Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.
And the worst thing that can happen is to freeze.
Nobody wants to be a dear in the headlights when someone decided to bully them. Instead, it's best to be prepared.
A recent Reddit thread asked people to pool their best comebacks to insults they could come up with. Thanks to them, we can walk around stocked with some return fire on the occasion we do fall prey to a person's put downs.
Redditor Concert-Extra asked:
"What is your go-to comeback when insulted?"
Of course, there were plenty of witty one-liners proposed. The hope here is that wittiness of the comeback trumps the intelligence level of the insult that provoked it.
It's all math.
Firmly Mediocre
" 'I've been called worse by better men' " -- Atbunyar
"Stealing that, thanks" -- GSavvage
Getting Literal
"If they say 'fu** you.' I say 'not even if you paid me.' "
"I say, 'I'm not that desperate, and you're not that lucky...' " -- webjocky
Free Reign
"If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it's bad, laugh at them, and just go 'you know what buddy, we'll give you another crack at that one if you'd like.' "
Others advocated against getting into the weeds with a counter-insult. Instead, they advised a response that, above all, thrived on its absurdity to leave the insulter as puzzled as possible.
Just Nothing
"Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It's debilitating to the ego." -- LivingBeneficial3814
"That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked." -- trenchfootflyfisher
Annoy, Annoy, Annoy
"Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again." -- Global-Ad404
"This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean." -- Elephinker
Keep Pushing
"i just say 'and then?' and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults." -- snodnif
"and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" -- Ninkaso
Finally, some advocated the "kill them with kindness" approach.
Opening Things Up
"When somebody is insulting me without any purpose, I just tell them 'bad day, huh?' "
"I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go."
"There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker."
-- W4rr3n00
BUD
"You doing alright, bud?" -- 7788445511220011
"Oooo the condescending use of 'bud.' Nice touch." -- Kuli24
"noooooooo not the BUD!!!! he's to evil to be left alive" -- Kbirt24
Wind Out of the Sails
"I don't get insulted often but the odd chance when it happens I say 'God Bless You' It either enrages them or they look confused for some reason."
-- Hopenomo
Here's to you leaving here with 10 comebacks in your back pocket.
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People Who Stayed With A Cheater Describe The Aftermath
Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked: 'People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?'
There are a lot of sayings about human nature that address bad behavior in a relationship.
One such idiom is "a leopard can't change its spots." Another is "once a cheater, always a cheater."
But is that really accurate?
Can a significant other cheat just once and never again? And even if they can, is the relationship ever truly healed?
Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked:
"People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?"
Projecting And Gaslighting
"It was super short-lived because of the hardcore projecting."
"Because she cheated, she assumed that I was going to cheat with all my women friends. She became super controlling and didn't want me to have any women friends."
"I ended up leaving because my friendships were more important than a broken relationship."
~ Ookimow
"It's in fact so common that people who baselessly accuse others of cheating are almost always cheating and projecting it on their partner."
"Every time I had been cheated on, this is the trigger that made me realize it was going on in the first place and was easily able to find proof."
"They out themselves."
~ PsionicKitten
"My ex husband tried to get me to go to therapy. And don’t get me wrong, I needed it and should have gone, to get the self-worth to leave his a**."
"But my point was, if you won’t stop cheating on me why waste money on therapy lmao‽‽ It’s like sitting in the ER while someone is stabbing you in the back."
"He swore on everything we had he wasn’t cheating on me again."
"Yeah…..he was the whole time."
~ WillBsGirl
Regrets, I Have A Few
"I really truly believed I would rise from it and forgive him, get over it, and come out of it stronger."
"It was never the same. I lost that trust and I couldn’t get it back. And eventually, I stopped caring to want it back."
"It was a 7 year relationship & although I don’t regret it, I sometimes wish I knew to walk out sooner."
"But it made me realize what I really deserve and it led me to the forever man in my life who treats me so well and loves me and honours our commitment."
~ backandforthlosing
"This got me in my soul!"
"My soon to be ex is not violent, he's grown into a lovely man, just not the one for me after what happened."
"I've just cracked my early 30s so I'm calling this my quarter life crisis and moving on...a lot of those things you have said resonated so much!"
~ Puzzleheaded-Ad-9724
"Reasons for not leaving—Fear, isolation, guilt, not wanting to hurt the person you love most in the world, even though they hurt you. Not wanting to lose them."
"It’s hard to let them go, because you have to let go of a part of yourself too and the life you thought you were building together. It is so hard to accept that it was all just an illusion."
