Escape Room Employees Divulge The Funniest Attempts People Have Made To Free Themselves

I suffer from debilitating claustrophobia so I know all the places I absolutely cannot go! And number one on that list is these oh so popular "escape room" festivities. This escape room craze has become all the rage in group activity and celebrations. The point of these games is to find your way out, not burn down the building and freak out. Can you imagine the amount of blackmail the staff at these places must have? LOL.
Redditor u/ann_ha was hoping those who work the Escape Room establishments would share a few tales about what they've been witness to by asking.... People working in escape rooms, what's the funniest thing that you've seen?Ha-Ha!
One of the kids says the answer to the final puzzle out loud, rest of his family says,"No, that can't be right,"
They ask for a clue, they figure it out, and i walk in to celebrate with them, and the kid is basically screaming, "I TOLD YOU SO."
Cheater
Dude brought a set of lockpicks, solved the room in 5 minutes.
Hehehehehehe. I can just imagine: "this is the lockpicking lawyer, and today i'm trying out this escape room. they used this really poor masterlock, so i'm just gonna this wood splinter to open it, and yep, we got it open. okay folks, that's all i have for you today."
$20 Now
I don't work in one but probably the family we were with kept telling their 8 year old son to shut up when he brought up certain things not looking right. Turned out he figured out 2 of the puzzles and demanded 20 bucks and an apology from his dad.
Why are you going to bring your kid to that if you aren't even going to let him play? Deserved both, in my opinion.
Going Up!
Don't work in one but last time I was there, we were advised that the ceiling was not the route out. Apparently a group of guys the previous night removed a ceiling tile and tried to crawl up through it...
Birded....
The funniest thing I've ever seen was when I was hosting a group of school children that couldn't have been older than 8 years old each. This little girl just looks into the camera in the corner of the room and stares right at it, and it almost looks like she's looking right at me. Suddenly she slowly raises her right hand and just FLIPS ME THE BIRD... I was so stunned but immediately burst out laughing with my coworker that had seen it as well. The look on her face made it even better. It's like she knew we'd see it lol.
Bad Exit
Stereotypical "I don't work there" disclaimer. I saw a couple break up once. The guy was being really snappy at the girl for seemingly little things and she started snapping back. The guy ended up cussing at her, turned to storm off and tripped over a piece of equipment on the ground.
Get the Loot
I was in the room, not a worker, but I was part of a work outing with programmers. There was a puzzle that required a password for a computer to get files off of a thumb drive. A coworker booted the Linux box as a default user and loaded the drive there.
The Gregothy....
Had a couple of guys do a great little pantomime with the alien skeleton which involved confronting it about one of the clues, getting kicked in the gut for their troubles and dropping to the ground, and putting the alien in a chair facing the corner for a time out as punishment.
I think they forgive it, because after they finished the room they were very upset to leave "Gregothy" behind.
Where to Begin....
Finally, something I can comment on. Long time lurker, made an account to respond.
I've worked for 2 different companies and have done 100+ rooms personally. 1 place was a mom and pop escape room company, the other was a Haunted House, Both have their own interesting stories. In the haunted house I got put in blood and makeup and we work INSIDE the rooms with guests. So we see everything in person (someone still watches cameras, but we give clues in person rather than a computer).
- I've been flashed for a clue by a guidance counselor
- I've seen more PDA than you'd ever care for
- I've seen people pee in rooms
- I've watched someone poop themselves (and smelt it) after I scared them in a room
- I've seen people get nailed by spring loaded doors that open when they triggered them
- I've had groups ask me to roast them as I give clues (of course)
- So much dancing
- So many people being mean to each other
- so many break ups
That witty joke you make or pun was made by every single group, every sing hour, every single day. No Im not laughing with you.
Oh Butter....
Had a woman get trapped in the room and ended up defecating in a prop butter churner which also had the key in it.
Kids are REALLY good....
