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The Dumbest Questions Ever Asked

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My Best Friend Betrayed Me

Til Disaster Do Us Part: Weddings Gone Wild

Til Disaster Do Us Part: Weddings Gone Wild

The Worst Dates Ever

The Worst Dates Ever

When A Day At Work Turns Into A Nightmare

When A Day At Work Turns Into A Nightmare

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The Sneakiest Customer Ploys

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These People Made HUGE Mistakes

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

Sex Workers Who Fell In Love With A Client Confess What Happened

Sex Workers Who Fell In Love With A Client Confess What Happened

Florists Describe The Most Outrageous Card They've Ever Had To Deliver

These aren't my personal feelings, but here you go!

Florists Describe The Most Outrageous Card They've Ever Had To Deliver
www.goodfreephotos.com

Messages of love are such a beautiful declaration to be a part of, until they're not. Sending flowers and cards is always a fabulous gesture in letting others know that you care. But often the missives sent can be more embarrassing to deliver and even more brutal to witness. Whatever happened to writing the letter and sealing the envelope? Everyone doesn't have to know your business.

Redditor u/dIGITALbEATdOWN wanted all the floral and delivery people to brighten our day and fess up to some salacious messages they've had to pass along by asking.... Florists of Reddit, what is the most outrageous card message you've had to deliver with flowers?

Ewww David....

Giphy

My fiancee is a florist. She often sends me ridiculous messages she's been asked to attach to flower orders. My personal favorite so far:

"Sorry I knocked up your friend.

From: David."

xelo_pyke

Brutal.

We used to have a card that had a picture of a dog in a doghouse in it, used that one WAY too many times. Once someone had me write "sorry, but I'm choosing her. You can have the kids." Thought that was pretty brutal. I used the doghouse card, thought it was appropriate.

Dumbodumbo99

Yummy?

Giphy

"Thanks for letting me borrow your deodorant!" It was an edible arrangement.

portal-for-post-its

This sounds like something I'd do to prank my older brother.

LIVEfromtheTARDIS

Sorry Girl. 

Not me but my florist mom; She had lady come in and get a decent bouquet and watched as she spent 20 minutes finding the perfect sympathy card just to write "Sorry you're such a dumb b***h."

Apparently it was for her sister; my mom, who has 3 sisters, could total.

ConfusedMidwesterner

Farewell....

"When you receive these I will no longer be alive"

mr_sto0pid

Oh geez. My dad died on Feb. 1 of cancer, and he preordered Valentines flowers for my mom. He didn't put this on the card, but I hope that the person who did was in a similar situation and not suicide. Either way, it's a brutal reminder.

mamacrocker

Pretty Please....

Giphy

This question is so perfect for me but these are the two I can remember most recently:

-"I love you, my dirty hooker" and "please unblock me on Facebook."

theorigamicrane

All Things Love & $$$....

I have quite a few... one of the most memorable was having a guy come in to drop off his note for the flowers we were delivering for a friends birthday. The note turned out to be a 6 page letter and apparently they are only "just friends" because she had turned him down before.

Then a couple weeks later it's almost Valentine's Day and he comes by again to order flowers for her and drop off another lengthy letter. We congratulate him because we thought that they must be together now but nope, she has a boyfriend now and he still wanted to send her flowers on Valentine's Day.

And one that was outrageous but not exactly because of the writing on the message card but what was in the message. It was on 5/20, and it was significant because he had 52 hundred dollar bills which he wanted us to wrap each individual rose in the bouquet with. He said he wanted to show his girlfriend how much he loved her and he knew she also loved money. So he wanted his girlfriend to be able to puck out each individual bill and be able to get the message of his love.

We have done money bouquets before but with significantly less money. So we told him we would do it only if he stood there and watched because we weren't comfortable with that amount of money and that it would take at least an hour, but he didn't really have the patience to wait that long so he just ended up paying for the 99 roses and we never knew how he ended up presenting the money.

mytphy

The Cover-Up

My husband likes to send me flowers to work for Valentines Day with awkward messages knowing my coworkers will gush and ask me what it says. This year's card just said "Epstein didn't kill himself." It was in old lady handwriting so I can only imagine what the florist was thinking.

rosegoldfancy

Whoopsies....

