Family of Stand-Up Comics Reveal What It's Like To Be The Butt Of A Joke[rebelmouse-image 18349092 is_animated_gif=
The direct, in-your-face nature of stand-up comedy is one of its most notable features, however, there are times when people get offended by the surprise of being the subject of a joke. It's all well-intentioned, of course, but for some, that's doesn't make up for momentary jabs.
Submissions have been edits for clarity, context, and profanity.
Sometimes asking for permission is better than asking for forgiveness.[rebelmouse-image 18349093 is_animated_gif=
I do some stand-up but it's not my main focus. When my wife does something I think would make for a good bit I immediately ask her if I can use it for a joke. If she says no, I'll typically let it go. If I think it's really good, I'll prep the joke and run it by her again a few days later to see if actually hearing the joke will change her mind. If she's still uncomfortable, I don't use it.
Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, where's the fun in life?[rebelmouse-image 18349095 is_animated_gif=
My husband is a comic. He always asks me before turning a bit about me or our kids into part of his act. I assume he may say things while he's working out material at open mics, but we always talk about it before he uses it during a "real" show. Overall, it doesn't affect our relationship much. If anything, we are able to be more open and honest with each other about our quirks and habits that are annoying. It also helps that we are both capable of laughing things off and are not easily offended. The bits he has that involve me are all in good fun and are embellished for a better punchline. We both know the truth about our lives!
Cons: it can be uncomfortable when I'm at a show and everyone stares at me, and I'm asked personal questions. People tend to assume that his jokes are the truth, but really they are a version of it.
Pros: A few years ago Chappelle was in town on my birthday. My husband (then boyfriend) opened for him, and he had the entire auditorium full of people wish me happy birthday and I got to hang out in the green room with all of the comics afterward. It was cool.
Seems like a totally normal relationship.[rebelmouse-image 18349097 is_animated_gif=
My ex is a stand-up comedian, and I would attend everyone one of those open mic nights in support. All his fans knew who I was, so when he made a joke about his sex life, they all knew it was about me.
I turned bright red, but it wasn't anything other than a tad embarrassing.
I guess it helps that it was a funny joke.
Why not go to have a good time in addition to showing up to be supportive?[rebelmouse-image 18349098 is_animated_gif=
My SO is a DJ. Not exactly the same but still the whole performance thing. I've been to all his shows. Some have sucked. I'm not going to be entertained though. I'm going because I love and support him.
No one wants to be a research subject on a date. Unless they're being paid.[rebelmouse-image 18349099 is_animated_gif=
I went on a date with a guy who was a stand-up comic (no-one notable) and the way he asked questions about my past relationships made it sound like he was digging for material. I should have invoiced him.
Talk about having arbitrary "lines in the sand..."[rebelmouse-image 18349100 is_animated_gif=
I'm a comic and a large part of my act is based on things I've experienced in my relationships, with women or my dad. I have about 15 minutes just about how my dad is an abusive criminal that made my childhood a living hell. We don't talk much but he called me one day to say he saw a video of one of my sets and he thought the bits about him were really funny, that was a surreal moment.
I've written material about most of my serious romantic relationships including my wife (now ex-wife), and only one woman has ever gotten mad at me and it was the strangest thing. I wrote a joke about a very personal aspect of our sex life and it alludes to her being dumb. Obviously, the first time I did it in front of her I thought that would lead to her being upset but SHE LOVED THAT JOKE. She used to ask me to do it anytime she would come to a show. A few months later I riffed a throwaway joke about how she replies to simple questions with Snapchat pictures of her dog, I get off stage, she tells me she doesn't think the joke is funny and is going home alone. The next day she Snapchats me a picture of her doing a peace sign and I never hear from her again. It taught me you can never tell what is going to offend or upset someone.
This is what having a brother is all about.[rebelmouse-image 18349101 is_animated_gif=
My brother is a stand-up comedian, he isn't a big name (yet), but as far as I know, he hasn't made a joke about me. He often asks me for advice for jokes or editing when he tweets jokes. He makes plenty of jokes about my parents, but they think it's funny.
However, if I am at one of his shows, he'll tell the other comics that I'm there and encourage them to heckle me, which is always entertaining.
Getting a random weighted blanket in the mail might not fix that anxiety right away...[rebelmouse-image 18349102 is_animated_gif=
My sister does stand up. She has a bit about the time I gave her a weighted blanket for Christmas a month early. I had just heard about them--they're designed as a coping tool for anxiety. She was having a tough time, so I was seized by the belief that she needed a weighted blanket ASAP.
So basically, she got this random package and was like "WTF is a weighted blanket and why am I receiving one in the mail???"
She didn't ask permission about the bit but did warn me ahead of time. I watched her perform it and it was well received. I was mildly embarrassed, perhaps, but mostly thought it was funny. As far as sister material she could use for comedy, it's pretty harmless. She does have sets that make other family members come off comically badly, and I just sound like an eccentric gift-giver. So I think I've gotten off easy so far and am very proud to have a badass comedian sister.
