Being a child is far from easy. It may look cool but it comes with many issues. We just never seem to be able to discuss those issues until we can process them with an adult mind; though sometimes having an adult mind can be overrated. Those first memories of when we learn life is a mess stay with us forever.
Redditor u/Cisqoe wanted to hear from the adults about what they can't stand out their youth by asking...
What was your first encounter with utter bullshit during your childhood?
Your Thoughts?
GiphyMy mom would ask my opinion on things constantly. I would say it didn't matter to me, or whatever she thought was best, but she would force the issue until I finally answered. Then she would scream at me about how I didn't understand or I was an idiot or I never thought of her needs. I still panic a little when people ask for my opinion on something. themissingsister
Not the B-word.
In second grade a friend said the b-word, and didn't realize that it was a curse word. I tried to explain to him it was a bad word and he shouldn't say it. The teacher heard me spell it (because I didn't want to say it out loud) during my explanation, wrote a note to my parents saying I used this word and sent me home for the day. RansackedFish
11 Years Ago.
This was back before classrooms were super tech savvy. One afternoon, the teacher was trying a new system and wanted the class to participate. She couldn't get it to work and called the tech support guy. Well, this took a long time. We were just sitting there quietly,'waiting impatiently and the time for recess came.
The teacher didn't let us go to recess because she couldn't figure out the computer program.'
This happened 11 years go and I am still angry. MarchKick
Paperwork.
Turned in 2 papers in third grade that were not facing the right way. Got held in 10 minutes from recess because (they won't let you do that in college or in business)
Never had an issue with it in college. Worked a retail job with daily paperwork. They didn't care what the paper looked like as long as they could read it and as long as it was done. pherring
And. So.
GiphyLearning that you can start a sentence with 'and.' Despite, you know, me being fed that information since Year 3. gli1tch_unkn0wn
Eye Contact.
Not the first but one that sticks out strongly in my mind: me laying in a hospital bed after an overdose when I was thirteen, and my mother and father were standing on opposite sides of the bed screaming and yelling at each other over me. I recall making eye contact with a nurse for a notable length of time. SupineEuphoric
Shut Up!
Being told I could not use the restroom in class. I was not a cut up and really had to go. It was dehumanizing. BellatrixLenormal
I had this issue with teachers several times in my childhood. I eventually learned to just get up and leave without asking. Most of the time they didn't notice or didn't want to interrupt their lecture to protest.
Any time that they had a problem with it, I simply threatened to pee on the floor right there in front of them. Usually got them to shut up, and then I'd leave. LegoStax
Thanks Mom.
GiphyMy mom: informs everyone dinner is ready by yelling from the bottom of the stairs and expects me to hear her despite my room being on the other side of the house, my door being closed, and my TV being on.
Also my mom: "Don't yell from the top of the stairs, you need to ask me in person or else I can't hear you. I'm not made of ears you know." odWorkLetsReddit
Forget you Ms. Smith.
In first grade getting my yellow card flipped to red while I was in the bathroom. The teacher flipped everyone in the class one card while I was away because I guess she had it with us. Forget you Ms. Smith. saucecat2
My buddy busted a window at his house. I was completely innocent and didn't do anything to help. Yet his mother told my parents it was my fault, so that my dad would pay to fix it.
Of course, I got grounded and had to pay dad back (it would be justified if I actually broke the window). I lost a whole summer, unable to go hang out with friends or do anything fun, all because that woman was a cheapskate.
I'm not friends with him anymore. But I did get to see his mom later on. She was the kind of person who would wear clothes once and return them. So I knew what she was doing. I told her we couldn't accept the returns because she washed the receipt and I couldn't verify it was legitimate (even though I could). So I screwed her out of money too. I'm a terrible person for doing it, but she was a nasty. DM-Hollens-117
It's Not Me....
GiphyMy little sister pushed me down the stairs and I got in trouble for "antagonizing" her. "She wouldn't do that for no reason." You did not know your daughter mom and dad. To my knowledge it was for no reason it was the morning so I hadn't even gotten the chance to piss her off. Also it wasn't the first time she had done it just the first time my parents got involved. frankenstein_73
Snitched!
I remember this one girl in elementary school who had some demented pleasure in getting me in trouble. One of the lunch items we would get (trust me, this is important) was a chicken patty. Sometimes we got it with hamburger buns, while other times we got it with a roll. Every time I got it with a roll, I would use my fork to cut through it and make my own hamburger buns to eat the chicken patty with.
One day, when I was doing this, this fool snitches on me for it. There aren't even any rules on playing with your food! Luckily, the staff she told had common sense, and explained to her that innovation wasn't illegal. After reading some responses to this question, it doesn't seem too far-fetched for me to get in trouble for that. Luckily, my school had nice teachers and staff. IlluminachoXD
My reward was a hug.
