Not asking for this to happen to anyone lucky enough to read these stories, but you would hope if you had to make a trip to the emergency room it would be for a worthwhile reason. Maybe you damaged your clavicle bravely fighting off some purse snatchers or injured your fibula rescuing your family from a sinking ship.
Not sticking something up your butt and getting it stuck there.
On purpose. Which happens a lot more than you might think.
Warning, some of these tales from the E.R. are NSFW.
Reddit user, SnooSuggestions5585, wanted to hear about the craziest things happening in hospitals when they asked:
"Redditors who work at the ER, what's the funniest/absurd reason someone was brought in?"
You would expect most of the injuries obtained in the E.R. to come from kids, right?
Sigh, Teenagers Gonna Teenager
"Over the course of an evening 9 teenagers were brought in by their parents for hallucinations."
"None of them were able to tell us what was going on and they trickled in over about 4 hours."
"The drug screens were negative but they were all pretty badly out of it."
"Finally one of the siblings was able to tell us they had all been at the same party."
"One of the teens had talked the others into trying mushrooms except they were mildly poisonous ones instead of the ones you take for 'shrooms'."
"They were all tripping like crazy for the night and they had to stay in the ER until they were sobering up."
"It was amusing for the staff but the parents were quite irate."- Liz4984
Revenge!
"I’m a cop and was posted at the ER on night shift once and a woman came in because she got bit by a snake in her yard."
"She was panicking because of it."
"Her hand was really swollen."
"One of the nurses asked if she saw what kind of snake it was and she said no."
"A couple of minutes later, these two boys, maybe 12-13, came running in holding a decapitated snake in pieces inside of a ziploc bag."
"They had rode their bikes from their house to the hospital to show the doctors the snake that bit this lady."
"Like these kids heard about what happened and went on her yard to kill the snake just to do this."
"It was funny and oddly heartwarming." - Amy-Paradise
bag snakes GIFGiphyYou really need to question the sanity of some of these people before they visited the hospital. Ask questions like, "Why weren't you brought in sooner for just being alive?"
Seemed Like The Right Call To Make At The Time
"When asking what brought him in today he said he was arguing with his sister about the car and how much this costs and carrying on, had to stop and ask him again why is he here."
"His reasoning was he was tired of arguing with his sister and would rather be admitted to the hospital."- Lil-one
Wait Until All Of It Is Good And Out
"A woman came in after she cut her hand pretty bad making dinner."
"Instead of putting any pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding, she was just letting herself bleed into a large kitchen bowl."- Virtual-Cupcake-1510
With Friends Like These?
"Had a guy come in after smoking weed with his friends and then he also did PCP."
"His friends got very paranoid and he became aggressive towards them, so naturally they attacked him… with a samurai sword."- Current_Recording_64
Mean Lets Go GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyAnd then there's these.
The ones you were all waiting for with delightful, Schadenfreudian glee.
The sex ones.
Wait, This Happens So Often There's A Nickname For It???
"As a kid, my Mom's EMT stories seemed hilarious, but as an adult I don't think I'd have the patience to tolerate so many people's bullsh-t."
"That being said, here goes the story."
"They get a call that a guy has a sever nosebleed, is already feeling dizzy, losing a lot of blood and can't stop it."
"Needless to say they floor it, thinking the guy might bleed out, get there in very short time."
"They ring the doorbell, a guy answers."
"They ask him to take them to the victim, he says they're talking to him."
"Not one drop of blood on the guy's face or clothes or anywhere, cheeks all rosy, doesn't look like he's lost a lot of blood so they ask what the deal is."
"He says it's hard to explain but he was worried they wouldn't send him an ambulance if he was honest about his symptoms and he's in a lot of pain."
"My mom tells him to sit down and tell them about the symptoms while they take his blood pressure."
"Guy says he'll do all of that, except for the sitting down part."
"Now, I bet you all know where this is going."