And yes, she has warmed up to the blanket!
At least give a shout out to your source of material...[rebelmouse-image 18349103 is_animated_gif=
A friend of mine once told me he used my exact jokes or just told stories about me when he was doing stand up. I don't think I have the ability to get the delivery right as I'm usually a horrific mess when speaking in front of anyone, so I don't mind too much. Don't hang out with that guy anymore for various unrelated reasons but I'm sure if he still does stand up he's probably still using my jokes.
Yelling at your kid after a show isn't a good way of showing you're not trashy...[rebelmouse-image 18349104 is_animated_gif=
I'm a drag queen / stand up comic. I do jokes about growing up white trash and realizing it later in life. My mom has no problem with me being gay or a queen (any longer), but after one show she came up to me and yelled at me that we were not W/T!!! ??? :/ We were... and still definitively are.
Being immortalized in jokes? Worth it.[rebelmouse-image 18349105 is_animated_gif=
I have been dating a stand-up comedian for about 4 years now. He does ask permission and is considerate of my feelings (especially when he bends the truth more than a little). I wouldn't really say our relationship has been impacted by it. He was already doing stand up long before we got together so I knew a bit more what I was getting into. The few jokes that do feature me I consider to be a small nugget of immortality.
"My dad, everyone... I told you so."[rebelmouse-image 18349106 is_animated_gif=
My dad is an unpredictable homeless looking mentally ill alcoholic so it was always gonna be dicey having him ever see a gig. He did once and I did a joke that mentioned him -not a bad one but he stormed the stage and was doing like bows and stuff. Ugh. I was mortified but tried to make it part of the show.
Supportive? Check. Not getting offended by jokes at her own expense? She's a keeper.[rebelmouse-image 18349107 is_animated_gif=
So, I was a standup comic for 8 years. Dated one woman who hated when I told jokes involving her, even though 99% of the time they were completely fictional and I just needed a subject for the joke (it's much funnier if it happened to me than to someone else). She had zero ability to laugh at herself but was more than happy to laugh at other people. She wasn't a good person.
My wife started dating me while I was already doing standup. The first time she heard a joke about her I think she was a little shocked, but she thought it was funny so she didn't care, and she liked the fact I was a comic and figured it would come with the territory. I never had to "get permission" on any jokes, though I told her that if she came to a show and there was one about her that made her uncomfortable to let me know and I would pull it (unless it was a DAMN good joke, then she'd have to live with it). She never took me up on that offer though.
There's a reason I married her. :-)
A situation that will never not be funny.[rebelmouse-image 18349108 is_animated_gif=
One of my buddies from college is constantly doing stand-up to try to either make it big in that realm or get a writing job somewhere.
One of his best bits involves this time where I shat my pants during class, and anyone that knows me would be able to piece two and two together and figure out it's about me.
If he ends up making it big I might ask him to at least change up the details a bit, but it's a funny story so if it helps him reach his goals, I'm all for it.
I'd be honored if this happened tbqfh...[rebelmouse-image 18349109 is_animated_gif=
The husband of a friend is a professional comedian. They had me over for dinner one night with a couple of other friends who are comedy writers. The next night I found out that they had me over for dinner because the writers were basing a character off of me and wanted to meet me in person. I've never asked for any details. I have no idea what my friend's husband had been telling them about me. I never asked if it was for a show they were currently working on or one in development. She told me it was nothing bad, they just thought I was interesting. Not sure I want to know how a comedian sees my life. This was years ago, we've never talked about it. I used to be mentioned in a bit her husband did about his wife's friend's, but it wasn't really about me.
Of course, keeping the wife happy has it's advantages too.[rebelmouse-image 18349111 is_animated_gif=
Oh man am I late to this, but what the hell. I'm a comic and married. It's pretty rare that I discuss my wife in my act, but on the rare occasions I do, she's always the hero and I'm the idiot. Just like in real life.
Of course, if you can't come up with original material, maybe comedy isn't for you?[rebelmouse-image 18349112 is_animated_gif=
My brother had this notebook he carries all the time. Every time we all get together, he listens and laughs at jokes then pulls it out and writes in his notebook asking people to help him develop the joke further.
He basically no longer live in the moment and turns every joke into an assignment. Can someone be less funny when they become a comedian? Yes, they can.
It's important to keep in mind that stories in comedy acts are greatly embellished.[rebelmouse-image 18349113 is_animated_gif=
My boyfriend used to do stand up. Some of the material about me was true or partly true and some of it was completely made up or about a different person and he would just say "my girlfriend" for brevity/relatability. I didn't care at all, for the most part, people understand it's not all true.
