Embarrassed People Share Their 'He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He' Stories
[rebelmouse-image 18348562 is_animated_gif=Being aware of your surroundings is important, especially if you live in a big city. A stray delivery bike or a disturbed pigeon can run into you and knock you on your keister, and no one wants that. However, social interactions also call for an awareness of who's around you and what kind of story you're telling. Otherwise, you're caught in one of those moments you wish you could escape but never do.
Reddit user, r/AmAllergicToGold, wanted to know your most socially awkward moments when they asked:
What's your "he's right behind me, isn't he?" story?
Silent, But Deadly
[rebelmouse-image 18348563 is_animated_gif=My grandfather has the ability to walk silently like can creep on you like no other. Additionally, he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish. So, to show his love, he generally just walks over, taps you on the shoulder, "ah, my boy"
This particular time, It was me and all my siblings playing some video game. I was inches from the tv as we were playing if you die its the next person's turn. Grandpa sneaks right up on me. His hand inches from my shoulder. I just drop a bomb and rip on the loudest farts I've had to date. A lot of cheetos and dr pepper in those days.
He pauses, removes his hand and stealth walks away. I didn't even know that happened until he left and all my siblings burst into laughter.
Shame.
Maybe Buy The Censored Version From Now On
[rebelmouse-image 18348564 is_animated_gif=I'm a computer tech. At my old job, all of the techs sat in this one room with our own desks, to work on computers. My friend Caleb and I were working on a machine together. We had music playing (Bonfire by Childish Gambino). The lyrics were "Move white girls like there's coke up my a--crack Move black girls cause, man"
The big boss for the whole department happened to be behind us.
Awkward.
Please Move
[rebelmouse-image 18348566 is_animated_gif=Talking to my friend about the hot TA in a tutorial and giggling like teenagers.
Obviously he was right behind us and to our embarrassment he asked my friend to move to another table.
Mommy Talks, Player Walks
[rebelmouse-image 18348567 is_animated_gif=This is a "he's sitting right beside me" story.
There was this kid on my high school baseball team that was incredibly annoying. He always complained about everything, his mom talked to the coach too often about getting more playing time. He just wasn't a good athlete. Well, one day my teammates and I were all sitting on the bench in the dugout and the kid was walking over to sit down on the bench next to us. Something happened, I got distracted (foul ball or something), and I lost sight of the annoying kid. I leaned over to who I thought was my friend and said "Don't let (his name) sit next to us." Turns out my friend was sitting on the opposite side of me and I had just said that directly to his face.
He got pissed, said "REALLY?!", got up and walked away.
I don't feel bad about it at all. He was obnoxious.
The Ugliest Fight
[rebelmouse-image 18348568 is_animated_gif=When I was in college I was cooking in the dorm kitchen with a friend. He asked if I was going to be living with the same person next year. My response was, "Oh god no. She's terrible. All she does all day is sit in the dark watching CMT with her crazy racist boyfriend. I can't wait to never see her again."
She had been standing on the other side of the wall (probably spying on me because she did that sometimes) and heard the entire conversation.
We had a really ugly fight after that.
Ready, Friend B?
[rebelmouse-image 18348569 is_animated_gif=At bar trivia one night, two of my friends got into a heated debate over Ready Player One, my female friend said it was Gary Stu wish fulfillment garbage with little to no literary merit. My male friend, who is a huge dork in his mid 20s and has a degree in English, was arguing the other side. After we left, I said to a third friend "I love Friend B, but I think he may be a little biased because he's the target demographic of the book." He was standing directly behind me.
I also know he has a Reddit account, so he may end up right behind me again on this one, lol.
Trapped Between A Rock And A Hard Place
[rebelmouse-image 18348570 is_animated_gif=I have one. Our production manager was quitting (given her 2 weeks notice) and was seriously going off about the owner of the company.
Me and one other girl were in the printer room while said project manager was training us on some new machinery. She just went off about how "insert owner" was a selfish ahole and how he cares about no one but himself and that he is the reason she is leaving. She lists off every variation of insults pertaining to him while we stand there awkwardly. I glance back and guess who is standing directly behind me. Yep...the owner
Funny thing is, he is actually really nice and I have no idea why she hated him so much. That episode was never brought up again. But I'll be damned if I wasn't sweating bullets. What an awkward position to put your staff in.
But It Wasn't About YOUR Service
[rebelmouse-image 18348571 is_animated_gif=Sorta fitting...
It usually comes up when I am at a restaurant and I feel like the service is pretty awesome. Then I share with my friend a time when it was awful somewhere else only for the server to show up at some perfect time where it probably sounds like I am b--ching about them.
I want to burst out with "I'm not talking about you!" because I'm not talking about them. At the same time I don't because chances are they didn't hear sh-t.