"Turns out he'd been trying to convince his girlfriend to experiment sexually with him."
"She wasn't into it, was afraid it would hurt."
"So the guy says 'if I show you on myself, will you do it?'".
"She reluctantly said yes."
"So the guy lubes up a thin aluminum flashlight, 2 cm thick, 15 cm long, bends over and jams it up where the sun don't shine"
"So they put him on a stretcher and the driver says into the radio 'ambulance 98 returning, 28 year-old male with severe constipation and foreign object in his rectum'."
"'Uhm... it's a flashlight, in case it matters'."
"'So, uhm... Yup, you heard that right: we're bringin' you a firefly, stand by'."- Corvus_Manufaktura
flashlight GIFGiphyDon't Pick Him Up And Shake Him!
"My Mom worked in the OR and said there were soo many guys who ended up there because of things they 'slipped and fell' on."
"The craziest one for her was the guy who 'slipped and fell" on a snow globe'."- craponapoopstick
He'll Follow You Until The Afterlife Fades Away
"I got admitted to the ED after a heavy leather bound photo album fell off the top of a free standing wardrobe during sex and hit me on the head."
"I ended up with 12 stitches and a multi layer closure and luckily missed out on a skull fracture."
"The album in question? The woman’s wedding day with her dead husband."
"We joked later that it was his ghost disapproving of our random horny moments."- W2ttsy
Wait For The Twist Ending...
"Girl came in saying she had a lump in her vagina."
"Very worried about it."
"Examination revealed nil abnormalities."
"On further questioning her new boyfriend said he felt it during sex'."
"It was her cervix."- craycraxy
A visit to the ER shouldn't be a laughing matter.
Unless it's the only possible treatment for the scenario.
I've got a burning desire... or I'm just burning...
"Last night a guy came in with a fever."
"CORRECTION: His PENIS had a fever."
"Yeah, you read that right, his Penis, only, was warmer than usual, and it freaked him out."- Dont-Lick-the-Cat
GiphyShe's a woman now
"I’m not an ER nurse, but my dad used to be and I’ll always remember this story."
"This mom brings her 13 year old daughter in and swears up and down that her daughter was bit by a bug and has a nasty infection."
"She says the daughter was bit by mosquitoes while they were outside, and her chest was swelling abnormally because of it."
"So they do some kind of physical exam, and my dad had to explain that the daughter wasn’t bit by mosquitoes, she just hit puberty and was developing breasts."- katelikesmilk
What are you trying to hide?
"One I was working at the ER a young guy 18-19 years old, who was at a party, came piss drunk and unconcious."
"In order to get a urine tox screening we decided to take a urine sample through a catheter."
"When the nurse pulled down his pants we discovered that he had put a thick white sports sock in his underwear."
"After the test was taken we decided to put the sock back where we found it so he wouldn’t die of shame when he woke up!"- alexfrommalmoe
"I've decided that if I ever have a sex-toy-related injury that requires medical care, I'm just going to own it."
"In fact I'll go one better."
" if I have an innocuous boring injury that sends me to the ER, I'm going to claim it was an athletic sex injury instead."-triggur
The Lengths some people will go to
"I don’t work in the ER, but did my preceptorship in the ER my final semester of nursing school."
"Had a lady come in via EMS because her partner 'threw a red solo cup at my back and I’m having terrible pain now!'"
"It was the most dramatic show I’ve ever witnessed watching that poor EMS crew roll her into a tiny room as she’s flailing and fake-sobbing."
"ER doctor looked at me, the student, and said 'take her this script for Ibuprofen'."
"She’s discharged'."
"He spent maybe 2 minutes in her room."
"I took the script in, gave her the discharge paperwork, and she threw it in my face and told me to 'get f*cked'.”
"No joke, she came back 2 hours later, walked into the ER herself, with a bloody towel wrapped around her hand."
"She told me to hold out my hand."
"I already had gloves on."