I worked in one for about a year, and this was surprisingly commonplace (like, virtually every parent/kid group that came in had this happen). I have a few theories.
What I learned was that kids around 9-12 are usually REALLY good at a lot of things in escape rooms because they are comfortable with failing and moving on. Escape room puzzles are usually designed so that you have to do a bit of experimenting before you crack it. Like, you look at a puzzle and will think you know what you are supposed to do, but then once you start doing it you realize there was more too it than you thought.
Kids are REALLY good at this because they are used to trying things, failing, and then trying something else. "What if we have to re-arrange the letters? That didn't work. Okay, what if we have to read it a certain way?" Kids know they don't know everything, and are willing to hypothesize, test, and re-focus after learning why their hypothesis was proven incorrect.
Conversely, it turns out people (and in particular men) over 40 years old are REAAAAAAALLY bad at this. They get stuck in their ways, and once they are locked in on a solution they ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT let go of it.... for anything. In my escape room, I played a character in the room with the people, and would drop hints if people were doing bad (we weren't on overly competitive one, so we would kind of gauge whether people wanted a 'pure' experience or a 'just for fun' one).
I can't count number of times I had a dad doing something completely, 100% wrong, leading me to walk over and say "Hmm, I don't think that is it, maybe there is something else in the room that would help", only for them to look up, do a quick glance around the room, and go RIGHT BACK TO WHAT THEY WERE DOING. Like, I'm not going to lie to you. I know the answer. But no, they think that they've cracked it, and they are going to keep on trying until the time is up.
You Right.
My brother insisted he was right. He's the youngest out of all of us, still in middle school, and he kept saying how to do one of the riddles. We all disagreed. Finally we gave up and asked for a hint. All it said was "he's right".
You're Free!
In every escape room I've ever been to they have made it really clear you are not actually locked in and can leave whenever you want. Otherwise I would have been right there with you about being stuck in a room with a recently broken up couple.
LOCK IT DOWN!
Don't work at one, I was a participant in this story & the employees told me it was the most hilarious thing they've seen so far. My boyfriend & I did an escape room back in January this year. Children's asylum themed, & very well done! We opened a secret door in the back of a closet using an electromagnet. It took two people touching a metal lead on the wall on opposite sides of the room.
It lead to another tiny room only big enough for one person to be in & on hands & knees only. Well somehow my idiot of a boyfriend shut the door, LOCKING it behind him in a pitch black room. I couldn't touch both metal leads on the walls to make it open, so I had to just yell & wave my hands until the employee noticed me & came in with the 'key' to let my boyfriend out. I still won't let him live that one down.
A Stream of Water
I have experience with industrial automation and design locks for the owner of an escape room.
When the owner approached me and said he wanted to try something very different, I came up with the idea of pouring water in to a 55 gallon drum. At the bottom of the drum would be the trigger for the lock -- a water sensor. I didn't know how practical that would be but the owner loved it and worked it in to a story about a prohibition-era speakeasy. At least one bottle of water, provided at an earlier in the room, would need to be poured in to a still -- unlocking the door.
Apparently that worked well until a small group of frat boys came in and slammed the water down because they thought It was free. When they finally figured out that they had to pour water in to the still, one of them unzipped and peed in to it instead. The water sensor was triggered, opening the door.
After that, the owner said he didn't want to use water sensors anymore and asked if I wanted to take them back.
Cure & Blitzkreig
I worked at an escape room from October 2019- March 2020 before the pandemic, and I have a couple of stories.
The company i worked for had 3 rooms you could play, and i was trained in 2 of the rooms. One was called The Cure and one was called Blitzkrieg. The way we ran things at the company was that instead of watching through cameras and communicating via walkie talkies, each room had a character that went along with the theme of the room as a way to be more interactive and engaging.
So in The Cure you have 1 hour to find the cure for a sick girl (ironic given 2020, huh?) and the room is very science-y themed and so are the puzzles. One of the puzzles requires VERY BASIC math skills (literally just the MDAS of PEMDAS AND you get a calculator) but it's lengthy so it can get a little confusing sometimes. ANYWAYS there was a very average family that came in, nobody super bright but not necessarily dumb people either.
