Prison is not a fun place.
That is obvious. But it's a good reminder, as to stay on the straight and narrow.
There are unspoken rules and ways to live once you're on the inside.
If you want to live or not be extra traumatized, there are things to learn.
Hopefully none of us find ourselves there but just in case...
RedditorJujhar_Singh wanted to hear some advice about life in the big house. They asked:
"Ex prisoners of Reddit, what are some of the best tips to survive the first week in prison?"
I know nothing about jail. Thank God, so this should be interesting.
Head DownTv Show Prison GIF by Animal Kingdom on TNTGiphy
"Dot start crap and keep to your own. Keep to yourself/a SMALL group of people."
"Probably like me, do everything by yourself, never expect anything from anyone, try to not talk about things that they can use to hurt you, etc."
It’s not worth it...
"As a supervisor in a level 4 prison... DON'T put yourself in ANY kind of debt EVER."
"I second this! Also if you don’t do drugs on the outside, don’t do them on the inside. Quick way to run up a debt and then you’re addicted and they’ve got you. I’ve had families call in to the facility because inmates are calling them at home to pay their incarcerated loved ones debt."
"As someone who has listened to many scared moms, wives, etc crying and sobbing on the phone please don’t put them through that. Also you have no idea if what you’re taking isn’t cut with something far more dangerous. Lastly I’ve seen way too many men come in with no drug habits or charges, leave with drug habits, then come back because of drug charges. It’s not worth it, once you’ve done your time, to the best of your ability stay out for you and your loved ones."
“I own you now”
"If you find a candy bar on your bunk, DON'T even touch it."
"If you goto a federal prison in Georgia they show you a video thats gives you information on what to do and what not to do once you go in. There’s a skit of a prisoner walking into his cell and finding a candy bar on a bed. He eats it and his cellmate comes in and tells him 'I own you now.' Basically teaching to prevent yourself from getting owned."
"Don't take favors from anyone cause they'll expect one back."
"Haven’t been to prison but had a work colleague who would do favours for me that I hadn’t asked for and then months later would be I did such and such for you now you have to do this for me or else."
"Things like giving me random items from home etc. I started very much trying to refuse everything and she would get extremely rude and demand I took whatever favour/gift it was. She made working there very unpleasant. When I left that job I never talked to her again."
Poop Timescared eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
"If you’re taking a crap, take one leg out of your pants/shorts. You are vulnerable on the toilet. Best to not get tripped up if you have to react to a spontaneous assault."
Those are all good things to know, should we find ourselves in a predicament.
Hellthe shawshank redemption escape GIFGiphy
"Don’t mess with the COs the guards will make your life hell more than inmates."
"Spend your time in county working out. A lot of people hit prison and didn't work out at all in county. The big guys can be pretty rough and they'll test you(usually in a joking way) and you don't want to b*tch out. Don't cause problems and work out so you look like you can handle yourself and you should be fine. People will generally try to find easy targets. Don't be one of them."
"Always, always fight back. Even if you know you’ll get your a** beat. No matter what, fight back. They’ll see you’re not an easy target compared to someone who doesn’t defend themselves or else they’ll continue to harass you."
"I'm small and did almost 4 years and never got in a fight. Almost did once, and I told the guy I probably wouldn't win, but he wouldn't want his friends knowing who f**ked him up that bad. He got a strange look on his face and slowly walked away. This was at a minimum security prison, I don't think this would have worked on the max yard. But I still wouldn't go down without leaving a mark."
Chow Time Fun
"A coworker was in jail for about a year after getting caught selling pot. He said the crucial test was when someone messed with his food. He had his tray of chow, and some young guy smacked it out of his hands. He immediately started wailing on the guy."
No Onethe dark knight head GIFGiphy
"Get bigger before going in don't give anyone your food, sneeze inside your shirt hygiene is a pretty big thing. No one inside is your friend."
Start with Respect
"Be respectful but never let somebody take advantage of you. You will get tested as soon as you come in. Prisoners can spot somebody who has never done time from a mile away. You need to stand up for yourself right away. Don’t gamble. Never borrow anything you can’t pay back."
