Family Heirlooms Divide Two Sisters, And We've Got Feelings
We lose each other over the most materialistic things when in reality its each other we should be taking care of. And here we are-two sisters losing each other over family heirlooms.
u/outerbanks2114 told the sad tale:
My mom (60) gave three family heirlooms (rings) to my sister (29) and nothing to me (32). Feeling left out of some family memories and not sure if it's worth bringing up
I have one sibling -- a younger sister (29). For years, my sister struggled with school and in her personal life, and in a (what I believe) was a misguided attempt to help, my parents babied her big time. They moved her into an apartment while she was in school and paid her rent/expenses. Meanwhile, I couldn't move out until I was 22 and could afford rent/all my expenses on my own or with roommates. Today I have a good job, and although I'm not well off by any stretch, I'm doing pretty good for myself.
My sister finished school last year and now also has a good job. One that if she really applies herself, she could make more than I do. However, I recently learned something and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
For years, my mom always said that Sarah would get my great-grandmother's engagement ring. This thing is a serious rock. It's beautiful, with several huge diamonds. Fine by me -- It's not quite my style and my mom said that she believed the "types of guys" my sister dated would never be able to give her anything like it. I always thought that the latter was a weird reason (and a big assumption) but the former reason making sense -- It's maybe not something I'd appreciate as much as she would).
Fine, totally fine. However, now, I was at my sister's last week and she ended up showing me two more rings -- one from the same grandmother, and another from our other grandmother -- that my mother also gave to her. Now, one of those rings I always loved -- it's more of a vintage-looking band and I always assumed it was probably costume jewelry, but my sister told me she had it appraised just to see, and it's actually very much a real gold band with real diamonds. The other ring is a gold band my other grandmother used to always wear. That one is a little strange to me that my mother would have given it away, as it was her mother's and the only thing she had of her mother's (one of my aunts wiped out my grandmother's place when she died).
I really don't know how to feel here. The not-as-important factor here is the fact that my sister now has or will every valuable family heirloom from both our grandmothers, and the main factor is that my mother seems to have left me out of all of these discussions/isn't setting any heirlooms aside for me. I don't know how to bring it up to her either, because she's super sensitive/nonconfrontational and will either try immediately to say she didn't mean Sarah could keep them forever/she didn't mean to/Sarah just asked for them so she didn't know what to do/I'm so independent and Sarah is not so she'll never be able to buy something like that for herself. IDK…I feel kind of hurt, but also like maybe I'll need to just let it go. Thoughts? Should I try to bring up? I really would hate if my mom thought I was fishing for valuables or something.
TLDR: Found out my mom gave my sister two valuable rings/family heirlooms and has another set aside for her for down the road. To my knowledge, there isn't anything set aside for me and I feel like I've been left out of having any piece of family memories. Should I let it go or bring it up to my very sensitive mother?
Here is some of the advice she was given.
This is actually something I would bring up with mom if this was something that has hurt your feelings.
It genuinely with heirlooms is not always all about the money.
It feels off to me that the split of three heirloom family rings was Sarah 3 OP 0.
So....I reread your post after reading the critical first comment, and I disagree with that first comment. You sound hurt over years of feeling like your parents (esp your mother?) Love your sister more.
I know exactly how this feels. I won't go into my 'story' because this isn't about me, but I too have a little sister with whom my parents have an entirely different relationship and expectations. This hurts so much.
That being said, I understand your hurt. I think it is legitimate hurt. I would ask: can you talk to your mother (because I think letting it go will just foster further hurt and resentment) without bringing up all your other hurts regarding her relationship with your sister? I ask this because any time I have tried to approach my parents on this type of thing, they insist I am 'hanging onto the past' and they don't actually end up hearing what I am saying.
Maybe write a letter. Explain how you would have liked the one you loved. It's done now, but I think expressing your feelings on the subject will help you move on from this. I am so sorry OP. This is tough.
It always sucks to feel like the "secondary" child. But there are only really two choices with this: confront your parents, or let it go. She has the rings, your mom made that choice. You can talk about it with her, which might not do much. Or you can just take a deep breath and move on.
It seems like there's a little bit of resentment towards your family's favoritism with Sarah, which is totally normal. I know friends who have similar situations. Therapy helped them a lot. Maybe look into it?
Of course you're miffed about it, and it doesn't matter if it's because of memories or money or a mixture of both. Sadly your little sister is the golden child and you will probably always come second for things involving money.
I would outright say how hurt you are that she's either given your sister the rings or not put up a fight when your sister claimed them. Let her say all the things you think she will and then just tell het again that you're hurt. Don't let her derail the conversation by saying it and just keep telling her she has hurt you and that it's up to her to fix it.
