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Foreigners Who've Moved To The U.S. Explain Which Social Customs Were The Hardest To Adjust To

This is gonna take some time.

Coming to America is quite the journey... no matter how one gets here. There is always an immediate culture shock. You may even arrive here speaking the language but the way of life can be daunting for most. We a unique group of people. We can take some getting use to. The social norms and customs may always be a hurdle. Everyone is just always gonna do their own thing. When in doubt, ask for details.

Redditor u/TrustMe_ImDaHolyGhst wanted to discuss with everyone what are some of the ways getting use to life in America can be tricky by asking..... Non-americans who moved to the US, what are some social customs that have been the hardest for you to get used to?

All Thumbs

Thumbs Reaction GIFGiphy

According to my parents, it was people giving them thumbs up.

In their country of origin, thumbs up = middle finger in the US. So they kept jumping thinking they were being flipped off by random people. Took years for them to get used to it and understand no one was trying to insult them.

Master-Manipulation

Be Car Still....

A friend of mine is Russian. Her parents came to Russia and was still getting used to America. In Russia when you are pulled over by the police you get of the car and walk over to them. Her dad got pulled over and so he got out and started walking towards them. He didn't know you are supposed to stay in the car. He learned that lesson very quickly.

Edit: He didn't die they didn't even shoot at him. He did get arrested though.

meh2557

Kiss Me....

Not hugging, kissing on cheek or handshake when saying hi to family. I'm from South America.

hills2019

I was an RA when some Cuban exchange students came for the summer (Canada). They reeled me in for a kiss when they showed up and I was like WTF IS HAPPENING?! Just like hauled me right in aggressively. It was cool but totally took me a while.

GreenOnion99

I Wanna Dance

the muppets dancing GIFGiphy

I still don't know how to get invited to parties, so there's that.

Also the drug TV ads with the long disclaimers while showing video of happy people living their lives. Really weird.

Snoo_47873

What. The. Fudge.

Carpet everywhere. I thought at first I had that beige, slightly too fluffy standard issue carpet in my first apartment because it was cheap and in a sh!tty area. Moved to a nicer place, still carpet. Visited relatives who have a really nice 5BR house in the best part of town: the same carpet! Add to that what someone already posted, that people don't take their shoes off, I am still bewildered. And don't get me started on carpet at high traffic public spaces, like banks, offices, and even /airports/! What. The. Fudge.

ssatyd

TMI....

Saying "hi how are you?" to strangers and nobody actually answering the question.

The size of food serving when going out to eat.

Thanksgiving and black friday.

And lastly, the fact that every form I have to fill out, they ask my race.

I guess these are not technically social customs, or maybe they are, but I find all of the above very strange. Ugh, I'll never get used to living here.

sick_sadlittleworld

So many differences.... 

Sales tax not being included in the price (got pretty used to it after 4 years, but it still occasionally caught me off guard).

Healthcare bills.

Tailgating on highway (even people complaining about tailgaters were themselves often tailgating).

Porch sitting, people sitting on their porch and watching passers by.

Distances (drove coast to coast, I thought it would never end).

Most men being pretty knowledgable about cars.

Drive thru ATMs, never stopped being funny to me for some reason.

bolyai

The Metrics....

season 3 episode 10 GIFGiphy

Pounds. Ounces. Feet. Miles. I could never get the hang of it. I just still don't even have a concept of how long a mile is, and I lived in the U.S for 3 years. I completely acknowledge that I'm dumb, though.

Pin-Weekly

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Younger Ppl calling adults by (just) their first name. I'm from the Caribbean so can't help but referring to ppl as Mr or Ms. Even if Im familiar with them.

R8em

I was taught this growing up, but I learned pretty quickly to drop it. So many people come from divorced families that assuming a parent had the same last name as their kid caused a lot of awkward situations.

Cirrus-Ramparts

A Woman's Way

As a woman when I first moved to the US, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn't do my nails, or color my hair, or wear makeup like my friends did. The way I grew up, women who were not celebrities didn't do stuff like that at that frequency. I felt like maybe I wasn't feminine enough because those things seemed so tied to femininity.