" She placed her thumb in my hand and said 'can I get some pain medicine now?'"
"'Calm as could be and very manipulative-like."
"This lady legit went home and cut her thumb off to get pain meds."
"She didn’t get any pain meds, she got an immediate air lift to a major hospital to have emergency hand surgery."-deadheadramblinrose
Read the instructions carefully
"Directly from a family member who’s an ICU rn."
"Patient was brought in to the ER after making a homemade dart gun with a needle and straw but blowing IN, instead of out."
"He swallowed both."
"Thought he could just poop out both but ended up with massive GI bleeds and losing most of his blood."
"Needed surgery and a ton of blood product transfusions."- Responsible_Rent7970
It goes both ways
"I don't work there, but I personally went to ER and asked them to fake a report for me so I can skip a test I had the following day."
"They agreed."- MarwanMero
Maybe we rely a but too much on technology
"A woman came into the ED recently because she couldn't find her pulse on her apple watch so she was worried that her pulse was gone."
""The doctor taught her how to find her pulse via jugular and sent her home."
"lmao."
apple watch connecting GIFGiphyYou don't outgrow fun... or do you?
"Friend of mine in college thought it would be fun to swing in one of those rubber tire bucket like baby swings in the park."
"So she managed to put her feet through the leg holes and climb in."
"Only to get completely stuck in the swing."
"Her circulation was getting cut off by the swing and her legs were swelling like crazy."
"We tried to pull her out but no luck."
"We had to call 911."
"She ended up going to the ER with the swing still on her to get cut out of it."- RainbowUnicorn0228·
Maybe ease up on the self gratification.
"I volunteered at a hospital in HS, and my only time in the ER, a gentleman came in complaining of severe pain in his groin area."
"Come to learn he was a chronic masterbater, and had rubbed considerable patches of skin OFF."
"Not only that, you could hear him yelp randomly, and it was because he was doing it then too!"- notnotasock
As always, all of the salutes and respect to the people we pay to heal us. The things they have to outright not laugh in our faces for must be a mountain impossibly high.
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We all have brands or companies that we might admire from afar (or at the very least via their website or catalog), but know we will likely never shop there ourselves.
For the simple reason that their products and merchandise are simply out of our price range.
As a result, we may find ourselves like Holly Golightly at Tiffany's while window shopping, but never actually making a purchase.
However, there are some brands that are so luxurious, that even catalog or window shopping is out of the question.
As they are not only luxurious but also exclusive, only a certain few even know of their existence.
Redditor Halyycon10 was curious to learn about any and all of the luxury brands that cater exclusively to the wealthiest people on earth, leading them to ask:
"What are the 'quiet' luxury brands that only the super rich know about?"
Allow Me To Take You Upstairs...
"An Italian friend arranged a visit to a Murano glass gallery."
"After the general public cleared out of the public showroom, the gallery's people took us up some stairs to the 'real deal' gallery with shelves full of breathtaking art pieces."
"We admired one vase on a shelf, but were told that it would never be offered for sale -- it was too important as part of the island's legacy & heritage."
"I think that the way we zeroed in on it somehow convinced them that we were top art dealers "'in stealth mode'."
"For the rest of the afternoon, we were treated like VIPs."
"What a day that was...."-- funhousefrankenstein
Uncharted Territory
"I work in the Luxury Travel industry."
"I know quite a few."
"Exclusive Resorts is an invite-only membership club for very high-end travel."
"They don’t post their prices online, but I know people that work there."
"They have personal cell phone numbers for people like Jeff Bezos, Waltons, and people that live at that stratospheric titan of industry level."
"Their cheapest membership package is $100,000 to join, and can run up to $250,000."
"That’s just the price to join the club."
"You have to pay for any travel you want to book on top of that."
"They have a $600M portfolio of properties they own throughout the world, that only their members have access to."
"Want to guarantee availability for a finish-line view villa in Monaco during the Grand Prix?"
