Family members may think they know everything about you. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Parents especially have an idea of who you are based on their observations of watching you grow up
But just because blood is thicker than water, it doesn't mean they can easily relate to you.
Curious to explore family relationships, Redditor Belle_Artist_Jade asked:
"People of reddit, what is one thing your family will never understand about you?"
Being anti-social with family doesn't necessarily mean there's resentment.
Personal Space
"My desire to be left alone, I love solitude."
– Jimmy_Graphite
Setting Boundaries
"That having boundaries doesn't mean I don't care or love you. They are there for a reason because of how I was treated growing up, but I still want you in my life despite everything. Boundaries are not walls, they are bridges for you to maintain a relationship with me in a way that allows us to respect each other."
– theoriginalsmore
Not Trustworthy
"This is my parents but they assume I'm private and never tell anybody what's going on in my life. Nope, I just figured out around 30 that I can't trust either of you enough to confide in you. One of you is judgy and wants to advise on 'fixing' any problem I mention, no matter how small or unrelated to me, and the other files tidbits away to use against me in arguments in the future. So yeah, it's just you two."
– overcompliKate
Here's A Thought
"I don’t know who said this but it’s on the wall at my therapist’s office: 'Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself simultaneously.'”
– TreeOfLight
These Redditors don't have an identity crisis. They just happen to be more comfortable around friends.
Different Personality
"That I'm not always as quiet and boring as I am when I'm around them. It's just that they're so judgy and hateful of everyone and it makes me uncomfortable. So I don't behave the same around them as I do with my friends, etc."
– Anticyclonic_Comrade
Avoiding Conflict
"Same. I’m 17 and they complain that I don’t talk to them anymore. I stopped talking to them because almost every time I do, they start a huge argument for no reason. So I basically just talk about what I have to talk to them about and in the most monotone voice I can."
– theacethree
Highly Suspicious Folks
"That I've literally never done anything that they've accused me of over the years. And now they don't understand why I don't like to be around them. Being the family scapegoat is a pain in the a**. It makes me sad."
– F'k_you_Reddit_Nazi
I'm Not Boring
"I so get you! My family has always been judgmental of my 'introvertedness' to the point that I'm anxious and can't be my normal self around them. This makes me boring in their eyes which makes them judge/lecture me more."
"It's a horrible cycle."
– Confused_Citron
"It Wasn't All Sunshine And Flowers"
"My mom doesn't understand why I'm so different than when I was a child. Why I don't smile so often anymore."
"Well, I stopped hiding my emotions. I don't know how to tell them that no, it wasn't all sunshine and flowers when I was young even if they loved me and raised me well."
"They f'ked up things, and it shaped me. Not always in a good way."
– Kanlhan
Just because they're your parents, it doesn't mean they're always right.
Learning By Example
"That the reason I have found success, both personal and financial, in life is because I watched them for years and do the exact opposite. Bad part is that they seem to reward and normalize bad decisions."
– gimme3strokes
The Successful Sibling
"It's so frustrating being the only sibling to pull themselves out of poverty when your parents are like that, because my parents simultaneously act like they know everything and override advice that I give my siblings, while also telling them to ask me because they haven't touched X in 2 decades.They take pride in the fact that I'm considered successful, but nobody learns from anything that I've done to pull themselves out - instead they spend every dollar that hits their account, burn bridges with their ego, and stay loyal to the wrong people."
– bumblingbirdy
The Passionate Traveler
"Not all of my family do, but some think it’s very weird and a bad thing that I’m prioritizing travel and seeing the world while I’m young(ish). Left the US for the first time at 19, I’m 28 now and have been to 44 countries and 38 US states. I’ve worked my butt off, saved up, then travelled. Have done that 2 times now. Currently working hard again in preparation for my next trip."
"They all tell me to work now and travel when I’m retired. In the year before covid I backpacked asia, rode a motorcycle through 14 European countries, and lived out of a van in New Zealand. I don’t think I’d enjoy those things as much when I’m 65!"
– dr_moonshot
Redditors with medical conditions talk about their frustrations.
Illness
"That I have young onset Parkinson's disease. They don't get that I can't write or balance things. Despite scans and specialists, they think I'm too young (36M). They keep telling me to breathe and it'll all be fixed."
– last_alchemyst
The Ringing
"Kinda depressing, but just how painful the ringing in my ears are."
– Gamma_Burst1298
Sonic Assault
"That I don't always want to wear my hearing aids. It's exhausting to constantly hear sounds you normally never hear/understand."
– Ok-World-4822
Parents may think they got you pegged, when in fact, there's a lot they can learn about you.
And that depends on how much you want to open up to them and if they're subsequently willing to understand you on a deeper level.
This also makes me wonder–are there things about your family you just never understood? And are you willing to bridge that gap?
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“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?