Get the cheaters out. Ain't nobody need them. They'll also do anything to cover their butts, which is gross in and of itself. But sometimes the excuses are worth a laugh.
u/so_not_a_redditor asked Reddit:
Here were some of the answers.
The Wind, I SwearGiphy
I went on a trip, and when I got home all of the pictures featuring me were under the bed. He told me that "the wind was blowing them around", but apparently it was only the pictures I was in, and not the posters or art inches away from them. Keep in mind, he was staying in MY apartment, and they were under MY bed.
Bologna Level: MaxGiphy
One of my best friends boyfriends told her that he was sleeping with another girl so he could find out how to please a woman better. When she asked him why couldn't he just ask her, he said he didn't want to make her feel self conscious by asking her.
Anteaters Put Up A Good FightGiphy
He had hickeys all the way up and down his chest and neck. He told me he got in a fight. Dude, with an anteater?
Travelling Made Me Do ItGiphy
I travelled for business a lot, and thought I had a solid relationship. Even cleared the travel job with the wife (now ex) before I accepted. I come home one evening, she picks me up at the airport and everything seems normal. Go to bed that night, wake up in the middle of the night and she's not in bed with me. I hear headboard from next door hitting the wall that separates the bedrooms from the two apartments. 5 minutes after it stops I hear my door open, so I pretend to be asleep. She comes in and gets back into bed and snuggles up to me. Needless to say her excuse was much the same. She told me that since I was gone so much, the guy that lived next door had been hitting on her and she just couldn't resist. I left the next day.
My ex in high school cheated on me twice in one weekend with the same guy (I was away for the weekend). It was a childhood friend of hers, so I didn't see it coming honestly.
The first time it "just kind of happened"
The second time she figured since she knew I was going to break up with her, she might as well do it again, "that way he tottally has to break up with his girlfriend now"
Spoiler: He didn't, but I certainly did.
"I'm a Latino. It's in our blood."
He really did say that. I've dated and been friends with a lot of Latino men, he was the only one who couldn't keep it in his pants. It still disgusts me to think about it. He should be embarrassed that he ever said that.
Ma'am, That's IncestGiphy
"He's my half brother!" Saddest thing is she wasn't lying and she was cheating on me with her half brother who was 8 years older than her. Funniest thing is that she told me she chooses him and she was sorry... as if I'd take her back if she chose me. I joke about this story now but back then it really tore into me.
When I caught her I actually laughed. She tried to hide under the covers. I just told the guy "I hope you can afford her". She said she cheated because he was constantly complimenting her on her looks and paying attention to her. I was working 60 hour weeks to pay for a lifestyle we couldn't afford.
I had caught him sexting with girls before, so the trust was pretty much gone (unfortunately I was young and dumb at the time, so I didn't immediately dump the sh-thead). Some time after, I had a feeling that something was off about him- so I took his phone when he went to the bathroom and checked his recent messages (not proud, but hey: he reacted abnormally defensive when I tried to talk and I was desperate). First conversation was with a random girl he met online, sexting, sending nudes, discussing when the were going to meet up... And within 3 minutes I found tons of similar conversations, one of them with my best friend. Yelled at him, cried, kicked him out. His response? "It was just a test. Those girls are only friends, I wanted to see if you trusted me enough not to check my phone- Those convos are all fake!" Needless to say I didn't believe him. After he realised I wasn't going to believe him, he told me it was my fault because I was an annoying girlfriend.
Yelled "Well then you must be happy that I'm dumping you!" and closed the door.
I'm Not Buying ThisGiphy
"But I was thinking of you the whole time!" followed by, "We both [she and guy she cheated on me with] agreed that if y'all [me and guy she cheated with's girlfriend] ever cheated, we would want you to do it with each other!" That's supposed to make me feel better? WTF.
Mine just refused to admit that she was cheating.
She decided that she didn't need me anymore (bit of a story there) but instead of leaving me she just started cheating. The guy was someone who she used to work with but got fired from the bookstore.
She and I were mid 20s but this guy was mid 30s, unemployed, no degree or job skills or training (hence being mid 30s working in and getting fired from a bookstore), a big smoker (which she said that she could never date), and MARRIED. She knew that he was married. He knew that she was engaged to me.
