Being an educator is one of the world's most arduous professions.
Kids are a handfull, and parents can drive you to the vodka.
It's stressful enough trying to just impart wisdom, imagine having to call home to tattle on the kids for the most outrageous issues.
Teachers insurance should definitely cover mental health care.
Redditor Tee_01 wanted to hear from educators about the times they had to call home by wondering:
"Teachers of Reddit, what is the most embarrassing reason you called a child's parents for?"
Can I Get a Witness?
"Last year, I had a 7th grader who went to the bathroom every day for about 10-15 minutes. I talked to her other teachers, she also went for 10 minutes in their classes every day. She was also late every day. Often by 10-15 min. She always claimed she had IBS/Chrons."
"It came to a head when one day she claimed 'my stomach hurts and I'm about to crap myself. I just have to take a poop.' In front of the whole class. So I called her parents, the school nurse, and the school psych for a meeting. The girl had no medical issues. She just liked to cut class and get attention."
"Near the end of the year, that same 12 year old girl asked me, 'Mr. IAmTheDamnDoctor, are you single? because my sister be tryin' to talk to that right now.'" I had to call another conference and basically ban her and all her friends from ever being in my room without at least a dozen other students/adults as witnesses. That was not a fun class."
IAmTheDamnDoctor
Got Receipts?
"One of the first graders was so constipated he was screaming and crying uncontrollably, pacing with his pants around his ankles in the bathroom. It started almost immediately after drop off, so we called the mother maybe 15 minutes after she left. She did not pick up or return any calls until 5 hours later, because she was 'lol, shopping.'"
generichumancontent
GiphyHands Off....
"Maybe more shocking than embarrassing. Parents of a third grader had to be called, because their son tried to strangle another kid on the schoolyard in the break after a fight."
JohannaArtzJohannaArtz
"My dad used to get bullied a lot as a kid and he always told me that if i get bullied i have to fight back hard cause that isn't gonna stop any other way. Luckily i live in a country where fighting back is actually an option and you wont get punished or expelled for it like in the US."
Crap!
"My very first year, of course... and they called ME. I had a sophomore who was basically trouble from the start. In my class he was making a presentation, and he decided to say 'crap' several times (not after making mistakes--it was intentional). So, I docked him for the word usage, and he blew up--I told him it was the same as if he'd used it in a written essay. So....."
"The next day, I get a phone call from his mother--and I knew something was wrong, because everyone in the office was looking at me, and grinning. I introduced myself, and she asked why her son's grade had been docked. After I explained why, she responded, in a pleasant, 'concerned mom' voice: 'Well, I don't think 'crap' is that bad a word... it wasn't like he said 'the F words' or...' and she went on and on offering choice examples and combinations, as the blood drained from my face."
"When the phone call was over, EVERYONE in the office started laughing--seems she was the local 'insane mom.' and these phone calls were common with her."
gremashlo
LOLOLOL....
"Not a teacher but someone was caught watching pornography on his school computer and his parents had to come pick him up. After he came back he told us what happened and what his parents did as a punishment and he told us that they just laughed at him because nothing is more embarrassing than that."
Boi420-69x
SPLOOSH!
"My teacher had to call and apologize to my mom after she told me she wouldn't let me go to the nurse because I was always asking. So I threw up on her desk in front of the whole class."
melli72
GiphyThe 3rd....
"My parents were called when I was in 8th grade because I would only talk in 3rd person. It went on for like, 5 weeks."
AntarcticanJam
"Terry loves talking about terry in the third person!"
flamaniax
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Use Words Carefully.
"My wife was about 30 seconds away from calling not just the kids parents, but also child welfare because she thought a kid wanted to be the 'park w***e' when they grew up. Turns out they wanted to do Parkour."
billbapapa
"Reminds me of when I was a kid. Someone called someone a "lady of the night" in class and I thought that sounded SO cool- like an assassin or a spy or a superhero!! So I very excitedly said I wanted to be a lady of the night!! Could nooot understand why all the other kids were laughing at me."
warpstrikes
Oh Stewie...
"I had to explain to a parent that although family guy is a cartoon, it was not appropriate for an 11 year old. He was quoting the pervy old character to other kids in his art lesson and creeping them out."
lalatconpenny
Giphy"I had to tell my mom that family guy is not appropriate for my then 9 and 11 year old daughters to watch when they're at her house. She didn't realize what it was and assumed it was fine because it's a cartoon. I only found out about it because my 9 year old quoted something from it one day. They'd been watching it for months at that point. 🤦♀️"
Talyra_SC
A puddle....
