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People Divulge Their Favorite Go-To Comebacks

People Divulge Their Favorite Go-To Comebacks
Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.


And the worst thing that can happen is to freeze.

Nobody wants to be a dear in the headlights when someone decided to bully them. Instead, it's best to be prepared.

A recent Reddit thread asked people to pool their best comebacks to insults they could come up with. Thanks to them, we can walk around stocked with some return fire on the occasion we do fall prey to a person's put downs.

Redditor Concert-Extra asked:

"What is your go-to comeback when insulted?"

Of course, there were plenty of witty one-liners proposed. The hope here is that wittiness of the comeback trumps the intelligence level of the insult that provoked it.

It's all math.

Firmly Mediocre

" 'I've been called worse by better men' " -- Atbunyar

"Stealing that, thanks" -- GSavvage

Saying It Without Saying It

"Let's play horse: I'll be the head and you be yourself."

-- Back2Bach

Getting Literal

"If they say 'fu** you.' I say 'not even if you paid me.' "

"I say, 'I'm not that desperate, and you're not that lucky...' " -- webjocky

Free Reign

"If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it's bad, laugh at them, and just go 'you know what buddy, we'll give you another crack at that one if you'd like.' "

-- FerrellFerret

Others advocated against getting into the weeds with a counter-insult. Instead, they advised a response that, above all, thrived on its absurdity to leave the insulter as puzzled as possible.

Just Nothing

"Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It's debilitating to the ego." -- LivingBeneficial3814

"That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked." -- trenchfootflyfisher

Annoy, Annoy, Annoy

"Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again." -- Global-Ad404

"This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean." -- Elephinker

Keep Pushing

"i just say 'and then?' and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults." -- snodnif

"and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" -- Ninkaso

Finally, some advocated the "kill them with kindness" approach.

Opening Things Up

"When somebody is insulting me without any purpose, I just tell them 'bad day, huh?' "

"I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go."

"There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker."

-- W4rr3n00

BUD

"You doing alright, bud?" -- 7788445511220011

"Oooo the condescending use of 'bud.' Nice touch." -- Kuli24

"noooooooo not the BUD!!!! he's to evil to be left alive" -- Kbirt24

Wind Out of the Sails

"I don't get insulted often but the odd chance when it happens I say 'God Bless You' It either enrages them or they look confused for some reason."

-- Hopenomo

Here's to you leaving here with 10 comebacks in your back pocket.

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We've all heard some things that sound too good to be true, but we've also certainly heard some things that were too weird to be true.

But as strange as they might sound, from weird scientific facts to things that people have done to animals that actually exist outside of a distant, mystical realm, there are some things that are simply, stranger than fiction.

Curious about others' takes, Redditor Former_Ladder9969 asked:

"What is a weird fact you know for some reason?"

The Draw of the Deck

"The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache."

- MR_dizzaster

"He's also sticking a sword in his head."

- Uwumeshu

"He was shaving and missed."

- puneralissimo

Random Facts About Strangers

"Diddy, the music artist, doesn’t like the way towels feel on his skin. So instead of drying off like a normal person after a shower, he walks around his house to air dry instead."

"Why do I know this?"

"Because for some reason, this was a fact given during an old show on VH1 called 'Pop Up Videos,' where they would play a music video with random facts being shown throughout. I have zero idea why of all the vital things I should have stored in my memory, this was one that stuck after all these years."

- dabking24

Spacial Awareness

"Australia is wider than the moon."

- MrSatanachia

"I can't decide if I'm more amazed that the moon is actually way smaller than I imagined, or that Australia is way bigger than I imagined."

- 5Beans6

"This is my confusion, lol (laughing out loud)."

- TheTinyHandsofTRex

That's Commitment

"Crabs have a muscle that enables them to release their claw if they have to."

- Norwegianxrp

"It took me an incredibly long time to realize this means like… fully release it, like remove it from their body. I thought it just meant release the grip they have."

- wowowaoa

Mystical Representation

"The national animal of Scotland is a Unicorn."

- Batmans-dragon80

"Yes, that’s true. Mainly because we have so many of them roaming wild in the glens. Chasing the Haggi and avoiding Nessie."

- Bri1311

Education through Music

"Because of a song that used to constantly play on the radio I have it pretty well memorized that there are 86,400 seconds in the average day."

- Vanilla_Neko

"Because of a song on the radio, I learned that the minimum expectation for displays of love can be measured in 500 miles."

- Slight_Bodybuilder25

Where the Grass is Greener... and Newer

"There were no grasses on the earth when dinosaurs were here."

- Snowfl4ke85

"During the Jurassic and the Early Cretaceous, the higher flora was dominated by cycads, ginkgoes, conifers, and ferns. Other groups of plants included extinct seed plants with fern-like foliage. The exact origins of flowering plants are uncertain, although evidence suggests that they are not closely related to any group of modern non-flowering plants."

"Flowering plants underwent rapid radiation beginning around the middle of the Cretaceous period, and makeup around 90% of living plant species today. With the spread of these plants came the decline of previously dominant groups such as conifers. During the Cretaceous, ferns would also begin to diversify."

"The oldest known fossils of grasses are from the Early Cretaceous, with the family having diversified into modern groups by the end of the Cretaceous. The oldest large flowering trees are known from the Late Cretaceous, with the trunk having a preserved diameter of one-point-eight meters and an estimated height of 50 meters."

- UnexpectedDinoLesson

Weird Way to Say Hello

"Manatees control their buoyancy by farting. Toot toot, floaty sea cow."

- Plane-Vacation-1228

"Wait, so those bubbles you see on the water surface that signify their presence are...?"