Religion may be "low-hanging fruit" but there's certainly no shortage of material.[rebelmouse-image 18349114 is_animated_gif=
My brother is a stand-up comedian. I grew very up religious and he... chose a different path.
In his act, he says terrible things about our mother, makes claims about the religion and his role in it that are false and basically takes everything I hold dear and stomps on it in order to get laughs out of people.
He's funnier than that. He's smarter than that. He doesn't have to try for the lowest denominator but he often does.
No permission was ever asked nor even contemplated. Sometimes he will tell me not to attend a show if he knows the material he will use that night would ruffle my feathers. So he at least tries.
Our relationship has been strained for a long time. He's long since mocked me and all I hold dear in public and private so I've gotten desensitized to it.
I do wish him success.
In closing, though, asking forgiveness is probably the way to go.[rebelmouse-image 18349115 is_animated_gif=
Stand up comic here.
I never ask for permission. I just tell what I think is funny, and if it works. It works. I might have a time where I'm with family and I go, "Oh, by the way, that one thing you did/said is in my act now."
They're mostly cool with it because they know it's in good fun.
If you've never seen the comedy classic, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," there is a scene where Arthur, King of the Britons, encounters a black knight guarding a bridge. Arthur quickly figures out the stalwart knight will not let him pass, so the two do battle, with the king severely injuring his enemy in the process.
He cuts off all his arms and legs.
Yet the black knight persists, insisting his injuries are, "but a scratch."
Turns out this happens to people in real life, not so much with swords and knights, but with can openers and ice skates.
"What was your “‘Tis but a scratch!” moment?"
It comes out of nowhere, and that could be the leading cause to why you might not notice right away. You want to get back to work, or your shopping, unaware you're missing your kneecap.
It's Just Really Good Makeup
"Worked at a haunted house that took place an in an old soap factory. During rehearsal one night, I tried to go down a narrow staircase in the dark, tripped down the stairs and fell into a conveniently-placed shopping cart."
"My shins were bleeding all over but I didn’t notice until like fifteen minutes into rehearsal and that’s only because somebody said something."
No, I Only Want You To Look At This Injury, Not That Injury
"I once dropped a piece of ducting at lowes (home improvement chain in USA) and tried to catch it, slicing my thumb and palm. Not too bad, but bleeding a bit. Clenched a tight fist to stop the blood and found an employee to ask for a bandaid, he looked at me and ran off to grab some and he came back with a handful. I was confused, only took two because it wasn't THAT bad and went to the bathroom to clean my hand and put on the bandaids."
"4 hours later I was scratching my leg at home and felt something weird. Looked down and there was a 4in long very bloody gash down my left shin that I had no idea about. Wasn't that deep but was rather long."
"That poor employee probably thought I was crazy, and I felt silly."
"Another time I was using an axe to chop up a branch and the head bounced funny off a knot and took a glancing blow at my shin. The only part of that I felt was the bruising from the impact. I couldn't even tell where the cut was without looking"
"Point is I am now convinced that shins feel no pain from cuts."
So Bad You Need A Shot Out Of It
"I'm a very clumsy person, especially when it comes to the kitchen. However, every time I've cut myself with a knife or a can, or burnt myself, it has been something I'm able to fix at home, with a bandage or over the counter medicine."
"A couple years ago I was opening a can of beans, and had my middle finger extended when I was opening it. Unfortunately, I pulled the ring too fast, and the lid sliced my middle finger. I thought it was just another cut, so I went to my first aid kit, grabbed bandages, and went to the bathroom to clean the wound and apply pressure. I made a mess of the floor and my bathroom with the blood dripping."
"Nonetheless, no matter how long I kept pressure on it, the wound kept bleeding, and I was unable to put the bandage on it. I lived with my parents, so I asked them for help. They tried to cover the wound, but blood kept coming out. We gave up, decided it was time for the ER, and had to get stitches and a tetanus shot. I got a scar out of it, and lost my now bloodied beans, but fortunately the lid managed to miss the tendon, so I didn't lose mobility."
Injuries are somehow worse when no one is around to help. That makes the situations when someone is there to tell you you're bleeding out the side of your head a little easier to stomach.
A Boss Keeping An Eye Out For You
"Sliced my hand during work from finger to elbow and tore the skin nearly clean off."
"At first I went, this is fine I just gotta get a bandage."
"Boss yelled at me and took me to the hospital."
No Help To Be Found
"Had a grinding wheel disintegrate, and a piece of it slammed into my thigh. Felt like a strong slap at the time, so I just hissed, rubbed it a little like a bruise, and went on back to what I was doing. About 10 minutes later noticed my sneaker was wet inside and saw the whole leg was covered in blood and the shoe was soaked."
"It wasn't a bruise lol, that piece split the skin and muscle pretty deep. And since it was in a remote location, there was no immediate opportunity to get it sutured, so now I have a mouth-sized and shaped scar there."
