Listen to me ... once again ... women do not urinate from our vaginas. I'll rephrase and say it louder for the folks in the back, WE HAVE A URETHRAL OPENING FOR THAT. IF URINE IS COMING FROM A WOMANS VAGINA THEN SHE NEEDS MEDICAL INTERVENTION.
You'd be amazed how many adults - and no, not just men - don't know that.
Reddit user KeepCalmAndBeCalm asked:
What fact did you learn at an embarrassingly late age?
Turns out, there's a lot of stuff that we don't learn until way later than we probably should have. For some people it's a clear failure of the education system. For others it's just a matter of "I never put any thought into it."
Whatever the reason, these people managed to make it pretty far in life without knowing the following stuff, and honestly we're a little bit alarmed. Like... these people are just out here adulting free-range with no supervision... just sayin'.
Mid-Flight
I thought toilet waste was just dropped out of airplanes mid flight and disintegrated in thin air.
Gobble
I had to explain to my friend last year (28YO) that the turkey we saw in the farm park was the same animal as the turkey dinner she was eating. She knew this about chicken, but... just never made that mental connection about turkey.
Ripe
That the different coloured capsicums (bell peppers) are the same thing just at different ripeness.
They're Real
Giphy
When I was 28 I learned that flying fish are a real animal. I thought they were pretend, like unicorns!
An Innocent Idiot
I thought men had periods.
Hear me out, my parents and my school weren't great when it came to sex ed. When I turned 11 my nan of all people gave me a puberty book. It was really low quality looking back. It was aimed at girls but had a small section about boys' anatomy during sex. It said blood went to the penis and nothing else. I was an innocent idiot so my brain filled in the rest. So for the next 5+ years, I thought boys bleed after orgasm.
My current boyfriend was so confused when I told him why I didn't want to have sex. *facepalm*
A Different Kind Of Space
There was a big building called "The Space Center" that we'd always pass by and for the longest time I thought it was like a space camp sorta place. I was well into the teens when it finally clicked.
It's a storage facility. So yeah that was a major letdown on all fronts.
Puff Puff
Pufferfish puff up with water, not air. It's so obvious and it never even occurred to me. I only realized how stupid I was when I read a reddit comment about a year ago pointing the fact out.
The R
That the month is pronounced and spelled February and not 'Febuary' despite being born in that month.
I spotted the R when I was 26..
12 Days Of Christmas
The twelve days of Christmas are from Christmas to the Feast of the Epiphany sometimes called Three Kings Day on January 6th. I was raised Catholic. It's a holy day of obligation. I just never counted the days. I even wondered why it's 12 days in the song.
The fact that it's called epiphany stings a bit. I'm 45.
That Weird Buick
How rendezvous and dachshund are pronounced. I knew what the words were when spoken, obviously, but every time I'd see them written I'd get stuck. I'd try to sound them out.
I remember being stuck behind a Buick Rendezvous in traffic and sounding it out phonetically and thinking to myself "well that's a weird thing to name a car." ... In my mid 20s.
Adult Teeth
Not me, but I was talking to my best friend about how I have a lisp since the accident last year that left me without several teeth.
He replied with 'Wait, it's been a year? Why haven't they grown back?'
Me- WTF do you mean? Teeth don't grow back.
Him- No no they don't grow back, but wouldn't the new set have grown in yet or are they still coming in?
Me- New set? You only have one set of adult teeth.
Him- Wait what?
This man made it to 22 firmly believing you lose one set of teeth as a kid and then have TWO SETS of adult teeth
God, I wish, then I wouldn't be paying $4000 for replacement teeth.
Foil Fire
That you can't microwave foil. I somehow reached adulthood without learning this one. Went to reheat a fast food burger, and it caught on fire. You live, you learn.
A Different Teaching Method
I couldn't tie my shoes until i was like 12. In my defense, everybody insisted on teaching me in such a way that their hands blocked the actual process and nobody thought that was a problem and i was just being an idiot.
I only learned when my dad finally taught me by having me hold the strings and walking me through it.