In preschool, my mom gave me a book of math problems and said if I got them all done by the end of the day, I'd get a reward. I did the crap out of those math problems.
My reward was a hug. I felt like Patrick from the Valentine's episode of SpongeBob.
EDIT: I feel I should clarify my mom and I love each other very much, it's just when you're 5 and you hear the word "reward", you tend to have high expectations. kemosabi4
Being 9....
My mom finding a cigarette in the backyard, accusing me of having stolen a friend's mom's cigarettes to secretly smoke there and grounding me for it despite me not having done any such thing. I was like 9 at that time. Avocado_3492
Boxed Right.
GiphyWhen I was in kindergarten we had to that thing where you had a grid of boxes, and in each box was a word. You would have to cut out each box individually, then arrange the words in some order. After a few months of cutting out each box like we had been shown, I figured that cutting out the rows and putting them on top of each other so the boxes lined up, and cutting them out like that, would take a lot less time. My teacher saw me do this. I had to stay in at recess to cut them out the 'right' way. awoodchuckcanchuck2
"watch the rectory"
Was asked to "watch the rectory" on Friday nights so the priests could have a night off. I was 12 years old. My job basically was to accept food that was brought by parishioners for the priests and find a place for it in their jammed packed double glass door refrigerator that was as wide as two refrigerators (there were 4 priests at our tiny parish). I accepted fully cooked roasts, hams, casseroles and cakes. I was told NOT to eat anything!
A few months later I was made to clean the convent with a couple of the nuns as a punishment for talking too much in class (there were 23 nuns who lived on site and taught school). Their kitchen had a tiny refrigerator and when it was lunch time they opened a cupboard of expired canned goods. We had very old tomato soup for lunch with stale bread and milk made from powder. I asked them if they knew about the food over at the rectory and they said no.... femsci-nerd
Too Slow?
I was around 7-8. It was sports day in my school and i participated in pass the baton. I was enjoying myself and trying my hardest, but at the end of it my class teacher told my mum (in front of me) that i was too slow. Not sure why i took it to heart but i just felt disappointed and it made me lose confidence in sports. emptydumpling
so I started running again.
I was bullied a lot in elementary school. To be fair, I was a pretty easy target for the bullying, r/RoastMe would have a melt down not knowing where to start. So every day at lunch and recess I would get chased and harassed by 4 other boys. One day the teacher assigned to keep order on the playground grabbed me and told me to quit running. But of course, as soon as I did the 4 boys began pushing and taunting me... so I started running again.
Next thing I know the teacher grabs me by the arm and starts to paddle me (teachers could do that back then). She missed my butt and caught me in the back again, so I cussed at her. She sent me to the principle's office, and when I told him what had happened he just shook his head, then had me stand up to take 3 licks from his paddle. Fifth grade is when I learned the world was utter bull. billified
Teacher Yells....
GiphyWhen our teacher would yell at us if we asked to go to the bathroom at the beginning of class because we should've gone earlier, and then yell at us if we asked to go in the middle of class because we were interrupting, and then yell at us if we wanted to go at the end because we were trying to ditch since the class was almost over. eylc2
I was 12.
The first time I was followed by a couple of guys in a car. I was 12.
I ran to the nearest house for help. And I asked them if we should call the police.. and they said no. Looking back, I think they were wrong.
Edit: This happened in rural Illinois. Billie_needs_a_Mop
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
Like Perry
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
~ WakingOwl1
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
~ DrPlatypus1
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
~ Reidroshdy
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
~ SeattleOne206
Kapow!
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
~ RigzDigz
GiphyTerrible Twos
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823
Cats Dragging GIFGiphyLike Tinder
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
~ Remarkable_Sink2542
GiphyGood Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
~ PurpleInevitable2103
GiphyOn A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
~ ergonaut
GiphyWhat About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
~ atom1129
Giphy
Sucker Punchers
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
~ Samanthalynn8915
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
~ TheDesktopNinja
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
~ seedanrun
GiphyWho's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
~ nonexistantauthor
GiphyBig Momma
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
~ Fabulous-Pause4154
High Times
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
~ altkaldra
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
~ smack4u
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
~ s137leo__
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
~ chubbyknuckles420
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
~ we_made_yewww
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
~ RhynoD
Detachable Organs
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
"Sexy, huh?"
~ Schwarzes__Loch
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
– insertitherenow
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
– TheEighthLord
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
– I_Have_A_Name37654
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
– 88Dubs
Brat Pack
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
– SonOfDadOfSam
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
– NicPizzaLatte
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
Contagious Femininity
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
– Lazy_Natural6154
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
– aliebabadegrote
Sexist Categorization
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
– ExaminationDouble240
It's Teamwork
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
– Mrbeardoesthethings
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
– constructionguy89
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
– Green7000
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
– MrFunktasticc
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
Never Submissive
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
– kamalaophelia
Stifling Emotions
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
– LambLifts
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.