People Divulge Their Favorite Go-To Comebacks

People Divulge Their Favorite Go-To Comebacks
Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.


And the worst thing that can happen is to freeze.

Nobody wants to be a dear in the headlights when someone decided to bully them. Instead, it's best to be prepared.

A recent Reddit thread asked people to pool their best comebacks to insults they could come up with. Thanks to them, we can walk around stocked with some return fire on the occasion we do fall prey to a person's put downs.

Redditor Concert-Extra asked:

"What is your go-to comeback when insulted?"

Of course, there were plenty of witty one-liners proposed. The hope here is that wittiness of the comeback trumps the intelligence level of the insult that provoked it.

It's all math.

Firmly Mediocre

" 'I've been called worse by better men' " -- Atbunyar

"Stealing that, thanks" -- GSavvage

Saying It Without Saying It

"Let's play horse: I'll be the head and you be yourself."

-- Back2Bach

Getting Literal

"If they say 'fu** you.' I say 'not even if you paid me.' "

"I say, 'I'm not that desperate, and you're not that lucky...' " -- webjocky

Free Reign

"If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it's bad, laugh at them, and just go 'you know what buddy, we'll give you another crack at that one if you'd like.' "

-- FerrellFerret

Others advocated against getting into the weeds with a counter-insult. Instead, they advised a response that, above all, thrived on its absurdity to leave the insulter as puzzled as possible.

Just Nothing

"Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It's debilitating to the ego." -- LivingBeneficial3814

"That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked." -- trenchfootflyfisher

Annoy, Annoy, Annoy

"Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again." -- Global-Ad404

"This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean." -- Elephinker

Keep Pushing

"i just say 'and then?' and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults." -- snodnif

"and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" -- Ninkaso

Finally, some advocated the "kill them with kindness" approach.

Opening Things Up

"When somebody is insulting me without any purpose, I just tell them 'bad day, huh?' "

"I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go."

"There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker."

-- W4rr3n00

BUD

"You doing alright, bud?" -- 7788445511220011

"Oooo the condescending use of 'bud.' Nice touch." -- Kuli24

"noooooooo not the BUD!!!! he's to evil to be left alive" -- Kbirt24

Wind Out of the Sails

"I don't get insulted often but the odd chance when it happens I say 'God Bless You' It either enrages them or they look confused for some reason."

-- Hopenomo

Here's to you leaving here with 10 comebacks in your back pocket.

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We all have nightmares about diseases and murderers.

But what if, in the end, we just choke on a pickle we inhaled too fast?

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Off the Rocks

On No Falling GIF by Outside TVGiphy

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LZRDLZRD

Seconds

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FrenchMicrowave

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lurking_my_a**_off

How Vexing...

"THERAC-25. The world’s deadliest software error. Cost several radiation patients their lives by administering lethal amounts of radiation, and for a while, the doctors didn’t even know."

Longjumping_Event_59

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"This is less than ideal when all you're doing is manipulating pixels, but when your software is handling radiation beams you really don't want this to happen."

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dancingmadkoschei

Heavy Drifting

"Leaving the stranded vehicle on the road in winter and trying to walk to get help. It happens in rural parts of our province once or twice a year and they find the body a few days later. They get disoriented and freeze."

Regina_Runner

"I got blown off a road in high winds. Heavy drifting. Less than a mile from a friend's house after I had turned around. Drifts made it impossible to complete the trip. Trying to run a mile in full blizzard conditions was a fight for my life as an in-shape 24-year-old male athlete.

"rotyag

Simple Slips

Uh Oh Omg GIF by BounceGiphy

"Almost any simple mistake can end a life if you're an anesthesiologist, that's how my grandpa died in his early 60s."

dwserps

Any second. Any moment.

Stay vigilant people.

Celibacy could be better...

Oh My Wow GIFGiphy

"Not being honest with doctors about Viagra. It has many dangerous drug interactions and can cause a lot of problems from what I’ve heard. Trust me the doctor ain’t gonna judge you guys, they have seen many more embarrassing things. And it would suck to die because you wanted to hide something just for it to be later stated in your death certificate."

The_upsetti_spagetti

Check the Numbers

"As a healthcare worker, giving the wrong amount of insulin."

UzumakiHorror

"During the first shift of my first clinical rotation in nursing school, I watched a nurse draw up insulin out of an auto-injector pen that was CLEARLY marked to specifically not do that AND she was drastically wrong about the dosage and almost killed a guy by giving him essentially like a hundred times the intended dose."

someguynamedg

Stay In

"Pulling the knife out of someone."

rcadephantom

"Yeah, I did that but it was a broken tree branch that had impaled my leg. Without even thinking I pulled it out. Blood started gushing so I pulled off my shirt and tied it into a pressure bandage. I was lucky I didn’t bleed to death."

Olddog_Newtricks2001

"Shock is an IQ reducer. I once sliced a bit off the side of my hand with a broken glass, and sort of dazedly picked off the piece of me and tried to stick it back on. It did not work."

UncannyTarotSpread

Stay Dirty

"Mixing cleaning ingredients."

Jonnysource

"My dad was trying to unclog his kitchen drain and mixed drain cleaners by adding one then adding another a few minutes later. It started bubbling and he began coughing intensely. I heard him coughing from the other room, saw what happened, and opened the nearby window to get rid of the chlorine gas he just produced."

"I forgot there was a large hive of wasps that had moved into that window and they did not appreciate this unexpected interruption. I took him to the emergency room for the gas exposure and it was tough explaining that the wasp stings were not why we were there."

CharmingTuber

Dear God

Jeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James CordenGiphy

"A friend’s husband locked himself out of their home. He tried to get in through a window that had security bars. While squeezing through his foot slipped and he essentially hung himself on the window sill."

Cokej01

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