Don't Tell Mom
"When I was a kid we had this old go kart thing that I sat on while my older brother pulled a rope tied to it. We went around in circles then after landing from a small bump, my right leg got stuck between the front wheel & frame or so, next thing I know almost my entire right leg was drenched in blood."
"My brother took some cotton balls & bandages and started cleaning the blood, as we swear not to tell mom. Somehow turns out the cut wasn’t even that big or deep, only got a small band aid, not even needed at that. So in conclusion my skin is made of rubber and my blood flows like pulp."
If there's anything this entire discussion has taught us is that the human body going into shock can lead to some truly terrifying moments.
Makes You Wonder How Someone Doesn't Need Their Knee
"Took a spill at night while inline skating. Got up, felt some blood on my knee but kept doing some more runs."
"Got home and every other step I left a bloody footprint. My mum started screaming and I discovered I'd basically torn my knee cap off."
"Oof that escalated quickly"
Can You Hear This?
"Kind of a same thing happened to me when I was making our yard look cleaner with my 1960 Fordson Major tractor. Left-side axle snapped in half and I fell down a deep ditch."
"I just climbed the ditch like "Well that was something" I walked inside to ask my dad to help me with my tractor but my mom came screaming at me in panic as my right ear was torn in half."
"I was so confused but she took me to the mirror. We went to hospital and I got stiches. Only started to feel pain in the morning."
"The tractor had mine modified cockpit from a valmet or something. It was only made of iron so it wasn't that soft. That cockpit was totaled and so could have me if it didn't land on its wheels. It could of been deadly."
Listening To Doctors. What A Unique Concept.
"i walked around for over a week with a broken shoulder because i thought it was just a sprain. when i finally saw the doctor, i was like “i’m pretty sure it’s just a sprain.” doc was like “judging by the bruising, it is very much broken.” x-rays later confirmed."
Don't try to tough it out. Get out the antibiotic ointment, grab the bandages, and just take it easy for the rest of the day. No need to be a Black Knight about the whole thing.
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We are currently in a market that favors workers over employers – many workers feel empowered to seek out different positions and have reevaluated what they want in their careers amid the financial fallout of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Many workers left their jobs in search of greener pastures because they were ready for a change, and others were more than happy to leave behind toxic workplaces that only burned them out.
As you can imagine, they've become rather adept at noticing red flags during the interview process and beyond.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor taylortaylortaylorrr asked the online community,
"What is a red flag from an employer that people might not immediately recognize as a red flag?"
"It can be hard to tell..."
"When an employee quits or gets fired from the job and the company doesn't hire anyone new to replace them."
" It can be hard to tell as a red flag at first, but the temporary workload they added to your own over that was left over after the person left, slowly becomes your new permanent workload, without any changes to your pay or benefits to compensate for the additional tasks."
"The further out it goes without the position being filled, the larger and more obvious the red flag becomes."
Very good to know. Not only will the red flag become more prominent but the likelihood of burnout will increase as well.
"The CEO/boss/whatever drives a conspicuously expensive car."
This does say a lot about company leadership, particularly if the rest of the workers are feasting on scraps.
"If it's a private/family company..."
"If it's a private/family company, do a Google search for '[company name] defendant' and '[company name] plaintiff.'
"If the company has been sued, or is in the habit of suing others, that can be a red flag- although something there are legit reasons for. But it's something worth paying attention to."
You probably wouldn't want to be involved with a company that could land you in legal trouble, would you?
"If the company brings alcohol..."
"If the company brings alcohol into the office for 'end of week' sessions on a regular basis. I know they can be fun but it's a stupendously bad idea for all kinds of reasons and if leadership hasn't figured that out then I'd think twice before joining."
This is a big reason why it is so important to have boundaries to work and your personal life. Alcohol can certainly make things messy.
"If it's a job in a manufacturing or distribution facility, is it messy or tidy? Messy, cluttered facilities are indicative of poor management, plus they can be dangerous."
Dangerous indeed. That's how lawsuits happen!
"Pay attention to the feeling in your gut. If something feels 'off,' then it probably is."
Probably the most important piece of advice here, arguably. If it doesn't sit right with you, it's probably for an excellent reason.
"When you don't get a review..."
"When you don’t get a review until you ask for a raise. Then, all of a sudden, your work is being questioned and you’re being berated."
How convenient, right?
Many people fall into this trap and it exhausts them. Talk about toxic workplaces!
"I know people..."
"I know people (rightfully) like to hate on HR, but if a company brags about 'not having an HR department to deal with,' expect them to be very disorganized at a minimum."
You definitely want an HR department! Not having one can create an environment in which so many boundaries are crossed.
"It tells me that..."
"Open interviews. It tells me that people leave faster than you can bring them in, and with good reason."
This often happens in fast food establishments, which have very high turnover rates. While horrible customers are one thing, bad management definitely contributes to the revolving door effect in these establishments.