Just average. However the dad kept trying to solve the math problem, and after what seemed like the millionth time getting the wrong answer, he turned to his wife and says "I'm an engineer, you think i should be able to get a simple math problem right!" And it just baffled me that this man who is supposedly an engineer couldn't solve the simple problem when middle schoolers come in and solve it no problem all the time.
In Blitzkrieg, it's WWII bunker themed and so it's very dark and the players get flashlights. (+10 for atmosphere amirite?) At the very end of the game you have to "disarm" a bomb to escape and every other puzzle throughout the game leads to the code you need. It's been awhile and i can no longer remember the code (not that i should have pisted it anyhow) so let's pretend it was 1564. A family was at the very very end of the game with mere seconds (less than 10 and counting) and they were trying EVERY combination of 1564 they had except 1564... 5164... 6451... 4561... And so on. It wasn't until the clock had ONE second left they got it right and got out. The energy was very tense and so everyone was laughing their a**es off when they got out.
Dirty Talk
Not an employee but:
There was one my group did where you attended a dinner party for the king. Well, the king killed someone, and you had to solve the murder. However, when you heard him coming you had to run back to the table otherwise, he would get suspicious.
Anywhoo: So many times he would ask a question such as: "Where does though come from?" My group would answer "on the Oregon Trail, one of us has dysentery, so careful! You might get it to!" One time he got in one of the girls face (an act), and she simply said "careful! I haven't had an orgasm in months, and your sexiness might cause my vagina to explode!"
I don't know how, but he kept a straight face the whole time until the very end. When we solved the murder, we all had to escape the castle. The actor yells at one of the guys who was still sitting at the table: "What have you done peasant? Where did the women go?" He simply shrugs and says, "why bother? They all want to have sex with each other, so I'd rather stay here and have dinner with you."
He literally busted out laughing, and told us all how we made his night by being a bunch of weird people.
Door Opened
I worked at one a few years ago. One time we had a local summer camp rent out all our rooms for a day. The kids (all high schoolers) were actually doing pretty good. One of our rooms had a computer monitor with clues on it, but I noticed in the middle of the game that the computer had gotten into a weird mode and wasn't showing what it was supposed to. It was an easy fix, so I paused their time and went to fix it. As soon as I opened the door, they all started screaming bloody murder and bumping into each other trying to run away from me. Their chaperones thought it was hilarious.
Back to the 80's....
A story as a person in the room. I went with my mom and her friend.
They were both visiting me and it was a great activity in a historic building down town. The room was 80s video rental themed and there was a lot of going back and forth between rooms. My mom's friend had to be talked into going by her adult children and within a few minutes of play this lady went from a bit uninterested to balls-to-the-wall committed. Sprinting for clues. Screaming. Really great for the energy.
Thank god it was just us.
Things that were not clues were clearly marked. We got out successfully and walked outside to 4-5 fire trucks along the curb. We all notice and wonder what happened. My mom's friend says she wants to go back inside and find out. My mom and I think nothing of it. At home she told us what really happened.
Turns out that while my mom's friend was in the other room alone that she had touched everything she could including smashing her fingers in from the side of the plastic cover of a fire alarm, shoving down the alarm to engage it, even though it was clearly marked as a real alarm. She was just so focused on finding puzzles and clues she realized too late what it was she just clicked.
The idea that she shoved her fingers under the cover, from the side of it rather than activate it as it is intended by pulling up the plastic, with such a feverish intensity... I just couldn't believe it.
On Camera
My friend worked in an escape room and his manager was cool about letting me view the security camera tapes with him. I have a great one.
Essentially, this woman read a letter that said, "Discover the clue outside of the box". She must have thought about it literally and compared that to the room and ripped up the drywall after bashing it in with a Candlestick and started ripping out the electrical wires.
