chit-chat but it was clear he couldn't stop thinking about it.”
“When a mutual co-worker and I moved into a rental house together he offered to come mow the lawn (he did some yard maintenence work on the side). We didn't have curtains up yet and I was in my new bedroom putting clothes away when I realized he was outside, lawn mower running but just standing there and staring at me through the window. Creeped me right the f**k out.” serenidade
“A guy I knew from HS stalked an ex GF, ran through her sliding glass door, shot and killed her then killed himself. He had evidently been stalkerish with some other exes as well but because it was in another county it wasn't easy to find. There was a push to create a central register of people with protective orders like they do sex offenders in Texas because of him.”
“He hid it very well. I knew he had some substance abuse issues but he had stopped drinking and started going to church. Turns out that was even BS, he was going to the church his ex went to so he could talk to her. Edit: Monica's Law” TheProle
Remember that if you think you or someone you know is or could be experiencing domestic violence you can get ahold of the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime by calling 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) or by texting START to 88788. If you see something say something by calling either a hotline to local law enforcement.
Many people would rather focus on the scandals associated with celebrities notorious for bad behavior.
This is a shame since many of their phenomenal talents are overlooked in favor of a juicy tabloid.
But what about the genuinely well-behaved celebrities? Well, they are not without haters too, unfortunately.
For instance, stars like Taylor Swift – who has been a positive role model and ally of the LGBTQ community – still has her share of critics no matter how hard she tries to shake it off.
"Who's that one celebrity that has like no haters?"
These Canadian comics were found to be simply irresistible.
The Actor From 'Honey I Shrunk The Kids"
"Rick Moranis. The guy stopped acting to take care of his kids after his wife's death."
Aspiring Football Player
"My favorite John Candy story: Joe Montana was playing for the 49ers in an important game, may have even been the Super Bowl. His team is down, they've got a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time to do it."
"Montana comes into the huddle and starts calling the play, then stops and points to the stands and says:"
"Hey, isn't that John Candy?"
"Teammates look over, and it is, indeed, John Candy. Turns out he was a big football fan."
"Montana returned his focus to the game and went on to lead a game-winning drive down the field."
These European personalities won the hearts of many people from around the world.
The Dowager Countess of Grantham
"Professor McGonagall is the most underrated Harry Potter character in the series."
"She is so funny, even when she is strictly serious! But I mostly praise Maggie Smith for her line delivery in general."
"I effing LOVE her story about how Walt Disney waited for her to give birth before filming Mary Poppins. Keep in mind at that stage Julie Andrews was nothing more than a mildly successful West End/Broadway actress. The fact that one of the biggest film producers at the time wanted her specifically to play Mary Poppins AND he was happy to wait until after her pregnancy is a true testament to her phenomenal acting and singing ability."
"It paid off too: Julie Andrews won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role as Mary Poppins, her feature film debut too!"
A.K.A. André René Roussimoff
"Andre the Giant."
"i was fortunate enough to catch a screening of The Princess Bride in Nashville a couple years ago; Cary Elwes (who plays the love interest) was there after the show and told some stories about working with different cast members. when he got to Andre, he recounted how he was the 'mood maker' of the cast and always had a smile on his face. he even broke his foot during one of the last scenes but powered through it because the other actors had been filming all day and wanted to go home."
"a real shame that he passed away so prematurely."
These real American idols are truly adored.
The Good Neighbor
Viggo Wherever He Goes
"He once gave my mom some chocolates, she still talks about it haha. In an industry rife with ego and jerks, he's a great guy."
"She had me at, 'It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!' She does plenty of good in this world."
"Google her variety show. A ton of people hated her because she wouldn't fire her black costar. She pretty much told those people to f*** off for lack of a better term and it makes me love her even more!"
I can confidently assume Dick Van Dyke has no haters.
How could he? He's a lovable icon and is a very affable person to work with.
I would know. Although it was a brief blip in my performing career, I had the honor to share the stage with the Disney legend known for playing Bert in Mary Poppins.
He was extremely gracious and he shook hands with all of us in the ensemble of our show while looking at us individually with a glimmer in his eye.
He loves people. You could tell. And we love him.
Everybody loves to hate a villain.
Usually, we think of villains in relation to novels, television shows, comic books, and movies. But history books and popular culture have a knack for drawing lines between good and evil too.
But, as we know, history is full of bias and injected with human emotion. Subtle exaggerations or scapegoating ploys add on to one another over years and years.
And eventually, even good people can be labeled as the scourges of our past.
Redditor blackwraythbutimpink asked:
"Who is seen as a 'bad guy' in history but was actually ok?"
Of course, Hollywood has a lot to do with it. A good script needs conflict and a villain, even if that means stretching the truth a bit.
