Fed Up People Sound Off On The Double Standards That Irritate Them Most[rebelmouse-image 18349272 is_animated_gif=
Society is rife with double standards, and they can be really frustrating - discriminatory, even. We experience them every day, the question is, what do we do about them?
RxPharmChem asked, Hey Reddit: Which "double-standard" irritates you the most?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Hidden charges are most definitely a double standard.[rebelmouse-image 18349274 is_animated_gif=
The other day I got a new iPhone. I told the salesperson I didn't want to make any changes to my account. 2 days later I get an email saying congrats on signing up for cell phone insurance for 9.99 a month. Not once did this salesperson utter the words cell phone insurance.When a salesperson steals an extra $9.99 a month from me they call it cross-selling and don't see anything wrong with it.
There's a big double standard here.[rebelmouse-image 18349275 is_animated_gif=
Work over 12-15 hour day to get your project in by deadline is fine, but don't you dare show up 5 minutes late the next day.
(Salaried employee, paid based on a 40 hour week, trend towards 50-60 hours average)
Edit: Should point out that I love the job and feel I get paid a good rate. Just annoyed after getting called out by the sales staff who don't have to pull extended shifts.
Smoke breaks have always seemed, to me at least, a very strange double standard.[rebelmouse-image 18349276 is_animated_gif=
I work for a small business (8 employees). Smokers (4 of the 8 of us) are allowed "smoke breaks" whenever they feel like it (we aren't given regular coffee breaks or lunch) during which they aren't required to punch out or put anything other than, and I quote management here, "a reasonable time-limit on". I don't smoke, but I do like a bit of fresh air every now and then so I go outside for 3-5 minutes and check my email or read the news on my phone. This is completely unacceptable to my boss, because, and let me quote her directly again, "phones are an addiction that waste company time". I asked her why smokers aren't held to this standard and I was told: "smokers need to smoke, you don't need to read the news".
Mother Lily needs to reevaluate her standards.[rebelmouse-image 18349278 is_animated_gif=
A double standard imposed on me by my mother-in-law (conversation happened earlier):
Mother-in-law: If I ever catch you cheating on your wife, I'll cut you with a machete.
Neighbor: But, Mother Lily, your sons are horndogs and have different children from different mothers. Are you gonna cut them, too?
Mother-in-law: Now, why would I cut my own sons?
PS. I don't cheat on my wife.
This seems relevant to our current time.[rebelmouse-image 18349279 is_animated_gif=
When contrarians claim they're open-minded, and yet are completely unwilling to listen to sound counterarguments.
Oh boy, the anti-medicine and anti-vaxxer crowds... sigh (FYI: paracetamol is acetaminophen, the pain killer in Tylenol).[rebelmouse-image 18349280 is_animated_gif=
My hippie friends who believe modern medicine is evil and that chemicals are dangerous, to the point of never taking paracetamol or even believing things like vaccines are bad (maybe I use the words 'friends' too broadly) but don't give a f*** about snorting something that they've bought from a guy they barely know. The irony is that most of that misc powder is probably paracetamol.
Is this a double standard? Or just ridiculous?[rebelmouse-image 18349281 is_animated_gif=
Acknowledging the existence of children trying to interact with me (I'm a guy). Example; was a cashier and this kid with some mental disorder (Downs I think) always loved to talk to me when his parents were going through cash (his dad said he always remembered me). Long story short, got hauled into the office by my boss and I was told my behavior was inappropriate. For talking to a kid. About food.
Extreme fears of stranger danger are xenophobic, and definitely a double standard.[rebelmouse-image 18349282 is_animated_gif=
I experienced this just a few days ago. I was at a museum and a little girl came up to me and my kid while we were playing with the instruments. I handed her one so she could join in and we're having a good time making terrible music. Her mother quickly swooped in and told her not to interact with dangerous people. I was so humiliated I left instantly with my kid. I have a kid and you think I'm dangerous?
Good managers hold themselves to a higher standard than their teams, not different standards.[rebelmouse-image 18349283 is_animated_gif=
How about this one:
If you're late again, I'm writing you up
Leaves 3 hours before her scheduled shift (that she gave herself) ends without warning
Demanding artists to perform for free is an egregious double standard.[rebelmouse-image 18349284 is_animated_gif=
People: I want more art, music, movies and other forms of entertainment.