The whole room shut down and Emergency Services had to be called to unlock the door to let them out. Funniest and stupidest thing I had ever seen.
I Got It
I was a player in one where every puzzle gave you a digit for the combination to the exit. The lock they had on the door was one of those really crappy ones that you can kinda feel out when a number snaps into the right place. Took me about 3 minutes to get it open, much to the surprise of my teammates and the staff.
Within the Walls
I don't work in a escape room but I did one recently, When we finished there was a booming voice that freaked us all out and we all screamed even the boys, And the voice said 'leave now or forever be locked in these walls' and we all sprinted out which was awkward cause the room was tiny. I feel like the person running it was dying of laughter after we screamed.
The Message
Not an employee but I went to an escape room with my company as part of a team building exercise. We were all split into teams and I got put onto the same team as my company's CEO. Also the place had a no photography rule that they explained to us at the start.
We got into the room and started getting to work on the puzzles when the CEO whips out his phone and starts taking pictures of us puzzle solving for the company's photo albums.
The employees flashed a message onto the room's TV screen telling him to stop taking pictures. He put it away for a while but eventually whips it out again. "Stop taking pictures" the screen flashed again so we got him to put it away once more.
We got back to work when a few moments later he again started taking more pictures. This time an employee physically walked into the room to warn him to stop it with the pictures. You'd expect he would learn from this. You'd be wrong.
We managed to break out of the first room and into a second room with the next set of puzzles when, once again, he pulls out his phone to take more pictures. This time two employees walked in, turned on all the lights, and stopped everyone mid puzzle solving. They had him hand over his phone to them and they went through and deleted every single picture off the phone while warning him that if he tried it again then they were banning us.
So that is how our company CEO almost got us banned from an escape room.
My victims are made aware of this before they enter the room. They know I have cameras on them & I can communicate with them. The deal is, if they want a clue, I want something in return. Naturally, I have to keep it pretty tame, but there's just something about making a group of grown men twirl like ballerinas for as long as I like that really gets me in the giggly places....
The Brat Boys
Context: We get idiots who are there to speed run and self congratulate themselves all the damn time. We call them frat boys because they are the biggest offenders. They rarely listen to or obey the rules. Half the time they just kick in doors or windows to impress their skanky arm candy plus ones. We always tell them they were disqualified but they don't give a crap, they reached the end and they won. They're usually too busy making out or high-fiving afterwords to even hear us when we tell them they broke the rules and lost. We try to bill them for damages but I can tell you exactly how often that works.
Anyhow one such foolish frat boy tried to kick in a locked door and failed. I put it there as a red herring, anticipating this behavior. I reconfigured the room to have another solution but the door was the most obvious. So the douche goes to break down the door and breaks his foot on the third attempt. I'd barricaded the other side with an iron bar. His rolling around and threatening to sue us (no case at all) while his buddies laughed at him was a memory I cherish.
Hearing Steps
Oh man, so many funny stories (game designer & game master here).
Most of my favorites are when players are SO confident in something so wrong. Once we had a simon-says game where you hear a cat meow so you press the button under the cat.
Well one family spent about 20 minutes of their 1-hour game time meowing at everything to see if it did something.
Another group of teens heard footsteps in the background music of the room (pirate them) so they all started screaming, ran to the first room and hid until eventually a game master had to go ask them what happened.
Breaking Metal
We had metal tables and this one guy literally broke the lock open on the table in 5 minutes, when he actually did it I freaking died.
Break it... pay for it...
Damage deposit my friends. You get a pending charge of whatever several hundred dollars your damage deposit is on your credit card or you don't get to do the room. Don't break anything and it comes back to you. Break something and the company keeps the money.
Right on me....
Not really to funny but in sixth grade we had a Halloween one and i was part of scaring them once they unlocked one door and what happened was a child like a 5 year old came in by him self and peed on me. It wasn't to funny for me it was a gag for my friends though.