"If you’re being interviewed/hired and they tell you have/will have multiple managers to report to. Basically if there is not a clear chain of command."
"What’ll happen is eventually one manager’s directions, goals or instructions will conflict with the other’s, and you’ll get caught in the middle of it. And one or both will use it against you in performance reviews."
This is crucial to remember – a clear chain of command is important, with each party willing and able to take responsibility for their part. Anything less can backfire.
Now that you've listened and absorbed some of these, you're bound to feel more empowered, right?
Now get out there and slay your next interview. And remember – trust your gut.
Have some advice of your own to give? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Computers are not everyone's strong suit. Generation z is now reaching adulthood, and they've had computers, smart phones, and iPads since birth.
For anyone in an older generation, this wasn't the case. Computers weren't even advertised for the home until the Superbowl of 1984, and even then it was priced at $2,500.
Come the turn of the 21st century, computers are a staple in the home, but the advancements in the last two decades have left some people scrambling to keep up. Things that might seem basic to some are shockingly uncommon to others.
Redditor Dark-Matter-7935 asked:
"What is a basic computer skill you were shocked some people don't have?"
Prepare to be blown away.
"Not knowing what double click means."
"Click... 3 seconds later click."
"Either they single click everything, or they double-click everything."
Just read the screen.
"Reading! As a tech supporter I get the stupidest questions:"
"Client: There is a prompt here that says "your computer needs to reboot to finish installing updates. click here to restart" what does that mean?"
"Me: It means your computer installed updates and needs to reboot."
"Client: How do I do that?"
"Me: Click on the prompt to restart."
"The longer you work in IT, the more you realize that people who say 'I'm not good with computers' actually mean that they can't be bothered to use a search bar...or even just f*cking read what's right in front of them."
How to search the internet.
"You'd be surprised how many folk don't know what to type in to search engines to find what they're looking for."
"Don't tell them; this is my job security."
"Yea forreal. Family/friends having tech problems? I google it. Customer asking me a question? 'Let me get that information for you' as I disappear behind the counter."
And how to search your computer.
"Been working in IT long enough to where people not having basic computer skills doesn't shock me anymore. But still, how do people never figure out that you can search for programs in the start menu?"
"'My Outlook is gone!'"
"Hits start and types Outlook."
"'Oh, there it is! How'd you find it?'"
"The amount of people that can't function if there isn't a shortcut on their desktop is astounding."
Changing the desktop background.
"My college roommate didn't know he could change his desktop background. He was blown away and went to show it to one of our other friends, who was also blown away because she didn't know you could change the background."
"I remember this exact same thing happening with a friend... in 1996. We all gathered around to marvel at her background being the block of trees with gold frames."
Finding the right cable for the job.
"Shape recognition. Does the end of the cable look like the hole in the machine? It's amazing how many people can't figure that out at work."
"'I had to cut off some of the pins to make it fit...'"
"Actually had this happen once with a 4G dongle. We told them to plug in their SIM card into it. They had a full size SIM and the dongle took full size cards. Instead they found the micro SD card slot on the dongle and literally cut their SIM card down to fit into that slot."
Copy and paste.
"Copy and paste shortcuts."
"I caught a coworker flipping back and forth between tabs while retyping a paragraph. When I showed her how to copy and paste, her response was 'I can't keep up with all this new technology.'"
"I am 38. She is 40."
"My dad is 73, wasn't at all computer literate, taught himself how to install Linux and definitely knows how to copy and paste."
"I think sometimes it's a choice to not learn stuff like that. Everyone has priorities, and it's perfectly fair if computer literacy isn't yours, but of course you won't 'keep up' if you choose not to try."
A URL is not for Google.
"Not knowing how to enter a URL. I've tried to get people to enter a URL over the phone and they just put it in the Google search bar (usually after first going to google.com)."
"I'm always surprised how many business owners go to their own website by typing it in Google then clicking the link. Bookmark that sh*t at least!"
"I encounter this issue EVERY time I ask someone on the phone to 'Go to logmein123.com' and they inevitably then reply with 'which one do I click?' TYPE IT IN THE F***ING ADDRESS BAR!"
"Unless they’re intentionally trying to make the business website rank higher in the search engine lol."
Refusing to believe their tech needs power.
"Them: My computer turns on, but my monitor doesn’t show the picture!”
"Me: Is your monitor plugged in and connected to the back of your PC?”
"Them: No, I needed to use that outlet so I unplugged it."
"I worked tech support for an ISP and we had a storefront where customers could bring devices in for config. Had a lady once bring a router in with no power supply. She was dumbfounded and almost irritated when I told her I couldn't work on it. She said 'Why does it need a power cord? It's wireless!'"
"Wanted to kill myself daily at that job."
