Oh family, can't live with them, can't live without them. Well, unless you want to. With a bonded family comes history, a long, dynamic, entangled often muddied mess. There are always going to be stories that are told incessantly to the point of nausea and usually they will be embarrassing and showcase you during your life's craziest or worst moments. History is history, family is nuts... what are you gonna do?
Redditor u/KitKatKittyBoop asked everyone to drudge up some family history by wondering.... What became known as the "incident" in your family?
The Family Firestarter....
We used to have a wood stove in the middle of our living room to heat the whole house. The thing is, my little brother was obsessed with it. Whenever my dad would go to start the fire or put in more wood my brother would sprint out of his room to try to "help" which means he was tying to pull everything out when it was already on fire.
One day my sister and I were fighting over something and I smacked her in the face with my Barbie Pegasus toy. She starts screaming bloody murder because there is literal blood spewing out of her nose, which prompts my mom, who was putting more wood on the fire, to abandon the stove while it was still open. My budding arsonist of a brother saw his chance and began ripping out the paper and the kindling that she'd just put in.
So the carpet is on fire, my little brother is screaming because he burned his hands, I'm crying because I think I've killed my sister, my sister has passed out on the floor covered in blood, and my mom is ready to kill all of us.
The burn mark on the carpet stayed until we replaced it 5 years later, my brother is no longer an arsonist, and my sister's broken nose healed up fine.
I forgot to mention that my mom put out the fire by stomping on it while wearing flip flops. So there was some melted flip flop residue stuck to the carpet forever as well. egg-nog98
In the of Eternia!
There are a few in my family but I'll share one that always makes me laugh.
My brother was 4 years old in 1984, and was a big fan of He-Man, a character that had an animated series at the time.
At church one Sunday, he was sitting quietly in the pew next to my mom and dad. An older man from the church got up to lead the congregation in a prayer. This particular old man was known for his lengthy purple prose when it came to praying, especially when he had a good sized audience.
He got started, saying "God, our father, of endless power and dominion, author of our faith, master of the universe."
At this, my brother leapt up and yelled "HE-MAN IS THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!"
My mom, mortified, quickly grabbed him and pulled him into her lap, embarrassed. She said she peeked up and she could see everyone's shoulders shaking; the entire church was silently cracking up. Dulcius_ex
Look out Below!
When he was about 5 or 6, my cousin got a sled for Christmas. He was all excited and wanted to use it right away, but my uncle told him he had to wait and use it outside later. My cousin didn't listen and immediately took the sled up to the top of this staircase that sat facing the front door of the house, then proceeded to try and sled down the stairs. He ended up flying off the sled and smacking face first against the door. That was almost 30 years ago (years before I was even born). He still hasn't lived it down.
Same cousin supposedly ran head first into my mom's sliding glass door once while trying to let her dog out, and got knocked on his butt. Also a story he has yet to live down. Motherfickle
Lube it Up....
When I was in high school, my family and I used to drive across Texas to see family every summer. One year, we stayed in a crappy motel in Big Spring off of I-20. We were all in the motel for the first night, and I was using the bathroom. When I stepped out, I saw my dad washing his hands, and my brother getting ready to throw something at the back of my dad's head. My reflexes kicked in and I caught the thing my brother threw before it hit my dad's head. It happened so fast that I didn't know what was thrown until I felt it in my hand.
Apparently my dad found an opened single use lube packet left from the previous occupants next to the bed and threw it at my brother, who proceeded to try to throw it back at my dad's head while he was washing the lube off his hands... until I intercepted it. The packet exploded in my hand and once I realized what it was, I threw it out of my hand where it proceeded to hit my mom who was sitting on the bed... in the face.
It's like a little family bonding story that we tell no one. algatorr
The Girl who Follows....
We were just finishing our meal at a restaurant and got up to leave. One of my siblings wanted to make a dash to be the first one to the car, so she ran ahead of us. This restaurant had a place to pay in the front, and there was a decent sized line formed there. The last person in line was a fairly large sized woman and her son. As my sister squeezed past her and the wall, the woman stepped backward and pinned her against the wall. My sister tried to squirm free as the son of the lady screamed "MA! MA! THERE'S A GIRL BEHIND YA!" I was crying I was laughing so hard. MrAngryMoose
The Christmas Incident!
The first time my mom spent Christmas with my dad's family (who are a bunch of loud and lovable nerds who drink a lot of strawberry daiquiris), she wanted to make a good first impression. So she started up what she thought would be a fun discussion - if you row to the middle of a lake with a bowling ball in your boat, and then you throw the bowling ball overboard, does the water level of the lake rise, fall, or stay the same?