I usually end up leaving a bigger tip than normal out of embarrassment.
You Might Be A...
[rebelmouse-image 18348573 is_animated_gif=I was at a water park with some friends, and I saw this guy with the word "REDNECK" tattooed across his back, I started making snide comments about him. Later on in the day I said to my friends "hey maybe I should get 'HUGE IDIOT' tattooed across my back like that one idiot we saw earlier, I mean seriously who gets 'REDN-" I got cutoff by someone tapping my shoulder. I turn around and it's the guy with the redneck tattoo, let me tell you I've never been more scared of getting my ass kicked than I was right at that second.
I'm not sure if he knew I was talking about him or not but all he did was to ask me what time it was (I had a watch on) and then he walked away. I learned my lesson about talking crap about people I don't know.
When The Whole Class Gets Involved...
[rebelmouse-image 18348574 is_animated_gif=We had an important presentation in design school, it was worth a large part of our grade. This one was important enough that some dressed up and brought guests. We had almost the entire same classes for two years with the same members. There were three guys who's work was not on pace with the class. While we would point out strengths and weaknesses, it was best to try to make positive comments. One guy presented a turd that he'd pulled out of his ass just the night before. It was a point of sale display for a spiderman comic book, but it was obviously a used pizza box, spray painted gold, with sharpy spiderwebs. He then tried to distract by showing off the book and geeking out on spiderman.
After class several of us were gathered discussing it. One guy brought up how Ace had really sh-t the bed and how if he had turned in something so bad he would show his face again. Room freezes as we point out that the guy was back to back with Ace. They were so close that their chairs were touching. Our group goes silent as does his table. There is a long moment where there is a huge tense silence. Another guy at our table had brought his girlfriend pipes up,"What? What? What? Why isn't anyone saying anything? Are you talking about Spiderman guy? The one with pizza on the inside of his thing and had all those bad drawings?" She then started quoting him and doing an impression. When I tried to quiet her down she wasn't having it, even though she figured out he was inches away.
Eventually a conversation started and people tried to move on. Then Ace gets up red face, obvious that he was trying not to cry and heads out of the room.
Wonder What The Pattern Was...
[rebelmouse-image 18348575 is_animated_gif=I was the guy who was right behind.
I used to teach 8th grade and it was cold in the mornings so I wore a thick sweater. I thought it was a nice sweater.
One morning way before class, I walked into the Library, said hi to Emily (one of my students) and her friend as we walked by each other. I passed them and immediately turned around because I forgot something.
I plainly heard Emily say, "See! THATS the ugly sweater." When they turned around to see me.... I was right behind them. They shrieked and took off running!
Later, Emily apologized - but I never wore that sweater again to school and a couple years later I dropped it off at a GoodWill.
Might Pick Better Adjectives
[rebelmouse-image 18348576 is_animated_gif=Working at our office. Head out to the warehouse and start talking to coworker. We have two Nick's who work for the company. Mostly they go by and answer to "Warehouse Nick" and "Office Nick". Me and this particular coworker occasionally refer to them based on their relative size...
I don't remember the question, but my response was "I think Nick went to go get them." He asked, "Skinny Nick?" I replied without thinking. "No, Fat Nick."
He had just walked in the warehouse behind me. Luckily he laughed it off and didn't call HR.
The Call Is Coming From Inside The House
[rebelmouse-image 18348577 is_animated_gif=This one happened when I was a child, and it still makes me cringe to think about:
My younger brother and I used to have a sitter stay with us from the time we got home from school until our parents got home, as both parents worked. For some reason, brother and I really did not care for this woman. Looking back, there was nothing wrong with her, but I think we were both getting to that "we're too old for a sitter" age, so no matter WHO it was, we would have had an issue.
One afternoon we were being sh-ts, and she punished us- probably the go-to-your-room variety. I picked up one of the house phones, and my brother and I called my dad at work to complain about the sitter. We held nothing back, saying things about how we hated her, she was fat, smelled bad, mean, etc. Just total ahole kid stuff.
The worst moment was realizing that she had picked up another phone in the house and heard the entire thing. In her defense, I think she was making sure we weren't calling anyone we shoudn't.... aka doing her job as a babysitter.
That day, we got to see a grown woman cry. I have never wished so much that I could take words back, and this still haunts me 20+ years later. Ms. Rhonda, wherever you are, I'm so, so sorry.
Crazy Jam
[rebelmouse-image 18348579 is_animated_gif=Back in senior year of high school, me and some friends coaxed the administration into letting us do a "music independent study," which was basically code for letting us jam out on guitars for 35 minutes a day. Our music teacher was pissed but couldn't do anything about it. One day he was late so we started playing these African-looking drums in the music room. I started dancing like a maniac as the drums got louder and louder. Suddenly the music stops---but I keep dancing (you know, like a jackass) and everybody's face goes white. After about a minute and a half I finally turn around to see Mr. Grimsby glaring at all of us.