Edit: To clarify, of course I don't think every single American woman is like this, it was just that I didn't know a single woman personally that did those things growing up, perhaps it's different now.

mokshmoon

Not THAT Word!

Only lived there for five months for exchange. I'm from Scotland, and we use the word c*nt often as a term of endearment. You will know when it is NOT being used as a term of endearment, it's all about tone.

My first week in the country I went to a house party where I said c*nt casually in conversation. I'm not joking when I say everyone stopped their conversations and stared at me. One girl was properly glaring at me and then told me to apologize to the person I was talking about.

Cue my Australian friend starting to piss herself and the both of us having to explain to a room full of people that it wasn't meant offensively.

Not exactly the hardest social custom but I just thought it was funny.

BillHader2247

No Broad Strokes

Golden Girls Rose GIF by TV LandGiphy

My immigrant wife has had to learn not to publicly state any broad generalizations whatsoever about racial/ethnic groups. Such things are commonly said in other countries but are less acceptable in the U.S.

make_reddit_great

2 Countries in 1....

Don't need to be from outside the us. I'm from the south and going up north is a culture shock.

DysprosiumGamer

Everything in the south is so ungodly slow. Northerner here and the weirdest part of traveling the states is how in the south people seem to be really nice but kind of generic about it. In the north we're kind but it is more "let me help this guy out" instead of " oh this guy's cool I'm gonna be really nice". I've lived in the north for some time and I don't think I could ever live south of Nebraska because of the culture.

Reddit

Never Stop! 

The importance of working, being "productive," and being in a position to continuously generate revenue. I am a medical researcher and have been doing this for about 15 years in the USA now. To this day it bothers me that I have to justify the need for my research in terms of healthcare costs. For example, when writing grants or presenting research proposals to higher-ups: "Pathology ABC impacts 100000 people in USA each year, and as a result of this patients suffer a lot." - this should be sufficient, right? Nope!

What I'd write instead is something like: "Pathology ABC impacts 100000 people in USA each year resulting in expense of NNN dollars to the healthcare system and additional losses of MMM dollars associated with missed work and productivity." If the research study involves athletes, you've hit pay dirt. Accounting for all those missed seasons, practices, etc. is such a strong selling point. It does not stop there though. Any study involving longitudinal follow up now more often than not asks patients to provide information about their work status before treatment and periodically up to 1, 2, 5, or even 10 years out.

This so that drug and device manufacturers can boast about how quickly their patients are able to return to work and being productive. It would be nice if the system incentivized genuine, intense focus on value of life and value of quality of life. I have worked in other countries before and do not recall having to pay attention to expenses in this manner. It may have changed within the last 15 years though.

lesoleilbleu

Friend Quota....

How hard it is to make friends in the USA. It seemed pretty easy from where I came (Europe), but after 20 years in the USA, I still don't have friends here.

Snaggy4

I'm an American and can agree with this. Unless you were friends since childhood, no one needs to make "new friends"... like there's a friend quota.

Unless you two absolutely hit it off during the first conversation. Then you're allowed to be best friends. If there's one thing about you that doesn't match their way of life, they are most likely to end it quickly.

It used to not seem that way growing up before smart phones and social media. I think those two things have ruined how people communicate with each other.

nekokashi

SCORE!!

aggressive high school GIFGiphy

Town and school spirit are a very big thing here. No one takes high school sports this seriously back in my old school in India.

nannydee08

American schools sometimes look like sports grounds who teach students as a side hustle.

alonelysaber-returns

American Ways

I'm from New Zealand.

Lack of vacation days.

Weird as crap health system tied to employment.

Food portions.

Otherwise it is a pretty easy adjustment.

SteveBored

The taking themselves seriously thing is very interesting and I agree. Nearly every American I speak to seems to have a really strong internal narrative, as if they and their lives are part of a movie/television show. I recognize this isn't the most useful way to describe this impression I get but it's also the truest.

SilenceIsHardlyThat

Stop Scuffing....

