They say it's hard for workers to get fired from their jobs. That is unless, of course, the employee is self-sabotaging and has nothing at stake.
While there are many unemployed people desperately looking for work, there are apparently just as many of those who want nothing more than to leave a situation that makes them miserable, despite having a steady paycheck.
Curious to hear about terminated employees, Redditor bartertownbeer asked:
"What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired?"
Fired? How about arrested?
"During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera.... 1 hour in.."
Right Place, Wrong Time
"This is the opposite route here but I found it amusing. My boss was out of town and I managed a tea shop near a Starbucks years ago. This kid came in (foreign) and said he was supposed to start today. We were hiring and I trained him etc. My boss came back two days later and had no idea. The kid was in the wrong place but he stayed with us. Hired on the spot without even applying."
"We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off. He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic."
The Longest Errand
"I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone's money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back."
"A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened."
"He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he'd stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager."
"Coworker quit his job, great job, great pay, great benefits to work in a radio repair place. I mean, gotta do what you love and he was also a big radio enthusiast. Got fired the first day on the job for stealing parts for his own radios at home. Took him over a year to get back with us. Surprised they rehired him. He then got fired for being a security risk about a year or so later."
Being under the influence at work never ends well.
"New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in."
"Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles...just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild."
"I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine."
"One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out."
And That's Why We Don't Hire Off The Street
"Worked at a steel processing plant (polishing, cut to length, etc) Everyone started off as temps, some for years, before getting hired in. Management decided they were short-staffed and the solution was to start hiring people full-time off the street."
"So this dude starts, full-time on day one, full benefits, more money, getting trained by temps who've been there for months, if not years. Everyone is mad resentful of this dude, obviously."
"Halfway through his second day he gets escorted out for testing positive on his drug test."
"They didn't hire any more dudes full-time off the street."
"corporate chain restaurant"
"new server, aged mid 30s."
"third day he was working we had to fire him mid shift. why? dude went in to the public rest rooms, with other guests clearly in there using the urinal, and started doing drugs on the edge of the sink."
"I can tell you about a time I fired someone within 5 minutes."
"Guy was a rehire in the restaurant. Had a baaaaad drinking problem. As in, got put into a hospice because he was dying. Of course he had to stop drinking so he got better. Went to detox and rehab and I heard he cleaned up. Second chances, right?"
"I hired him back and on his first day within the first 5 minutes I could tell this guy was obliterated drunk. Fired him again."
Competence is of utmost importance. Having brains is a good place to start as well.
Fast Food, Faster Firing
"Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him."
"A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot."
Careful Who You Denigrate
"First day of work, he walks in, says 'what the f'k is up dumba**' to the guy that parked next to (didn't touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired."
"The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch."
"Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers."
"Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank."
Up In Flames
"Guy had been working a few days at a barn. Decided to smoke right by bales of hay. Manager saw him and fired him right on the spot. At farms, you don’t f'k around with fire."
"Couldn’t pass the simple tests given at the end of new hire orientation. Yelled at test facilitator when she wouldn’t just take the test for him."
Wife Behind The Curtain
"Sounds like an engineer my company hired. He was a PhD and really hit it off with the guys in management. Had some female colleagues working under his direction, and he was an absolute d*ck, demeaned their work, blamed them for things not working. Now my colleagues were excellent formulation chemists. He was brought on to lead a new formulation project and it wasn’t working. He would tell them how to do it and it never worked, he kept blaming them for doing it wrong. My coworker got fed up and called him on his bullsh*t during a big meeting with a prepared presentation describing what they tried, how thoroughly they tried it, why what he proposed would never work, and an alternative solution."
"He was pissed, but the management guys were extremely knowledgeable and started asking him questions, and it was clear he couldn’t answer. Turns out, his wife has a PhD too, and she pretty much did all of his degree work for him (both from a culture where women are not treated equally). He knew absolutely nothing. Not only that, but once everyone got to talking, it was clear just how massive an a**hole this guy was. Sadly, my colleagues had to deal with this for months before everything was said and done."
Remember when I mentioned how it's difficult for people to get fired?
Yeah, let's scratch that.
Apparently, it's super easy.