"After some time passes, you try to put what happened at the back of your mind as a survival mechanism, and then your partner assumes that you have forgiven them because you no longer appear to be preoccupied with it."
"Sex also complicates things because some cheaters think that resuming sex equals their partner has moved on and are not upset any longer."
"You keep quiet and bottle up emotions to keep the peace, but at a severe detriment to your mental health and well being."
"This is where I am currently with my relationship. I am just trying to get through one day at a time until I gather enough strength to move forward."
"I too hope to wake up one day and say, 'FUK THIS!' I have known about the infidelity since 2021."
~ lunarmantra
Never The Same
"Happened in 2010, part of a mental breakdown on their side. Stood by and watched my world fall apart with a young child to look after."
"I believe in the vows I took when I got married, especially in sickness & in health. 13 years later, still married, perhaps stronger than ever but it still hurts."
"The pain numbs down over time from a glowing ball the size of the sun to a little pin prick of light but it still burns."
"I’m glad we stayed together, child is now a happy and rounded young lady—enjoying the world and her life ahead of her."
"We are now 26 years together so if any of you are reading this, good can come from bad, life does go on, listen to your heart but don’t ever get mugged off."
~ oldskoolplayaR1
"Caught her in an 'emotional' affair early on in our relationship."
"Both her and him told me it was a mistake and he apologized and told me it was over."
"I believed it all."
"However I will admit that it bubbled up during arguments over other issues because of how betrayed I felt."
"It weighed on me to the point where she told me I needed to see a therapist to get over it. I went to 3 of them over a period of the next 4 years."
"We went as a couple maybe a year after that."
"Flash forward another 2 years…I found the texts and pics."
"It never ended and it only grew. The entire time she told me to get counseling. The entire time we were in counseling together."
"The entire time I worked 2 jobs and 7 days a week because she lost her job and took a year off and I picked up the slack."
"You do not recover."
~ justaguylookinghappy
Tick, Tick, Tick...
"A ticking time bomb."
~ Ratakoa
"Yep. We spent a year trying to recover, then had 2 good years..."
"Then he cheated again... I think in the back of my mind I was just waiting the whole time for it to happen again."
~ naturally_eva
"This! Every single day, this is what's in the back of my mind and yup, waiting for it to happen again and hoping, at the same time, that it won't."
~ ahuh_itzme
"Ex wife was the same. We tried again, but she just had to get back in contact with him… lasted ten months, but only eight before she’d started seeing him again."
"It was a 12 year relationship for us, with most of that married. I don’t think she actually stopped seeing him really, looking back."
"When I started seeing a new girl, my ex wife tried to seduce me! Erm, no."
~ CabinetOk4838
"Shoot, mine never even stopped seeing the other guy. She swore up and down she wanted to stay together and it was all a mistake—so I laid out some very simple rules for moving forward, starting with no more contact with the guy."
"She never stopped."
"To this day I dont know what she was thinking. She just kept on trying to see us both. This was a 10 year marriage with kids, too."
"About a year into the divorce, she straight up moved 500 miles away (by herself), became a drug addict, and her entire life fell apart. Got arrested for felony drug possession etc..."
"Most bizarre complete self destruction I've ever seen in real life."
~ alonjar
If They'll Cheat With You...
"One of my buddies dated a girl once that cheated to be with him. Then after awhile she cheated on him too."
"He was so shocked."
"But I was like, bro, she cheated on someone to get with you. Her cheating on you to get with someone else shouldn’t be a surprise."
~ travworld
The Other Side
"That's not always true. I cheated once. It destroyed the person I love, and it sent me into a 2 year spiral of depression and anxiety that I had to be hospitalized for twice."
"I'll NEVER, EVER make that mistake again. People can learn from their past mistakes."
"That being said, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is true more often than it isn't - and that's quite sad."
"I just won't be one ever again. Absolutely not worth ANY of it."
~ reflUX_cAtalyst
The decision to stay with someone who has broken your trust is an individual one.
Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there are many happy endings for couples after one partner cheats.
People Divulge Secrets They're Afraid To Tell Their Significant Other
Trust is key to any relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic or even just professional.
But does establishing and maintaining trust require full disclosure at all times?
In professional and platonic relationships, some mystery is understandable. Your friends and especially your coworkers don't need to be all up in your personal life.
But what about a significant other? Is there ever a reason to keep secrets from your sig-o?
Reddit user _Brunonono_ asked:
"What's something you can't tell your partner for fear of upsetting them?'
No Malice Intended
"The first piece of jewelery I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it."
"I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons."
"I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it."
~ EnzokuhleLesedi
"My wife has a beautiful heart."