Walking into someone's house with your shoes on.

And waving, everyone waves. Wasn't sure why. Did they think they knew me? Did they need help?

I_Mow

I think the waving is more a sign of goodwill in America. I do it a lot when driving or using a crosswalk to signal a thanks to the person letting me cross or pass them. I hope this helps!

therelaxedguitarist

Crazy Help

wild music video GIFGiphy

Very attentive customer service. It felt almost psychotic.

seattleforge

Oh trust me, as an American in the service industry... it's an act. We have to act nice to you or lose our job. Internally we could often care less how your day is going, and would often prefer you never came in.

Questionably_Chungly

Where to Begin?

My wife is an immigrant so I'll pass on a couple that she struggled with.

Potluck dinners. Inviting people over to your house for a meal and then telling them to bring the food just isn't culturally acceptable in her background. She understands how the variety of foods can be exceptional and the amount of food automatically adjusts to the number of people, but it's a cultural form of hospitality that runs counter to offering what you have to your guests.

The way many American families raise their children until age 18, then send them out the door to make it or beak it in the world. In many other countries, you never stop helping your children by paying for more education (Vo-Tech or college/university) and trying to avoid student loans, they always have a place to live free of rent, and are quite involved in everyday life of the parents, even if just by phone.

The way Americans are so informal in addressing elders and people with the title "Dr" seems disrespectful. Titles would always be used and first names are only for people of approximately the same age and background.

Women have many freedoms and professional opportunities that are not open to them in some countries. This is a good attribute of the USA.

Paddington3773

REDDIT

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People Reveal Which Non-Horror Movies Absolutely Traumatized Them As A Kid

Reddit user alina_love_ asked: 'What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?'

No matter how long ago we saw it, there are some scenes or images from movies that still send shivers down our spine or keep us awake at night to this very day.

Pennywise appearing in the sewer in It, Janet Leigh surprised in the shower in Psycho, Freddy Kreuger's tongue popping out of the telephone in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Of course, some of the scariest, most disturbing, or most emotionally traumatizing scenes from films might have been featured in films outside of the horror genre.

Even more shockingly, some of these films were primarily marketed towards children!

Redditor alina_love was curious to hear which non-horror films the Reddit community saw as children still send shivers down their spines today, leading them to ask:

"What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?"

It Was Tim Burton, After All...

"'Pee Wee's big adventure'."

"Large Marge scared the crap out of little me."

"I was even scared of the fortune teller."- BlueStarrSilver·

With A Title Like "Temple Of Doom"...

"'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'."

"The scene where the guy gets his heart ripped out traumatized me for years."- Pbhf

That Funeral Scene Though...

"'My Girl'."

"Fear of death, fear of losing a friend, fear of bees, fear of puberty."- heidismiles

macaulay culkin kiss GIFGiphy

Jurassic Park's Got Nothing On This...

"'The Land Before Time'."

"Watching Little Foot’s mother die was awful."- HourglassSass

He'll Always Regret Not Bringing Her To The Museum...

"'Bridge to Terabithia'."- jumpstart-the-end

"Everything goes so well and it falls apart SO FAST and your left absolutely traumatized."- VortexDestroyer99

The Reason People Hold On To Their Appliances For As Long As They Do...

"The Brave Little Toaster'."- Catgurl

"The junkyard scene alone was responsible for so many nightmares."- ManChildMusician

brave little toaster animation GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy

And Let's Not Forget The Coachman's Smile...

"Disney’s version of 'Pinocchio'."

"The scene where kids are turned into donkeys and kept on the island and then resold was f*cking weird."

"You felt bad for that bully kid after he looked sad and nobody understood what he said because he was a donkey."- earnestlikehemingway

Few Things More Sad And Scary Than Deforestation

"'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest'."

"That evil tree scared me so bad."- slutsdotnet

Anything But "Truly Scrumptious"...

"The 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' Childcatcher guy!"

"I'm still scared of him!"- Jet_Maypen

child GIFGiphy

Offing Children One By One...In A Children's Movie!