Full of Heart, In Fact
"More so sports history, but the film Cinderella Man portrayed boxer Max Baer as a murderous psychopath who gladly killed two fighters in the ring."
"In reality, he was personally devastated by these deaths. In the one he was most directly responsible for, he ended up giving his winnings from his next few fights to the fighters family."
"William Murdoch was the guy who shoots two passengers and then himself in 'Titanic.' "
"In reality, while there were reports of an officer shooting two passengers and then committing suicide, there was nothing confirming it to have been Murdoch."
"In fact, Murdoch was in charge of launching life boats on the starboard side and had launched more than half of his fully loaded lifeboats before anyone else launched any. No one knows for sure what happened to him aside that he was lost with the ship."
Not All Rivals Are Evil
"The play Mozart and Salieri (and later the film Amadeus) popularized the idea that Mozart's rival, Antonio Salieri, was a huge jerk who ultimately killed Mozart..."
"...but in reality there's no indication that Mozart was poisoned, or that Salieri had anything to do with his death. Also Salieri was a philanthropist and probably a lot more decent than theater/film made him out to be when they needed an antagonist for Mozart."
An Impressive Navigator
"Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty. Portrayed as a monster in novels and films. He was actually a well thought of Naval Officer who when forced off his ship sailed a small craft 4000 miles with minimal provisions."
"When there was no suitable craft available he and his crew then built their own and sailed from East Timor back to England. He was exonerated by the courts, and had a successful career as Governor of New South Wales."
Other people set their sights on the historical figures who were cast in the wrong light by the inaccurate, prevailing narratives about them.
"Khrushchev was actually the bigger man during the Cuban missile crisis. He initiated the negotiations and even let Kennedy look like the hero by keeping America's side of the bargain secret."
"Not to mention all the measures he took afterwards to prevent something like it from happening again."
A Man of Principles
"Brutus. He's gone down as committing one of history's greatest betrayals, but what he actually did was choose his Republican ideals over a man he personally loved (who had sparked a civil war with an illegal invasion of Italy, and was unquestionably acting like an autocrat)."
Ousted, But a Good Leader
"Thomas Sankara. When he lead Burkina Faso it was probably the most progressive African nation at the time, and even by todays standards it would be up there when compared to them."
"He was also responsible for not only making it less reliant on France, but also it's name (which used to be 'Upper Volta'), and interestingly since he was a guitarist he also wrote the new national anthem."
"He was assassinated in 1987 after a coup."
And others set their sights on the figures who found themselves in the tabloids and discussions of popular culture.
It Was Actually Terrible
"The lady who sued McDonald's for giving her third degree burns." -- skittlkiller57
"Dude, yes. She got fucking third degree burns."
"She was burned so badly it fused her labia. All she wanted was for them to pay for her medical bills due to their obscenely hot flesh searing coffee, which had already been the subject of numerous complaints." -- ARabidDingo
"Monica Lewinski. Gonna leave it at that." -- PetiteSymphony
"Pretty fu**ed up how the world blamed the young intern for the sex scandal instead of the powerful, much older president..." -- AkechiJubeiMitsuhide
Smearing Pee Wee
"Paul Reubens. For decades of my life I was under the impression that Pee Wee Herman was guilty of some child-predator sh**."
"But no, dude was just spotted in a porn theater. I don't think the masturbation claims were ever even substantiated. Meaning he lost his career because he legally watched porn in his personal free time."
It's a list that may drive you to check twice when you hear everyone bashing a historical figure. Perhaps some enemy of theirs began all that bashing.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
People can't function sometimes without being a magnet for drama. The good thing is, these people are also usually extremely bad at hiding their propensity for being involved in said drama.
People who put things on their social media like "I probably hate you," or something of the kind. You know immediately to run in the other direction.
Here were some of those answers.
Soyyy Drama Free
"'Drama free!! F**k the haters! I'm so real everyone else just can't handle it, people are just soooo fake.'"
"Usually embroiled in drama nonstop and their personality is about as deep as an inflatable toddler pool."-inducedjoy
Def The Kid Who Said "DIDNT WE HAVE HOMEWORK?!"
"Calls all mandatory meetings at 4:30 on Fridays."
"She will also push those meetings last minute to 5:30 because she's on client calls and regularly schedules stuff at noon because 'that's when everyone is available, you can just have lunch later.'"
"No, we can't... The one hour we're all available is lunch is because we're busy the other working hours of the day. The lack of respect for the team's time is wild."
"When we suggested maybe noon and 5:30 weren't great times for all hands meetings that should have been an email, she started scheduling them for 7:30am to respect our time. So considerate."-A_giant_dog
This Is Just Rude
"I was hanging out with the cute co-worker in the dining room between service. I guess the sunlight was shining on me, and she says, 'Y'know Bokb, I really love how you have such bright blue eyes and brown hair!'"
