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Ex-Cons Share Whether They Found Prison Rehabilitating

Ex-Cons Share Whether They Found Prison Rehabilitating

"Ex convicts of Reddit, did you find prison rehabilitating? Why or why not? What would you change about the system if you could?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor RamenIsMyKyptonite, and it's a doozy.

According to the National Institute of Justice, about two-thirds (67.8 percent) of released prisoners were rearrested within three years of release. Within five years of release, about three-quarters (76.6 percent) of released prisoners were rearrested.

Clearly the culture within the prison system needs to be changed, as these former inmates can attest.


"Did 4 years..."

Did 4 years in a maximum security penitentiary in Canada.

I don't think the institution itself or its programs had any influence on my rehabilitation, but I decided for myself I was never going back.

They forced us to take certain programs as part of our "correctional plan". Such as an anger management course, a course for drug dealers to tell them to not sell drugs, etc. (All of which were a waste of time imo)

You can get your grade 12 education, which I did.

The most beneficial thing that was occasionally offered in certain institutions (which is no longer available) was you could do certain trades such as carpentry or drywall, and the hours could go towards an apprenticeship on the outside. It is a huge shame that it was discontinued.

If I could change anything I would implement more programs of that nature, that taught skills that could be applied to the outside world and benefit inmates when they are released.

Parole, and living in a halfway house on release are both extremely difficult things to navigate and are imo designed to make parolees reoffend. You are thrown in a house with other convicts, prohibited from associating with any person with a criminal record, which in itself is paradoxical. Any time you leave the halfway house you must tell them exactly where you will be, and must call from a land line (no cellphone) every hour to check in and prove you are where you claim to be. Most people don't own a house phone anymore, and pay phones are almost nonexistent, which makes this very difficult. You can be sent back for the smallest infraction, such as not doing your daily chore at the halfway house (vacuuming, mopping, etc).

You are forced to find immediate employment or can be sent back. Finding a job after being inside for that long can be a very daunting task, especially when certain parole officers demand to meet your employer or meet you at work to prove you're actually employed there.

Overall more programs on the outside to help get parolees jobs, perhaps pre-apprenticeship programs and an example, would be hugely beneficial.

Most ex-cons who rehabilitate do it with their own determination and conscious decision to leave that lifestyle behind. I don't feel the system itself and resources within it play an impactful part in that.

PM_Me_Your_Boobs____

"He went to prison three different times..."

This is not my story, this is my dads.

He went to prison three different times, but he only counts it as one, since he was only really out for less than a month each time he got out, excepting the last one of course. That's a different story.

The last time he went to prison was at Folsom Prison near Sacramento. Yes, from the song. His cellmate was an older man, though, my dad remarked that now, he's older than his cellmate was at the time. My dad was a bit of an arrogant prick and he was bragging about times he got away with some drug smuggling job. They were playing a game of chess and his cellmate just sighed.

"Boy, if you ever listen to a word I say, listen to this. You're still young, you got your whole life ahead of you. Me? I'm here for life. Do you understand that? I'm never getting out of this prison. And when I die, they're going to bury me out in that graveyard with a wooden marker over top my body. I burned all my bridges and now there's no one left to give a shit when I die. You're still a kid, but I was your age when I was put in here. Stop being a dumbass and do something with your life if you don't want to be buried underneath a prison. Now move your fucking piece so we can play some chess."

He was wrong about one thing though. Ive seen my dad cry exactly twice in my life. The second time was last year when we visited Folsom prison and my dad found out that his cellmate, the man who changed his life, passed away years ago. My dad cried over his death, and was probably the only person who did. If that man hadn't verbally slapped my dad across the face, I wouldn't have been born.

So yeah, prison can be rehabilitating, but I'm not sure if it's the system that's responsible.

JayMezians

"A lot of hanging out..."