"You will probably need to stick with your race. Stay off the guards radar. Blending in is your best bet. Never talk to a guard alone, especially if something has happened that they are looking for information on, even if you have no intention of snitching. Don’t befriend sex offenders."
"My buddy did some hard time in maximum, was amongst killers. He said most of the guys that were in there killed their wives, like 80% of them, those dudes were struggling everyday against the gang members, then said he got stabbed with a tooth brush for not f**king with people of his race, it happened in front of 2 guards while they were transferring him out of the prison."
"Had some other stories to share as well, but the point was that the guards are not there to protect you and if you're gonna be f**ked with, that's how it's gonna be."
Life of the Barracks
"Once you get to your barracks, stick to yourself and just watch and see how everyone else interacts with others, get a sense for who's on some bullshit and who's doing their time right. Don't accept anything free from anyone, it's never actually free. Like others have said, don't just give away your stuff either, just brings stress and trouble."
"Respect and how you carry yourself are key. As for fighting, it's gonna happen and usually it's to test you. If you stand up for yourself, it doesn't really matter if you win or lose, just so long as you'll fight. I wouldn't recommend using drugs, you never know what you're truly getting and drugs just brings trouble. If you're not in a gang, avoid joining up if possible."
Be on high alert...
"First week!!! Be on high alert. Don’t turn your back to anyone. Assume everyone is your enemy while pretending to be a friend. Don’t make calls to the outside. Don’t order canteen. Don’t let anyone know who you really are. Don’t play any games. Just shower, workout, eat, read, and stay in your cell."
Means to an End
"My father is a hippie and one of the kindest people you would ever meet. In the late 60’s he went to prison for selling weed for two years. First week in someone tried to assault him. He beat the guy up so bad that he lost an eye and had to have his jaw rewired. My dad said he felt bad because the guy acted a little off after that but he said from that day forward not one single person messed with him. His advice has always been don’t fight but if you are forced too then make it count."
Flushfinger toilet GIF by BuzzFeed AnimationGiphy
"I’ve never been but my father who did a few years told me that when you’re on the toilet in the same room as your bunky to flush as soon as something hits that water. I assume if you stink up the cell then your bunky might want to hurt you."
"Tell all the other prisoners, 'hey guys, let’s just be nice to each other and maybe prison won’t be so bad!' They’ll all put on a why didn’t I think of that before kind of face before one guy starts a slow clap that turns into an erupting applause from everyone. High fives all around. Guards are all in tears. Warden comes up to you and kisses you on the forehead."
Read it All...
"Get a book. You can use the spine of a large book as a cudgel. Last resort though because you’ll probably lose reading privileges. Plus reading will help you mind your own business and stay out of trouble. Books make good friends, cons don’t."
"Don't let anyone see your phone code. A lot of prisons use stuff like Pay-tel and the time you buy is loaded into an account and then you use the same code before you dial out. If someone sees you put your code in, they can use up all your minutes. The CO's could investigate it and find out who used it, but they probably won't."
Good luck to anyone doing time.
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I had to stop watching talent shows years ago because while I got to see some really enjoyable acts—especially singers, of which there are a seemingly endless number—I grew sick and tired of how scripted everything felt.
For one thing, I hate overt sentimentalty because it can ring very false, and that's how I've felt whenever I've had to sit through any sob stories. Everyone has a sob story.
The music swells and immediately we'll hear about someone's cancer diagnosis or the fact they lost their house due to foreclosure or that their father died and that afterward they found bodies in his shed and learned he was a notorious serial killer...
Okay, that last one might have been made up. But my point stands.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor TheCheeto4 asked the online community,
"What is something that you find incredibly cringe, but you think other people wouldn't?"
"You just reminded me..."
"You just reminded me of those Facebook posts that give instructions to prove who is/isn't a "real friend", always ask you to share afterwards. Like a copy-paste friendship test."
I never bother with those. I always ignore them and I'm okay with that.
"People exaggerating how quirky, different or relatable they are."
You just described every manic pixie dream girl in Bushwick.
"People singing at me. I have no idea what to do and feel cringe the entire time. Some people love just having people sing to them though."