"I jokingly call her a Disney princess because any animal that she comes across she has to talk to, and greet. She has cried by seeing a dead raccoon on the side of the road before."
"At the time, I was working day shift and she was working a swing shift."
"I had a busy day, but I saw she sent me some pictures of a young doe that was eating in our front yard. She seemed thrilled."
"I came home and saw the same deer!"
Giphy"Dead."
"On my god damned porch."
"I felt like I started to hear 'the first 48' theme playing as I realized I have six hours to get rid of this thing before my wife gets home and her world is shattered.
"I call my local city authorities thinking they wouldn’t want a dead animal in the middle of town. Turns out, they couldn’t care less."
"I called some local raptor shelters to see if they could take a stat donation but it turns out the dead deer business is booming and they didn’t have a need for donations at this time, especially in the next 6 hours."
"Frustrated, I call my dad to vent and get advice on what to do."
"His response is only a 'Hold on bud, I’ll be there in 15 minutes'.”
"I go back inside to take care of the dogs and within the next 15 minutes I see me dad back his huge truck into my back yard, has the tail gait down and is knocking on my door with a pair of nitrile gloves on and another pair in hand for me."
"It was starting to get dark out, but we had that thing loaded up and found a special place to, uh... dispose' of it. We made it back with 20 minutes to spare before my wife got home."
"I haven’t told my wife because I think it would either break her heart, or creep her out at how efficiently my dad can dump a body."
"Anyway, wifey thinks her deer friend is alive and well, and totally not at the bottom of a ravine."
~ EliseoJan
Oops!
"The remote didn't disappear."
"I accidentally put it through the washing machine and destoreyed it and threw it out in a panic."
~ NinaBen63
"It was me who cooked with oil and didn’t clean the spatters off the stovetop… not the cat."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"I'm impressed your cat can cook."
~ Antillaa
"Well, nothing fancy, not what you'd call a feast."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"Just a meowdest meal then."
~ Grunthos_Flatulent
GiphyBetter Left Unsaid
"That she is wayyy more like her mom and sisters than she likes to think."
~ Famannot34
"Could be worse ... my partner is becoming more and more like MY mother than she would like to think!"
~ DeeDee_Z
"That’s definitely one to keep to yourself."
"Forever."
~ msjammies73
"I hate your mom and I'm a little afraid you're going to turn into her, both physically and personality wise."
"Especially since your dad keeps talking about how you have your mom's whole face and personality from back when they first got together."
~ midnightsonofabitch
Giphy"I would like to go somewhere and be alone for a few weeks."
"I love them so much but I have never been on my own in my life and I would like to try it for a minute."
~ PeacefulWarCat
"I daydream/wonder what it would be like to live completely alone."
"How I wouldn’t have to compromise."
~ TA_MHGal
"Lord. I always thought when I met the right one I wouldn’t mind sharing my space."
"I’m a loner by nature."
~ illustriousocelot_
"I only put spiders outside when she sees them."
"If they're only noticed by me I let them continue hunting bugs, sometimes with a few soft words of encouragement."
"You're doing a great job, little guy."
~ c7hu1hu
Giphy"She is using words incorrectly."
"She has a half dozen she routinely misuses and does not want to hear it. Example: The middle of the road is the median, not the medium."
"Drives me insane."
"Married 20+ years. Some things you let go."
"I even tried repeating it back to her in the conversation properly to avoid the conflict. Still doesn't work."
"What is surprising is she easily reads a couple of books per month and is super bright. She just has words that somehow got stuck in her vocabulary along the way."
~ Caspers_Shadow
Is Manipulation So Bad?
"I wanted my husband to quit wearing denim shorts because they made him look old. He had gained a bit of weight, so I kept buying his jorts in his old size 34 and I bought khaki shorts in a 38."
"He will never read a label for any reason. He would put on the jorts and then lay on the bed and lift and spread his legs to stretch out the shorts a bit."
"He blew out the back seam of two pairs in the same day, then ended up putting on the khaki shorts."
"Since then, almost 20 years, he has insisted that khaki shorts are made better and fit more comfortably than denim shorts of the same size."
~ fire_thorn
Hiding In Plain Sight
"Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it."
"Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works.
"He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet."
~ WonderfulFennels
"This is rather hilarious. Not quite what I was thinking of, but hilarious."
~ OP _Brunonono_
"Headline: Man Starves To Death In Home: Couldn't Find Food at Knee Height"
~ Papancasudani
GiphyMight Be Time To Speak Up
"I am tired in my soul."
"I carry the mental load, do 99% of the domestic chores, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I’m the breadwinner and also the one responsible for our finances."