The family barely survived the fiasco that followed. It started out simple enough, with people asserting their view with some degree of civility and humanity. Variations were proposed - what if the bell was wrapped in styrofoam? What if the bell had a hole in it and filled with water as it sank? What if it was a beach ball? But pretty soon the lines were drawn, the trenches dug, and everyone's competitive spirit took over. It got more heated, tempers flared, more strawberry daiquiris were consumed, words were said that still sting 27 years later. Everyone was arguing their side, hellbent on victory and glory.
It purportedly ended when my grandpa (a "stay-the-samer") threw a pork chop at my dad, who was himself a dirty rotten "water-faller."
I still don't know what the right answer is. CSLewis21
Movie of the Week : A Deadly Cousin....
I was a couple weeks old and some extended family was meeting me for the first time. My cousin was sick, but my aunt and uncle brought her anyways. She was leaning over my crib when my mom asked her to back up, which then caused a small argument between my mom and aunt. While they were arguing my cousin proceeded to sneeze in my face. I got RSV shortly after and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. I was in the NICU and things weren't looking great, so the doctors told my parents to prepare for the worst. My heart ended up stopping at one point, and I suppose you could say I died momentarily. My cousin killing me caused a huge family fight that luckily has sense been put to rest. However, under no circumstances am I allowed to bring this up at any family events and I find that completely unfair. I went to hell and back for that right! auspiciousgirl
My cousin ran through a sliding glass door when it was closed. I just remember a loud crash and then he was screaming and there was blood and broken glass everywhere. It was pretty crazy. He was ok after getting a shitload of stitches at the hospital. After that everyone thought it was pretty funny and it's been an ongoing family joke that they put a strip of masking tape on the glass door (so he can see it's closed) when he's visiting. rachelgraychel
The Drunk Grinch!
The Time I ruined Christmas. I was in college and went on a complete bender a few days before Christmas. Landed back to my house on Christmas Eve and lifted a pile of beer and said my goodbyes. I was carried home unconscious later that night/early hours of Christmas morning. I wasn't able to sit for the meal the next day and spent my Christmas in bed. It was a low moment. My siblings always remind me of the time I ruined Christmas. I've learned a lot from then and I've thankfully matured. StingerMcGee
Well when you gotta go!
I was young and I wanted to be like my cat so I got naked and put on a black cape and ate fruit loops out of my cats food dish and I peed in the litter box. My whole family walked in on me doing so. simell123
Now, this isn't going to be a long, "Let's all pile on how bad the internet is and only think about the good ol' days when the rocks were soft and we could only communicate using cans with string."
People old enough to remember life pre-Internet, what are some less obvious things you miss about that time?
Many habits we used to possess were made completely irrelevant thanks to the internet. Not that we didn't enjoy doing them, we just started asking ourselves, "What's the point?"
Completely Devoid Of Technological Interference
"Leaving home and just being gone for the day. No cell phones. If there were cameras, it was really different. You used them to take pictures of things or had people take pictures of you. But there was no social media to preoccupy your mind. It was just doing something. And whoever you were with, was who you were with."
No One Needs 24 Hours Of Nonsense
"News only being on at 6pm. That was it. Now we have 6 hours of local news and 24 hours of cable news. Not being bombarded all day with "news." And when you saw "Breaking News" on the screen you knew something serious went down."
You Mean We Actually Have To Go?
"It used to be a lot harder to bail on things. You'd have to call the person at home and tell them yourself, or at least leave a message if you wanted to be risky. Typically if you were gonna bail you'd give at least 24 hours notice. Nowadays people can let you know they're bailing last second since you're always reachable."
"RSVPing mattered. If you said you were going to be there, you made sure to be there. None of this facebook invites that everyone blows off without any form of social repercussions. If you said you were going to go and didn't go, you were the a--hole and everyone knew it."
You can get almost anything on the internet. Almost. Still no sign of real working Lightsabers anywhere out there, but the internet has eliminated many of our purchasing practices.
Just In Time For The Holidays!
"The Sears catalog. That was how I found out about all the cool new toys."
"Catalogs in general, for me. Before the internet made mindless browsing of stuff you didn't need ~really~ easy to do, we still liked doing this without having to drive to the mall. The solution? Sign your mom up for those cool seed catalogs, those not safe to browse at the office gag gift catalogs and then everything in between. That stuff was really nice to have when you grew up somewhere that was not even cable ready."
1 Good Song Out Of 15
"When you bought new music you just had to hope it was good. The single might be popular but otherwise unless someone had it you just bought it and hoped for the best."
"There was so much excitement to going to a cd store to buy an album that you only knew one song of or the band/artist name and just listening to that entire cd over and over again picking out which tracks were your favorite while still learning every lyric to all the songs on the album.
Building a cd collection was also fun."
Talk About The "Immediate Gratification" Generation, Huh?