- DismalDude77

Goals for Building the Longest Train...

"There's no maximum length to a train, you just add another engine."

- TrueGritt90

"That tracks."

- Snedro

The Smallest Philosopher

"That dead ants produce a pheromone that alerts the other ants that they need to move them to the ant graveyard."

"If a drop of this pheromone is placed on a live ant, it will take itself to the graveyard and stay there until the pheromone dissipates."

- Jessi_L_1324

"The ant: Am I dead?"

- Professional_Stay748

"That ant would make a great philosopher."

- skatalite2020

High-Risk Flights

"Some military helicopters on aircraft carriers are made of magnesium and should they catch fire, it's literally impossible to put them out as the magnesium will take the oxygen from the water and use that to keep burning."

"So the only thing that can be done is to push them overboard and even as they sink they will continue to burn until the magnesium is completely burned up."

- Strange_Stage1311

The First Scapegoat

"Some tribes of ancient people used to tie up a goat, whisper their sins to it, then allow it to 'accidentally' escape so it would carry their sins away and thus resolve them of guilt."

"It was, literally, their 'escape goat,' and that's where the term 'scapegoat' comes from."

- TheAbyssGazesAlso

The Power of Percentages

"Percentages can be reversed."

"For example, five percent of ten is ten percent of five."

- Routine_Leading_4757

"43 years and I'm only learning this now."

- TheMechTech80

Wordy Phobias

"The fear of long words is called 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.'

- Illustrious_Hawk_734

"Also, the fear of palindromes is called 'aibohphobia,' which just goes to show that the people who name phobias are a**holes."

- PhoenixMason13

"The question is, who even has a fear of palindromes?"

- ConduckKing

"Eve, Bob, and Hannah."

- Lostarchitorture

Not only are these facts unexpected, but it's wild to think that some of them are true.

But the simple, plain truth is that the truth is always all that simple. It can be weird and hard to believe, and yet, there it is.

Person holding up magnet of Florida
Done By Alex/Unsplash

In all deference to the people of Florida, the Sunshine State is not known for being the ideal place to live.

Aside from being a major tourist destination and an escape from the cold weather months in other parts of the country, the retirement refuge is reputable as being problematic and the butt of a joke for a number of reasons.

But the real kicker is the frequency at which many Florida residents make headlines for unhinged behavior earning them the label of "Florida Man," prompting the rest of the U.S. to shake their heads and remark, "Only in Florida."

Curious to hear about other parts of the world that have a similar reputation, Redditor Ltimbombo asked:

"What is the 'Florida' of Europe?"

These are almost, but not quite, Florida.

The "Crazy Sh*t" Stereotype

"In what sense? Spain's Costa del Sol ticks the 'entitled retiree destination' box but the 'people inexplicably doing crazy sh*t' stereotype firmly belongs to Russia."

– epeeist

Deutscheland

"Adam Carolla used to have a segment on his radio show called 'Florida or Germany' where he would read newspaper articles of strange crimes and callers would guess if it took place in Florida or Germany. I thought it was entertaining."

– CurvySmokeShow

It's A Zoo Out There

"As a Florida Man who has found an Alligator in my backyard before (no joke, this is serious) I’d definitely have to say Russia."

– anon

"I’ve had 2 pythons show up in the yard of the house I grew up in, years before it was widely known how invasive they were."

"Never got a gator though."

– Sss00099

Talking Geography

"In that the Ural mountains are the technical dividing line between Europe and Asia, I'll have to go with Western Russia. In particular, you could overlay Florida on top of the part of Russia that spans from Voronezh to Saratov and then down to Volgograd."

– themistergraves

Gotta love some o' the Brits.

Im-Posh-ters

"When I was in Barcelona this past June I had the opportunity to witness a young, trashy British couple act as though they were posh. It was then that I realized that the British are the Floridians of Europe."

– mattswa

"Ohhh trashy Brits are on another level, you have to see it to believe it lol."

– YetiPie

Defined By TV Shows

"I was in Dublin last summer, met some Brits from Leeds and they literally asked the Irish guy I was hanging out with if they had the same queen. Then when it came up I was american one of the women shrieked and said 'Young Sheldon’s me favorite tv show' and Jesus Christ I couldn’t help but laugh"

– BureaucraticHotboi

Admittedly Floridian

"Florida is kinda stupid for stupid’s sake. Here in the UK we tell ourselves we are civilised, refined, smart and in control while still doing equally stupid stuff."

– npri0r

Making Up For Size

"Blackpool, England. Admittedly it's on a smaller scale but what it lacks in size, it makes it up in STD rates, welfare distribution and average tooth count."

– DavosLostFingers

"Fun fact! Blackpool is the only city in the uk with the same average lifespan as the US!"

– TinyChairty4151

Feels Like Home

"I went on holiday to Britain, driving the whole island. Some seagulls nicked my chips and my pastie in Blackpool while some guy vomited into a trash can next to me. Same exact thing happened to me in Miami (swap the pastie for a taco). So ya this checks out."

– sothatsathingnow

Meanwhile, over in the Mediterranean...

Cretins

"It’s probably Greece and specifically Crete. People like to go there for vacation, it’s hot and all the people own guns and are conservative religious madlads."

– SpaceAgeIsLate

Italiano

"Italy, it's hot, full of tourist, and has a history of going facist."

– weedtrek

"And it's the wang of Europe."

– swash_mcbuckle

Looks like every Floridians are not alone in their tainted reputation thanks to the number of people who had to ruin everything.

But one thing seems certain.

It's doesn't seem to be about what's in the water Floridians drink.