I haven't been to prison, just in and out of juvie and jail for years. I don't know what was supposed to be rehabilitating. With a lot of the psychological help in juvie they had high staff turnover so there was never really consistency and progress. A lot of drug programming at both levels was just kind of like DARE stuff. And really basic. I've been in a juvie class where another kid was correcting the 'teacher's' info. Jails mostly have AA, don't really like AA.

A lot of hanging out and playing games and entertaining yourself. It rehabilitated some of my basketball skills (though some of that gets a little dirty for an actual game). It rehabilitated my ability to read books.

After the first couple of times going to juvie or jail never concerned me. Once you've figured the place out a bit then you can just hang out.

I have an uncle who had custody of me as a teen and he invested in me. He rehabilitated me, the system just took me and held me for periods of time but he did the real work. He got me competent and consistent mental health care, we found a counselor who I connected with. I got my meds sorted out. I got consistent and competent substance help. I got a good education and directed towards a career. He got himself help in how to parent me. He got me to be a regular human by about 21.

With greater funding and a change of attitude I think the system could implement all of that stuff far more successfully. And I think that a big focus on juveniles and young adults would help too. And stop being obsessed with the act of locking people up.

throwawaysmetoo

"Needless to say..."

Did 2 years in 2002. 1 year in a for profit regional jail and 1 year minimum security state prison.

Not rehabilitating in the sense they made any effort to rehab us but I did go straight to stay out of there.

I was 18 and breaking into businesses for the thrill. Hardcore self destruction. Thought my life was over until I saw how worse the other convicts were. The only services jail offers are GED, church and AA/NA so any rehabbing is done there. The discipline isn't like the military where they attempt to teach you honor or anything. Its just stand for count and clean your area once a day.

I already had a GED but took it again out of boredom. Prison is a lot better. Counselors teach community college courses and you have a job. Came out with 9 credits.

Probation sucks. Get downtown twice a week, don't have a shy bladder, keep a job, go to meetings even though I didn't have a drug problem. High stress and a lot of us get indefinite probation which averages 5 years.

But I did good. I'm white and middle class so I was able to blend back into society easy. Waited tables and did community college. My PO let me off probation in two years so I could go to university and ultimately hardly missed a beat. Happily married now with three kids, a mortgage and a career I don't hate.

Honestly the biggest motivation for me was watching WB shows in jail and seeing them all go to college. It was like when Mogli saw other humans and left the jungle on his own. Needless to say I had an unstable childhood.

First-Fantasy

"I wouldn't say..."

I wouldn't say it was very rehabilitating, though it did make me never want to go back. The worst thing they never tell you is that the COs can do pretty much whatever they want to you. You don't really have "due process" once you're inside, they can send you to solitary confinement whenever they want, move you to the cell of someone who hates you and look the other way as you get beat up, and nothing will happen to them for it. Most of us were more scared of the COs than we were of each other, though of course there were some good COs.

Specific punishments and such vary from prison to prison, but the worst one I always dreaded was "Dog breath." If someone in our cell did something the CO didn't like, they'd come in, order us to sit with our backs to the wall, sometimes cuffed...and then they'd bring in their K9 Officer to search the cell.

Except...well, she'd search the cell, but spend a long-ass time giving us a sniff-over too - with her mouth right on our nose, panting heavily. It was absolutely foul. One guy cursed at a CO one day, and the next day our cell was searched, and he spent 15 minutes getting breathed and slobbered on by these dogs until he was gagging and retching. Complaining about the smell was a surefire way to get more of it.

Nothing to do about it either. What are you going to do, complain that they searched your cell? That'd be a good way to earn another K9 visit the next day.

kitm1995

The Most Overrated Restaurant Dishes In The World

Reddit user Fremblem_Feldsher asked: 'What is the most overrated dish in the world?'

Stacked burger
Lefteris kallergis/GettyImages

The food industry is highly competitive with restaurants duking it out to stay relevant.

They do this by presenting diners a spin or a gimmick on classic entrees.

While some eateries succeed by a wide margin, many fail by coming up with bizarre dishes that may seem inventive but fall flat on the palate.