"My buddy has a customer come in and complain the phone they sold them died. The battery was just depleted, and the man was irate when told that he had to plug his phone in the charge it every day. He tried to get a discount because he was told it was wireless so he assumed it would just charge itself via magic cell signals or something, and then he complained that his 'old phone' never needed charging."
"I assume his old phone was just a corded home phone or something."
With technology changing all the time, we may always need a tech support person to help us figure out what's going on.
Though, with more reliance on technology, we might need to better increase our computer literacy so everyone is on an even playing feild.
The hopefully our IT servicers won't want to pull their hair out with every client.
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Living close to the Everglades, weird wildlife encounters don't really seem all that "weird" anymore. South Florida is some next-level wilderness.
Every now and then, though, you hear about an encounter with something that shouldn't be there. Sometimes it's an escaped or released exotic animal; hurricanes have destroyed countless wildlife enclosures and some people don't realize how big that cool pet is really going to get and choose to set it loose.
Sometimes it's a "skunk ape."
Florida's version of a 'bigfoot' sounds a little easier to believe when you factor in the huge number of primate enclosures that have been destroyed over the decades. We have established populations of things like monkeys, pythons, and boars now.
Why not gorillas or orangutans? They're both tall upright hair covered primates that might match the description.
Except skunk ape stories go back way before zoos and the exotic pet industry.
Reddit user cruzer58b asked:
"Those of you that TRULY believe you have seen a cryptid (Bigfoot, jersey devil, etc.) what’s your story?"
South Florida isn't the only place the wild gets weird. OBVIOUSLY.
Look at what these Reddit users have experienced.
The Thing Hunting OrcasMarine Life Beauty GIF by OceanaGiphy
"I was on a ferry for a school softball trip, off Kodiak island AK, 2014. I was 18."
"A whole bunch of us had snuck up to the deck around 11pm to watch the waves and generally be teenagers on a boat without supervision. It was 11pm in May in Alaska so the sun was thinking about setting but it was still bright outside."
"So we’re just doing our thing and we notice a pod of orcas swimming with the ferry’s wake, which is very cool but not, like, unusual."
"If you’re familiar with the dimensions of an orca fin you know they’re about 4-6 ft in height and look like big black spikes coming out of the water. Being Alaskan teenagers, we were very familiar. This is important."
"Orcas travel and hunt in pods of anywhere between 15-40 whales. Apex predators. The beautiful demon murderers of the sea."
"Total a**holes. Top of the food chain."
"So we saw this pod of orcas swimming with the boat, counted around 10- 15, with some babies scattered in there. Very fun to watch for the good 30 minutes to all go by. We tried to get pictures, but it was just dark enough that our shitty 2014 phone cameras weren't much good."
"Another 30 or 40 minutes go by and we’ve all pretty much sobered up and it’s about to finally get dark and we’re cold and sleepy and about ready to go in."
"We haven’t seen an orca for like half an hour, and then one of the girls spots another one and points it out. So we all turn and look at the whale's dorsal fin - but one dorsal fin is immediately followed by another, and another, and another, and then two more, and then two more after that, in two separate rows, and they’re taller, by a LOT, and jagged, like some have whole chunks torn out of them, and they’re all 8-10 feet high."
"And all these fins are attached to ONE creature."
"We can just barely see its back slicing through the water, covered in these rows of spikes, and it just. Keeps. Coming. This thing is like 20 or 30 feet from the ferry, running parallel to it, and we are all transfixed."
"This wasn't a small group - there’s like 9 or 10 of us and no one is saying a word because we’ve all turned to look at a whale and we are all now watching something that is like, horrifically, terrifyingly obviously NOT a whale."
"Someone tries to take a picture but it’s too dark at this point and the only reason we can see this thing is the light cast from ferry portholes, which is a take as old as time when it comes to things that you REALLY f*cking wish you had a picture of."
"But we all stand there completely scared stiff and in awe and we watch this thing just KEEP surfacing for a good 6 or 7 minutes which means that whatever it was was LONG. Like..... 60 or 70 feet long."
"And covered in enormous spikes. Spikes that looked like they’d won thousands of battles with god knows what."
"It took what felt like an eternity for any of us to say anything after the last of it disappeared back into the strait."
"I mean if you and like ten of your friends had just all seen something that all science had DEFINITELY pointed to not existing, and you had all seen the same exact thing, AND it was very OBVIOUSLY trailing, nay, HUNTING, not one but 15 something APEX F*CKIN PREDATORS, what do you even say to break that silence?"
"That’s the thing that eats me about the whole thing, is it was hunting. It was following them. It was literally hunting about 60 tons of toothy, angry, intelligent apex predator."
"Every once in a while one of us will hit another one of us up and check in, like 'Do remember this? Was I hallucinating? Did we all see the same, insane, worldview-melting, terrifying thing that night?' And the reason I KNOW we did is because none of us talked about it."
"Not during the trip, not after, not to any of our friends because how the f*ck do you even tell someone about something like that?"