Giphy

Not really a card message (though he might have written that on a card eventually), but while I was working as a florist a guy asked me to help select what kind of flower he should get to tell his girlfriend "Sorry I cheated on you". So, that.

Makkel

Forget u, ciao....

So many amazing cards have been sent, anywhere from Puppy-play related cards (Look it up) to a singular guy sending 3 different arrangements to his wife, girlfriend, and mistress but the one that takes the cake is from a girl to a guy:

"Hey Screwface, Thanks for all the drunk messaging and crap; if you like me, then stop being a damn coward and make a decision bro. Forget u, ciao (Insert girl's name here)"

EDIT: SINGULAR guy (being tired is fun). Satoux3

REDDIT

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florists

Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences

Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'

Pair of scissors
Markus Winkler/Unsplash

According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.

Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.

Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).

To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:

"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"

Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.

Making Sure

"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."

– sleepypanda59

Wise To Wait

"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."

– SisterPhister666

Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else

"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."

"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."

– shoelessmarcelshell

These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.

Assurance

"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."

– Reddit

Normal In No Time

"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."

– Bright_Composer_3901

"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."

– Alante

Best Money Ever Spent

"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."

– HarrumphingDuck

Cherry On Top

"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."

– Secure_Requirement84

Some final thoughts.

Only Pros

"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"

– PunchARacist

One Unsettling Thing

"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."

"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."

– GuestCartographer

The One Constant

"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"

– richwat00

Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.

Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.

Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.

birth control

The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made

gray conveyor between glass frames at nighttime
Tomasz Frankowski on Unsplash

I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.

While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.

Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.

For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.

But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?

Keep reading...Show less
movies

The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity

wedding bands on dictionary
Sandy Millar on Unsplash

Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.

Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.

And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.

In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.

So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?

Keep reading...Show less
relationships

The Best Pickup Lines Of All Time

shallow photography of man hugging woman outdoors
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.

I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."

Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.

I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:

"What's the best pickup line of all time?"

Read It And See

"You put the sexy in dyslexic."

– koookyko

"This made me laugh so hard."

"Because I can read properly."

– TappedIn2111

I'm Hooked

"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"

"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"Next day, he’s gone too."

"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”

"And I say “yes.""

"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."

"I said, “Check please bartender!!""

"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."

– reb678

Statistics

"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."

– AlfheimKitteh

"Math is always super sexy."

– Acceptable-News-6811

Money, Money, Money

"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."

– onemanwolfpack21

"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."

– kkirchhoff

Winner, Winner

""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""

"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"

– PRSHZ

One Liners

"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."

– Starry_Night-

"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."

– Slainna

"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"

"(My name is Harley) 😁"

– OMNIxvTRIX

No Losers

"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"

– SchemePale6222

"I got blue screen in my head."

"Explain please."

– TastyToothpasta

"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."

"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."

– Steeze_Schralper6968

Clever

"My go-to was always:"

"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"

"A little corny, but it usually worked."

– StuffToday

Refreshing

"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."

"-Hey, do you like water?"

"-Yes."

"-Then you like me in 70% already."

– azurskyy

Sneaky

"Would you date a complete stranger?"

"If she says “yes” you’re in."

If she says “no.”

“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"

– Blastspark01

Playing Coy

"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."

"I asked her who and she said “Me.""

– evil_boy4life

Prop Lines

"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"

"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"

– cannibalcats

Egg-cellent

"Best one that worked for me was:"

"Me: How do you like your eggs?"

"Her: Over easy, why?"

"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."

– Radiant_Boss4342

The Best Line

"How you doin?"

– 2x4x93

"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"

– JohnsLong_Silver

That line would definitely work on me!

pickup lines