"The instant win bottle caps / candy / chocolate bar wrappers where you could turn them back into the store and immediately get a free one. Now it's just codes you have to register on their website so they can get your info, i don't even bother anymore."
Finally, there's these activities, to difficult to explain to anyone who wasn't there. How do you get someone to understand that not having a supercomputer in your pocket at all hours of the day radically changed your life?
Keeping It In Front Of You
"I miss having an attention span of more than three seconds"
"It's so weird. I can only vaguely remember what it feels like to not have a smartphone and to be alone and think.
Wondering what my friends are doing and if they'd like to do something on the weekend. We'd have to talk during lunch break at school and plan it...
Trying to find the answer to a math problem... Having to figure it out by re-reading the problem and explanations 5 times."
There Used To Be A Time When You Couldn't Play Everything
"Not being overwhelmed by choice.
Don't get me wrong, having nearly every form of media downloadable is great, but back in the day, i rented a video game and i played that video game as much as i could.
Now, its hard to give it more than 2 seconds before i try one of the 20,000 games i have access to.
New game plus used to be cool. Now, I'm happy if just beat the game"
Floundering. Just A Little.
"My formative years were the 1980s. I remember like yesterday going to study in Paris my junior year of college. I got off the plane with no cell phone, no internet, a Let's Go Paris book, and just a hostel address written on a piece of paper I'd stuck in a French dictionary. I did not know a single person in all of France.
I had $500 of cash stuck in a money belt. The belt was tight and sweaty but that money had to last me for at least a month until I could find a part-time job with my lousy French. My "credit card" was my father's credit card numbers written down on a piece of paper. He told me I could only use it to buy a plane ticket home in an emergency.
I remember standing in the airport and having this powerful emotion of being 21 years old, scared sh-tless, but in absolutely completely control of my own destiny. There was absolutely nobody who could come rushing to my aid if I needed it. I was 100% on my own.
I'm actually very thankful for that experience. I found the hostel. I found a job. I made friends. I learned French. I made it all on my own which was just a big boost in life confidence.
I have no doubt if I'd had a cell phone I would've called my parents on Day 2, told them it was too hard, and been on the next plane home. But I had no other choice but to succeed."
We can never go back. Not really, anyway. The only way is to keep going forward, be aware of the effect the internet has on us, and do our best to not let it take away the things that really matter in our lives.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Look, unless you enjoy cooking, no one likes spending time in the kitchen longer than they have to in order to whip up something mediocre to eat.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
A Loaded Course
"Two hotdogs and a side of judgement from my fiancé"
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
Don't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?
We all like to assume that a big old scar has an amazing, hardcore story behind it: maybe a valiant fight or some life threatening-escape.
But despite what Hollywood would have us think, that is so rarely the case.
Usually, some kind of bizarre accident leaves us with the biggest scar of our life. There's no action movie story behind it, just a careful mixture of foolishness and bad luck.
Clearly not put off by some gruesome anecdotes, Redditor fluffybear45 asked:
"People with scars, how did you get them?"
For many, it was the wild antics of childhood that left them slightly maimed. With many years now separating the Redditor from the event, these were pretty hilarious.
Out of Nowhere!
"I was playing on a swing and then my leg got stuck in barbed wire." -- Soviet_God-Emperor
"I feel like we missed a couple steps here, or your local park had some serious issues." -- Henfrid
"Yo that went from 0 to 100 real fast" -- IHaveButt
"2nd grade, defective slip-n-slide." -- AdmiralAkbar1
"I'm pretty sure the general design of the slip'n'slide was defective. Those stakes weren't covered originally, so you had to be straight down the middle of the slide or else....." -- Q-burt
"Could you refer to this incident in a gravely voice while staring into the middle distance, pausing only to shudder and sip your scotch?" -- CaptValentine
That's Why You Need an Axe Yard
"My dad hit me with an axe (bladed side) in the face. Stupid 10 yo me just had to look over his shoulder while he was hammering in herrings for our tent."
Others talked about freak accidents that came not from the stupidity of childhood, but the bad luck of mistakes made as an adult.
Bad Conditions for Practice
"Dad gave me a folding knife for Christmas"
"I read online that you could flick it open with one hand"
"So I practiced it, after my hands were greasy from eating a burger"
Take Your Pick
"Multiple long scars on my back are from falling onto a old soviet steel welcome mat ( i dont know how to describe it in english but its meant to wipe dirt of your shoes with triangle shaped steel beams."
"Medium sized one on my forearm is from a barbed wire fence, another one next to it is from a motorcycle accident and one on the base on my thumb is from a cars hood slipping and cutting me."