Without being confrontational so your mom goes down all those avoidance rabbit holes, could you just say, "I noticed Sarah has several of grandmother's beautiful rings, and I would love to have some heirlooms too because I loved Grandmother very much. What are your plans for xyz items?" (About ones you would actually want, if there are any.) I don't think that's weirdly fishing for "valuables" or anything -- they are mementos of a loved one, and if you want one, you should say so.
Let me ask you something. Have you ever in the past pointed out to your mother that something she did was wrong or unfair, and had her take you seriously and not lash out? Even a small thing.
I ask this because if my mother did something like this, there would never, ever, ever be a good way or a right moment to talk to her about it. She's incapable of handling criticism. I suspect a mother who shows favoritism like yours does is going to fall on that side of the criticism spectrum. But that's not how healthy people act, and maybe your mom deserves more credit than I've given her.
So. If she's a reasonable person who will listen to what you have to say: talk to her. If she's not: don't. Accept that things are going to be unfair, and stop looking there for care or fairness.
Speak up, OP. Tell your mom you want one of the rings and be specify which one.
When your mom said, "Keep them," that could have been an unspecific request for your sister to hold onto them, not that she actually gets them.
I have two daughters and let me tell you, my younger kid is an attention hog. Any parent that tells you their kids get equal attention is LYING to themselves and everyone else. The squeaky wheel gets the immediate grease and then you make it up to the other one later.
Be the sqeuaky wheel and get what you want.
Could you ask your mom offhand when you see her next if you could see your grandmas gold band? Then your mom would have a chance to explain without feeling like it's a confrontation that she gave them all to your sister (and potentially why).
Then you could bring up how you're a little hurt because you always pictured using one for your wedding/passing down to your kids, etc. It might just gently show her that you're feeling left out of the heirlooms? Just an idea!
God these things suck, don't they? It comes across to so many people that you're greedy and it's about material objects, when actually there's a genuine deep pain that your Mother seems to indicate she cares for and loves your sister more. And it f***ing sucks.
I struggle with this too. God, do I struggle. I have 4 siblings. My parents have helped out 3/5 them for significant portions of their adult lives, and the fourth she just seems to keep handing off thousands of dollars to in the form of cars and rings. My Mom handed off a 15k ring to one brother for an engagement ring with nary a word to us. She bought him a car. She bought the other boy 2 cars. She's half-supported both my sisters for years.
In contrast, she was mad at me for YEARS for not taking on the ParentPlus loans she told me she'd pay off by herself (in exchange for me going to grad school when I didn't want to; combined with a threat she'd throw me out of the house unless I went---fascinating considering how many years of free rent the rest of my siblings got).
Whenever I bring any of this up, I'm told how competent, capable, and strong I am. No one has to worry about me. I make great money. Mom keeps trying to wheedle promises out of me that I make x amount of money I'll give her y.
It hurts. Right? It f***ing hurts. Because it isn't money. It's care, attention, thought, and the giving of something precious to them to the next generation. It could be a goddamn teddy bear she'd loved her entire life and I'd be upset.
Most likely she doesn't even realize she's doing these hurtful things. Share how you're feeling with her if you think it'll be productive. Sometimes that works for my Mom if there's no actual action on her end. Like last week when she send out an email saying she'd call some of us (she's overseas) soon, specifically Child A and Child B and Child C (don't know what the other kid did to get left out this time). And the lovely time she listed all the people she missed in an email and it was everyone BUT me. She apologized when I mentioned I'd prefer NOT to receive emails that explicitly make it clear I'm not a priority.
But when it comes to things with monetary value? Omg. You'd think I was some goddamn leach wanting to bleed her dry, greedy to my core and selfish for ever holding it against my siblings that they got something I didn't. It's exhausting. And when it comes to these things, in my experience, you gotta go to therapy and just try to NOT CARE. Whenever she does something thoughtless like this repeat to yourself the facts about her that prove she loves you.
For me, I remind myself that when I truly need her, when I need her time or her attention, she is there. Always. And despite all this money being thrown around to seemingly everyone but me, despite the emails that clearly show she isn't even prioritizing me the same way, despite SENDING me the damn emails...despite all that, she must love me.
Jeeze, just tearing up thinking about it. It's hard.
All the reasons you gave for favoritism/extra help is inexcusable imo. You are also a daughter. It really depends on your goal, do you want to salvage/ improve your relationship with your mother? Any complaint will just make you look pretty or jealous. Your mom sucks for putting you in this situation. Our personalities and values probably differ, but if I was in your shoes, I'd reciprocate fairly based on the amount of love/help/teachings they provided me during but up bringing. But like someone else started, let your sister change the diapers since she gets the priority in your mother's eyes.