Also people: I don't want to pay for any of it or it isn't worth my money.
The often paltry penalties for white collar crimes, if they're even prosecuted at all, represent a huge double standard, considering the damage they cause.[rebelmouse-image 18349286 is_animated_gif=
White collar crime sometimes affects millions of people and has a tiny prison sentence, and is way more nefarious, compared to a drug offense that typically only affects a small group of friends/family.
Acknowledging our personal inconsistencies is how we become better people.[rebelmouse-image 18349287 is_animated_gif=
Probably my own. That's to say noticing the hypocrisy in my beliefs and actions. If I can't call bullsh_t on myself then I don't have much of a right to call it in others. Hopefully, I'm arcing toward improvement but I have a lot of work to do.
Respect is earned, taught, and reciprocal, always.[rebelmouse-image 18349288 is_animated_gif=
"If you won't respect me, I won't respect you"
Which doesn't sound like a double-standard, but when you consider what context it is used in it changes. My father used to say this when I wouldn't do exactly as he commanded me to.
The issue is that there are levels of respect, while it might sound like an "if you won't treat me with a certain amount of respect, I won't show the same amount back", but it is executed as:
"If you won't respect me as an authority, I won't respect you as a basic human"
Letting them treat you with way less respect than you treated them, while still being fair in their eyes.
Men: it's okay to show emotion, including crying. Releasing emotion is healthy. Bottling it up poses real health risks.[rebelmouse-image 18349289 is_animated_gif=
"Men don't cry". Every single instance that says men aren't supposed to show emotions, tears, anything that could be considered a "weakness" pisses me off to no end. Bonus irritation points if that's considered a sign of homosexuality as if that's a weakness. Sadness isn't exclusively feminine.
Bottling up emotions is one of the most toxic things I've ever done, and I'm probably still doing it unconsciously due to my upbringing. I'm certain that most men are. And that's fucked.
Looking at a screen for fun is looking at a screen for fun.[rebelmouse-image 18349290 is_animated_gif=
Saw this one firsthand in a store once that made me laugh:
Mother: "All you do is waste your time playing video games."
Teenage kid: "You're on Facebook as much as I'm playing games."
Mother: [long pause] "That's different."
The idea that men showing compassion toward kids is somehow predatory is a big double standard.[rebelmouse-image 18349291 is_animated_gif=
As a teacher, there are times I would love to be able to put an arm around a student who is crying or have a student come back to my room for extra help if they are struggling, but I'm male.....so that can't happen. We are literally told by our administration never to do any of that if we are male.
Is there really a difference between watching people play sports and watching people play video games? Not really.[rebelmouse-image 18349292 is_animated_gif=
For me, it was a work colleague that is fanatical about football (soccer). He would watch every game of football on TV. He could not understand that his kids enjoy watching gamers play on twitch as his kids are only "watching others play" and "they should play themselves".
Gee whiz there Einstein, what are you doing????????
Failure is a part of success, and outside-the-box ideas are what drive us forward. Go for it![rebelmouse-image 18349293 is_animated_gif=
Society: If someone fought all odds and tried something very different and succeeded: "what a great achiever. Totally deserved to win as he/she did something very different instead of following the way others did".
Society: If someone fought all odds and tried something very different and failed: "what a foolish idiot. Totally obvious that he'd/she'd fail as he/she did something very different instead of following the way others did".
Petty revenge to a crazy double standard? Nailed it.[rebelmouse-image 18349294 is_animated_gif=
In my building there is this old lady, we always said "good morning" to one another or smiled, so she obviously knew I lived there.
To enter my building you need a key. Once it was raining and windy outside, and my key was lost somewhere in my bag under a pile of books, papers and god knows what else. So I was freezing, searching frantically through my bag for the key when I see her coming out. I think great, she will let me in. She went out of the building and closed the door behind her while pushing me out so I could not come in, all the time looking at me suspiciously. "I can't let you in if you don't have the key," she said.
A couple of days later the same situation occurred, except it was me coming out and she was looking for her key. I seized the opportunity for revenge and did exactly the same thing, closing the door in front of her face and telling her I couldn't let her in without a key. She was still screaming obscenities at me while I walked away. Wtf. You reap what you sow.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.