Food Lovers Reveal The Deadliest Edible Weapons They'd Pick For An All Out Food Fight

Food Lovers Reveal The Deadliest Edible Weapons They'd Pick For An All Out Food Fight

[rebelmouse-image 18349494 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

We've all been dying to start one, as per every elementary school movie from the 90s. And once we do, it's war. In war, one has to strategize. What's the best approach to beating the enemy?

Redditor lylekay asked:

What would be your weapon of choice in a food fight to the death?

Here are people's evil choices.

Durian Durian

[rebelmouse-image 18349496 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

On average 8 people a year are killed by falling durians, or something along that line. Durian is the one true battle fruit.

EVOO

[rebelmouse-image 18348859 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A bottle of olive oil. When the enemy charges at me with their projectile apples I'll make the arena slippery. When they slip and fall I'll break the bottle over their head and stab them with the remaining shards.

Napalm Sugar

[rebelmouse-image 18349497 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

To the death?

A pot of melted sugar. As a professional chef, I've seen that sh*t do some serious damage.

Octopunishment

[rebelmouse-image 18349498 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My dad told me that grandma used to have this long dried octopus tentacle that she used to whack my dad and my uncle on the buttocks when they were up to no good. Apparently it's from an old octopus that got too big and too tough to eat so it became a weapon of mass punishment.

Deliciously Deadly

[rebelmouse-image 18349499 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A leg of prosciutto. That hardened piece of meat and bone would be the perfect bludgeoning weapon

Revenge

[rebelmouse-image 18349500 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A crate of chocolate milks.

It was 10th grade, and I was in the first food fight of my life. I was a square and didn't wanna get in trouble, so my friend and I began making our way across the cafeteria towards the exit. Suddenly I look up, and in slow motion, something is arching through the air, right towards me. It's a little carton if chocolate milk. And it's open.

My friend says he still recalls vividly the look of surprise and disgust on my face as that milk carton struck me, and milk splashed all over my head and the hood of my favorite sweatshirt. He maintains it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen.

So in honor of that memory, it seems only fitting that I take up the mantle of chocolate milk caster the next time I fight with food.

AKA Baguette

[rebelmouse-image 18349502 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'd tie a pineapple to a French loaf of bread with spaghetti as a makeshift mace.

Sharp Cereal

[rebelmouse-image 18349503 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Captain Crunch. Prepare to be eviscerated.

Someone Call Steinbeck

[rebelmouse-image 18349504 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

The grapes of wrath.

Bugs Bunny Warfare

[rebelmouse-image 18349505 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A carrot as a "stabbing weapon". A watermelon for the size

Just Cruel

[rebelmouse-image 18349457 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Supersoaker filled with ghost pepper water

More Napalm

[rebelmouse-image 18349506 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Molten cheese should be effective as napalm.

Chemical Warfare

[rebelmouse-image 18349507 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Peanuts because my chances of the other person being allergic to them is pretty decent.

Back To Baguettes

[rebelmouse-image 18349508 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Doritos stuck in a baguette to make a makeshift spiked bat.

Cocktail

[rebelmouse-image 18349510 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Vodka bottle turned into Molotov.

Thanks-Taking

[rebelmouse-image 18349511 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Endless Buckets upon buckets of boiling gravy, everyone will need to get high ground or face the boiling gravy, gravy can turn most bread weapons into mush, and to top it all off I will have dinner with a show.

Combined Forces

[rebelmouse-image 18349512 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A christingle - it's got everything. The orange could do some damage if you throw it hard enough. There are toothpicks which could cause some bleeding. And, to top it all off, the lit candle could be used to burn someone.

Tradition

[rebelmouse-image 18349513 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Christmas fruitcake. Especially if it were still shrink-wrapped. They're dense and compact. Easy to throw hard and heavy enough to do some damage.

A New Crusade

[rebelmouse-image 18346597 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I would own a zucchini sword and using it, I will create a whole army of children who do as I command out of fear of being hit with my zucchini (sounds bad). These children will annihilate all others in their paths because I have so many in my army and they can easily be replaced because there is never a shortage of children afraid of zucchini. Every couple hundred children I will have one being force fed gross amounts of spinach until they are 6x bigger and stronger than the rest and these children would do all the heavy hitting and smashing down of castle walls. Oh and my name will be The Zucc(hini).

Sauce Boss

[rebelmouse-image 18349514 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Do Sauces count in a foodfight? Especially if they are made from fruits? I would get a spoon and flick one of those super hot hot-sauces at people. Some people wouldn't mind of course but there are some absurdly hot sauces out there that most people would basically be screaming in pain especially if they got it in their mouth/eyes. I'm talking about 2 million Scoville unit sauces.

People Break Down What Makes Someone Terrible In Bed
Photo by Parabol on Unsplash

"What makes someone bad in bed?"

WHERE TO BEGIN?!

The list is endless.

Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.

RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:

"What makes someone bad in bed?"
Keep reading...Show less

Love is so elusive these days isn't it?

Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.

It's all too exhausting.

But people we keep trying.

RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:

"Why are you single right now?"
Keep reading...Show less
People Imagine The First Thing They'd Do If They Get To Heaven
Photo by Ben Vaughn on Unsplash

There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.

But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.

No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.

Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:

"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Keep reading...Show less

"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.

But the first word in that term can be misleading.

Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.

Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:

What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Keep reading...Show less