Lessons
I only worked there a week but two parents brought in their homeschooled son, and said it counted as a that weeks math lesson. Ya know, since solving the puzzle takes logical thinking.
Suspicions.
I don't work in an escape room but me and few friends tried one once then one them proceeded to force nearly all puzzles (guessing numbers on locks, managed to get an envelope from a locked box without opening the box, and ignored all the clues) he didn't actually break anything but I am seriously surprised the one person that owns the puzzle didn't stop him.
I have suspicions he already knew all the answers though.
The theme was getting a contract back from the devil (Faustian deal kind of thing). When the timer ran out the speakers suddenly BLARED music, I think it was Sympathy for the Devil, and the owner kicked open the door and stormed in theatrically.
Everyone else froze but I fully dropped to the floor and rolled under a desk. Got a good laugh from everyone including the owner.
Flying High
Another funny story (for you; dear reader, not for me) was when a couple booked a late night game but were high as a kite. The girl greened out and ran outside and started puking everywhere. Seemed okay after so we let her back in the room. Turned out she had puked on her shoes, so dragged it all through our lobby and hallways, and then just puked again in the room anyways. We kindly asked them to leave and charged them a cleaning fee.
The Jewels
Didn't work in one but my younger cousin had a birthday party in one, I went and it was mostly girls from her sophomore class one of them read a clue that said something along the lines of "The passkey to clue three is in the place you store jewelry" cue a jewelry box being on the table and it has a layer of felt in the bottom not attached this one girl, not seeing that the strip of paper with the password on it had been removed proceeds to hold the piece of felt to the light and tells us she can see the numbers and begins reading them off to us all in the room.
It was just a piece of felt no numbers what so ever.
LOCKDOWN
Don't work in one, but at when i did a thing in a room. So basically the room was in a Prison setting, and it started with getting handcuffs on and put into a cell, they cuffed our hand in front of us so we still could use them easily. But no i thought that would be too easy for me and decided that i should step over the handcuffs so that my hands would behind my back.
I quickly noticed that that wasn't the smartest decision and tried to put them back in front of me, but somehow i only could step with 1 leg over my arms and was stuck with my cuffed hand between my legs. Needles to say we didn't escape the room.
"the game masters"
Don't work in one but the "game masters" told us how they couldn't help but laugh at our group. It was a horror themed escape room and it was pretty dimly lit. Mind you, I had to take 3 shots prior to have the guts to do this one.
There were two floors and a bunch of rooms throughout. On the first floor, there was a gate that was locked from the other side; we weren't sure if it actually led to anything or if it was just a prop for the room.
The upper level, there was a portion that had a slide leading down to pitch black God knows what. So the two guys in our group decided to brave it out and go down the slide while the rest of us faint of heart females stayed upstairs. We had no idea where the slide led to or what was going to be down there considering there were animatronics and things falling from the ceiling in the other rooms.
They slide down to the first floor, we ran downstairs expecting screams or something but all we heard was confusion. They commented saying the slide was fun but they couldn't see anything because the room was pitch black, and then after some scuffling and movement. Apparently they climbed up the slide because there was no other way out and ended up on the second floor again so they could try and scare us even more. Unfortunately, we ran out of time before we could complete the puzzle because we couldn't figure out what that other room was for.
The "game master" comes in to explain the puzzle. Turns out after you go down the slide, all you had to do was feel around for the barrel lock which would've opened the gate on the first floor. They also told us how they were watching the video cameras. Apparently they couldn't really see much in that room either so all they could do was listen. They heard nothing and couldn't tell what was going on until they saw them pop out of the slide in the other room. The "game masters" realized they climbed the slide and the camera room must've been close by because I swear I could hear them roaring with laughter.
SUCCESS!!!
It wasn't really me who was working on it, but my little brother kept flipping over tables and looking at the bar codes saying OH THIS IS A CLUE LOOK, it was really funny.
Look for the Bat signal....