"I simply nodded and smiled really big, and she continues: 'I bet you were really handsome when you were younger.'"
"Yeah, big oof."-Bokb3o
Like, when someone does or says these things, you can't help but think about how much you'd rather they just sink into the void of oblivion.
Not Worthy Of Accolades
"If a person makes a big deal out of doing something that they should be doing anyway."
"EG: 'I take care of my kids,' 'I always tell the truth,' 'I'm always on time for work,' 'I shower regularly' etc etc that person is best avoided. They're usually anything but what they claim to be."-Johhnymaddog316
Run Away! Run Far Far Away!
"I have a co-worker that will cut your story off mid sentence to one up you with their own story that's barely even related to the topic at hand."
"They are so self involved (and long winded) that people will see him in the break room, and decide to take the elevator to one of the other break rooms on another floor. Lmao..."
"To clarify; Most of his stories are about how awesome New Jersey/New York is and how stupid Washington Staters are."
"After a while of being made fun of by him, I just wanna scream 'If you love Jersey so much, then MOVE BACK TO JERSEY!'"-conflictmuffin
Yeah, Don't Be A Jerk To Retail Workers
"Yelling at a checkout clerk at Walmart."
"I mean like seriously what could they have done to you to make you that upset. Maybe you need some anger management training."
"This happened at the self check out lane so I don't know what the Walmart check out clerk could have even done. I was in the next lane and my back was to this woman so I didn't see what happened."
"But this women kept yelling at the clerk 'I want to talk to your manager right now !!!'"
"Eventually they both walked up to the service desk together to get a manager. I felt sorry for the clerk ( and the manager !)"-Tuesday2017
You Really Need A New Outlet, Bro
"I know a guy that radiates insecurity about his masculinity."
"Any times he sees a person park slightly too close to his car, he starts going off about hypotheticals where if they scratched his paint, he'd slash their tires or he'd pull out his collapsible baton from his trunk and beat them up."
"He generally lies about anything and wants everyone to know that he is the strongest person in the room. He once told us that he did 100 lb arm curls with his shoulder dislocated."
"And how he has to constantly fight his sister every time he goes home because she is always trying to stab him, and that's how he learned hot to knife fight."
"Of course he also get really angry any time you even hint that he is exaggerating. He no kidding once punched himself in the face 5 times and spent the rest of the day pouting when someone told him that they didn't believe his stories.
Needless to say, no one enjoys talking to him."-ExplosiveMel
A moment around these people is enough to want to spend a lifetime avoiding them.
Just The Worst Person Ever
"Overly competitive for no reason, even on co-op games. If you win they get butthurt, if they win they throw it in your face. Makes jokes at other people's expense. Also can't ever take a joke back."
"Never grew out of the middle school days of bulling (wet willies, bean dips, wedgies, etc). Yells in arguments of any sort in order to 'win' the argument or not letting the other person talk."
"Pretends like they have never done anything wrong, even if they just did 10 mins beforehand. Finds the most low self esteem person in a group and puts them down to make themselves feel better about themselves."
"Will literally say something along the lines of: 'Yeah I know I'm an a**hole, you can ask any of my friends.'"-AskinggAlesana
Always The Victim, Never The Perpetrator
"Had a boyfriend for years who's ex wife was constantly making 'new best friends' with everyone. I finally met her, she seemed nice enough. Next thing you know she's inviting me over, wants me to do all kinds of stuff with her."
"My bfs mom called me and said don't trust her. His brother said don't trust her. My stupid self trusted her."
"Our 'friendship' posted about two weeks before she called CPS on my kid for mooning her kid. They were both 7. She said 'What about the trauma my child and I suffered because of you and your child?'"
Leave It In High School Bub
"There was a guy I went to school with up until the end of high school, and everyone (even teachers) hated him. He would constantly annoy everyone."
"He'd start sh*t with people for absolutely no reason. He'd interrupt the class regularly. He tried to act tough but when someone stepped up to him, he'd run away. He was nearly universally disliked everywhere he went."
"I had the misfortune of running into him a few months ago and he's still the same sh*t disturber he always was."
"He hasn't grown up, and he tried dragging me into petty drama that I frankly don't have the time nor patience for anymore. I told him not to speak to me again, and blocked him on everything I could think of."-yeetgodmcnechass
These people are peppered throughout the world and thankfully, are walking red flags that people can spot from miles away. However, that doesn't mean you can't start with caution in case one of them is hiding amongst the "normal" people.
The victims, the drama stirrers, the jerks, the bullies-they aren't worth your time or space. Don't give it to them.