Many people feel super awkward when this happens... especially when it happens in a restaurant... on their birthday.
"Starting a Go Fund Me..."
"Starting a Go Fund Me the second news of a tragedy gets out. There was an accident by me, and there were two competing GFMs fighting over who was closer to the victim."
They do that so they can skiff the funds. People have no shame.
"I couldn't fathom..."
"Public vlogs. I couldn't fathom walking around the city holding a camcorder on a stick and talking to myself."
I hate them and don't understand why people would watch some rando walking around, going about his day. No thank you.
"The judges crying on those talent shows on TV."
Sob stories always increase your chances of entering and lasting longer on those shows.
"I love that unspoken thing where talent show judges act all surprised that the ugly person actually has a great voice!"
The Susan Boyle effect (and she wasn't even all that great to begin with, but it's the perfect example).
"Dating profiles and bios. I just can’t not feel weird about advertising my self to randos."
Always awkward. Even worse when you meet someone interesting and they are nothing like their profile at all.
"Turning on music/singing loudly in public places. I always listen to music in my headphones."
I would never. It's the height of rudeness.
"If someone is going..."
"Filming yourself doing acts of kindness. If someone is going to do something nice for me, and they film me and post that online I’ll be pissed."
It's everywhere. Social media is a pain.
Remember the last time you cringed to some of these? You probably do. It's the worst, isn't it?
Have some cringeworthy moments of your own to share? Tell us more in the comments below!
Two people getting together for the first time and feeling the undeniable chemistry between them is an enchanting discovery.
Without anything being verbally communicated, a person feeling a mutual romantic passion is the spark that potentially can ignite a long-lasting relationship.
However, that spark can also burn out when passions are too high, and that gut feeling indicating a fling was over before it started is never a welcome feeling.
Curious to hear about the negative dating experiences of strangers, Redditor LynxExplorer asked:
"What made you realize the relationship was over?"
Sometimes, the inner voices of reason doesn't register, and outside indicators sound the alarm to let scorned lovers know that romance is dead.
A Third Party
"When I got a Facebook message from another dude saying 'your wife is cheating on us.' He thought we had one of those open relationships."
"Editing to add: this happened a little over ten years ago. I got custody of the kid, I’m remarried, great job, new house, I’m doing good. And I also laugh about it when I think back on it."
"I once googled 'how do you know when a relationship is over' and the top suggestion was 'you google it.'"
"When I finally learned to listen to her actions, not her words."
These Redditors reflected back on their relationships only to realize the love in their relationships have disappeared some time ago.
"When contempt enters the picture. Hard to explain what contempt is, but once it's there it is done for."
"There's nothing like having someone you had an amazing time just have disgust for anything you do. Oh and the glare is deadly."
"Luckily by the time I got there I already made up my mind and stopped playing her victim blaming. We both had rough lives but you cut yourself to manipulate me."
Alone In Love
"when i was crying more than laughing. constant hurt and confusion, didn’t feel like the love was reciprocated."
Waiting For It To End
"I realized that I wouldn't care if he cheated on me and would've been quite happy if he left me for someone else. I felt trapped and didn't know how to leave at the time"
"Edit: We have a child together and share custody, so he will always be in my life, but it's still better than having to walk on eggshells in my own home."
"I'm very sorry to those of you going through this now. I hope you find happiness one day."
A Powerful Yearning
"When I started fantasizing about what it would be like to be completely alone."
These are just downright cruel and unforgiving discoveries.
Sliding Into DMs
"When I found sexts between her and my 'friend.'"
"He kept breaking up with me and then making up with me. Broke up with me on my birthday (because he wasn't getting my undivided attention as my best friend was there), called me for 6 months after trying to get back with me. Called me a 'f'king weasel.' His family still tries to reach out over 11 years later."
Whatever happened to communicating with your significant other when something is off in a relationship?
Sure, this is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but it's far more effective to discuss solutions or compromises.
Isn't it worse to let resentment build to the point where regrettable actions or words further destroy relationships?
Talk it out. You'll be a better person for it.
People have long engaged in passionate debates about their firm beliefs on any particular subject, the popular ones being religion and politics.
