Employees Share Their Weirdest Interaction They've Experienced With A Customer
Working in customer service or retail means anyone can walk in on you. Literally. Anyone. At any time. With all their problems and their issues and their bad days. They just walk right up to your counter and demand service from you. Unfortunately, that's the gig. You need to stick it out to serve, but sometimes the person who walks in or call you up is perhaps a little too odd.
That's when you go online to talk about it!
Reddit user, u/coldfoxy, wanted to hear the weirdest of the weird when they asked:
Redditors who work with the public, what's your most bizarre interaction with a customer?
The Laser's How They Read Your Mind
GiphyBack when I worked at a hardware store, I had a woman scream and cry at me for using my item scanner on her items because its laser would "make [her] sick" and/or "make [her] sickness worse." Her basket was stacked and she was effectively asking me to hold the line up for a half hour to dial in her product codes manually. She also screamed if I made eye contact.
When she left she told me something to the effect of "I don't want you to get hurt, but if something bad happens to you, it's because I'm thinking about it."
Retail!
Pets Don't Always Look Like Their Owners
Worked as a dog bather- and had this corgi named potato. He was friggin adorable.
I don't know what I really expected but when the owner came to pick him up he was this big body builder covered in tattoos and he had this lime green leash and when potato saw him he got excited and this big Greek statue looking guy just yells 'potato! Stop that!' And I still think about it.
A Misplaced Ticket
I was a page at NBC Studios in Burbank in the early 2000's and part of our job was working the gift shop and ticket counter for the Tonight Show.
Two guys come in and say "We're here for the Lakers game." I was like "Uh... I'm sorry, that game isn't here, it's over at the Staples Center." One of them just gives me a look and says "It's NBC, right?"
I proceed to explain to him that while NBC is airing the Lakers game, we don't shoot it at the studio, and we take our cameras and crew and shoot it at the Staples Center where the Lakers play.
The one guy turns around and scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says "2 Lakers Tickets for [Insert Random Name]" and he says like "What about this, huh?"
Thankfully my supervisor jumped in and said "Oh, you'll have to come back Thursday morning, we'll see you then, okay?" and that seemed to placate them and they left. My supervisor tells me this happened quite often and when you tell them to come back, they rarely do.
You Can't ALWAYS Go To "Hitler" When You're Upset
I was a supervisor at a call center for a major online retailer who was involved in a data breach a few years ago. As usual, we required all of our customers to change their passwords.
I had to take over a call from a lady who was absolutely refusing to change her password. I tried to explain as nicely as possible and she kept me on the phone for an hour insulting me and screaming about how wrong this was.
Ultimately she told me that I, personally, was worse than Hitler and that making her change her password was an offense worse than the Holocaust.
No joke. I am not exaggerating at all.
When What You Order Isn't What You Get
In my first years in the Army I also worked a part-time job as an optician in the local mall.
One day a lady came in with her mother (about age 40 and 60) and they were quite hyper and giggling at each other. I asked if I could help them and they had a prescription for lenses. No problem.
She then asks if she can use her existing frames, and I was like "Sure, we can just do lenses." She proceeds to hand me a pair of extremely cheap sunglasses she got from a dollar store.
I told her that there was no way those glasses would stand up to having lenses changed out. She insisted that I "already said she could." I asked her if she was sure, because it was almost guaranteed they would be destroyed in the process. She still insisted. I pointed out the sign we had up saying we weren't responsible for damages (it was next to the register) and asked her one last time. She said yes again.
Ok, I put them in the hotbox (a box of heated sand you use to loosen up plastic frames to get the lenses out) and they melted into goo pretty much instantly, as expected. She was over my shoulder watching with these wild eyes, and when I pulled them out after a few seconds she started screaming about how we destroyed her glasses and now we owe her free glasses. Her mom got in on the action at that point and started shouting also about how I did it on purpose.
I handed them back to her and said something like "Ma'am, I told you so." They went into even more hysterics and by this time were attracting glances from passersby at the mall. I just walked into the back room to the lab guy and was like, dude, you deal with this, I'm done.
I then watched as he masterfully over-charged her about $100 for a $20 frame (it was on the display rack for $100, but we had a pile of the same frames in the discount drawer for $20), giving her a "20% discount" in the process. I was there when she picked them up in about an hour, acting like she won the lottery at my expense because I was so incompetent.
I was still young and had no idea the insanity people would go through to save a few dollars and "stick it to the man."
Latte Got Your Tongue?
At a coffee shop, we had a customer come in one day and tell us in a very awkward and stilted manner that he would like to become a regular, but that he wanted a wordless transaction. He would come every day at the same time and get the same drink, and he wanted us to ring him up and give him the drink without anyone speaking to him. It was definitely weird, but we did it for him, passing the info along to the other staff as a kind of tribal knowledge, and he did come every weekday and buy his latte, without speaking to or looking at anyone.