For this room we were investigators trying to catch a criminal who was a spoof of Batman's Riddler who was last seen in a subway, of course it's a trap and he's not there but a bomb is and we have to escape before the bomb goes off
At the end of the escape room this box has the key to get out and beat the room but above the key is a large box with LOTS of fake (uncut) keys with a big red button above it.
We all tell this one guy to NOT push the button as we all knew what would happen............
He pushed the button and the key we needed and the fake keys fell to the ground like we all said would happen
We still found the key and got out with decent time left despite the needle in a haystack we to search through.
HACKED AWAY!
This guy got so freaked out he started hacked at the walls with the fake axe we had in there for decoration.
Open Sesame....
someone hit the doors and they opened.
The ones i've been in don't actually lock the door, or there's a switch right next to it that will unlock it in an emergency. Its a big safety risk to actually lock someone in a room.
It's LIT!
I went to my friend's birthday at and escape room with my brother. he had just gotten some sick light up shoes and in the escape room there was one of those things where you all hold hands from one handle to the other and complete an electric current. we did this and my brother's shoes lit up and for some reason we lost it. it was way funnier if you were actually there.
10 Fools
Buddy of mine worked at an escape room. He texted me this video recording the security cam screen showing this family that had 5 minutes left and were stumbling all over each other. Imagine the 3 stooges, but 10 people.
Going Crazy
My friends look at a bunch of letters, I was trying to point out maybe we can rearrange them... We were LITERALLY 98% of the way there.... And my one dumb butt lying friend goes "maybe if we correspond them to numbers we can figure it out" and they all listened to him, then the guys let us out, mind you were were like, 14 at most... And he goes "if you rearrange them properly they give you the 4 digit code you needed to enter into the lock pick and get out" I went crazy to say the least. xD
Scribbles....
My friend once told me there was writing on the walls as part of the design. There was also a whiteboard in the room and markers in case the group needed to take notes. The players, without asking, thought they were allowed to write on the wall using the given markers. The comments were apparently funny enough that he just let it happen. But he had to create a note for future players not to do it.
Knockout
Some dude punched a whole in the secret door, then forcefully pulled off a covering for the button that would lead to the exit. Done in 10 minutes since the first 9 they spent actually trying.
The 'Click'
a Cruise last year, my brother picked the bloody lock and we won the escape room, we thought we couldn't as we were so living the puzzle with 2 mins left. Then 'click' followed by the sound of the box containing the key to signify we won was in opened.
Edit: it was a number lock.
Take it Off
I one had a group of drunk guys go in and they ran through their allotted hints pretty quickly. They asked for another hint and we said over the speakers that they were out of hints.
One of the guys threatened to start taking off his clothes until we gave another hint.
EDIT: For everyone asking, we didn't even have to give him the extra hint. His friends chilled him out and ended up finding the next clue pretty shortly after that.
Takers
A kid I knew from school, his family owns an escape room business. The most things that happen is people trying to take things when it's clearly nailed down or nailed to the wall then he said that a little kid pissed in a bottle.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
Reddit user, woodside37, wanted to know what we should never have to pay for again when they asked:
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
rickmitchel
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
CrispyCrunchyPoptart
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
AuntyMarcy
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
JonesNewport83
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
callmeventibcimavent
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
Kydra96
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
waqasnaseem07
"I. Exist."
"Birth certificates"
alexchico3
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
Spaghetti-Evan1991
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
Amelsander
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
pennylayne77
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Water"
selfishnerd77
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
I_Am_Become_Dream
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
Astronimus123
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
AlexReynard
"Giving birth (In the us)"
z0k0n
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Main-Yogurtcloset-82
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is Hardio
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
- [Reddit]
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
- notanotherbreach
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
- k_g94
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
-[Reddit]
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
- PoiLethe
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
- J09Lynn
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
- wheredMyArmourGo
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
- Pauliester
Growing Pains
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
- Individual_Ad_7523
Two Volcanos
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
- Queen-of-meme
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
- Local_Masterpiece_
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
- PleasuredMeatStick
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
- LuckyBugHarley
Technological Advancements
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
- IAmNotLookingatYou
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
- Object_Prize
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
- AbbyNormalKnits
Double Trouble
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
- BigBunsLittleBunbun
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
- cryptic-coyote
"Exactly!"