"Want to get a ski-in cabin next to the Walton’s cabin in Aspen over Christmas?"
"Want a luxury penthouse in Paris during fashion week?"
"These are your guys."
"They cap their membership at 3,000 people, so you may have to wait for a long time until you can get in."
"Another interesting one: White Desert is your tour operator of choice if you want a private expedition with your buddies to the South Pole."
"Their packages can run $100,000+ per person for a private jet to their base camp on the Antarctica plateau and then another custom-build ski-plane transfer to their camp on the South Pole."- El_mochilero
GiphyNothing More Valuable Than A Good Night's Sleep...
"Duxiana."
"For people who can buy a mattress that costs as much as a car."- Hot-Dress-3369
A Perfect Fit...
"Tailors on Saville Row."
"Wealthy people get their clothes custom made."- mecyh
Nothing To Give It Away...
"I had a rich friend once tell me that Gucci is what poor people think rich people wear."
"Since then I noticed that all of her clothes fit perfect, but she never has logos on anything."- hoptownky
gucci GIFGiphyThese Boots Might NOT Be Made For Walking...
"John Lobb bootmaker in St James."
"Make beautiful handmade shoes for royalty, celebrities and rich types."
"They are well known but not a household name."- queenirv
Free For All...
"I used to be of the opinion that really wealthy people wore stuff that you wouldn't really notice, but disappointingly (having spent some time around folks with extreme wealth recently), the true answer is just: whatever the hell they like."
"If someone really liked branded gear before they were wealthy, you'd better believe they're going to be dressed like Ali G once they make it big."- AvaRCordero
Pay Up To Dress Down...
"Jeff Goldblum was on the Conan podcast and talked about where he got his jeans."
"It was from this hard-to-find shop in New York that not many people had heard of.
Come to find out, not surprisingly, their jeans are insanely expensive, and only the very rich could afford them." - Reddit
Jeans Pants GIF by Post MaloneGiphyFor All Your Million Dollar Needs...
"Buy a copy of The Robb Report magazine at a bookstore and marvel at the insane ads in the back for private jets, yacht brokers, military level trained personal protection Belgian Malinois guardian dogs, personal protection security firms staffed by former US Secret Service and retired Tier 1 operators only in their early 40s and fit with 20 years experience, and even crazier stuff."
"Pfft buying a $400 pair of jeans is pedestrian when you have Taylor Swift money and roll in 2 fully armored Escalades and are escorted on errands by a phalanx of guys in black polo shirts and jeans who have been places and done things in sandy countries that are still classified."- scots
Cruisin...
"Amels."
"They are one of the best super yacht manufacturers in the world with over 100 years of experience."- theassassintherapist
Before You Show Off That Logo...
"Almost all of the well known luxury brands have several lines. "
"The ones with logos all over them are typically the cheapest (I’m looking at you LV, Gucci) etc. which is why they’re so common."
"The same companies will have more exclusive lines that are much more expensive, usually more classic in style, and they’re not covered in logos, so you’d never know what brand they are unless you’re really into that kind of thing."
"For example, my wife wanted to buy me a nice wallet, so we went to the LV shop."
"I liked one that had no logo on the exterior of it, just simple grey leather, and it cost twice as much as the ones with 'LV' stamped all over them."- ToothbrushGames
Black Friday Christmas GIF by FOX TVGiphyPeople Go Nuts For Interior Design
"Zuber & Co."
"Crazy expensive wallpaper and room dividers/panels."
"I love old rococo and baroque things so happed to walk by their store in NYC."
"Stopped in due to the patterns and quickly realized I do in-fact NOT have thousands of dollars per ft for wallpaper."
"For example $5,000 - $30,000 per panel."- Reddit
It's About Time
"When I met my wife she worked selling high end watches."
"Talking about it on our first date I said ‘oh like Rolex and stuff?’"
"She said ‘Rolex customers are just new money, drug dealers and old men'."