It worked very well until one day I was working with a new girl and I had stepped into the back room to get something, and I suddenly heard him screaming out front. The new girl had said, "Hi, what can I get you?" and he responded by screaming in her face, "What the f--- is wrong with you? I told you people not to talk to me!" and storming out.
We never saw him again.
A Difference Of Countries...Question Mark?
I used to work at an adult store. It was a clean and classy joint, mostly marketed toward female clientele.
One afternoon, an older Eastern-European customer came in asking for "the blue pills that come in the bottle." He was looking for Viagra.
I tried to explain that we didn't carry that, but he was insistent that I was hiding it from him. I told him he needed to speak with his doctor to get a prescription and he just got REAL mad.
It soon became clear that "blue pills" was code for something--sex worker. I told him we didn't have this either, and that what he was suggesting was illegal.
He got MORE angry, because "what I am wanting is to pay sex with YOU, stupid girl!" THEN HE STARTED TO COME AROUND THE COUNTER making a 'squeezy-squeezy' gesture with his hands. I flipped out on him, and ran him out of the store and called the police. He came back a few weeks later and I told him he was banned for seeking illegal services, never saw him again.
I'll just never forget:
"Give me your blue pills, you stupid girl! I pay for your sex, WHAT IS PROBLEM???"
You Can Actually Feel The Customer Smacking Themselves In The Face Over The Phone
GiphyI work at a pizza delivery business. Had a lady one day call in and order for delivery.
Sure, what's the address?
"I'm not going to tell you."
I'm sorry? If you don't tell me the address, how are we supposed to deliver to you?
"I don't know what the address is!"
Well, if you don't know where you're at, again, how are we supposed to deliver to you?
"So you won't take my order?"
Not without an address.
"Well! I guess I'll just order somewhere else, then!"
I guess you will.
...Just...Wow.
One morning when cleaning enclosures, I saw a young man standing less then 3 feet from the bars of the lion enclosure (double-bars, so it's not dangerous, but you can get within 2 feet of a lion if one wanders up). When I circled back five minutes later, he was still right there.
"Watch out," I told him, "they can spray urine through the bars. You might want to back away." (For anyone curious, there are plenty of videos online of big cats spraying guests who get too close!)
He nodded, backed away a little bit. Fifteen minutes later he's right back up there, as close as you can possibly get, just standing there. "I'm not kidding," I told him, "if one sprays you you'll stink for the rest of the day."
Once again he nodded silently and took a few steps back, and as soon as my back was turned he got as close as he could get again. Whatever I thought, not my problem if he gets sprayed.
I didn't see it personally, but about an hour later a coworker told me that she saw a man get sprayed by a lion. Apparently he got sprayed, didn't react much, and just walked straight out of the zoo without evening visiting the bathroom, dripping with lion urine.
Unfortunately it did turn out to be "my problem" at least a little bit, because he walked through one of those outdoor patio restaurant places and we got comments all morning about the god-awful smell ("like a dirty litterbox from hell," one customer described it) in the vicinity.
Oh Vow: The Worst Things People Have Ever Seen At A Wedding
Reddit user nonoriginalname42 asked: 'What's the worst thing you've seen happen at a wedding?'
A couple proclaiming their vows in front of loved ones is the ultimate affirmation of love.
So when the day of the wedding finally arrives for a couple after months of planning, there's a lot of pressure for things to go smoothly.
And while for the most part, the joyous day of celebration culminates in plenty of emotions and tears that is remembered and reminisced about.
Unless it wasn't the perfect wedding day ever. Because sometimes, things just don't go as planned due to various unforeseen circumstances.
Kind of like the ones strangers online shared when Redditor nonoriginalname42 asked:
"What's the worst thing you've seen happen at a wedding?"
Choose members of your wedding party wisely.
Otherwise, the following might happen.
Not The Best Man For The Job
"Best man starts off speech with, 'I've seen *the groom* with a lot of girls over the years...'. You know the cliché speech where it goes on to say but you're the best for him, etc. etc. Turns out the bride and groom were dating long before the best man even became a friend. Essentially outed him as a degenerate cheater. She was super pissed."
– Wallace2727
Oops
"The best man giving the toast at the reception and saying the groom’s first wife’s name instead of the current one."
– pharmhound
Downhill After The Upchuck
"Matron of honor throwing up just as the officiant was asking if anyone objected."
– Amiiboid
"My brother was in a wedding where as the bride said I do, the groom threw up all over her due to the bachelor party the night before."
– ParsonJackRussell
Unfortunately, you can't expect family to all be on their best behavior in these unfortunate situations.
Rehearsal Dinner Disaster
"Bride and groom got in a huge drunken fight after the rehearsal dinner, it escalated to include shouting and name-calling between both families, then the wedding got cancelled the day of."
