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People Reveal The Hardest Thing They've Ever Forgiven Someone For

They say not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.

But sometimes, that is REALLY hard. Forgiveness is a test of your ability to deal with people who have wronged you. And sometimes, you really just do not want to give them that space.

But eventually you need to.


u/forlorn12345 asked:

What was the hardest thing you actually forgave someone for? how is your relationship with them today if you still talk to them?

Here were some of the answers.


Love Is Hard

Giphy

I forgave my dad for his drug abuse during my childhood. He lost his sobriety when I was one and didn't get clean till I was 15. He still doesn't know me very well. He thinks he does but, he's wrong. I'm not mad about the time lost and am incredibly proud of his 5.5 years. I've forgiven him, but addiction has had a permanent effect on our relationship and on his brain. I love him, though.

Faith_Sci-Fi_Hugs

Dads Have A Rough Time

My biological dad wrote me (7-8) and my sister (9-10) a letter. after years of inconsistent visitation he was ready to give up his parental rights. Me and my sister sat on the living room floor while my mom and step dad read us his letter, saying he didn't want us anymore and that my step dad would be a much better father for us. Step dad adopted my sister and i. 2 years later biological dad had a son with another woman. 10 years later he still has custody of that kid. it took me a long time to forgive him. i remember exactly where i was when i did. Spencer Lake Youth Camp. i was probably 16-17 y/o. we have a relationship bc i turned 18 and went to find him. We've never talked about it.

hvnnvhbbyy

On The Basis Of Religion

I was 11 and I had just been diagnosed with skin cancer when my very abusive mother told me that God was punishing me for being a bad son. I forgave her when I went to church to get baptized because I realized I didn't have the time to be hateful like her. I forgave her for the things she has done and said to me and I forgive her whenever she does anything because I know that my life has been shortened enough by the poor decisions I've made. It was hard, it was one of the few things I'm not sure I could ever do again, because she truly hurt me for years, she always told me I was a mistake and that I wasn't ever wanted, but I let it go and my heart stopped hurting. I know I've never had a mother, not really, and I'm glad I stopped lying to myself about it too.

TomatoJPG

Go To Therapy

Years of neglect. She's got some issues and doesn't know it. It took me a really long time to recognize that my mother does not in fact walk on water, and is human like the rest of us and is flawed and makes mistakes. She wasn't neglectful on purpose, and she can't admit it to herself or bring herself so apologize, but I forgive her for everything anyway.

LyannasLament

He Ain't But A Cheater

He cheated on me and got her pregnant. We divorced, w him leaving me in an apartment I couldn't afford. I forgave him because ironically I was offered a better life, in Hawaii, no less. Karma came back for him, hes twice divorced and the kid lives w her grandmother. I occasionally talk w him now, but cant bear to listen to him talk about his daughter since she's the kid I wouldn't give him.

umbrellagirl2185

I Could Have Used A Hospital

My dad found me homeless on the streets suffering from mental illness. I had been hospitalized for it before. He didn't try to take me to the hospital or anything. He just gave me 40 bucks and told me he'd pray for me. And just walked

I still have resentment but I mostly got over it. A lot of people didn't want to help me and I was a lot to deal with, but it still hurts. I still love him and we talk pretty often but once something like that happens you can't just forget it. It's tough.

People talk about stigma of mental illness and how we should be open about it but they want to hear I struggled with it and I'm doing better now. Not when your in the midst of it, and I hope that changes.

gingeronimooo

Contact

My brother lost contact with us when I about 8-9. I was too young to really remember life with him, but in like 6th grade I was upset about it. He left with nothing for us to remember him by except a pair of earrings he sent me for my tenth birthday (another thing I don't really remember getting; just having).

As I got older it was easier to accept that he left because of his multiple mental illnesses and not because he was angry with me or my family. I've learned to forgive him. I treasure the earrings he got me now. It proves that even through his haze he cared about me. But sometimes it still hurts to think about after all this time. I may never have a chance to see him again. I just wish I could see him again and thank him, and tell him we all forgive him.

Brynnakat

The Difference Between Forgive And Forget

He cheated. Once. Told me about it the next day. Expressed genuine remorse. 3 years later we got married. 10 years after that we're still together. Our marriage is still monogamous and has been genuinely happy. It wasn't hard to forgive, but was hard to forget. It hurt so much. It still hurts to think about it, and probably always will. Yet I don't regret staying with him. He's the love of my life.

quivx

Yourself Is The Most Important

I forgave him for his addiction which led to years of toxic, codependent behavior. As cliche as it sounds, I was blinded by love and refused to see what everyone else saw; that he was lying to my face about abusing his prescriptions pills.

I believed his stories, thinking there was no way someone could come up with something so believable but I knew something was off about him. I chalked it up to the Lyme Disease since he blamed everything on that.

I lost myself trying to save him. Stupidly, I thought it was my job to make him better, which in turn made me worse. In a fit of overwhelming anxiety, panic, and fear of losing him I tried committing suicide.

I found my way back to him needing to make us work. That was until I found needles in his shorts doing laundry one day. The blow to my gut is something I'll never forget. I was the world's biggest fool...

Determined to move on and find myself again I broke up with him, although I contacted him every day to check up on him. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We got back together, he got help, and we had a baby girl.

The first two years of her life were pure bliss until I noticed the same behavior creeping back. After a psychotic break led him to get arrested and hospitalized, I knew it was best to let go. I couldn't believe anything he told me anymore.

He didn't see her again until she was almost 4. Some of that was because I got an order of protection for the first few months and then because I had full custody and he was to have visitations. During that time he met another woman and had a son with her.

Fast forward, we're good friends and coparent my daughter together. We share our time with her and I'm also really good friends with his girlfriend and have even babysat their little boy. They seem happy and while I'm no longer in love with him, sometimes I'll catch myself thinking about the memories we had and how we ended up where we are now.

Forgiving myself for being so foolish and hurting my family by trying to kill myself, however, is something I still have yet to figure out.

leashyb

Stretching Beyond Your Means For Love

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We, or rather Spouse, stupidly loaned $1,500 to a nephew. His mother asked for it, begged Spouse for it, "because he lost money in a casino and his loan shark is threatening to break a leg." She swore she would pay us back. Later, after bugging her for a while just to get one month's payment, she swore that she didn't say that and that her son, the nephew, would pay us back. He has never repaid us a dime.

In fact, we haven't seen him for 30+ years.

TexanReddit



Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

Keep reading...Show less