Those arguing on both sides of religious or political debates seldom see eye-to-eye with their opponents and are unable to find common ground.
But there are other arguments that are equally as passionate which people are not willing to negotiate, or at the very least, have some wiggle room for compromise.
Curious to hear some examples, Redditor lllSnowmanlll asked:
"What's your strongest opinion that's not political religious or moral?"
We are constantly inundated with marketing ads sneaking their way into our daily interactions on social media.
Enough is enough.
Audio Assualt In Ads
"Radio ads that have honking horns or sirens should be illegal. As should billboards."
Focus On The Product, Please
"If I buy a car, I want to own it without paying a subscription to use the radio or heated steering wheel."
"Ads with the skip button are more effective than ones without."
"If an ad has a skip button you can choose whenever you’re interested in said product or not. This provides more clear info to advertisers too."
"An unskippable ad makes a person associate the company with a negative experience, therefore downgrading the company."
When it comes to our well-being, these Redditors believe the following are of utmost importance.
Ready For The Weekend
"Weekends are sacred and you can pry my free saturday out of my cold dead hands. And even then good luck because i will have hot-glued it to my hands."
"Jokes aside, self care and de-stressing are important. Take care of yourself people!"
"Edit: for everyone saying this comment is indeed political/religious: i'm just saying that having some time off to recharge or take care of personal stuff is important. It does not matter when or how that time off is, as long as you have some. I just want people to be healthy."
It's Time To Let Go
"My boss asked me to come in on Saturday next month. Every Saturday. All month."
"In response, I took off all the Fridays. Due to corporate policy, he can’t deny it. At the end of the month, I’ll be quitting. This is the fifth time in less than a year he’s tried to get me to do regular overtime, and I’ve had enough. If he wants someone working on Saturday, he can do it himself."
"EDIT: I’m getting tired of all the people saying I should have 'just said no,' so let me explain why I didn’t."
"I’ve been at this company two years, and I’ve been 'just saying no' since day one. I was literally asked to stay late on my first day. For a while I did it because COVID had just started and I didn’t want to lose my job. I was very lucky to have a job at all and I knew it."
"But the demands for more overtime, more work, more responsibilities, it all kept growing. Soon, I was working 10 or 11 hours a day Mon-Sat and another 3 or 4 hours most Sundays. I was doing the work of three people and barely making enough money to live. Keep in mind I didn’t get paid for most of this overtime, maybe half of it. No OT bonus to speak of."
"Finally, after eight months of this, I put my foot down. I went back to 40 hour weeks, no overtime unless it’s payed and I choose to do it. My superiors weren’t happy, but replacing me wasn’t easy and they knew it, so they had to deal with it."
"Lately they’ve started pushing me to do more overtime again, but they still refuse to pay me for it. So, I’m done. I’m already planning on moving, but my plans to transfer to a different location are now out the window. I’m way past my limit with this company, they’re lucky I’m still here at all. So no, I won’t 'just say no.' I’ve been saying it for months and they don’t listen.
"Swimming should be taught to every child."
The following opinions are about our interactions with the public.
"If you take a sh*t at public toilets, FLUSH!!!"
The Stigma Of Naiveté
"People should learn that saying 'I don't know' is a perfectly acceptable thing to say, and very often the most accurate."
"Rerack your weights, you meaningless excuse for intelligent life!"
"Drivers who don't indicate when turning are selfish scum."
When using the elevator or public transportation, please let the passengers off before batter-ramming your way in, please.
The doors will eventually shut automatically but will not crush you if are entering the departed cabin at the last minute.
There's no rush.
That's the thing with people. Everyone's in a hurry to get from point A to B but cutting people off on the freeway or jamming your way into an emptying elevator will not get you places any faster.
Not only is it annoying, it's also dangerous.
And I'm done with my PSA. Thank you, kindly.
Some of these modern medicines can really pack a wallop.
Remember that Taylor Swift video her mom took of her?
That was too good.
Patients teeter between a laugh riot and a hideous, dramatic mess.
Either way, it's pretty entertaining.
Redditor DvS_Insanity wanted to hear about what we all mumble when under the influence before surgery.They asked:
"Anesthesiologists of Reddit, what was something you won’t forget hearing from someone that was under?"