– jkvincent
Drunk Dad-In-Law
"It started super late, it was super hot out, the future father-in-law was wasted and left before it started. He then showed back up in a red bath robe and his gun. Cops got called. It was a whole thing."
"Oh, and then after the reception we were all trying to convince one of our friends not to drive. He insisted he was fine... Drove his truck into the river."
– MLaw2008
Because Priorities
"I was at a wedding in rural Wisconsin and both the bride and groom were members of the local all-volunteer fire department. Almost everyone at the wedding proceeded to get quite drunk, except the bride, who doesn't drink. At some point, there was an emergency call to the fire department (not a fire, but a medical call). The wedding was not far from the fire station, so the bride rushed over and, along with one other volunteer who was on call, drove an ambulance to an emergency call."
"In her wedding dress."
– GingerStu
The bride and groom aren't always the most exemplary role models.
Ghosting The Guests
"I went to a friend of mines Aunts wedding. It was a second marriage for both of them so they wanted something 'relaxed.'”
"They threw it on one of the family members property and had all the guest do grueling manual labor to get the property ready for the wedding. We were literally landscaping in the Texas summer."
"I was climbing trees to hang lights, we laid sod, we laid down stone for a walk way, my friends mom cooked food for days and made all of the floral arrangements. We were setting up tables and chairs, you name it. We worked from 6am until almost midnight for 3 days."
"Finally the wedding happens and it’s beautiful. I was actually really proud of what we had done. It looked professional."
"We go to cut the cake and the couple is no where to be found. They just left without telling anyone and went back to their hotel. I was offended by that because we had worked SO HARD for them and they didn’t even stay for the entire wedding."
"We never got a thank you or any appreciation for it. Other people were upset too and took their gifts back before leaving."
– littlemybb
Going Nowhere Fast
"Groom wanted cigarettes so he snuck out and tried to drive to a convenience store a minute away. Drove straight into a telephone pole and was arrested for DUI and spent the night in jail."
– mdreb18
Weddings have an element of surprise because no matter how well things are planned, anything can happen.
Hey Mr. DJ
"My brother's second wedding. For the first dance, the DJ played the wrong song for half a second before stopping, and starting the right song. The Bride disappeared for 2 hours afterwards because 'the wedding was ruined.'"
– Upper-Job5130
"I wonder if he’ll hire the same DJ for his third wedding."
– the_beat_labratory
"Oh God I can't deal with people like that. I have a family member who does this. The tiniest little thing goes a touch awry, moment of awkwardness maybe, then back on track for a great day. But then they go and ACTUALLY ruin the day but throwing a tantrum...."
– CowsArouse
When Duty Calls
"I was supposed to be best man at a friend's wedding. At 7:30 AM, the morning of the wedding the groom called and said the wedding was off. It wasn't going to happen. I never talked to or saw the guy again. He signed up for the army and within a few days he was just gone."
– fredzout
There's so much pressure built-up from the anticipation before couples say, "I do."
So, it's not surprising that we all hope things go without a hitch before couples get hitched.
But don't count on it.
Unless you plan a small, casual wedding or reception with only your closest friends and family following a City Hall ceremony.
That's how my husband and I got married.
There can be perfection in simplicity, and that's how we roll.
Learning about the death of a well-known figure can sometimes feel as if we lost a friend or family member.
Even if we never met them or knew them personally, their work may have touched us in such a way that it feels as if part of us died with them.
This can be even more poignant if they died young and/or under tragic circumstances.
Particularly if the cause of their death was never fully explained or discovered and continues to be a mystery to this very day.
Redditor ZellaphantBooks2 was curious to hear stories of deaths or disappearances that remain a mystery (or possibly too easily explained), leading them to ask:
"What celebrity death seems a bit too suspicious?"
Alive And Well... But Nowhere To Be Found?
"Shelly Miscavige , wife of Scientology leader David Miscavige."
"Disappeared 2013 after vocally coming out against the practices of Scientology."
"Lawyers for the cult - I mean religion - still maintain she is alive and living a private life devoted to Scientology."
"Right."- shineymike91
"Not a 'murder' or 'death' and not really a 'celebrity' but... WHERE is Shelly Miscavage?"- hopeandnonthings
Supposedly A Robbery, But Maybe Not So Simple?
"Haing Ngor."
"Oscar and Golden Globe winner for 'The Killing Fields'."
"Cambodian and former prisoner of the Khmer Rouge."
"Tortured and imprisoned in Cambodia."
"Murdered outside his home in Los Angeles."
"His family thinks it was revenge from Cambodia for his outspoken support for human rights and bringing people to justice in Cambodia."- Lothar_28
Wrong Place, Wrong Time?
"Sridevi."