This just goes to show that you shouldn't mess with what already works. But playing it safe is just bad for business, though. Right?

Well, customers chimed in when RedditorFremblem_Feldsher asked:

"What is the most overrated dish in the world?"

Some people thought gourmet burgers were all hype and in bad taste.

Bigger Isn't Better

"'Gourmet' burgers. You pay top dollar and get a burger that's difficult to eat (stacked to high and falls apart) and where there's so much attention to toppings you can hardly taste the beef and cheese."

"Anything made with truffle oil gets an honorable mention."

– Treantmonk

Too Many Toppings

"$18, tall, stacked, giant burgers slathered in fifteen different condiments and toppings. They're hard to eat and usually not as good as a simple burger."

– hiro111

"Burgers should be wider not taller. I don't want to take a single bite only to lose half the toppings from the other side."

– ProphetOfPhil

Not Lovin' It

"Knife and fork burgers are bullsh*t. I hate the feeling of having to rush through eating my burger because my hands and gave are slathered in sauce."

"If it's stacked and/or messy af, it's not a good burger, even if it tastes good. It's some kind of knife and fork entree but definitely not a burger."

– FictionalContext

Sometimes people want something sweet without going over the top.

Identity Crisis

"It’s not a dish, but those milkshakes that you see that have chocolate all over the glass and a giant piece of cake on top. Ruins the milkshake with the crumbs mixing into it, and honestly could of put the cake on a plate and let us eat it normally".

– Meckles94

Dough-Not Want It

"Donuts from places known for 'cRaZy' donuts. The most 'extreme' donuts I’ve ever had were the most mediocre. They tasted like somebody put stale cereal on top of grocery store donuts."

– cppadam

Behind The Scenes

"I work with a guy whose wife runs her own bakery. He told me that most of the places selling donuts these days don't actually make their own donuts. They buy pre-made dough that is uncooked. Then the places doctor them up. Hence, the stale cereal on grocery store donuts taste. It's because that's exactly what they are."

"Apparently, making multiple types of all homemade donuts is a lot of work. I go to a Mennonite bakery at a farmers market who make all of their own stuff, dough and all. They are legit working from before they open until after they close."

– qotsa_gibs

A Big Twist...And Not The Glazed Kind

"There's a place in Niagara Falls called Country Fresh Donuts and they've got some of the best donuts I've ever had. Their long johns are the stars of the show, but their other donuts are also super good."

"Big twist? They excel at wonton soup. Anyone who goes there goes for the soup first, donuts later. It helps that they're open 24 hours a day (or, they were at one point). 3am wonton soup and a donut is mana from heaven."

– SimonCallahan

Mini Cakes

"Cupcakes during their 2009-2014 reign of terror."

– JonathanWattsAuthor

"With the icing piled so high it would go up your nose"

– Live_Reindeer7833

Not everyone fancies a fancy meal.

History Of Lobster

"Lobsters used to be peasant food - they literally fed it to prisoners. It's weird how things change, but like most things it just comes down to supply and demand."

"Lobster is quite hard to farm so, although it's not a hard-to-come-by food unless you're very far from the sea, there is still a bit more effort required in producing them. Couple that with their image as a 'luxury' seafood, which increases demand, and you get high prices."

– fantalemon

Not Worth The Hype

"Any steak from Salt Bae’s restaurants."

– WishboneCrazy9289

"Controversial but I think steak in general is overrated. I love steak and have some really good servings in nice places but I still think it isn’t as good as people go on about."

– itsyaboigreg

How Posh

"Expensive food with gold shavings. What's that about? Do you eat it to feel rich and powerful or something? I'm sure gold doesn't taste very good and is not normally supposed to be eaten."

– thegreatc*msl*t

"You can buy the gold foil on its own and it's cheaper than you'd expect (still expensive)"

"After trying on on its own, I can say gold is one of the lower ranking metals that I've tasted. Silver, stainless steel, and titanium all taste better. I'd put gold in the same tier as copper, above aluminum."