"'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' boat scene."

"Honorable mention of claustrophobia when Augustus gets stuck in the chocolate tube."

"UGH!"- looseseal-bluth

At Least We Know He Had A "Sole"...

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

"That poor shoe….."- dalalice5555

At Least The Song Is Catchy...

"Neverending Story."

"Not even Artax, which was awful, but the Rockbiter and his good strong hands."- marxychick1

Neverending Story 80S GIFGiphy

Dorothy Gettying Electro Shock Therapy Says it All...

"Return to Oz."- Jeff_Steelflexx

"Horrifying! What about the animated wig heads?"- weensfordayz

The Reigning King Of Childhood Trauma

"Old Yeller."- IceTech59

"I remember watching this on TV during, I think, Wonderful World of Disney (Sunday nights were Disney night on TV)."

"Cried and cried and cried."

"I've never been able to watch it again and I've never shown it to my kids!"- crowwitch

Not All Friendships Are Tenable... A Terrifying Thought

"'The Fox and the Hound'."

"Still makes me incredibly sad, lol."- mental_reincarnation

best friends friendship GIFGiphy

Sometimes, writers and filmmakers simply overestimate what might go over a child's head.

Or, for that matter, they might underestimate their emotional capacity.

Regardless, ask any of Fairuza Balk's fans which is scarier, Return to Oz or The Craft, and their answer will be immediate...

(... and it won't be The Craft...)


Close-up of a man wildly smiling with his face painted like the joker
Photo by Mihail Tregubov

Sometimes it's fun to toy with someone.

Especially if it's an enemy or a loved one who simply deserves a good ribbing.

Some cryptic sentences can send anyone into a tailspin.

And oh the fun that can be had.

You have to be as vague as possible and as sincere.

You have to sell the sincerity. That's vital!

And then just watch them implode.

Redditor theary18 wanted to hear about the most creative ways to throw somebody off their game, so they asked:

"What is the best thing to say to someone to subtly f**k with their head?"

I love to come up behind someone and say "I can't believe they would treat you this way. I got you girl!"

Then I scurry away.

Tee-hee...

It's YOU!

For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy

"Just tack on the phrase 'given your history' to any question you ask someone."

"Are you sure you want another drink? Given your history?"

"Do you mind driving? Given your history?"

hamletreset

Mean Kids...

"I moved to my elementary school in the 5th grade. Mid-year, a boy came up to me and said, 'I really thought you were gonna be somebody.' I'm now 45 and I'm still like, what the f**k was he talking about?"

NicklePlatedSkull

"Likely something they heard a parent say to someone. Kids love to repeat the dumb stuff you say the next day at school."

itsallgoodman2002

"All jokes aside he probably thought you were someone else. I've done the same things countless times and it's happened to me a few."

Download_more_ramram

"I would interpret this as this kid hearing there's gonna be a 'new kid' and then their imagination ran wild as to who this new star is going to be, that it will be like in some kid movie or something, but you turned out to be just another kid student."

i_was_planned

I Like You

"I don't get why other people don't like you."

Dependent_Main2643

"Another variant is..."

"I don’t care what everyone else is saying. I think you’re great!"

"They’ll take it as a compliment at first but then they’ll think about it and it’ll eat away at them."

Oh-Cool-Story-Bro

"A guy I work with says this time to me every time I help him 'I don’t care what everyone else says about you you’re alright. Literally everyone else. We did a poll.' XD guy says some crazy s**t. When he started he tried to convince us he was a flat earther. He just likes fucking with people."

ThreeBeatles

Rumors

“'I heard about you.'"

ignorantpigeon

"Whenever I hear this I always respond with 'if it’s all good, it’s all lies.' Usually shows my sense of humor and if it is bad things they heard it usually lightens the mood."

ElApolloLoco

"Years ago I worked at a cafe and function venue which was sold after a few years to a new catering company. The first time I met the new restaurant manager I introduced myself and she exclaimed 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' and I was a bit weirded out. Then not long later I met the new owner and she also said 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' I still wonder twenty years later what they’d both heard about me."

winoforever_slurp_

Problems

Drunk Party Girl GIFGiphy

"Go up to someone at a party and say: 'I just want you to know that personally, I have no problem with you being here.'"