"Now we have almost 10 years between us and that night I assume some of them have probably told people, I know I tell people, because I’ve seen a LOT like that in Alaska and I’m That B*tch."
"And also because there’s a very rich history among native Alaskans of a Something that lives and hunts in the waters around Kodiak and it’s important to tell its story because someday it’s gonna eat a little too much plastic and no one will ever watch it hunt a pod of orcas terrified from a boat ever again."
The Cutest CryptidArts And Crafts Love GIF by NickelodeonGiphy
"One night I was driving home at around 2 AM and this tiny, tiny white creature (probably as tall as a Pringles can, though maybe a bit smaller) walked across the road in front of my car."
"I hadn't thought about this in a while but here's what I can remember: The bottoms of its "legs" ended in what looked like flowy bits or ribbons, and it was almost translucent. I could almost see the road THROUGH the creature."
"It walked at a kind of jaunty pace, just like a person might walk. The best way to describe it is like that super steppy walk that the dwarves sometimes do in Snow White, or Mickey Mouse does sometimes."
"I slowed my car down but was afraid to stop it completely, and the thing disappeared as my car went 'through' it."
"Honestly it was so f*cking cute that I wasn't even scared, but I was shaken up by having seen something like this."
"I couldn't believe what I saw, so I called my then-boyfriend and frantically described the creature. He told me that it sounded like the Fresno Nightcrawler, and when I got home and looked it up, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE."
"I had never heard about them before. I do not live in California, not even close. I still have no clue what it was."
The SwimmerMichael C Hall Night GIF by DexterGiphy
"I used to go running and take a break at a train bridge in Iowa city when I went to school there."
"I did a lot of night runs. Sometimes, only after dark, I'd hear something swimming around at that train bridge. Maybe human or deer sized."
"One time, It was late and I heard it again. But this time, I could see something dark on the water. Looked like a profile of a very large head."
"I said 'hello, someone there?' "
"It stopped dead still and looked at me. It was dark but I could tell it was looking right at me. This went on for 30 seconds to a minute. It then went under, and I never saw or heard it again."
"I told myself it was a person swimming. But why not say hi back? Also, where did it go under to?""It was a slow river, I would have heard it surfacing or getting out of the water unless it went over a hundred feet."
"That's the closest thing to a cryptid I've seen and known about."
"Some people are saying beavers and otters. I've seen river otters (but not in the US), it was far too big to be a normal sized one. I've never seen the 6 ft ones, and I don't think they live anywhere near Iowa."
"It was much too big to be a beaver too, I see those all the time, and they're usually denoted by telltale signs such as dams and chewed trees. Also, I've never seen beavers active at night only during the day."
"I think it was probably just a person, maybe a homeless person who wanted to not be bothered by me."
"As I said, that's the closest I've come to seeing a cryptid, I know the original post asked for people that are 100% sure, but it was late at night and it felt appropriate to tell that story."
Orangutan/Lemur Hybridorangutan GIFGiphy
"When I was 14 or so in 2003 I saw what looked like an orangutan/lemur hybrid watching me from the trees."
"When it realized I was looking at it, it took off into the trees and disappeared. This was in Western NC, nothing like that should have been around here."
"For a few years I looked for articles about someone’s escaped exotic pet but never found anything. Eventually just wrote it off."
"Years later I heard a Lore episode about the Pukwudgie and I immediately got chills because the description matched what I saw. I’m still not sure what happened."
"Few months ago I was dumb enough to wander into the same patch of woods. I got nailed by a rock and when I looked up I saw a small outline ducking around like it was watching my reaction. Again, when it recognized I was looking at it, it took off."
"I don’t know what happened but I also don’t really plan on going back."
Hopefully A Bearred dead redemption bear GIFGiphy
"About 16 years ago I lived in the rural areas of Kansas, town was about 6 miles from my house."
"At night while I was waiting for sleep I stared out of my window and look out into the darkness. Normally I would see owls, possums, racoons, coyote, etc all just minding their business doing animal stuff."
"And I could always hear them. Loud and clear."
"One night as I am trying to get to bed I watch and listen for the wildlife and on this night there was none to be heard or seen. Being a kid I thought nothing of it."
"Until I saw a HUGE black figure moving on four legs."
"I could swear I had seen a brown bear this thing was THAT massive. Except we lived in midwest Kansas. We have no bears."
"Cows and horses are too tall and not wide enough for what I saw. Plus our neighbors all had cattle so I was familiar with what they look like at night."
"People suggested it could have been one of the massive dogs like a malamute or leonberger or something. Maybe it could have been, but they are still too small for what I saw."
"Never saw it again"
"There are bears in Colorado, Arkansas, Missouri, And a bit in Oklahoma. Kansas is in the historic range of black bears as well."
"I don't think it's a stretch that one may have wandered in from a surrounding state."