"A kid, 5th grader, peed himself in class and left a puddle under his chair. he was was to into the movie we were watching and he didn't want to ask to use the restroom."
rohttn13
"Went to elementary school with a kid who peed under his desk at least once a year. He also would stuff all his snotty/bloody tissues into his desk and refuse to take them out. When the teachers would eventually put on gloves and do it for him he had to be restrained, and would scream and cry for the rest of the day."
JudgeGusBus
No Change.
"Obligatory not a teacher, but I once had my preschool or kindergarten (all I know is I was young) call my parents because I got my head stuck in a hole while playing on the playground structures. I don't recall how they got me out, but I do know that I haven't changed. Not even a week ago, I got stuck on a kiddie ride in a mall and ended up with huge bruises on my legs. My impulses are still difficult to control."
angelofchaos9800
Testies....
"It wasn't embarrassing, it was funny, but in response to the question 'What comes in pairs?' Her son, with total sincerity and enthusiasm said, 'testicles!' I emailed to let them know he was a little upset that I didn't write down his suggestion on the board. His mom said she printed the email and planned to pull it out again on some thanksgiving to read aloud when he was a teenager."
GiphyNo Wang.
"I had to call a single dad to inform him that his six-year-old son perfectly described an explicit porn scene to his friends. This was before internet porn so the kid must have found Daddy's special movies."
good_sandlapper
HE DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB.
"I had to explain to a 6 year old's parents that I wouldn't be wiping his butt for him. They seemed surprised that a 6 year old would have to wipe his own."
"Edit 1: Here's some more context: We had bathrooms attached to the classroom so you didn't have to go very far. When he did this the first time he calls out 'I'm ready!!!' I had an E.A who went and investigated, then came back and very sheepishly explained the situation."
"I told him through the door to just do the best job he could, and to wash his hands a lot. HE DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB. So i ran and found an administrator who took it from there. We had the meeting with his parents that afternoon. The family were recent immigrants from India so i wanted to be sensitive to cultural differences but so far every person from the sub continent gives me the same WTF?! response when i tell them this story."
OneHatOnly
"HECK YEAH!"
"Hi is that Armin's mum? Great. Ummm... could you please teach him not to respond with 'HECK YEAH!' when I hand him a toy? Okay but... look... I didn't say it wasn't funny... I was teaching English at a Vietnamese kindergarten."
Miss_Cegenation
Youth wasted on the Young....
"This happened to a colleague when I worked in elementary school. A kindergartener had asked at the beginning of gym class to go to the bathroom. He intentionally didn't wipe himself. When he came back to the gym, he backed up so that his butt was right in line with another kid's face who was sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor, dropped his pants, and put his crappy butt on that poor kid's face."
"My colleague had to escort them both to the office and call in a district interpreter to call the unfortunate child's parents and tell them that their son might have hepatitis."
SailorVenus23
GiphyThe kid was like 15.
"Actually had a parent call me and apologize. Threw a kid out of class for licking highlighters. Gave him a warning, took the highlighters away, somehow he got another one and did it again. Told him to go to detention. He protested, but eventually went. Got a call that night on my personal phone (I have no idea how mom got my number), the mom profusely apologizing and straight up admitting that her son was being an idiot."
"Then she put him on the phone and made him apologize too. It was really hard not to laugh, because you could tell this kid had been getting reamed out by his parents over the incident and was not interested in talking to me. The kid was like 15. Teaching was a fun time in my life. Not sure if I'll go back but it sure was an adventure."
Petrol_in_my_eyes
Feeling Bad.
"High school Deaf SPED teacher here. My student had contracted a bad stomach virus in his freshman year. He started off the day perfectly fine, had no symptoms and it suddenly hits him. He suddenly asked if he could go to the bathroom and I could see on his face that something was wrong, so I let him go. He came back almost 30 minutes later in tears because he'd lost complete control of his bowels on the way to the bathroom... in front of an entire lunch crowd."
"Thankfully his dad was less than ten minutes away to help with a clean change of clothes, I happen to keep baby wipes in stock and gave him a full pack to clean himself in a teachers bathroom (where I brought him when he'd finally come back so he'd have privacy to clean himself with dad's help). It was awful and I felt so bad for him."
defguysezhuh
Toilet issues.
"Just today I had to phone parents because their child refuses to use the toilet at school and TODAY, during recess, this kid pulled his snow pants down and proceeded to take the fattest poop on the snow covered playground. I'll never forget today."
Grizzmo1
"Ms. Megan, what the heck?"
