I'm sorry. They are such simple words. And in their simplicity, they can heal deep and burning wounds. To be bullied is to be hated. That's what it feels like in the soul. When I was in high school I was overweight and closeted, so of course, I was easy prey. They would call me names with such abandon and violence then they'd laugh like they were participating in a comedy show.
The worst day was when glass bottles were torpedoed at my head for sport. And to this day, not one apology. But I carry it. I often wonder if they (and they know who they are) wonder about me and the fact that they may have gone a bit overboard.
Redditor u/Ronnybeans was hoping all the people out there who know they did another human dirty are willing to sit and discuss when they realized they had some apologies to make. They asked... Former bullies of Reddit, when did you realize that you went too far?Most bullies never have a problem permeating their ignorance and rage until it hits them close to home. This is why parents need to be brought into the conversation much sooner. No parent wants to raise a little sociopath that will bring shame to the family. And bullies sometimes need to see for themselves through the eyes of a loved one the damage they can cause.
sassy taraji p henson GIFYou're the dumb one...
Similar thing happened to me. I was complaining to my family about kids in my class who couldn't read and did an impression of their terrible reading, sounding out "the" with a stutter. I said they were dumb as rocks. I thought I was being funny, and my parents were like "that is actually really horrible, don't ever say crap like that again."
Sins of the past...
One day, after school, I was watching two bullies chasing their usual victim, and I had this weird moment of clarity. I could see everything that was about to happen, and that, if I moved to stand in a certain position, he'd have nowhere to run and they'd catch him. It was like some sort of weird pack instinct. So I cut him off, they caught him, and... I got this weird euphoric feeling. Didn't involve myself any further. Just walked away, felt like I was floating the whole way home.
And, when I got home, I was so stoked that I just excitedly spilled the whole thing to my mother. Turned out she was bullied at school. Thing is, I knew that. If I'd been thinking, I'd have known she'd be pissed, but I was just... Out of it. I was so damn pleased with myself that it didn't even occur to me that somebody might have a problem with what I did.
becoming...
When I realized I was becoming my father whom I loathe. I realized that I was taking my pain out on the person closest to me to feel in control. When I realized people were leaving my life, that is when I began to make the changes through mostly therapy AND analyzing what I need to feel in control (a better financial situation in my case and discontinuing a relationship with my father). I feel great now and treat everyone as best I can with respect.
Just like the saying says... "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt." And in these situations, someone will always be hurt. And a bully won't understand what they inflict until they themselves are inflicted.
"this girl"
I've said this story before but back in Secondary School, a group of us would bully this one kid anyways one day a we decided we would catfish him via MSN after a while he and "this girl" decided to meet up, it gets to that day and obviously we are waiting for him at the local cinema and as we are going down the escalator to the meeting point I spot him with some flowers and chocolate just waiting.
I have never felt so awful about anything in my life so I went and came clean to him about everything and apologised, spent the rest of the day talking to him and now about 20 years later he is one of my oldest and closest friends and I've not seen or heard from the other group since we left school.
There are always specific people that will haunt us all, even those people who taunted and traumatized others. Everybody has a somebody that somehow left a mark on their person or their soul. It maybe the person you scorched the most or the one who brought karma full circle. Either way you can't out run an impact. The next group know this all too well.
Gleeful
Santana Lopez Smile GIFGiphyThis is dumb, but watching Glee and relating too much to Santana. It would be like: "Wow, what a horrible person, how can she say... oh, I've said that... I've said and done WORSE than that. Damn."
For me it was kind of opposite. Watching Glee and relating too much to Rachel. That was more like "oh, so that's why everyone in school hated me."
I'm Awful
There was a friend of mine, we talk a lot on discord. Then one time he vented up to me and said that he was harassing one of his neighbors, stuff like blackmailing, and verbal bullying. He said that he was just having fun. After some time, he haven't seeing him around. He just got the news that his neighbor committed suicide.
The parent doesn't know why, it was only my friend who knows.
When I was talking to him that time, I was getting some red flags that he might also harm himself. I told him to go to a psychiatrist or some professional who can help. A year had past and he seemed like he have changed a lot.
A kid named Charles...
When I was in the 5th grade (mid 70's), I was an Army brat. A kid named Charles used to try to frequently beat me up. Once even kicked me in the nuts in Sunday school. One day, said he was gonna beat me up after school. I tried to hide, but he "escorted" me off school property.
Another kid named Herman bodily picked Charles up and said "Run aecarol1, I can't hold him long." I managed to evade him that day.
One day a few weeks later he came to my door and asked if I could come out. Very warily I did, but we just hung out. Things changed with him, but I have no idea what. We were never close, but he never bothered me again.
I suspect my dad spoke with his dad, but I'll never know as my dad passed more than 20 years ago. I hope he turned out okay. The fact he sought me out and we just hung out for a couple hours did a lot for me and restored a bit of my faith in the idea people can improve.
I will forever be grateful to Herman, he literally saved my butt that day.
The Bigger Fish
big fish GIFGiphyNot me but in my old middle school when I was a seventh grader I had P.E. class which was all mixed up with boys from different grades.
So while we were in the locker room an 8th grader took a crap inside this 6th grader's backpack while he took a shower. I'm talking both clothes and school materials were in the backpack. Apparently the 6th grader had bullied the 8th grader's sister who was in 6th as well, so he did it for revenge. Many guys, including myself saw as he took the backpack to the bathroom to poop on it.
I thought the guy was just joking but minutes later sum kid comes out telling the coach that there is a backpack with poop in the bathroom. Poor Chap had to stand around in the towel for his mom to bring him new clothes and school materials. Ig the lesson here is for bullies, that there is always a Bigger Fish.