"She’s a Bollywood actress who died in Dubai from accidental drowning in a bathtub, the day after a wedding where she was in perfect health and she had a huge life insurance which would pay only if she dies in Dubai."- CurlyBrownHair08
The World May Never Know...
"Brian Jones of The Rolling Stones died under suspicious circumstances while swimming."
"The person he was swimming with (a contractor working on his house who Jones had accused of stealing from him) supposedly confessed on his deathbed to killing Jones."- Laughacy
Without A Trace
"Jill Dando."
"She was a British TV presenter, news reader and journalist."
"She was shot on her front door step and it's never been solved."- TheKnightsTippler
Bulldozer Accident?
"In my hometown of St. Louis, Missouri, there was a sculptor and entrepreneur by the name of Bob Cassilly."
"His works, whimsical and larger than life, are all over the city."
"The crown jewel of all this is the wacky home of repurposed industrial materials into a crazy sort of playground, the popular City Museum."
"He was a notoriously driven worker, and in 2011 he died in an apparent bulldozer accident working on a new outdoor art playground project he called Cementland."
"His death was even investigated, but again ruled accidental, despite one medical expert saying he had been beaten and the bulldozer accident was staged."
"Not a true celebrity, but a local legend here to be sure, and a person who left an indelible mark on this town."- ImaginaryMastadon
Did She Know Too Much?
"Dorothy Kilgallen, reporter and TV personality."
"Died under mysterious circumstances while investigating Kennedy's assassination."- WoolaTheCalot
"Dorothy Kilgallen."
"She was an investigative journalist and game show panelist on What’s My Line?"
"She was digging into JFK when she died of an overdose."
"Her manuscript on JFK was taken by the govt and will never see the light of day."- Risky-Potato
Dealing With Villains On Screen And Off Screen
"George Reeves, the guy who played Superman in the 50s."
"There were a bunch of people in his house the night he died, and a lot of conflicting stories, also he was having an affair with a studio exec's who was in attendance with his husband that night.'
"Also forensics disagree with the testimony of the witnesses."
"It's all a clusterf*ck."- jorsiem
Something Doesn't Add Up...
"This might be stretching the definition of 'celebrity' but Rudolf Diesel, inventor of the diesel engine (and kind of a big deal in his day) died under really suspicious circumstances."
"On September 29th, 1913 Diesel boarded a ship in Antwerp, Belgium on his way to a business meeting in London."
"He never arrived."
"His bed was never slept in, his shirts remained unpacked and his pocket watch was open on the night stand."
"The crew found his hat and overcoat neatly folded by the aft railing of the ship."
"The last entry in his diary was simply a cross on the day of the 29th."
"About 10 days later they found a body in the channel that was eventually IDed as Diesel."
"Pretty straightforward, right?"
'The thing is, he gave his wife a bag when he left with instructions to open it upon his death."
"It contained 20,000 Marks (about $120,000) the whole of the Diesel's bank accounts withdrawn as cash."
"Diesel had recently declined to sell his patents exclusively to the German government and was on his way to London to meet with representatives of the Consolidated Diesel company and the British Royal Navy."
"After his death, no memorial or tomb was built until 1957, when the founder of Japan's Yanmar Diesel company funded the building of a memorial garden for him."- weirdoldhobo1978
Might Want Another Source Than The Kremlin...
"Don't know if he qualifies as a celebrity but Yuri Gagarin, Russian cosmonaut and the first man in space."
"After the kremlin sent one of his friends to certain death on an extremely unprepared rocket ship, in a desperate attempt to catch up with USA's progress, Yuri, a Russian hero and one of the most popular figures at the time, criticized the kremlin and blamed them for the death of his friend."
"Not too long after, he died when he allegedly lost control of his Mig-15."
"The official explanation given by the Kremlin is full of holes and to this day no one really knows what happened but, it seems obvious to some, that whatever caused his crash, the kremlin was responsible for it."- Danesho_PT
It's sad that all these poor people died before their time.
Even sadder if the reasons behind their death were, in fact, far more sinister than anyone might realize.
How to lose a job in 10 seconds.
Now, that sounds like a fun show to watch.
It is astonishing how fast people can lose their jobs.
Some people really need to learn how to actually exist at a job.
You'd think it'd be simple... but no.
Redditor Quintowne wanted to hear about all of the ways some employees have been let go, so they asked:
"What is the fastest way you've seen someone get fired?"
With many years in food service under my belt, I've had more co-workers than Mars, Incorporated has made M&M's.
So many were gone by the end of shift one.
Secrets
Car Police GIF by BabylonBeeGiphy"New person got access to the medical records system. Week 2 - Looked up our boss and bragged about it. Was walked out and gone the second week."
JenntheGreat13
Okay. Bye.
"My first job was in a small grocery store and my boss asked a coworker to do the dishes in the bakery (baking pans, etc). She replied: 'I only do my own dishes, somebody else put these here so I’m not doing them. I’m serious. Fire me if you want, I won’t do them.'"