"'If people contact us wanting one we just direct them to a watch shop'."
"Then rattled off a list of about 10 makers I’d never heard of which her international clients would fly here just to try on."
"I was wearing a Luminox at the time which I thought was pretty badass but all of a sudden I felt like a kid running around with that gadget from Ben 10."- StrangledByTheAux
As the saying goes, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it!"
Though it must be said, there is also absolutely NOTHING wrong with shopping for watches at a watch shop.
The human body is an amazing thing.
It is capable of far more than we ever thought possible.
When studying anatomy we really should start doing a deeper dive into all the parts of the body.
Each organ and limb has a story and function that we never really learn about.
Redditor NorthPengyyy wanted to discuss... the penis, so they asked:
"What are some fun facts about the penis?"
Don't Die
"Fun fact - the erection happens when blood enters the penis, the main "structure" of the penis hardens and expands (obviously), but by doing so it presses the Veins and blocks them. Meaning - the blood comes but doesn't go out of the organ, thus keeping it erect for too long. This is why erections over 6 hours are dangerous because the blood blockage is for too long of a time and the penis can die due to lack of oxygen. I hope it was interesting."
SoapBubble3
Outaries
"The seam on your testicle sack is where your proto vagina sealed up while you were in the womb."
melonsquared
"So testicles are just ovaries that are outaries?"
datazulu
"Literally yes. They all start as gonads in your abdomen. Girls’ gonads stay and turn into ovaries. Boy’s gonads descend and become testes. It’s why, when you take a hit to the balls, it hurts all the way back up in your stomach and can make you nauseated. Boys still have innervated back up to where the gonads first developed."
SpartySoup
SNAP!
Schitts Creek Pain GIF by CBCGiphy"It can break like a glow stick if it slips out while a girl is on top and slams back down on it."
Artistic_Marzipan221
De-boned
"Most animals have a 'penis bone' which allows for instant erections, however, humans do not have this bone. The cause is thought to be because without the bone, courtship, arousal, and mating is a longer affair therefore leading to increased intimacy and pair bonding. The penis is literally made for love."
nailbunny2000
Prehensile
Nat Geo Adventure GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"An elephant's penis is prehensile, like its trunk. It can be used to pick up objects."
Sea-Woodpecker-610
How come only elephants were granted this gift?
Frozen
Polar Bears GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy"Being stressed out, exhausted, and cold makes it smaller. So the smallest penis in the world should belong to a man being chased by a polar bear in the Arctic."
Electrical_Age_336
Wait, what?
"I remember watching a weird YouTube documentary about a spider (in Australia of course) whose bite gives you a forever erection."
JMthought
It Just happens
"Just because it's erect DOES NOT mean the person is horny/aroused."
Spartan0536
"I recently learned that clenching other muscles is a good way to get rid of an erection. The bigger the muscle, the better, so clenching your butt is a good way to go. Apparently, it’s because it causes more blood to go to the clenched muscle. More blood to the muscle = less blood to the penis."
phatcat9000
"I'm quite anxious all the time. When I'm just chilling with nothing else to do, I reach a point of relaxation and I get erections, I'm not aroused or anything, I'm just chilling and it seems that my body approves of my time off I guess."
chifrijoconbirra
Be Smart
"There is a ligament at the base of the penis that causes the penis to rise when it becomes erect. This is what causes a bulge etc."
"Some people have stupidly made the decision to have this ligament cut. This is because it adds a few inches of length to the erect penis. However, it will just hang down. Do. Not. Do. This. It is a stupid thing to do."
phatcat9000
Data Entry
information GIFGiphy"A single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information. One ejaculation represents roughly a data transfer of 15,875 GB equivalent to the combined capacity of 62 MacBook Pro laptops."
Nijinsky_84
Well, the penis is far more interesting than we thought.
Isn't it?
Do you have any interesting tidbits to add? Let us know in the comments.