"Edit: to explain how I know this, someone asked me for advice on different types of silverware and I had to try it out myself before recommending anything. The copper is an exception as that was a dare."

– Notbbupdate

I see the appeal for Instagramming food, but if the beautiful food items photographed in portrait mode are making me salivate, they better deliver on my taste buds.

I actually patronized a diner that advertised an amazing pancake dish that had caramel sauce with crushed pecan and whipped cream. The idea looked better on paper.

When I order the breakfast delight in question, it looked nothing like how it was pictured. It was flat, messy, and undesirable.

And of course it tasted horrible. I was a sucker for that damn Instagram post.

Sometimes food is all hype. That's the worst kind, especially if you're a sucker like me and you fall for it.

As children, when we saw grown-ups behave in certain ways, we more than likely promised ourselves we would never be like them.

That we would never lose our temper at minor things, groan over the slightest ache in our bodies, or choose work over fun.

However, when adulthood creeps up on us, certain things about the person you become you have little to no control over.

As a result, you might find yourself screaming at children for being too noisy or going to bed at 9:15 instead of seeing a midnight screening of your favorite movie and realizing that you have become the very thing you've been trying to avoid your entire life.

Redditor UglyLikeCaillou was curious to hear what type of person the Reddit community ended up becoming, despite vowing they wouldn't, leading them to ask:

"What type of person did you swear to never turn into growing up, but did anyway?"

Letting It Out Can Ease The Pain...

"The one that makes noises when I get up off the floor."- tutohooto

The Wise Know The Vital Importance Of Being Silly

"I swore I’d never stop being goofy."

"That I’d always try to find the positive and wouldn’t give up hope."

"But then life happened."

"It’s hard staying an emotionally sensitive and caring person when so many people are just plain mean."- Lucky_Garbage5537

It's Possible, Even In A Room Full Of People...

"I never thought I would grow up to be so lonely, but here I am."- oldbaldgrumpy

Sad Season 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

Temper Temper...

"An angry person."

"Life and people are just too much all the time."-Jumpy-Air-3385

Some Call It Frugal, Others Call It Cheap....

"The kind that put something back cause the store brand was 20 cents cheaper."- penndelnj

A Far Too Common Occurrence

"I never thought I'd live paycheck to paycheck by my age."

"I thought I'd be on my way to being financially independent by now, in fact."

"It's always been my goal, I was willing to work so hard from such a young age and never scared to make sacrifices but unfortunately my people-reader is skewed and all I ever really got was taken advantage of."

"It's not too late, I'm smarter now and I'll get there."- FriendCountZero

2 Chainz Pockets GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy

Working Hard For The Money...

"A corporate slave."- lapdanze

"My dad was an engineer and I vowed to never be like him in any way."

"Growing up, I always said over my dead body would i become a corporate slave chained to a desk."

"Guess who is a desk jockey engineer now."- Lame_usernames_left

Watch Your Mouth!

"If my child self met my adult self, he’d tell me that I shouldn’t say so many bad words."- BarthRevan

The Apple Doesn't Fall Very Far From The Tree...

"My dad."- PolarBearChuck

"The most relatable one, nobody wants to become their parents, it’s horrible (unless you have good parents)."- Fine-Macaroon-3202

season 2 episode 6 GIFGiphy

The Comfort Of Your Own Home...

"A homebody."

"In my early 20’s I would never miss an opportunity to go out on Thurs, Friday, or Sat night and couldn’t understand why my parents would ‘waste’ a perfectly good weekend night, just to stay home."

"Now I get it. MAN, do I get it."

Derogatory Term, Or Term Of Endearment?

"I remember learning what a nerd was and thinking 'thank God I'm not a nerd' as I went home from school to play Pokemon Emerald and talk on Pokemon message boards about the upcoming Diamond and Pearl games."- hectoByte

Early To Bed, Early To Rise

"The dad that gets up at 4:30 am to exercise, and is ready for bed by 9 pm."- GreyPilgrim1973

Work Out Pain GIF by I Want You Back MovieGiphy

Beauty Comes In All Sizes...