"Boss says 'Okay then, don’t bother finishing your shift, goodbye!'"
Selios2112
Sticky Fingers
"First day at work, hired by a temp agency. Me and one other guy, we put stuff in boxes and tape them shut, stack boxes on a pallet. He can't keep up, can barely use a tape gun, and decides it's time for a break. Goes to the lunch room and takes a lunch. It was the boss's lunch, he stole the guy's meal his wife prepared for him. The boss man came over 15 minutes later and wanted to know who ate his BBQ, sticky fingers, and BBQ on his shirt he denied it. I just looked at him and the Boss and said well I hope it was good man."
BigNotGay420
He Was Warned
"Worked at an ISP back in the 90s and had a guy working late shift. Found out quickly he wasn't answering the phone at all, but just playing video games. He was warned. The next day he walks in to work with a Voodoo2 graphics card to install in his work computer to improve the game playing. Fired before he sat down."
Beestung
"Oh Gawd, just reading the word voodoo brought out a flash of memories I buried."
calamnet2
Oh Willy
wet willy martial arts GIFGiphy"First day on the job, gave another coworker a wet-willy. Sh*t you not."
themoistdonut
I have never understood this wet willy thing.
Completely disgusting.
Who even came up with it?
Loopholes
Angry Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Had a coworker explain to our supervisor how he found this great loophole for making extra money: if a customer had exact change, he’d just pocket the cash and cancel the order on the register."
DudebroggieHouser
On the Spot
"Had a supervisor start selling Amway from his office, hinted at favorable treatment for anyone who would buy. Reported him to HR--and when they asked if it was true, he pulled out a catalog and tried to sell them something. Fired on the spot."
walkingknight
"I did customer support at a software company that sold to other businesses, and every one of us had one customer that we hated a hell of a lot more than any other. The guy who sat next to me hated Amway."
MajorNoodles
"A high school friend's dad offered me a job with his company after I graduated, it was 'Do the interview and then go to work.' The interview consisted of a five-minute spiel about the company and a 45-minute Amway sales pitch with the understanding that if I didn't agree to sell Amway for him, I wouldn't get the job. Dad called me a couple of days later wondering to know why I didn't take the job. I started to work at about the same time the former interviewer stopped working there."
m945050
$100
"Half an hour. Working in Arby's, a new girl shows up. They run her through how to work the cash register on a few dummy orders. She takes a real order or two and then it gets slow. She asked to duck out for a minute to smoke and never came back. Register ended up being $100 short that day."
AaronKMartinez
"Always smart to rob a place after giving them your name and address."
Bobby_Newpooort
Hangover
"The guy responsible for opening the shop on Saturday morning went out and got blitzed on Friday night. We showed up to work to find his car in the lot but the doors locked. He didn't answer his phone. Had to call the owner in to get us inside. The guy was fast asleep, under his desk. He was gone before you could say hangover."
davisherm
The Eagle
"I was on a new team hired for corporate sales. They trained us as a group. We were given the task of creating a presentation with graphs and charts to show how we presented to a group and given pointers on how to improve. One guy shows up an hour late, waltzes in, and says he’s tired from the drive-in and says he needs a coffee before settling in. We are in suit and tie, and he’s wearing a dress shirt with a huge eagle on the front and jeans."
"He comes back a few minutes later, and when asked to present, he says he didn’t prepare anything, but he’s happy to answer any questions they may have about presentations. We all looked at each other in disbelief. Fired on the spot by the Manager. I heard that they asked him to return his laptop, and he stiffed them for months before they sent a repo man to his door to pick it up."
WildBillyBoy33
Buh-Bye
jumping episode 11 GIFGiphy"A colleague let a middle school kid drive the bus. Buh-bye!"
Useful_Exchange3583
"When I was in middle and high school they hired students with driver's licenses to drive the busses. This was in the 80's."
Calypso_gypsie
My school bus drivers were all nuts.
I always thanked GOD when I got home in one piece.
People Imagine What Different States Would Bring To An American House Party
Different regions around the world are known for specific foods and customs.
In the United States, each state becomes officially and unofficially known for certain things.
Like if you think of Pennsylvania you might think cheesesteaks or the Amish. Nevada might bring thoughts of gambling.
California might evoke beaches or Hollywood. Alaska is known for it's wilderness and fishing industry.
If you say Florida Man you associate batsh*t escapades in the news, transphobia and book bans—we're looking at you, Ron.
Each state has their own flag, motto, bird, flower and in some cases an animal or food.
The Maine Coon cat is the official state cat of Maine.
Bee Felten-Leidel on Unsplash
So what if all the states held a big party and everyone brought what they're known for?
Reddit user Jacob4L posited:
"America is having a house party. What does your state bring and do?"