- CLTalbot
Baby Horses
I'm 46, and only learned in the last 5 years or so that ponies aren't baby horses.
Female Anatomy
I'm a guy and lived 15 years of my life thinking that babies literally grew in the stomach of their mothers. I dont know what kind of logical sense that used to make to me but i just never questioned it. And it took another 2 years when i was 17 that i learned that women didn't pee out of their vaginas.
- Kuruan
War Face GIF
Giphy
Apparently, their sense of humor has no bounds. Curious to hear from drill sergeants online, Redditor darkstalker1000 asked:
"Drill instructors, what is the funniest thing you have seen a Private do?"
The following examples were utterly humiliating, but valuable lessons were learned.
Longheld Punishment
"Had 2 guys get in a fight in our bay during basic. The drill sergeant made them hold hands and pretending to be on a date all week. Only time they could let go of each other's hands was rack time. They ended up becoming pretty good friends."
Confusing Paycheck
"Ex British Army officer here."
"A corporal went on a nine week mortar course and was accommodated (obviously) while he was away. It turned out he knew one of the DS teaching the course and was invited, regularly, to dine and drink in the Sergeant's Mess."
"The month after coming back from the course, he brought his payslip to me with a puzzled look on his face and, embarrassed, explained he didn't understand what it meant and could I help him?"
"It emerged that the Sergeant's Mess had a chitty system - you didn't pay for your drinks at the time, but signed for them and the total bill was deducted from your pay."
"This legend had managed to drink more than his monthly salary both months he'd been away and his payslip was a negative balance."
"I'm sorry Smith, I'm afraid you owe the Army £235 ($327.50) this month."
Asking For An Advance
"Former European Anti-Air Trainee here."
"Recruit spent his first check on alcohol and sex workers, asked his commander for next months check in advance the next day. Instead of having a good excuse prepared to actually succeed in that proposal he blankly told him in front of 80 other recruits why he'd need it."
Eye-Level Reprimand
"I saw a guy post about how he was like 6'3 and his DS was like 5'2, so whenever he messed up the DS would go up to him face to chest and yell 'Elevator!' and the guy would bend down to eye level with the DS and say 'Ding!' and the DS would proceed to look him in the eye while he chewed him out."
Some experiences were downright hilarious.
The Stain
"Not an RDC, but in boot camp I was over the laundry crew. One recruit sh*t himself because he thought he couldn't leave his rack after taps. It was funny at the moment before I realized I had to wash it."
– ScootaFL
Ambush Training
"This was the funniest f'king thing I ever read from u/odomotto"
"Recruit fired all his blank ammo during 'ambush training.' He crawled in ditch opposite where the aggressors were, and started throwing rocks at them. DI came running in middle of the road blowing his whistle and screaming 'what the f'k are you doing?' Recruit screamed back, 'throwing hand grenades drill sergeant!' Without missing a beat, the DI screamed 'out f'king standing.' And walked away."
"My sides hurt and I was wheezing laughing so hard at this when I first heard it!"
These punishments made no sense. And that's why they're memorable.
The Replacement
"When I was in basic, a kid we called 'Albino' shot off a blank round accidentally in the field. The sergeants were pissed and took his weapon away and replaced it with a broomstick for the remainder of the week in the field."
"Man I remember some dude didn't put the sheet on his bunk the right way and had to wear the sheet as a cloak and go to all the other barracks dancing around sing about how he was the 'Catch Edge Fairy' or something. It was pretty silly, he owned it though. He was doing twirls the whole time. This was Navy bootcamp."
– Konebred
Despite how they are depicted on film, drill instructors are people who care.
Like, Beals – a drill sergeant at Fort Knox, Kentucky – who said:
"We provide more than just physical, mental and emotional guidance for them. You are a father, a preacher, a financial advisor, a counselor-you provide so many different services to the Soldier that the regular public doesn't see on day to day basis."
"They see what they see in movies and what they hear about by word of mouth. But you are fulfilling so many roles other than just being a trainer and teaching an individual how to be a Soldier in the Army."
And occasionally, they are having a laugh at the crazy things their trainees do.