Reddit user Key_Nectarine_1969 asked: 'What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?'
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinatecatholic the exorcist GIFGiphy
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleiaexercise push up GIFGiphy
Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologisturuguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy
At Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy
Not The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343dating app GIFGiphy
If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
PromisesPlayers Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy
“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
"Does anyone know you're here?"
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Previously...canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy
"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Be SeriousShouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
Happiness is relative.
The idea that money can't buy happiness sounds good, but the reality is money can buy many things that contribute to our overall well-being.
And isn't comfort happiness?
Reddit user Little-Two6210 asked:
"F*ck 'Money can't buy happiness' BS, what did you buy that made you so much happier?"
"My rice cooker."
"I always bought the cheapo $20 rice cooker and they’d under/overcook the rice and then eventually burn up and die."
"Saved up my pennies a few years ago and bought a nice Zojirushi model and it has been amazing. Absolutely love the Keep Warm function and the little song it sings when it starts/stops cooking."
"I was so impressed that I bought one for my mom who also loves rice with every meal. First she said 'oh honey it’s too expensive, take it back!'."
"Then she used it and refuses to 'give it back'. These cookers are absolute workhorses."
"I moved into my sister's old house (family land) when she moved in with her boyfriend and just assumed she'd be back 'any day now'."
"Well, I slept on a 'floor mattress'/cot for a year before I accepted that it was okay to start making it my home, bought sheets, pillows, blankets, everything and holy sh*t it changes how sore you feel in the morning."
"Same, except my dog is a cat."
"So much this. I really feel like the only unconditional love relationship I've had in my life has been with my pets."
"I realize that's kind of a pathetic statement, but I'm grateful to have found that type of love in some way."
"My first piano. It changed my life."
"For me it was my first acoustic. I had been playing for a decade on electric."
"Discovering how to use tone- and the beauty that tone carries- was magical."
"Flight tickets to Barcelona. I landed, had a blast, contemplated 'forgetting' to leave."
"Wandering around the city, losing myself in thought in the Gothic Quarter, sitting on a fontain's edge at a square."
"Barcelona is one of my favourite cities. I rarely go there because the flight is rather long, but Athens is a good subtitute for a weekend getaway."
"I ruined my teeth thanks to depression and poor self-care."
"Money paid for my teeth to be fixed and my confidence improved so much."
"Walking is dope."
"I don't have a lot of money so it makes me so happy when I buy anything."
"Like the other day, I got sushi, it was awesome."
"And I got a beautiful comfy beanie."
"Makes me so happy I'm wearing it now. Keeps me warm."
"When I was poor, like super poor, anything was the world to me!"
"My set of cheap pots and pans from Walmart, my first tv (small but awesome!) my first set of not donated sheets, my first new pillows, my first set of new flatware, a lot of firsts."
"My own apartment."
"Feel like my parents, siblings and myself get along better after everyone got their own place."
"Having your own space to just shut off and not be bothered takes such a huge load off."
"Time—help with housekeeping has been invaluable to keeping a sane household while working."
"Services...which to me is essentially buying time."
"So paying to have laundry washed dried & folded has brought me more joy than anyone could ever imagine. Or cleaning service for my house so that I can do other things."
"I've actually noticed that I'm much less grumpy when I don't have to do as much of my own house work."
"I can be so productive with other things I really need to do."
"What is one thing that is the great equalizer between rich and poor people? Time. No amount of money in the world can buy someone time."
"We all have 24 hours days and we will all eventually die. The one thing in this world rich people cannot buy is time."
"So they spend their money conserving time."
"It's why they travel in private jets, have chauffeurs driving them around, a cook who makes their meals, a cleaner for their home, and personal assistants to take care of mundane tasks."
"They cannot buy more time. Only use their money to conserve what time they do have."
"The most important thing money can buy is choice."
"With enough money you can choose to walk away from a sh*tty job or a toxic relationship."
"You can still walk away without money but it’s SO MUCH harder."
"Peace of mind.
"I grew up dirt poor."
"But I’ve had a pretty successful career. Unfortunately, my family has accumulated a lot of medical debt."
"And despite me having a low six figure income, we were living a low income life and worrying constantly about money and spiraling debt."
"The state I live in is very conservative, which translates to a general stance of 'f*ck poor people', despite being one of the poorest states in the country. So it took my spouse, who is a textbook case for the type of person for whom disability is intended, 7 years to finally get approved."