"This would relieve years of stress and the itch of the unknown if I could get confirmation that it was, it is how I always make it out in my head. A really big bear."
The Big Bluetrailer GIF by Jurassic WorldGiphy
"Been deep sea fishing a few times. You NEVER see schools of fish so far out, but once we saw this massive shadow moving FAST. It couldn't have been a whale, they don't move like that. The skipper stared at this mass of blue with me for about 20 seconds before it was gone and swore it was a megalodon. i'm not convinced but I have never seen a school of fish that far out in the ocean ever."
"It could be a large species of squid such as Colossal or Giant Squid. They are found world wide. It's odd they would come to the surface, but it's not to weird."
"Other options are Sunfish, Oarfish, or Large Shark."
"I’m a firm believer there has to be some kind of megalodon or something out there, we just don’t know enough about the ocean"
When It Looked At Chandlerscary jack the giant killer GIFGiphy
"My friend was at a camp with me and we were in the same cabin, we all stayed up late we got tired and went to sleep."
"My friend, lets call him Chandler, and I stole some instant coffee packets from the kitchen and we had them in water at night. Chandler didn't have a good caffeine tolerance like me so he stayed up a bit after all of us went to sleep."
"I asked him what he was going to do and he said he brought a novel and he was going to read it until he fell asleep."
"It was about 1am and we are all peacefully sleeping and then we hear the biggest scream. Chandler was crying and shaking in his sleeping bag and everyone in our cabin came over to see what was wrong and to help him out."
"He screaming really loud and if that didn't wake up other cabins and the teachers then his loud crying after did. Soon all the teachers were inside out cabin and I had to stay on my bunk bed to not be squashed."
"Chandler told us that he saw a ghost wandering around our cabin. He said he also heard the wind breeze while the ghost was moving. Another guy in my cabin backed him up saying he also heard that."
"Chandler was sent home and everyone continued the camp, however, it felt really weird. I talked to him a lot when we all got home and he told me more details."
"He told me he looked at the ghost for about 3 seconds because he was too shocked to say anything. The ghost was not white look in movies, it was transparent and BARELY visible."
"He told me it looked like a little boy. The little boy was not in our school uniform, but in really old fashioned clothes. Chandler told me he wasn’t too scared of the boy in those 3 seconds but shocked because it was a ghost."
"Then what really screwed him was after those 3 seconds when his brain clicked and he screamed."
"The ghost boy turned and looked at him "with shallow, lifeless eyes" and then rushed out of the cabin. This was the wind sound Chandler and my cabin mate heard."
"Then I remember distinctly what Chandler said because if I was him, I would doubt everything I know. He said 'That ghost looked at me, with no expression, and even though it was only for a split second, it felt like an eternity. I knew it wasn’t just my mind playing tricks when I saw his eyes. There was no soul in them, like it had been sucked away.' "
"I find it really weird because Chandler is the most honest guy I know and he seemed really traumatized."
"I was considering if it was the effect of the coffee, but he had it the night before as well and didn't see and hallucinations. Plus he was a regular drinker and he loved the taste even though it made him stay up."
"This story shakes me to this day."
"Not A Deer"Busch Beer GIF by BuschGiphy
"Alright it’s finally my time to shine!"
"The area I live in has a very active deer population. They’re constantly getting hit by cars at night in my area and people constantly have to be on the lookout for these dudes."
"So one night I’m driving home from my friends house around 1am. I’m going pretty slow because the place near my house has a pretty big deer family who loves the area (around 6-7 of them)."
"So I’m driving up a hill going around 30mph and I had to slam on my breaks cause a 'deer' runs in front of my car."
"I don’t know if it was because it was super late at night and I was tired or what. But I sh*t you not, this was not a deer."
"It kind of was, but it had one too many legs and too many eyes. I only saw it for a second cause it ran past my car. But it was the weirdest thing I’d ever seen."
"It was pretty quick when it went by my car, but the 'tail' for sure was a leg, I can say that for certain."
"I even looked it up later and there is a commonly seen cryptid called the “Not a Deer” so that’s just my fun little cryptid story."
Jellyfish In The Airjellyfish GIF by Monterey Bay AquariumGiphy
"Walking through the woods in the southeast US for fun I walked through a field where there were tiny fluorescent jellyfish-like things floating through the air. Maybe half an inch to 2 inches in size."
"I initially thought it was some kind of plant spores or something moving in the wind but when I looked at them closer they were actually moving independently."
"That was about 2006. I spent months going through those woods and that field over and over again with a camera trying to find them but I've never seen them since."
My long-term readers will know I'm super sketched out by orcas and have essentially written off Argentina because their orcas hunt on land.
Alaska clearly needs to get scratched off my list, too.
Anything big enough to hunt orcas is certainly big enough to hunt Ericas and I'm not trying to be on anyone's menu.
Kthankxbye, giant spiky sea thing.
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