One Heck Of a Fall
" 'This one is from a skateboard, this one was a truck accident, and this one was a fire hydrant.' "
" 'Oh really? I bet each one has a very unique story.' "
" 'Not really, I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.' "
Last, some people talked about the medical procedures that left them with the big gash. These stories had some ninth grade words and not nearly as much stupidity.
"A rare auto immune disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum twice... Don't google If you don't like gore... I had to have daily wound care and high doses of medical steroids"
"My intestines telescoped on themselves 8" scar on my belly." -- Anom8675309
"I never wanted to see the words 'intestines' and 'telescoped' together. Ouch." -- LadySygerrik
"I was born 2 months premature. I wasn't born with an esophagus so drs. cut my stomach open and used parts of my colon or intestines and created a new one for me. I have a huge scar on my neck and my stomach is one big scar. Also had a stomach feeding tube for quite a bit and heart surgery at 2 days old."
"I love science. I wouldn't have experienced life if it hadn't been for advances in medical science."
So if you've been sitting on an embarrassing backstory for one of your scars, feel free to share. You're hardly alone.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Life is an obstacle course in survival. Every corner we turn and every breathe we take could be our last.
Danger is abound at all times. That is why it is so important to stay vigilant. We can't take superfluous chances.
Trouble lurks in all forms. It doesn't have to be a mass murderer, the neighbor's dog can be lethal.
It's all about navigating the minefield that is life.
Redditor u/Reddit807 wanted to hear about all the times life has left us SHOOKETH to the bone by asking:
What's the scariest thing you've ever stood face to face with?
Everytime I get behind the wheel of a car, I pray. Recently it feels like everyone is driving like they're stunt doubles in Mad Max: Thunderdome. Evil and death are waiting to look us dead in the eye at any second. Others can elaborate...
"An Emu at a hobby farm that had the sudden realization "Hey, maybe I should be in charge."
"Wasn't face-to-face, more like face-to-butt, but I squatted to pee in the desert at night on a camping trip and a rattle snake started rattling about a foot behind me. Lost my mind and ran. Pee everywhere."
"Believe it or not, but an ox. Those things are huge, and look like they could stomp things into oblivion... but they are actually fairly calm."
When in Australia...
"I was snorkeling in a lake in Australia that connected to the sea, there was a Protected fish sanctuary along the part of the shore I swam near so I decided to go take a look. It was fantastic, lots of fish a few turtles and just a lot of wildlife in general. I was having a blast looking at all the fishies when they all just completely bolted and suddenly there was no wildlife I could see. I turned around to find a big ole shark staring at me from about 10 metres away."
"I was so scared that I instantly started to back up, luckily I wasn't to far out from shore and I was able to make it back safely. From what I could see from shore, it hung around for about 5 minutes before I wasn't able to see it anymore but I didn't ever go swimming there again out of pure fear."
"An aggressive 10cm tarantula."
"I kept catching it and letting it go outside and it kept coming back inside the house. I kept taking it further away and it kept coming back. Eventually I dropped it off about 1km away and it never came back. First time I tried to catch it, it hissed at me then jumped at me."
Why is it always animals and insects? How are they so brutal? Did God make them that way as a joke? If I see a tarantula you can just bury me then and there!
Be Carefulred kangaroo eating GIFGiphy
"A 7 foot tall Buck Kangaroo, he was sizing us up but there was three of us and only one of him so he moved on, Kangaroos will mess you up if you're not careful."
When in the Water
"I was out swimming in the open ocean during a boat trip. Outta nowhere this giant freaking whale swims right under me. Whales aren't scary but it was so big and so close that I was just paralyzed. I really don't know what it was that made it so absolutely horrifying but it just was."
"A huge Ethiopian hyena at a late night and alone, i was not more than 13 years of age. We stood 3 meters apart from Each other frozen for like 6 seconds, right in front of my house and then decided to run off back to the forest, which was very close. Wild times!"
In the Backwoods...
I was backwoods camping last year in early/mid September in Algonquin Park in Canada, and I woke up one morning to the skins of a twig cracking like a footstep. I peeked out over the edge of my hammock, and there was a bull moose standing about 10 feet away. I stayed very quiet and very still, and a moment later he wandered off into the woods. It was a very cool nature experience, but I don't underestimate how lucky I am that he didn't notice me there.
Old Faithfulbison GIFGiphy
"A bison. I had just parked my car in the lot for the Old Faithful Inn and gotten out."
"I turn at to see where my SO was, and saw a full grown bison maybe 6 feet away standing in the grass, doing giant buffalo things. I took a quick selfie from behind my car and Noped it towards the hotel"
Lord there is just no place safe. We have to be on guard and on point with every breath. I feel like I can't trust a neighbor, a friend or my fish. Survival is way harder than we were lead to believe. God speed y'all.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.