LuketheMook

"I once got drunk and effectively said that to a girl at a wedding. 'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I always liked you' or something like that."

Supersnazz

Parties are the perfect setting for these shenanigans.

Especially with the drinkers.

But get them at least semi-sober.

I got You

Okaay What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

"If you are chatting with someone and another person walks up look at them and say 'I just want you to know that I was defending you' then turn and walk off. It's a good 2fer."

could_use_a_snack

Hush

"'We know, but don't worry, we'll keep it a secret.'"

ch3rrycsmos_

"A friend in high school (actually still a current friend) said something similar to me and it definitely f**ked with my head. 'You know you're not fooling anyone, right?' He wouldn't elaborate and it took me the rest of the day to figure out he was f**king with me. As a guy with imposter syndrome, especially as a teen, that had me turned for a bit."

ablackcloudupahead

You Again

"If it’s someone you interact with repeatedly, always introduce yourself as if you’ve never met before."

Stillwater215

"I keep doing this to a guy I see very occasionally. He's a friend of my sister-in-law, but I've introduced myself to him at least four times. Right now, I'm trying to picture his face and I totally can't, so if I see him again, I'll introduce myself again. He remembers me though. And I don't have this issue with anyone else, I just can't remember this guy's face for some reason."

KrtekJim

Big Mouth

"You really need to brush your teeth."

setthepinnacle

"Somebody jokingly left a message on the 'tip' line that said 'Take a breath mint.'"

"I'm like 90% sure it was just the first thing that came to his head but it f**ked with me for weeks. I was self-conscious when talking to people, being close to them with my mouth open, and I'd constantly be brushing longer/harder taking mouthwash a couple extra times a day, and using mints."

ToFaceA_god

Head Issues

Think About It GIF by IdentityGiphy

"Give all your friends a few dollars to compliment their hat if they’re not wearing one. When 50 people insist you’re wearing a hat, you start to think you’re wearing a hat. It will drive them insane."

Stillwater215

Hats off for that last one. That's harmless but devious.

Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments below.

laughing woman wearing pink sweater
Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Societal pressures shape how people act most of the time, but every now and then someone comes along who doesn't care what other people think.

They do what they want, when they want without guilt or remorse.

According to President Theodore Roosevelt:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

Much less rare are the times when otherwise conscientious people decide to throw caution to the wind. Almost everyone had at least one moment in life when they decide to go for it.

Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead, right?

How things turn out after such a decision can make for some interesting stories.

Keep reading...Show less
Couple laughing
Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

Part of the fun of dating and being in a relationship are the unexpected, impulsive moments.

What's funny is how these could be equally arousing moments, too, even if they're moments that we never expected to make us feel that way.

Redditor thann3 asked:

"What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?"

Backing Up

"When he backs into a parking spot, he puts his right hand on the back of my seat when he looks behind him."

"Hnnnngggggghhh. Gets me going and I don't know why."

- evilpinkmoney

"Every time someone mentions this, I am reminded of the time I did it and accidentally backhanded this girl in the face."

- kingoflint282

That Reading Voice

"In high school, this girl had a soothing voice. Every time she read out loud, I had goosebumps and she gave me butterflies."

- donbruh

Overwhelmingly Happy

"I can’t think of anything weird my husband did, but the first night of our honeymoon, we were talking about the wedding and our future, and I started crying because I was so happy (and told him that’s why I was crying)."

"He was smiling and gave me a kiss and then whispered, 'I don’t know why, but you crying just now turned me on.'"

"Lol (laughing out loud), it didn’t turn me on, but it did make me laugh, and I thought it was weird-cute."

- snarkylarkie

Safety First

"On the first date, he put my seatbelt on. It surprised me because I heard of men opening doors for their dates but not putting their seatbelt on. It just showed a very caring yet masculine side of him."