All Y'all
"North Carolina: We show up as twins, one brings pulled pork with Eastern NC sauce, the other shows up with ribs covered in Western NC sauce. We proceed to get drunk on shine and argue bitterly over which is better."
"Our little brother (South Carolina) shows up with some grilled chicken covered in mustard based sauce, and we forget our argument and gang up on him for being a complete disappointment to the family."
~ notmy2ndacct
"South Carolina brings a Bible and spends the first part of the evening preaching and the last part getting drunk and fighting about BBQ sauce."
~ Tinker107
"Tennessee. We bring whisky, a guitar for a sing-a-long and Dolly Parton."
~ rhapsody98
Giphy"Virginia: Eastern Virginia will bring chips with that white sauce that confuses so many people."
"Central Virginia will bring tons of different craft beers and wine."
"Northern Virginia will bring company-branded fleece vests to hand out as party favors."
"I got no idea what goes on in the western part of the state, to be honest."
~ FalloutRip
"Western Virginia? Moonshine."
~ Capable-Pepper-860
"Georgia brings several party trays of fried chicken and waffles as well as an obscene volume of IPA beers."
"Spends the evening standing around the trucks outside with Alabama, Tennessee, the Carolinas, Florida, and Mississippi talking about mudding, camping, fishing, and hip-hop."
~ DoTheRustle
"Louisiana here. We will bring crawfish, gator bites and beer. It’s the best we can do."
~ Any_Load_7400
"Florida dances on the table, but falls off and puts a hole in the wall."
~ VkingMD
"We bring Florida man, he brings national news coverage."
~ 7ordank
"Alabama?"
"We’ll bring the folding chairs."
~ streety22
"Kentucky—we come in riding a horse. We bring Kentucky fried chicken, good bourbon and tobacco. After the bourbon we drink mint julips."
~ My_Space_page
"West Virginia brings the couch to burn on the porch."
~ MisnthropicPeplPrsn
"West Virginia will definitely bring pepperoni rolls."
~ amyayou
Go West
"We bring cheese dip! It was invented in Little Rock, Arkansas! Then we call the Hogs!"
~ clm1020
"Arkansas. Gon' bring possum stew and cheese dip, then insist on saying grace."
~ flatcurve
"My state has a state meal, so I'm apparently bringing all the things: 'The official state meal of Oklahoma consists of fried okra, cornbread, barbecue pork, squash, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries (state fruit), chicken fried steak, pecan pie, and black-eyed peas'."
~ mcorbett76
"Texas. We'll bring Barbecue Beef Brisket and all the guns & ammo for the shooting events."
~ Exciting_Ad811
"Texas brings steaks and a Bible for everyone. Then proceeds to let your 9 year old play with their gun."
~ Chadwickr
Giphy"Eeeeee! New Mexico shows up late with his homies in a low rider and brings several 30 packs of Bud Light. Then his abuela brings some green chile enchiladas and biscochitos for dessert."
~ VK56xterraguy
"Arizona, We'll bring Sonoran dogs and tequila and turn the thermostat to 110º."
"¡Orale!"
~ GhostofEdgarAllanPoe
"Nevada. Gambling and hookers baby!"
~ raidernation0825
Giphy"Colorado is bringing weed and also bringing the psychedelic mushrooms. We’re pretty much the best party guest anyone could ask for."
~ runthebrews
"Utah brings the Jell-O and turn their nose up to all the sinners."
~ InHouseDriveBy
Pacific Coast Vibes
"Oregon would bring weed, craft beer, and Tillamook cheddar with crackers."
~ honvales1989
"Alaska. We are driving down and I’m gonna beat up Texas (who’s been telling everyone they’re the biggest guy)."
"Also I’m gonna tell everyone I like Hawaii, but Hawaii is gonna say 'I barely know Alaska'."
"Washington is our friend. Washington always lets us come over and hang out."
~ SpiritualCat842
"Washington and Alaska. Both would probably bring salmon, crab and Indigenous dancing."
~ MabezJK
Giphy"California is hosting the party and paying for everything you damn cheapskates."
~ rextremendae2007
"From Hawaii we bring lau lau, Kalua pork, hula and aloha!"
~ No_Communication4252
"Hawaii, can you bring spam masubi too?"
~ coldfry
GiphyHead Back East
"A drunken Montanian riding a horse inside, with a plate of Rocky mountain oysters."
~ 1d0m1n4t3
"Idaho. We're bringing the potato salad, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato chips, potato bread, French fries, tater tots, and vodka."
~ teethalarm
Did anyone remember to invite Wyoming?
"South Dakota will just be outside on its Harley drunk, revving the engine trying to impress chicks until 3am keeping the neighbors awake."
~ ILikeTuwtles91
"The Juicy Lucy. 100 years ago Minnesota discovered you can put cheese inside the hamburger and we've been riding that high ever since."