"Overweight."

"Not super big, but not skinny anymore."- hoosierhiver

One Can Indeed Be The Loneliest Number...

"Crotchety, single old lady."

"I'm only sometimes crotchety, but I'm almost fifty and still single!"- GimmeUrNachos

Love What You Do! If You Can...

"An office drone."

"Redditing as we speak to avoid looking at yet another ghastly eyesore of a spreadsheet.'

"Why have we done this to ourselves as a civilization?"- onemanmelee

Still Waiting Office Tv GIF by The OfficeGiphy

Growing up can be scary, hence why we always promise ourselves we won't turn out a certain way.

Even so, some things about the type of person we grow up to be are completely out of our control.

And rather than bemoan our current situation, it's always best to embrace it and enjoy the precious time we have on Earth with our family and friends.

And maybe cut our parents a little slack for the behavior we judged them so harshly on as children...

My aunt and her ex-fiance were often hailed as the gold standard by my family when it came to romantic relationships. They were perfect for one another and had the healthiest relationship most of us had ever seen. My cousins and I all hoped to emulate their relationship someday.

Then, the marriage we'd all been looking forward to was called off.

Why? My aunt liked to hang toilet paper "over" (which is the right way), and her ex-fiance liked to hang toilet paper "under." When her ex-fiance replaced the toilet paper, my aunt would be annoyed that the toilet paper was hung under, and would complain, but that's where it ended.

When my aunt replaced the toilet paper, her ex-fiance would go so far as to change the position of the toilet paper every time he used their bathroom, and she couldn't take it anymore.

My cousins were so confused. That seemed like a ridiculous reason to call off a wedding. Being a few years older than most of them, I knew realistically, their issues were less about toilet paper and more about the fact my aunt's ex wasn't willing to compromise. However, the party line was that the wedding was called off because of the toilet paper, and to this day, we still tease my aunt about it (who, by the way, found another man, and has been happily married to him for 12 years).

Redditors know people who have called off their own weddings for absurd reasons and are eager to share the stories.

It all started when Redditor AnuragSlNGH asked:

"What's the most absurd reason you've heard of someone cancelling their marriage?"

Prophecy

"One of my friends was engaged and is Catholic. Her husband had to convert and he had a dream where he was in a Catholic Church but not getting married, he was a priest. So he had a vision of becoming a priest and now the wedding is off."

– Southern-Pay9792

All About The Money

"I was going to be a guest at a wedding and found out it was canceled 2 weeks before the date. The bride found out that the groom had gotten a significant discount on the price of the venue and she was insanely angry that anything at her wedding cost less than premium."

"Keep in mind, this was her dream venue that she had chosen. She was just mad that her fiancé was “cheap”. Or something."

"I was never super close to either of them, but the last I heard they never ended up getting married."

– NotSureWhatThePlanIs

"Guy dodged a bullet there."

– thefman

"No doubt, my wife and I high-fived when we got a discount on our venue."

– Old_Employer2183

What's In A Name?

"My cousin called it off 3 days in advance because the bride and groom couldn't agree on whether to hyphenate their last names, or use his."

"In retrospect, there was a significant class/ culture divide of which that was merely one symptom."

– thefuzzybunny1

"I used to work with a guy whose last name was West. When he married a woman with the last name Wild, she said she was happy to take his name. He told her that she was insane, and they were not under any circumstances passing up the opportunity to be the Wild West family."

– transluscent_emu

Ban 4

"They realized after everything was already planned, invites sent out etc. that they didn't like the date. They moved it to 2025 so there wouldn't be a 4 in their wedding date."

– MarkmcZack

"Their kids are just gonna jump straight from 3 to 5."

– TripodTheSuperCat

Yikes!