Be kind y'all. It literally costs absolutely nothing to smile politely at a stranger. Hold open a door for the elderly. Compliment someone who is struggling and trying. In the long run being a hateful, mean spirited blowhard costs your soul more than anything else. Everyone is just trying to survive, so help them.
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Redditor h-gotfred wanted to hear from the over 50 crowd, so they asked:
"To you Redditors aged 50+, what's something you genuinely believe young people haven't realized yet, but could enrich their lives or positively impact their outlook on life?"
There is so much to know about life.
And we have to age to learn it.
So let's chat...
Be Happy
just married love GIFGiphy"Marriage/relationships should be fun, and happy. Life is hard, things get tough. Find someone that makes the tough times easier, not harder."
Inevitable-Mine6466
"Piggybacking off this and saying, even the happiest marriages get into arguments. It's not a reason to leave."
J3sush8sm3
Battles...
"Not everything that you disagree with deserves an argument. Pick your battles and let trivial things slide."
hail2theKingbabee
"To echo this: Not everyone you disagree with is 'wrong.' They are simply operating with different information. You can disagree with someone on an issue and still value the person. Don't let one issue define your entire relationship with another person."
A_Socratic_Argument
The End
"If you die, your employer will have your job posted before you are buried. Remember that when making work/life choices."
Justin9314
"I started my career at corporate headquarters for a large insurance company. I was doing GREAT, but I just didn’t like the industry. I applied for a job at a major university and someone took a chance on me and gave me the position (transitioning from for-profit to non-profit is notoriously hard)."
"I made less money over the course of my career certainly but I wasn’t on poverty wages by any means. But I remember about 5 years in, one of my old VPs was in town and we got together. His comment was 'We miss you, but you look so much happier, the psychic income is showing.' Insightful guy."
Reynyan
The Truth
"2 things I will be eternally grateful to my grandfather for instilling in me..."
"Failure is not an end state unless it is where you choose to stop. He loved to quote that line by Churchill whenever something didn't work out for me, Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Honesty is the most powerful tool you can use to define yourself. Admit your mistake, frankly and honestly. The truth always comes out in the end no matter how big or small and it doesn't get better with age. You can give back something you steal, and you can help those you hurt but once they brand you a liar, it's all you will ever be."
iskandar-
Be Quiet
Golden Girls Rose GIF by TV LandGiphy"Unless you don't mind hearing EEEEEEEEEEEE like all the time day and night, use hearing protection in loud situations. Tinnitus is a bi*ch."
revnhoj
Take care of your ears.
One of life's greatest lessons!!!
Live by the Moon
bart simpson maggie GIFGiphy"Wear sunscreen."
nilecrane
"I just had a quick look at my 50-year-old upper chest, frequently exposed to the sun in my youth, and compared it to my 50-year-old belly, which has always been clothed and covered (I have never liked two-piece swimsuits). What a difference!"
HootieRocker59
Passions
"Take a genuine interest in what other people have to say, ask them follow-up questions about their passions in life. Don’t just talk about yourself, or wait for your turn to talk. That’s how you have a conversation, and build a relationship."
MayIServeYouWell
"Sometimes you gotta be careful with that. Pay attention if the other person is doing that too, it's important for you to share about your life. It can be kind of lonely when you know so much about your friends, but they don't know about you."
jacarelunar
Practice makes Perfect
"Every skill takes determined practice to master. I see my young friends/relatives try and give up on so many things because 'they weren't very good at it.' If you keep doing that, you'll never be very good at anything."
EarhornJonesI
"I love cooking - and find it easy and relaxing. I have hit a point where I can make several dishes that I can honestly say are far superior to what I could get at a restaurant. I love delighting my family and friends with what I cook."
"But the truth is - I've prepared thousands of dishes. I've practiced for 40+ years. I have f**ked up every single type of food there is at least once. I've burnt things. I've undercooked chicken. I failed to emulsify things that should have been emulsified. I forgot to set the timer. I've added too much salt. I chopped when I should have torn. I did all of the wrong things at some point. And because of all of these things, I can walk into any kitchen and make something delicious."
NewSummerOrange
63
"I’d say invest in your health by regularly exercising. My wife got me into running when we were in our twenties, and it has been a big part of our lives ever since (I’m 63). Nothing crazy, no marathons, we don’t time ourselves or follow a strict training plan, we just pick a route, go at our own pace, and have fun. We still go 3-4 miles, 3-4x per week."
"I also started working out at the gym 3x a week with free weights in my 30s, and have been doing it ever since. I’m no Schwarzenegger, believe me, but I can still work around the house, move furniture, shovel snow and have fun tossing a ball around with the kids without injuring or exhausting myself. Between aerobic fitness and weights, I’ve been able to stay remarkably healthy my entire adult life, knock on wood. It’s also been great for my mental health and managing stress."
"You don’t have to go nuts and set unreasonably strict requirements for exercise goals or diet that a normal person can’t possibly maintain - just do the best you can, make exercising a few times per week a habit, eat a reasonable diet (avoid fried stuff, eat fruit and veggies, lay off the sweets), and 40 years later you’ll really thank yourself, believe me!"
lanky_planky
Plan Ahead
Make It Rain Money GIF by yvngswagGiphy"Debt can really ruin your life. If you want to take on a lot of it, make sure you have a good plan and run it by a lot of smart people first."
vanityklaw
Debt. Everyone should learn about avoiding debt as early as possible.
This whole list should be taught in Universities.