"Please talk to us we're surrounded by corn and Wisconsin."
~ NsaAgent25
"Iowa. A couple of cases of Busch Light, corn and the Pork Producers trailer grill to start grilling chops. We spend the entire night with Minnesota and Wisconsin making fun of Nebraska."
~ baronvonhawkeye
"Nebraska shows up with a massive Snickers Salad in an old, gallon-sized ice cream bucket and a 30-rack of Busch 'Lattes' shouting 'GOOOOOOO BIIIIIIIIIIIG REEEEEDDDDD' in the blind faith that someone, somewhere will respond 'GOBIGRED!!!' And they will. They will."
~ SunNecessary3222
Giphy"North Dakota is bringing lefse, rolled with butter and sugar."
"And you’re all gonna love it!"
~ TalkKatt
"Wisconsin. I show up undetectably drunk. I bring Cannibal Sandwiches which is ostensibly raw ground beef on white buns."
"I'll have a better time talking to your grampa than any of you and I'll sneak out the back door when I'm ready to leave so that I don't hafta say 'bye'."
~ ralph_deadbeet
"Missouri brings toasted ravioli and gooey butter cake, then gets trashed on Boulevard, Logboat, and Schlafly beers, while the under-21s have Fitz's and Vess."
"Also, a fistfight with Kansas breaks out and Branson plays country music."
~ ElectricalSelf72
"Kansas. We bring bread. We stand in the middle of the party but everyone ignores us except to make jokes about The Wizard of Oz. Unless it's March, when suddenly everyone wants to talk sh*t about our basketball teams."
"At some point we'll get in a fight with Missouri, but we will throw down with anyone who attacks Missouri when the inevitable BBQ war starts."
~ Chipothy
GiphyHome of Industry
"Michigan. We bring coney dogs, ginger-ale, and superman ice cream (you're welcome)."
"What do we do? Get drunk, play some Motown, start a fight with Ohio, then get them to join us to help us throw down with California about who had the real music center of America."
"We (us and Ohio) lose, but we spend the rest of the night licking our wounds, commiserating about how much California sucks, and texting Canada trying to coax her to join the party."
~ stillpacing
"Illinois. Probably bring the Malort, Italian beef, deep dish pizza, and hot dogs with mustard, onions, green relish, diced tomatoes, and sport peppers on a sesame seed bun and some celery salt on top."
~ Zeenomorphs
"Indiana brings some big a** tenderloins, plays cornhole the whole time, and takes 90 minutes to say goodbye."
~ jquadman
"Ohio’s party contribution is a mixed bag."
"Everyone is obsessed with the Buckeye candies they brought but are so sick and tired of the bragging about OSU national championships from a long time ago every time they go to grab one."
"There is now a hefty supply of Bloody Marys at this party thanks to Ohio bringing a gigantic shipment of its state beverage tomato juice."
"Fortunately, Ohio has also brought Smuckers jam to go on toast when everyone’s hungover in the morning."
~ acurah56oh
"Pennsylvania is the second person to arrive, just behind Delaware. It’s a good thing that PA arrives early, because PA brings the best food items—Turkey Hill Ice Cream, Utz Potato Chips, Hershey’s Chocolate, and Wooder Ice."
"Despite smelling slightly like cow manure, PA is generally liked by the rest of the party attendees, but when the conversation shifts to football, PA suddenly wants to fight everyone else at the party."
~ PantherGk7
"Pennsylvania and Ohio will also bring the Amish—who will build us a shelter for if it rains."
~ Mechanical_IT
GiphyMid-Atlantic In the House
"With an armful of Half Smokes and DCBrau, Washington DC tries to explain to the bouncer that he is not exactly a state but he belongs at the party."
"The bouncer begrudgingly let’s him in after examining his DC drivers license for a full minute and conferring with the other bouncers."
"Once inside he bops his head lightly to the music and tries really hard to restrain himself from asking everyone 'So what do you do?'.”
~ MadGeographer
"Maryland is bringing steamed crabs. But we’re late because we drive 20 miles under the speed limit."
~ veryrealzack
"Delaware: that awkward guy that just shows up first and most people don’t know who he is. But hey we brought drinks for everyone and we won’t tax them."
~ DaddyDankSack
"New Jersey. The best Italian food in the Western Hemisphere. Maybe an old mobster for protection if you know a guy who knows a guy."
~ Redditor
"New York brings pizza and won't shut up about how it is better than everyone else's food and they just HAVE to try it. He also interrupts people and claims he is better than everyone."
"Massachusetts, New Jersey, and the South hate him but California doesn't mind hanging out with him for a little bit."
~ ElectricalSelf72
GiphyNew England
"Vermont, We bring maple syrup, b*tch and moan about all of the out-of-staters that we’re driving to said party, craft beer, and weed."