"I’m tired in my heart and soul. You agree when we talk about our future but there’s no execution on your end."
"You see my frustrations and you think it’s postpartum depression but it’s you, not the kiddos. I’ve been doing the therapy and the Zoloft. Why aren’t you?"
~ Beagle_Gal
In almost every case, Redditors' biggest concern was their partner's feelings.
Except for those snacks.
Hopefully they put a few snacks in dad's line of sight.
We've all heard some things that sound too good to be true, but we've also certainly heard some things that were too weird to be true.
But as strange as they might sound, from weird scientific facts to things that people have done to animals that actually exist outside of a distant, mystical realm, there are some things that are simply, stranger than fiction.
Curious about others' takes, Redditor Former_Ladder9969 asked:
"What is a weird fact you know for some reason?"
The Draw of the Deck
"The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache."
- MR_dizzaster
"He's also sticking a sword in his head."
- Uwumeshu
"He was shaving and missed."
- puneralissimo
Random Facts About Strangers
"Diddy, the music artist, doesn’t like the way towels feel on his skin. So instead of drying off like a normal person after a shower, he walks around his house to air dry instead."
"Why do I know this?"
"Because for some reason, this was a fact given during an old show on VH1 called 'Pop Up Videos,' where they would play a music video with random facts being shown throughout. I have zero idea why of all the vital things I should have stored in my memory, this was one that stuck after all these years."
- dabking24
Spacial Awareness
"Australia is wider than the moon."
- MrSatanachia
"I can't decide if I'm more amazed that the moon is actually way smaller than I imagined, or that Australia is way bigger than I imagined."
- 5Beans6
"This is my confusion, lol (laughing out loud)."
- TheTinyHandsofTRex
That's Commitment
"Crabs have a muscle that enables them to release their claw if they have to."
- Norwegianxrp
"It took me an incredibly long time to realize this means like… fully release it, like remove it from their body. I thought it just meant release the grip they have."
- wowowaoa
Mystical Representation
"The national animal of Scotland is a Unicorn."
- Batmans-dragon80
"Yes, that’s true. Mainly because we have so many of them roaming wild in the glens. Chasing the Haggi and avoiding Nessie."
- Bri1311
Education through Music
"Because of a song that used to constantly play on the radio I have it pretty well memorized that there are 86,400 seconds in the average day."
- Vanilla_Neko
"Because of a song on the radio, I learned that the minimum expectation for displays of love can be measured in 500 miles."
- Slight_Bodybuilder25
Where the Grass is Greener... and Newer
"There were no grasses on the earth when dinosaurs were here."
- Snowfl4ke85
"During the Jurassic and the Early Cretaceous, the higher flora was dominated by cycads, ginkgoes, conifers, and ferns. Other groups of plants included extinct seed plants with fern-like foliage. The exact origins of flowering plants are uncertain, although evidence suggests that they are not closely related to any group of modern non-flowering plants."
"Flowering plants underwent rapid radiation beginning around the middle of the Cretaceous period, and makeup around 90% of living plant species today. With the spread of these plants came the decline of previously dominant groups such as conifers. During the Cretaceous, ferns would also begin to diversify."
"The oldest known fossils of grasses are from the Early Cretaceous, with the family having diversified into modern groups by the end of the Cretaceous. The oldest large flowering trees are known from the Late Cretaceous, with the trunk having a preserved diameter of one-point-eight meters and an estimated height of 50 meters."
- UnexpectedDinoLesson
Weird Way to Say Hello
"Manatees control their buoyancy by farting. Toot toot, floaty sea cow."
- Plane-Vacation-1228
"Wait, so those bubbles you see on the water surface that signify their presence are...?"
- DismalDude77
Goals for Building the Longest Train...
"There's no maximum length to a train, you just add another engine."
- TrueGritt90
"That tracks."
- Snedro
The Smallest Philosopher
"That dead ants produce a pheromone that alerts the other ants that they need to move them to the ant graveyard."
"If a drop of this pheromone is placed on a live ant, it will take itself to the graveyard and stay there until the pheromone dissipates."
- Jessi_L_1324
"The ant: Am I dead?"
- Professional_Stay748
"That ant would make a great philosopher."
- skatalite2020
High-Risk Flights
"Some military helicopters on aircraft carriers are made of magnesium and should they catch fire, it's literally impossible to put them out as the magnesium will take the oxygen from the water and use that to keep burning."
"So the only thing that can be done is to push them overboard and even as they sink they will continue to burn until the magnesium is completely burned up."