I'll Sue You
[rebelmouse-image 18345747 is_animated_gif=I was doing an impression of a teacher that had a history of suing students who made jokes of fun. so there I was doing this highly exagerated impression about how I'd sue all my friends when they looked behind me and I knew what it meant.
I looked back, the teacher stopped on his way, looked straight in my eyes, then turned back and left. I was like "he went to call his lawyers, I'm screwed lol"
Back Of The Line!
[rebelmouse-image 18348580 is_animated_gif=I told a guy off while at self checkout because he came up to the podium wanting to be checked out and I told him that wasn't fair for everyone else who had waited in line and was doing it himself, and the minute he walks away I have this feeling of dread and sure enough one of the biggest kiss ass supervisors walks up from behind me, because he was standing there the whole time. I get immedietely pulled into the office to be told by all the supervisors and managers on the front end that I shouldn't talk to customers that way.
This was at a store that is known for being a mart with wals.
What A Weirdo
[rebelmouse-image 18348581 is_animated_gif=Ugh I still cringe when I think about this story.
When I was about 11, my whole family took a trip to Nevada. My parents, siblings, grandparents and all of my cousins/aunts/uncles.
I have a cousin, Jake, who was very strange when he was younger. Looking back on it, I'm not even certain that I thought he was strange or if I was influenced by the older members of my family that said he was.
We were in our rental car, waiting to go to the Hoover Dam. I blurted out, "Jake Jr. is kind of strange, isn't he?", probably in an attempt to seem grown up in front of everyone. Everyone's face went white, Jake Jr was in the car with us all the way in the back but I had forgotten. I looked back to see my grandmother just stroking his head while he lay in her lap.
My face burned tomato red. This is my first distinct memory of shame and embarrassment. When I look back on that, I hope that he didn't hear me or maybe that he was too young to even realize. It makes my stomach drop to think that maybe he remembers and thinks that I think he is weird. At 21, and him at 16, it makes me wonder if the reason I never hear from him is that.
I'm sorry, Jake. I was a brat and so were the family members that thought you were weird.
Awkward 101
[rebelmouse-image 18348582 is_animated_gif=My younger sister and I were in the same chemistry class in high school (long story), but she didn't particularly get along with our teacher. At one point in class she said something to that effect out loud and didn't realize he was only a few feet away. I said, "Say it a little louder, why don't you?!" (In a tone that said to shut the hell up.) And he responded, "Yeah, say it a little louder."
She dropped the class that week.
The Family You Don't Choose
[rebelmouse-image 18348583 is_animated_gif=My brother's girlfriend drove me and all my friends crazy. She was just generally rude, talked over other people constantly, had really bad ideas about everything etc.
One night we BBQed with my brother, his GF and a bunch of my friends. The night wound down and my brother and his girlfriend left and me and my friends went inside to play some games and end the night. At this point we're all standing around venting about my brother's GF, talking about how horrible and obnoxious she is, etc.
I then turn around and she's in the apartment. I have no idea how this happened as the door we came in locks automatically and she didn't come in the front door. I am guessing it just didn't close all the way. It turns out she forgot something.
To this day I don't know what if anything she heard but I can not imagine she wouldn't have heard us. My only hope is that she didn't know we were talking about her specifically.
I felt really bad about this, and still do to this day. She's now my brother's life and I actually like her more now. It took that situation for me to reflect on how sh-tty it is to trash talk someone like that.
Cool Professor
[rebelmouse-image 18348585 is_animated_gif=Yesterday. Show up to my Shakespeare class early and decide to sit on the Professors desk up front, lean back on my elbow almost laying on the table. Start Shooting the sh-t with my classmates and some one asks "does anyone know what we're doing today?" And I reply "I don't know I'm just here for the attendance grade." Everyone laughs and suddenly stops. I turn around and see the professor at the door. I was mortified but she laughed and I know we're cool because I participate in class.
Still, that moment was awful.
Though it's often used as the butt of jokes, there's still a lot to appreciate in the United States, whether you live there or are visiting.
But there are also a lot of things that leave onlookers infinitely perplexed about what it's actually like to live in the United States and why they do things like that.
Redditor DadIsMadAtMe asked:
"What’s the hardest thing for you to comprehend about the American culture?"
School Pride!
"School mascots. Where I live, we just have teams and just play matches against people."
"In America, it’s all like, 'GO, EASTTOWN EAGLES!!! OOGACHACKA!' and there would be some person in a cheapo eagle suit spinning a basketball on his fingers or something. You would have a full dramatic cheerleader dance-off before your match, we just shake hands and stare hard at each other."
- benderbrodriguez2
No Child Left Behind
"Canadian here on spring break in Florida."