~ ianwrecked802
"Connecticut brings lobster rolls and weird craft beer and cries because New York and Massachusetts ignore it. Then it goes off and drinks with Rhode Island and is okay."
~ neverquite_free
"Connecticut with airpods in, quietly sitting in between Massachusetts and New York on the couch while they scream at each other about the Red Sox and Yankees."
~ bobby_j_canada
"The great state of Rhode Island brings a crock of seafood chowda and complains about how far we had to drive to get to the party."
~ Sociosmith
"Massachusetts are bringing alcohol, chowder, lobster rolls, and some fluffernutters for those who’s drunk food is sugary. Dunkin’ donuts, munchkins and coffee of course."
"We will also bring our sports superiority complex and argue with everyone about it so everyone will learn why Maine calls us Massholes."
~ Aminilaina
"New Hampshire. We’ll bring lots of liquor from the state-run tax-free liquor stores, and we will spend the party chanting 'Live free or die!' And probably arguing with Massachusetts."
~ ProsciuttoPizza
"Maine rides in on a wicked huge moose with a Dunkin' regular spiked with Allen's Coffee Brandy in one hand and a Tim Horton's double-double in the other. We bring red hot dogs, whoopie pies, Moxie, Humpty Dumpty all-dressed chips and our buddy New Brunswick, Canada so we don't have to talk to New Hampshire."
"We tell the flatlanders wanting lobster we don’t give that away for free—it’s wicked expensive for a reason."
"We'll throw a wicked beat down on Massachusetts after they say for the hundredth time we used to be part of their state and they used 'wicked' to describe everything before we did."
"When it gets wicked dark, Stephen King and Joe Hill show up to scare the crap out of everyone with stories around the bonfire."
~ Redditor
GiphyParty Crashers
"New Brunswick, Canada, Maine's next door neighbour, arrives with enough poutine to feed the multitudes."
~ ClerkTypist
"Quebec, Canada files a noise complaint against their loud neighbour. Ultimately, it's ignored."
~ Underhill
"British Columbia, Canada is the neighbour next door slightly jealous for not getting the invite but also a bit scared to visit because those neighbours can be a bit crazy. California, Washington, Alaska and Oregon finally convince them to come."
~ Jewsd
"Ontario, Canada brings an LCBO 8pk of 8 different craft beers you’ve never heard of, and immediately starts trying to convince New York that Daylight Savings Time is garbage, and bitching about Quebec."
"Alberta, Canada brings steaks, while Saskatchewan, Canada brings home made bread. Both of them spend most of the night hanging out with Texas and start sh*t talking Ontario."
"Manitoba, Canada brings mosquitoes."
"The other Canadian Maritime Provinces—Labrador, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island—show up piss drunk and have a loud and obnoxious conversation amongst themselves, excluding New Brunswick who's too chummy with Maine and Newfoundland just because they're Newfies.
"Newfoundland, Canada brings a cod fish and rum, and insists that everyone present kiss the fish and take a shot."
"Quebec, Canada finally decides to come bringing ridiculously strong beer. Complains about Ontario to anyone who will listen. They try to flirt with Louisiana en Français, but they get weirded out when they realize they’re cousins. Ends up going home with Ontario at the end of the night."
~ Angryhippo2910
"Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut tell the First Nations the colonizers are all gone and they shut down the border before they can come back."
"Then Kaná:ta has a BIG party."
~ LakotaGrl
Giphy"Scotland and Ireland would be taken into the fold with the moonshine and hard liquor group. Everyone would just be sitting around a bonfire passing around sips of the tasty stuff. Each country/province/state has to bring their best storyteller to this fire."
"Don't worry, all of our accents are basically the same when we are drunk. The slang is where things get dicey, but if the storyteller is worth their weight in salt, it's going to be fine."
~ Dr_mombie
"Minnesota will sneak in Norway and Sweden as Cousin Olaf and Cousin Sven. Oof, da!"
~ hablomuchoingles
"Australia shows up already drunk and proceeds to drink all the beer and complain that it's weak as piss. But we did bring party pies and sausage rolls."
~ BonezOz
"The UK is imposing upon the party unannounced. England is intoxicated and attempting to dominate blasé Scotland; Scotland has copious amounts of whiskey to appease America’s indignation at the UK’s indiscretion."
"Wales has rarebits and hovers disconcerted behind Scotland. Northern Ireland brings Irish whiskey and a Bible and strides over to the Bible Belt states for a bit of religious contention."
"England makes everyone cups of tea at 2 hour intervals."
~ VelvetDreamers
"Mexico shows up at around 2AM, seven deep, and with a worm as a mascot."
"Texas immediately picks a fight with them and at the same time tries to get them to share their food."
~ CountMcBurney
Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash
It certainly sounds like a wild time.
Do you think your fellow citizens nailed your state?
What would you add?