- Strange_Stage1311
The First Scapegoat
"Some tribes of ancient people used to tie up a goat, whisper their sins to it, then allow it to 'accidentally' escape so it would carry their sins away and thus resolve them of guilt."
"It was, literally, their 'escape goat,' and that's where the term 'scapegoat' comes from."
- TheAbyssGazesAlso
The Power of Percentages
"Percentages can be reversed."
"For example, five percent of ten is ten percent of five."
- Routine_Leading_4757
"43 years and I'm only learning this now."
- TheMechTech80
Wordy Phobias
"The fear of long words is called 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.'
- Illustrious_Hawk_734
"Also, the fear of palindromes is called 'aibohphobia,' which just goes to show that the people who name phobias are a**holes."
- PhoenixMason13
"The question is, who even has a fear of palindromes?"
- ConduckKing
"Eve, Bob, and Hannah."
- Lostarchitorture
Not only are these facts unexpected, but it's wild to think that some of them are true.
But the simple, plain truth is that the truth is always all that simple. It can be weird and hard to believe, and yet, there it is.
In all deference to the people of Florida, the Sunshine State is not known for being the ideal place to live.
Aside from being a major tourist destination and an escape from the cold weather months in other parts of the country, the retirement refuge is reputable as being problematic and the butt of a joke for a number of reasons.
But the real kicker is the frequency at which many Florida residents make headlines for unhinged behavior earning them the label of "Florida Man," prompting the rest of the U.S. to shake their heads and remark, "Only in Florida."
Curious to hear about other parts of the world that have a similar reputation, Redditor Ltimbombo asked:
"What is the 'Florida' of Europe?"
These are almost, but not quite, Florida.
The "Crazy Sh*t" Stereotype
"In what sense? Spain's Costa del Sol ticks the 'entitled retiree destination' box but the 'people inexplicably doing crazy sh*t' stereotype firmly belongs to Russia."
– epeeist
Deutscheland
"Adam Carolla used to have a segment on his radio show called 'Florida or Germany' where he would read newspaper articles of strange crimes and callers would guess if it took place in Florida or Germany. I thought it was entertaining."
– CurvySmokeShow
It's A Zoo Out There
"As a Florida Man who has found an Alligator in my backyard before (no joke, this is serious) I’d definitely have to say Russia."
– anon
"I’ve had 2 pythons show up in the yard of the house I grew up in, years before it was widely known how invasive they were."
"Never got a gator though."
– Sss00099
Talking Geography
"In that the Ural mountains are the technical dividing line between Europe and Asia, I'll have to go with Western Russia. In particular, you could overlay Florida on top of the part of Russia that spans from Voronezh to Saratov and then down to Volgograd."
– themistergraves
Gotta love some o' the Brits.
Im-Posh-ters
"When I was in Barcelona this past June I had the opportunity to witness a young, trashy British couple act as though they were posh. It was then that I realized that the British are the Floridians of Europe."
– mattswa
"Ohhh trashy Brits are on another level, you have to see it to believe it lol."
– YetiPie
Defined By TV Shows
"I was in Dublin last summer, met some Brits from Leeds and they literally asked the Irish guy I was hanging out with if they had the same queen. Then when it came up I was american one of the women shrieked and said 'Young Sheldon’s me favorite tv show' and Jesus Christ I couldn’t help but laugh"
– BureaucraticHotboi
Admittedly Floridian
"Florida is kinda stupid for stupid’s sake. Here in the UK we tell ourselves we are civilised, refined, smart and in control while still doing equally stupid stuff."
– npri0r
Making Up For Size
"Blackpool, England. Admittedly it's on a smaller scale but what it lacks in size, it makes it up in STD rates, welfare distribution and average tooth count."
– DavosLostFingers
"Fun fact! Blackpool is the only city in the uk with the same average lifespan as the US!"
– TinyChairty4151
Feels Like Home
"I went on holiday to Britain, driving the whole island. Some seagulls nicked my chips and my pastie in Blackpool while some guy vomited into a trash can next to me. Same exact thing happened to me in Miami (swap the pastie for a taco). So ya this checks out."
– sothatsathingnow
Meanwhile, over in the Mediterranean...
Cretins
"It’s probably Greece and specifically Crete. People like to go there for vacation, it’s hot and all the people own guns and are conservative religious madlads."
– SpaceAgeIsLate
Italiano
"Italy, it's hot, full of tourist, and has a history of going facist."
– weedtrek
"And it's the wang of Europe."
– swash_mcbuckle
Looks like every Floridians are not alone in their tainted reputation thanks to the number of people who had to ruin everything.
But one thing seems certain.
It's doesn't seem to be about what's in the water Floridians drink.