I haven't really been under so deep I expressed these kinds of thoughts. I'm ok with skipping surgery, actually.
FingeredKung Fu Wtf GIF by A24Giphy
"I ask a patient after surgery how he feels. He opens his eyes, stares me dead-on and says 'with my fingers.' Then he goes right back to sleep."
'hand... hand please'
"I had an ovarian cyst removed a year ago and woke up from the anesthesia saying 'hand... hand please.' and making 'grabby hands' with both my hands until the nurses finally came over and held my hands for about five minutes while I just smiled and tried to go back to sleep. I hadn't done that in a decade. I used to do it to my dad all the time as a kid to express that I wanted to hold his hand while I slept."
'Ooo ithh a robot'
"My boyfriend at the time had just gotten his wisdom teeth removed, on the ride home with his mouth full of gauze, he gets a call on his cell phone. He answered it and just starts talking away, whoever it was on the other side could not possibly understand a word he was saying with all the gauze in his mouth. But man, he had a lot to talk about and they apparently didn't hang up..."
"After about 5 minutes of this unintelligible phone conversation, he looks at me and says 'Ooo ithh a robot' and gives me the phone. I put it to my ear, and the whole time it's been the Walgreens pharmacy automated notice simply stating his prescription is ready for pickup, playing on repeat. Probably for the best."
"I’m an anesthesiologist. The best story was a 40-some year old woman for appendectomy, said while I’m giving the propofol to induce anesthesia. She said 'oh I don’t remember it tasting like that before' (slurred). I said 'what does it taste like?' Since propofol doesn’t usually elicit a taste reaction. She almost yelled 'DEEEZ NUTS,' and was promptly under anesthesia thereafter. There have been other stories, but this one has the entire OR staff rolling laughing for minutes after she was under."
“AHHHH”Oh My Love GIF by WWEGiphy
"After an operation on a patient's neck, he woke up and yelled 'AHHHH' then grabbed his junk with both hands and was like 'oh thank God it’s still there' then immediately passed out again."
People are funny with no censor. And dialogue dangerous...
"My personal story. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I kept holding a fake camera up to my face saying 'you're beautiful' and making clicking noises while I was under. I'm a professional photographer and my dental surgeon ended up booking a session with me a year later."
"I woke up from gallbladder surgery confused as to why my mom wasn’t there (I was 18 and looking for my mom). The nurse informed me I had cussed out my entire family and they sent them home and put me on a no visitor list, only for me to wakeup at 2am with no memory making them call my mom back. Another time I woke up and made horrifically inappropriate jokes."
"I told a nurse she was pissing me off because I didn’t like the automatic blood pressure cuff. Another I refused to listen to followup orders until I had a chicken sandwich (my negotiations were not met). I’m a real treat after anesthesia but I get a lot of this done at the office my mom works at so she can warn them lol."
'That's my wife for ya'
"My aunt got rushed to the hospital for abnormal heart rate - but it wasn't a heart attack or stroke, but her heart was going at like 200 beats per minute or whatever it was. They had to put her under so they could shock her heart back to normal. As they're taking her under, the doctor says something like 'Okay, in it goes' and she immediately quips with 'That's what she said.' All the doctors and nurses busted a gut laughing and told my uncle when he got there. He just shrugged and said 'That's my wife for ya.'"
"One summer I was home from college and my dad needed me to pick him up after his very first colonoscopy. He was nervous so I got there early. The nurse called me back and asked me to help wake him up, as they were having some trouble. I go back and am making chit chat. 'Oh dad, you’ve got those cool booties on!' He raised his head a little bit to look at them then yelled, 'Booty call!' He is a Presbyterian pastor. A moment I will treasure forever."
HugsKat Graham Netflix GIF by GIF RegistryGiphy
"Apparently, when I had surgery to remove my Bartholin’s gland (a gland at the entrance of the vagina that can get an abscess), they asked me how I felt as soon as I was awake. I said I felt like I got attacked by an elephant and then I wanted to hug everyone."
Oh, the things we'll say when under the influence.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.