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
- APD2269
Expensive
"They're expensive."
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
- SailorSpoon11
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
- insertcaffeine
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
- kaytay3000
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
- letsjumpintheocean
Getting Comfortable
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
- ChadweenaThundervag
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
- Skkaj225
"Am guy."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
- DeluxeWafer
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
- Miikami
Either Or
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
- batchofbetterbutter
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
- octokisu
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
- didithedragon
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
- Peter_the_pear
Attempted Murder
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
- Outrageous-Proof4630
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
- lil_ho_on_da_prairie
It's Constant
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
- Plus_Bison_7091
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
- zapsquad
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
- gentlybeepingheart
Destroyed
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
- Originalluff
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
- I_love_pillows
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
- Rozeline
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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There are humane ways to tell someone to go home after a... liaison.
How can one be so rude after being so intimate?
I'm not saying you have to snuggle and profess love, but damn, a quick... "thanks, I hope life is kind to you" goes a long way.
Redditor sumyungdood wanted to hear the tea about the times they had to tell a lover to take a hike. They asked:
"What is the worst way someones asked you to leave after sex?"
Tell me your worst. Mine our stories where I had find my clothes in the dark and sneak out naked.
Don't ask...
A Late Run
"Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running."
TopOcelot13
Beefed
"An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there, we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said 'you got sex and stew, now please leave.' Still not sure if that's the worst way I was kicked out or the best."
TheRockMan31
"Most of the people here didn’t get stew. You did okay!"
livesarah
'is it that obvious'
"Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like 'soooo... think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.' Here I was, sitting on some random girl's couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said 'so, your hookup kick you out?' I said 'is it that obvious' and he replied 'you weren't the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won't be the last.'"
apocalypticradish
Yummy
"Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home. Honestly it was better than the sex. And I don't even like Taco Bell that much."
Nobody_Wins_13
I hate Taco Bell. And since reading this... I hate people.
Mrs. Robinson?
"She lit a cigarette, then looked at me for like 20 seconds, and said 'Well, bye.' I just got dressed and left. Never saw her again."
Rhalellan
And you are?
"While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: 'Maribel, you can’t stay here.'"
"My name is not Maribel."
tikkichik21
"See this is what happens when you don’t let people talk about Bruno."
Brendanlendan
Go
"He got off me and started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me 'oh yeah you can go now.' We were best friends for like two years up until that moment."
Caramel_Cappucino
"I’m open minded but this is exactly why I often don’t trust male friendships. You could even be a lesbian and one moment of vulnerability they may take advantage of that. I know it’s unrelated but your experience made me upset and I’m sorry you had to go through that."
L8NiGHTFLiGHT
second time...
"He rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said 'find your clothes, you know where the door is' and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him 'you know where your hand is' and blocked him."
olivinemultichrome
Gross
"We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking."
"Halfway through sex he told me he can't actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can't mess it up because she's the hottest girl he'll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch."
barontayto
Wow. Some people are truly disgusting. How do you treat other humans this way?
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Most couples are inseparable and enjoy doing everything together, thanks in part to shared mutual interests.
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"

These Redditors needed some "me time."
Dad Time
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
– thecountnotthesaint
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
– SuvenPan
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
– Blue_OG_46
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
– hottytoddy_sko
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
– batchofbetterbutter
Some people need to get out of the house.
Self Therapy
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
– Humble-Plankton2217
Solo Slice
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
– sohumsahm
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
– foh242
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
Smooch Ploy
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
– str8outofabook
Catching Zzzs
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
– ricdesi
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
– he-whoeatsbugs
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
– Dewahll
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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