"Bride cancelled the wedding a week before because she was a hardcore disney adult and she was offered a temp job at disney and felt she "couldnt miss the opportunity of her dreams.""

"We live quite a few states away from disney and she said she couldnt do the long distance. Really she just wanted to party like a frat bro in Florida without any repercussions."

"She made a "songs to have sex to" playlist on their shared spotify a few days after they broke up. It absolutely crushed him."

– Reddit

"Oh man, what a sh*tty chick."

"Sounds like he dodged a bullet in the long run, but that must have hurt a ton at the time."

– Sunshine030209

Where's The Ring?

"My friend's former fiancé was a nice dude. Firefighter, easy to talk to, treated her well and got her a nice ring. Every now and then the ring would go missing but he would eventually find it, safe and sound."

"She had a good job, too, and was giving him thousands of dollars a month to fix up a house they had bought to live in after they'd gotten married."

"Turns out, dude was living two lives or attempting to at the very least: he's married for 10+ years and had two kids, the engagement ring was his wife's and he stole it back every now and then to "find" it for her. There was never a house, he never bought one, and used all the thousands he had been given solely on cocaine."

"Needless to say, they cancelled the wedding."

– Zenthoor

Last Minute Non-Planning

"They did nothing."

"They picked a date, sent mails with it to invite people. And then did nothing until a week before said date."

"Of course they could not rent the venue they wanted nor find another one. They couldn't find caterer, dresses etc on time."

"But also, legally, they couldn't get married in such short notice."

"So, they cancelled the wedding, and will get married later."

"It's been 5 years. They're still not married."

– Marawal

"kinda sounds like they're made for each other, lol."

– alohamoraFTW

Worst Prank Ever

"The best man said in his speech that he slept with the bride about 2 weeks before the wedding. All hell broke loose. The groom demanded that the marriage be cancelled. It took a few days to get the truth out & for the groom to finally listen. The best man thought it be a great prank. The groom was apologetic to the bride, but she didn’t forgive him. Because he believed in others’ lies & won’t let her talk."

"He is a big AH. While hunting for the truth, found out best man has a history of sleeping with groom’s past GFs & crushes. Still trying to figure out why groom stayed friends with this AH. Awhile ago, bride found out groom is still friends with AH."

– RottweilerBridesmaid

What God Says Goes

"My uncle and ex aunt called off the wedding because “God told them to wait” a month before the wedding. They lived across the country so my parents had to fly with three children under 10 years old and the tickets were non-refundable. My uncle called my dad with the new date, about 6 months after the original date."

"My mom called him later and when he asked if we would be coming to the wedding she said that she spoke to god and he told her to bring her kids to Disney instead. My parents still joke about it today and my uncle divorced that wife a year or two later. Happy ending though, he married his best friend about a decade later and they are truly perfect for eachother. She really is a wonderful woman and we couldn’t be happier for them."

– Big_Meesh_

I Wouldn't Give Money Either

"They didn't have enough donations from friends and family."

"They set a date, and when they sent out the invitations, they included a line stating invitations returned without the required minimum would not get seated in the hall, another not allowed into the wedding. The bride and groom would make an appearance outside in the parking lot so they could have a chance to congratulate them, though."

"They received... $0.00!"

"Why? Their minimum was $100. $250 if you wanted food. $500 included "cake service." For alcohol $50 got you 6 drink tickets, and I think the cheapest drink was 2 tickets, and some were 10."

– Demorant

The Future's In The Food

"My Italian uncle canceled his wedding because the bride's family (not Italian) would not serve lasagna at the wedding reception."

"He ended up marrying an Irish woman whose family was okay with serving lasagna at the reception."

– rockyroadicecreamlov

"This actually seems reasonable to me. It doesn't have to be about lasagna but about communication, compromise, and treating the groom as an equal partner. It's indicative of what the entire relationship might be like."

– metmerc

Yup, sounds about right.

A young woman solemnly holds her face in her hand
Photo by Mehrpouya H

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