"The tension of knowing we wanted of each other but agreed to take it slow just made me go feral in my head."

"A year and a half later, he still does it to this day. He even gets 'mad' when I don't let him. I still blush when he does it, especially when other people are in the car with us."

- eeeeriemarie

Certain Accessories

"It wasn't my girlfriend, but over a Skype call maybe a decade ago when I was a teenager, I was on a call with a female friend I had the hots for."

"I casually mentioned that I had a thing for girls in glasses."

"She gasped, told me to wait there, and scurried downstairs. About 20 seconds later, she rushed back up, jumped onto her bed with her jaw resting on her fists, and low and behold, she was wearing glasses."

"We laughed, I didn't know what to say, but that was the cutest and sexiest way of letting me know she liked me."

- GemoDorgon

Good Chemistry

"I know it sounds weird, but her breath is intoxicating. It’s naturally somewhat sweet, and of course, she thinks I’m crazy."

"Edit: We know it’s not diabetes, ketosis, or any other medical issue. We’ve been together for over 30 years and it’s just good chemistry."

- yoooozername

That Deep Stare

"An ex-girlfriend of mine looked at me in a certain way every now and again that just did something to me, like a bit of a stare deep into my soul knowing she wants all of me. Every day I hope someone will recreate and enhance it."

- SamCham10

The Perfect Sweater

"When she wears THAT sweater, I'm powerless."

- wastedmytwenties

"Can someone link a pic of this type of sweater? Asking for a friend."

- schnaizer91

The Sleeve Roll Trick

"My boyfriend rolled up his sleeves kind of slowly the other day, and I felt like I couldn’t hear anything for like a solid minute, lollllll (laughing out loud)."

- farrah_barra

The Corniest Jokes

"This man will make the corniest joke in the whole world, and then his whole face lights up as he giggles at it. Gets me every time."

- Hobbbitttuallly

The Perfect Wine Pour

"We had our honeymoon in Italy and he noticed the waitstaff poured wine really beautifully, so he replicated it. Now I have him pour all my drinks for me."

"For some reason, the way his wrist moves when he pours really gets me going."

- chicken-and-awfuls

Specific Arm Movements

"Two things."

"When he's working on something mechanical and he starts getting serious, he'll flip his cap backward. It's an absent-minded thing and F**K is it sexy. And when he's working overhead, the way his arms flex. Watching him lift things into our attic is an instant turn-on. It's f**king weird, but godD**N does it do it for me."

"Also when I wear something sexy or low cut and he's not expecting it, he'll stutter if he's mid-sentence. We'll be talking from another room for instance, and I'll toss on a revealing shirt and walk in there and he'll lose his train of thought. Or shake his head like he needs to clear it. Your man making you feel sexy is the ultimate sexy move."

- shimmydownnow

Love Language: Physical Touch

"It's the gentle physical touch in public. That little 'Love you' touch as they scurry away to do a thing. Those random touches turn me on so quickly."

- 1beeratatime

Totally Saved It

"He fixed the shower in my truly horrible, low-rent grad school apartment and changed the oil on my car. Not sure why, but that just did things to me."

"If you were to ask my husband, self-deprecating humor would probably be his answer."

"On our first date, he and I went to see this stage production of 'Jekyll and Hyde.' At the bar, they were selling these cute little shots of Bailey's/Kahlua, with each liquor on separate sides of the glass. Me, being incredibly graceful in all things always, completely dumped the Bailey's half onto my blouse."

"His eyes got all big, not sure how to react, and I just sighed, turned to him, and reintroduced myself like, 'Hi, I'm (my name). This kind of thing happens a lot.'"

"He busted up laughing, I ordered a scotch, and we've been together for the past 11 years."

- anyesuki

Simply Existing

"Exist. My girlfriend could literally just stand there and I could and would get a chill down my spine."

- andytheloser12

While we were expecting these responses to be, well, weird, most of these were actually pretty cute or heartwarming.

Sometimes when it comes to relationships and intimacy, something can feel weird simply because it's unexpected, but maybe the unexpected moments are among the best parts of the relationship!