"I'll never forget when my kids preschool teacher texted me to tell me that he had said a bad word in class. Thankfully, she was more entertained than mad. Apparently, she had put the children's lunchboxes in a different spot than usual. My then 3yo went to grab his lunchbox from his cubby and when it wasn't there he went to his teacher and said 'Ms. Megan, what the heck?'"
purpleghostdance
GiphyIt's Weak
"To me it’s embarrassing because I hate my weaknesses. My mom had just packed up and left for the first time and this was second grade. I was emotional and had cried so my teacher had called my dad and put me in school therapy to help me with my emotions."
OstrichClown
With Cognac
"On the opposite end of that, my parents told me when I was in first grade, my teacher asked for examples of liquids. I raised my hand and answered with Cognac. Probably made my teacher a little curious as to what was going on at home."
samkte
7th Grade Girls
"I wasn’t a teacher, but I was the school nurse for one year. I once had to call a kid’s parents because she stabbed another girl in the hand with a pen. I also had to call the other girl’s parents. In both calls the parents were in disbelief of what happened and I had to reassure them that yes it did in fact happen. The girl who did the stabbing had even tried to suck on the other girl’s wound because she was afraid the girl would get sick as if it was snake venom or something."
"In the end the girl who did the stabbing did not face any consequences she did not even get suspended, everyone was willing to let bygones be bygones. Both girls were in 7th grade and they weren’t even fighting over anything, the one of the girls just decided to stab the other girl in the hand during art class for no reason."
bigcrybabyqqqq
Young girls...
"I had 2 4 year olds telling me they were going to kill me. The one said he would kick me really hard and the other said he will drive over me or cut my throat. I played it cool and told them that they may not say things like that, it's nasty and hurts my feelings. The parents were notified about their kids behavior. They brought me a letter, picture and chocolate each and both of them apologized. Im always happy if parents take these things seriously, not all do."
pashaah
'Corn Hub'
"Ok, I actually decided not to make the call, but I caught a kid on a parody site called 'Corn Hub.' Here's the thing, I teach 6th grade so either the kid knew it was a parody site of Porn Hub or the kid just thought a site devoted to corn was hilarious. If I called the parents, I would basically be saying I know what Porn Hub is (BTW, I had to explain it to my principal – that was embarrassing). So, all in all, I decided to basically let it go. There was no way to make that phone call and win."
estrogyn
Teaching is certainly never boring.
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It can be a pleasant and exciting surprise to see a friend or family member show up on the evening news.
Particularly if it is a story showcasing their accomplishments or allowing them to let their voice be heard on an important issue.
Of course, showing up on the news isn't always a joyous occasion.
Indeed, some people tune in to find their friends and family on the news for reasons they might hope people will eventually forget down the line.
Redditor Miguenzo was eager to hear stories of a loved one making the evening news for less than brag-worthy stories, leading them to ask:
"What’s the dumbest reason somebody you know landed on the 6 o’clock news?"
15 Minutes, Or Four Seconds, Of Fame...
"Years back, there was a college scholarship scam going on here."
"These companies would go to high schools and do a presentation, and grift parents into paying a large sum for the company to help get a scholarship."
"My mom took one look at this and was like, 'this is a scam'."
"My uncle bought it hook, line and sinker and paid up."
"And received absolutely nothing."
"So he calls our news program and they do a feature with this company in their 'hall of shame.'"
"My uncle was absolutely THRILLED."
"'They interviewed me for 4 hours!'"
"'It's going to be huge!'"
"We all sit around the TV."
"It's February 2000."
"Boom, there's my uncle!"
"They do the lead-in..and then, there's my uncle saying..."
"'They said, uh, sue 'em'."
"My uncle is screaming."
"'What the Hell?! They were at my house for 4 hours!'"
"We still have it on VHS somewhere."
"My uncle's star moment over in seconds."- JKW1988
Episode 19 News GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyPreserved For Posterity...
"My college roommate got stuck in an infant swing at a public park and firefighters had to use some type of Jaws of Life contraption to cut the swing down and cut her out of it."- Nocomt
Oops!
"I know a guy who was interviewed on camera up in the mountains where there was a forest fire."
"He had been up there fishing with his girlfriend."
"He was married."- Fezig
Close Call
"Dude was swimming laps in a lake after dinner (i.e., around sunset)."
"Predictably, he got bit by an alligator."
"I saw him on the news, shirtless in true Floridaman fashion, with a little bandage over each tooth mark."
"The bandages made a dotted line around his shoulder and chest in the shape of an alligator's mouth, like he was in a cartoon or something."- BigRedRobotNinja
Tiere Bis Unters Dach Swimming GIF by SWR KindernetzGiphyUnpaid Extra
"There was a park nearby that had no drainage and was bowl shaped."