"After that, and refinancing the house, we’re no longer spiraling further into debt. We’re debt free except for the mortgage. And we’re actually growing our savings account."
"I can contribute to a retirement account now. And while we’re far from rich, the sheer relief I’ve been feeling for the last few months is just amazing."
What things have you bought that contributed to your happiness?
We've all heard that love and work do not mix, and we've definitely heard that we shouldn't take relationships or friendships with coworkers to the next level.
Between having our work, our jobs, our income, and maybe even our reputations on the line, there's simply too much at risk.
But maybe sometimes, the affair won't turn out quite the way we expected.
Redditor Nuff-Do asked:
"People who had sex with coworkers, how did that turn out?"
Rewarded with a Trip to Italy
"I was a young Airman at my first base in California and I worked with a girl (let's call her Sarah) who was way more attractive than anyone my small-town Missouri a** had ever hooked up with before."
"For some reason, she was into me. She was into a few other dudes too, but at the time it didn't matter because I was 19 and stupid and she was a few years older and far more sexually experienced than I was. We had sex a few times and sort of 'dated,' but it didn't really go anywhere and I was heartbroken but cool with it."
"This was right after 9/11, so U.S. military operations were starting to ramp up and Sarah got deployment orders. They didn't tell her where she was going, but she was on the hook."
"Her reaction to the news was to tell our Chief that she was pregnant with my kid so she didn't have to go. I knew she wasn't pregnant and just using it as an excuse not to deploy."
"The Chief came to me and asked if I'd go in her place. As I said, I was 19 and even though I was a little scared, I signed the dotted line and told him of course I'd take the deployment."
"It turns out, the 'deployment' was to a NATO base in Naples Italy where I'd be paid about 80 dollars per day per diem on top of my normal paycheck."
"As soon as Sarah found out where I was headed, she called the Chief and told him she wasn't pregnant anymore and would like to take the deployment."
"The Chief denied her request and I spent an amazing eight months in Italy, being paid more money than I knew how to spend and having the time of my life."
Watching Them Move On
"We met thru work and dated for one and a half years. She cheated with another coworker who is married. We broke up. She started to date a different coworker. Not the married one. She paraded that relationship in my face."
"Everything was great until it wasn't. It really f**ked over my self-esteem and self-worth for years. It sucked that I had front row seat to her moving on."
"I feel that last part. When my ex moved out, she did it slowly over the course of like a month. She came over every day and packed up slowly until she finally got everything."
"The worst day was when she finally came and took her cat. I still remember sitting in front of the door and crying for hours after she left that day."
"There's a band called Pedro the Lion that has this lyric, 'My old man always swore that hell would have no flame. Just a front-row seat to watch your true love pack her things and drive away.'"
"When I kicked my ex out this summer for having cheated on me, I gave her an arguably unfair timeline to leave before all of her possessions just went outside, and packed and moved everything for her to the garage overnight, since I couldn't sleep anyways."
"This is why. I simply couldn't handle those constant reminders and wanted it done and gone as fast as possible."
A Messy Breakup
"I had resigned and was leaving the company anyway but it was one of those classic hookups at a company party. We had fun for a while but then she decided to stop seeing me."
"I'm glad I had left the company by then; otherwise, things would have been messy."
A Huge Theft Ring
"I got fired and she got fired and all 20 guys she f**ked while we were dating were fired."
"I got fired under false allegations because she was my girlfriend and she was stealing from the store."
"She got fired for stealing from the store."
"The other 20 were fired because it was brought up that she was stealing and sleeping with managers and other coworkers while in a relationship with me. They thought that me and her were the center of a theft ring."
"Like, no... I don't steal so."
A Promotion for Everyone
"So my wife of over 10 years, who had cheated in the past and I forgave her, got a huge promotion at work which caused us to relocate."
"I guess she got tired of me because she kicked me out and we were getting a divorce."
"Four months later, I found out that a co-worker had a thing for me, so I took my shot. The sex was amazing. It could be that it’s been a long time for me since sex with the wife was basically non-existent for the last few years of marriage."
"Me and the co-worker have now been dating for over a year and I haven’t been happier. So for me, it worked out for the best. And the sex is still great!"
Too Many Options
"I worked at a casino as the only male cocktail waiter/bartender (roughly eight cocktail waitresses and four female bartenders). The floor was mostly women between the bar, servers, restaurant, and dealers."
"I slept with one of the cocktail waitresses for a couple of months even though I knew I had a bigger crush on her than she did on me. I also knew I didn't really want a relationship with her for a couple of reasons."