I worked midnights at a job which was 75% of our income. So I slept during the day. His wife worked during the day to support both of them. So when I was sleeping and his wife was at work they did their thing. She'd drive over to meet him after his wife left, they did their thing, and made sure to get him home before his wife and she got back before I woke up.
But, nope. She denied cheating. She didn't want me anymore, was sneakily spending as much time as possible alone with him and lying to me about where she was which is how I caught her, and leaving me for him, but according to her she totally wasn't cheating on me with him.
Digging A HoleGiphy
One of my best friends is going through a divorce, and after catching his wife in the act AFTER finding damning evidence, her excuses were "I don't remember it," then "I must've been like, sleepwalking," then "I thought we said we could have an open marriage?" and finally blamed it on him for making her work. Because "if you'd just let me be a stay at home mom, this would've never happened."
Where Do You Come Up With This?Giphy
"They came over and wouldn't leave until we did it! "
One of my ex's when she had a threesome..I literally laughed out loud and hung up the phone, she called a week later ( when her parents got back in town) while I was at work and stupid me answered without looking at who called.. She told me she couldn't call me because he took her phone and said she could only get it back by giving him endless BJs but she was sorry blah blah blah... It was long distance at this point in time so I just hung up without saying a word blocked her number. She was crazy... I called her dad and told him and she got some help but yeah, bullet dodged there.
I am a gay guy and the excuse he gave was :
"You haven't had sex with me in a month. Plus that day you refused to go out on a date with me. You hurt my feelings"
Now some context:
The day this dude was referring to was a WEEK after my Dad's funeral . Later that evening after leaving my place he went to the local hair salon and f***ed the hairstylist.
In the final months of his life my father was extremely weak and had to be hospitalized . This ex was upset that I didn't f*** him as I was too busy spending time with my dying father.
Never been cheated on, but my wife was cheated on by her first husband.
His reasoning was that he thought she was already cheating on him, which she wasn't.
This probably isn't the kind of insane, funny, or plain stupid reason you are looking for, but it always made me pissed off at him.
Who Exactly Are You HurtingGiphy
So most people in a relationship, or at least starting one, would probably just turn you down if you wanted to date them. But not this gal I knew. The worst thing is we were friends before this. We were pals from the same circle of friends, had been to several of eachothers' birthdays and holidays. Some how after a night of hanging out it was just her and I, at an all night diner because neither of us could sleep. We talked and eventually I asked her out. We went on some dates, ya-da ya-da. Then on a double date she gets mad at me and jealous of another friend because he has breathing issues so I asked her if it's fine if he sits in the front of my little mitsubishi eclipse because he's tall as f*** and can't fit back there, and she's all pouty and quiet for the rest of the date (which was a soccer game, I don't even watch soccer but her and my friend and his gf did).
This led to receiving the cold shoulder from her. I figured "I'm an adult. I dont need this", so after not getting replies I stopped trying. I speak to one of our other friends in the group, I find out the whole time we've been dating (not that long, like a month or two) and before, she's been talking to some other guys and their relationships were more serious.
I don't bring any of this up and she still doesn't know I knew because I didn't wanna ruin their friendship, but that weekend is one of our friend's birthdays and of course she's there. We have a talk and she apologizes about her behavior towards me and my friend and that she wants to try again. I just told her I'd think about it. Haven't spoken to her since.
Now the new thing that drives me up the wall even more is that she still randomly talks to my roommate from back then and asks how I'm doing and how she "really liked me" and wished we could have kept going. Just the lack of respect she showed towards me, for not warning me that she's already seeing 3-4 other guys before wasting my time, assuming she was my friend before all this, that's what sickens me.
If you read this far, thanks for letting me rant. My gf just moved out (not broke up but she moved to another city and I'm stuck here for another month) and I have a lot frustrations with no outlet.
- People Explain Whether They Think Cheaters Will Always Cheat Again - George Takei ›
- People List Red Flags That Your Significant Other Is Cheating On You - George Takei ›
- People Break Down Which Villains Were Terrifying Because They Were Totally Right - George Takei ›
- People Confess What Genuinely Disgusts Them - George Takei ›
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.