"So if it rained hard, this baseball park/ football field turned into a mini lake."
"It rained a lot one day and the news did a story just showing how much it rained, and in the background behind the news-woman, from out of frame you see my friend rowing past her in a kayak."- hook_killed_pan
Right Place At The Right Time?
"A fight broke out at a HS football game."
"Turned into a huge brouhaha.'
"They intervened this dumba** friend of mine on the local news, the only bit that made it into the broadcast was him saying 'For the first time in my life I was happy to see cops!'"- KneeDragr
Awww...
"Marrying their pet goldfish in an underwater ceremony, complete with a wedding gown and guests in scuba gear."- Candies-For-You
Illustration Swimming GIF by Ordinary NadeeGiphyStrike!
'A childhood friend’s dad embezzled money from the local Little League team."- Key-Zebra-4125
How Did He Even Make It To The Freezer?
"An ex boyfriend of my best friend’s sister ended up on the news for breaking into a Checkers through the drive through window and locking himself in the freezer until the cops arrived and arrested him."- pineapple3712·
Ice Cream Snack GIF by My/Mochi Ice CreamGiphySetting An Example...
"I got filmed and aired sticking a swab up my nose at drive thru covid testing."
"I had just declined to be interviewed at my car because I was afraid of getting someone sick."
"Test was negative, and my sister got a new pic for my contact profile on her phone."- idiotsavant419
Criminals Don't Ususally Wait In The Check Out Line...
"My friend was going to target with his mom to buy a tv."
"They stopped at Starbucks in the store."
"When the worker asked what the wanted he said “'he money in the register see' like an old timey gangster, then laughed ordered and payed for their coffee and went into target."
"While they were pushing their cart with a tv in it to the check out line the swat team surrounded them and arrested him for armed robbery.. was on the news."
"Got charged and everything."
"The first hearing the barista could not point him out and the judge threw out the case."- MACHOmanJITSU
Returning To The Scene Of The Crime...
"A guy from my high school stole Michael Jackson's glove from the Motown Museum in Detroit MI in early 90s."
"He returned it."
"I knew it had to be him, and yep, it was."
"I remembered him because he dressed like Michael Jackson every single day of school for years."
"He did it really well, too."
"He also didn't talk much."
"So, I was surprised to see him talking to a TV reporter about it."
"I hope he's doing well."- ATK80k
Animated GIFGiphySome people crave their 15 minutes of fame and embrace it however it may come.
Others only hope that no one they knew happened to be watching their local news that night...
Even though they know deep down that all their friends have it on their DVR and are never planning to erase it...
People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIFGiphy"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user callmejari asked:
"What's the weirdest compliment you have received?"
Zzzzz...
"Someone once told me that my voice was so soothing, it could put a crying baby sloth to sleep."
~ Marena-Cris-18
GiphyWhat About My Sneeze?
"'Your cough sounds nice' Was just a random girl on the train."
"Still throws me off 2 years later."
~ ThatGothDinosaur
GiphyHope It’s Not SpongeBob
"A 5-year-old kid told me he liked me because I looked like a cartoon."
~ Sea_Ganache620
Giphy
Unfulfilled Potential
"I have nice wide birthing hips."
"I'm a guy."
~ kudzufarmer
"You got the foundation for it, you're just missing the plumbing."
~ ARoundForEveryone
Giphy
Wrong Hemisphere, But Thanks
"When I was 16 working the drive thru—'You’re the prettiest Arabic girl I’ve ever seen'."
"I’m Mexican. But thank you ma’am."
~ 3sp00py5me
GiphyWas His Name Vlad?
"'You've got beautiful veins'."
"By the guy that injected my contrast before an MRI."
~ Reblax837
Werner Herzog Halloween GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyIt Keeps My Teeth In Place
"Some random NYC man told me I had a nice chin once. I still think about him."
~ pssht07070707
GiphyNever Skip Leg Day
"I was told by a woman walking behind me on stairs that I had great calves."
"It was kind of weird at the time."
~ Sider-Pride
Not The BBQ Ones
"'I like your ribs'."
"From random girl at a pool party during a music festival."
~ Particular-Natural12
GiphyCleaning Up On Aisle 5
"I delivered bread to grocery stores in the 90’s and when I decided to change routes, the young lady who had always checked me in told me she’d really miss the sound of my voice."
~ OGGBTFRND
GiphyBloody Offal
"One time I was at the doctor for some lower back pain getting an ultra sound and the tech looked me dead in the eye and said 'You have really nice kidneys. They're very plump.'"
"Best strange compliment I ever received."
~ FlashRage
A compliment is a compliment, right?
What's the weirdest compliment you've received?