"Evidently, she told some people and gave me good reviews. After she quit and moved away, I had more interest than I really knew what to do with and kinda just went for it with anyone who showed interest that I was attracted to as I knew I had no more than a year left there no matter what happened. I ended up with four more of them over the course of a couple of months."
"One time on a shift, I looked around and all four were on the floor somewhere. All knew each other but I'm not sure any knew about the whole situation, and none were any false impressions of a relationship as far as I know so nothing bad came of it."
A Family Man
"Not me, but she was working in payroll and he was a security guard. One day, a coworker saw the security guard walking her to her car. Immediately, she was transferred to another branch. However, they continued to see each other."
"Soon after, they got married after finding out she got pregnant. In the next five years, they had three daughters, with me being the youngest. My dad ended up passing away from brain cancer when I was just a toddler."
The Downfall of a Friendship
"I had one good experience one bad. The first one we ended up dating for a year and a half. We had a ton of fun sneaking around at work, and even though in the end he totally broke my heart, it wasn't a bad experience."
"The second one was very bad. Do not recommend."
"I thought he would be safer because we were friends, so I figured communication and rules would be no problem. Instead, we didn't communicate at all because we were both so worried about hurting each other's feelings."
"It ended badly with major assumptions on both ends and now it's very awkward and uncomfortable."
"It makes me sad because honestly, I just miss my friend. While the experience can be fun, I don't recommend it."
A Suspicious Relocation
"Pretty fine. We worked at different locations in the company the first time we slept together, but we knew each other as she had trained at my location."
"One night we ran into each other at the bar and one thing led to another. A couple of months later, I ended up getting transferred to the location she was at and we just acted like it never happened."
"After a month or two of working together, we ran into each other again at the same bar, and history repeated itself."
"There was a slightly awkward moment a couple of days later when I had to find a way to give her back the necklace she'd left at my place without anybody noticing, but other than that, our working relationship didn't change at all."
Messy Feelings Everywhere
"First time: super fun but I got more attached than she did."
"Second time: kinda fun but she got more attached than I did."
"Moral of the story: don’t f**k coworkers unless you’re SUPER SURE."
"We dated for over a year and then one day she randomly decided to break my heart. Thankfully, we had stopped working together by that point. It still makes me tear up thinking about her, though."
Best Decision Ever
"We had an instant connection the moment she joined the foundation I had been working at for a year. We worked at the front desk together and we got to know each other very quickly."
"Neither of us enjoyed small talk and we would get angry emails from our unbelievably incompetent manager about the amount of laughter coming from the front desk. We got all of our work done, and then some, our manager just felt like she was getting left out. Which our manager was, but it was because she sucked."
"I worked from home four days a week before my new coworker started and a few weeks later she asked me why I was coming in every day. I told her something about training her how to answer the phones, which she instantly knew was bullsh*t (we got four calls a day, max)."
"The first time we hung out outside of work we told each other it would be a terrible idea to date. That lasted for about 10 days. The next time we hung out we slept together."
"That was a year and a half ago."
"We left the foundation after she told our manager that her 'management style' was untenable in an email. The two of us then called a meeting with her and we laid out a very well-planned strategy for departmental growth and change."
"Our manager nodded her head the whole meeting and told us how proud of us she was for taking ownership of our careers and how excited she was to implement our new plan."
"Three weeks later, they fired my coworker. They pushed me out, telling me that they no longer had a place for me (at my review the previous year, the CEO told me herself that she believed I had CEO potential)."
"We both have new jobs, she is a high school English teacher at one of the best high schools in the country and I became a private investigator."
"Her dad and I go to college football games together and our moms get lunch and do spa dates."
"We have been showing each other how to heal and grow as individuals and as partners."
"Right now, she's sleeping in my bedroom while I type this in the living room. I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know that she's the love of my life."
"Sleeping with my coworker is the best thing I've ever done."
"Marry this girl already."
Redefining the Coworker
"Pretty good. We have a kid together. Granted we'd been married for seven years before we became coworkers."
"She always wanted to teach at the same school as me. The school grew enough that it needed a dedicated English teacher. She has a master's in it so it worked out."
A Slow Transition
"We worked together for a couple of years and became close friends before we crossed the romance line one night after a lot of drinks. Honestly, it was and still is amazing. Happily married now over 15 years with two kids."
A Bartender's Love Story
"She's sleeping next to me, cuddling our cat."
"Turns out our chemistry working behind the bar together was also amazing outside of work."
We've all heard that love and work don't mix, and that we absolutely shouldn't get close to our coworkers, but from these Redditors, it seems that while things could get messy, sometimes it's worth the risk.