"I can't get over the baseline... I don't know how to say it, the baseline education level? There are smart people, but there are also completely uneducated people. Like, the divide is massive."
- Spiffydude98
Little-To-No Paid Time Off
"Having two weeks vacation or no PTO (Personal Time Off) for most."
"In my current country, you have to take two weeks of mandatory leave in a row. Including public holidays, I get about seven weeks of vacation per year."
- poor_decision
Financial Debt Culture
"How casual debt is, how easy it is to take loans and credit cards out in other people's names without their knowledge, and how casual it is to rack up huge amounts of debt."
- StrangeDarkling
...Enough Said.
"College fraternities."
- Gorazde
Where's the Poutine?
"Americans love french fries, cheese, and gravy, but poutine never took off south of the border. Always found that odd."
- righhanddan
Zero-Tolerance Policies
"The zero-tolerance rule... Who came up with that s**t? The victim is the one who is f**ked. Either he gets bullied or he gets a penalty for defending himself."
- vomahaf244
Political Followers
"A lot of people follow and worship politicians like they’re gods with flags and all that s**t. In the UK, it’s universally acknowledged that we hate all politicians pretty much equally."
- Monkeytennis01
Tipping Culture
"Having to tip almost everywhere. It definitely makes sense at some places, but feel like we have to tip at the most random of places these days."
- Educational_Word_647
Cultural Appropriation
"I speak as a Latin American, just setting that down on the table."
"I don’t get why people think that using something from my culture or showing interest in Latin culture is 'cultural appropriation.' I’ve even spoken to a lot of people in my culture about this thing and we all think it’s alright."
- OG_sweaterguy
Healthcare
"Your healthcare system, it's so complicated and expensive. And people going bankrupt because they get sick, what bulls**ttery is this?"
- MrTempleDene
The Stereotypical American Eagle
"American here, fun fact! That stereotypical screech you commonly hear associated with the bald eagle is actually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles do not make that sound. They make more of a weird (way less cool) chirping sound."
"I was too old when I learned this for the first time."
- ay-aye-ron
Plus Tax... What?
"Why don't they include tax in the total price of something? Just include it and make life easier. I don't want to have to do maths every time I go there and buy something."
- Old_Understanding325
Not In That Exact Order
"You are allowed to drive a car at 16, own guns, and sign up for the military at 18. But alcohol, behold the devil's liquid!, is only for 21+. The math ain't mathin'."
- lover_of_wisdom_
Money Money Money Money
"Lobbying."
"Legal bribery, what the h**l."
"Also, why do you have to do your taxes? If the Government, in the end, knows if what you paid was what you actually owed, why not just tell you."
- Lolleos
People looking in on the United States definitely had some questions about the people who live there and the systems they have to observe. But the big secret is that many Americans are asking the same exact questions.
People Confess Which Things They Swore They'd Never Do As A Kid But Ended Up Doing Anyway
When you were younger, your protected perspective on life and the world was probably significantly different compared to now.
Before life experience informed your decisions, younger you most likely had higher aspirations to achieve a specific goal or swore off doing something you found objectionable.
But here you are, as an adult, doing the exact opposite of what you had intended.
Curious to hear from strangers online about their developmental growth, Redditor 1234kyou_ asked:
"What did you swear in your childhood you would never do, but ended up doing anyways?"
Some hobbies that delighted us as kids never really go away as these Redditors have experienced.
The "Bird Creep"
"Birdwatching. I used to think it was the lamest way someone could spend their time when I was a kid. How could anyone just sit around and look at birds? What are you, some kind of bird creep? ... 20 years later and I'm obsessed with birds. Love hearing their songs and seeing all the beautiful colors."
– Koala-teas
Unfilled Dream
"Give up drawing."
"I actually broke my own heart when I recently found a school project we did back when I was a kid. We had to write a letter for our future selves and mine starts with: 'Hey, did you become an artist already? I really hope you did not become a boring adult with a boring job who gave up on his dreams and passions.'"
"Well, sorry little me, but I kinda did."
– Aesma_
Tending To One's Garden
"Gardening. We had a large garden. We raised and preserved what we grew. It was me and my sister's job to care for this garden. This was back when whipping your child was acceptable punishment. I was whipped sooo many times, because I hated that I had to grew and preserved vegetables I did not like. I hated it! Swore I'd never have a garden. Never do THAT to my kids. Then I had kids. A switch flipped in my head. I had to have a garden! I never made my kids take care of it. Gardening was my 'me' time. But being little kids, they wanted to be with mom and 'help' with the garden. I 'gave' them an area and they were allowed to grow whatever they wanted. If it was a fruit or vegetables , they had to eat it. As a result, they both love gardening and neither are picky eaters."
– Eogh21
When it comes to keeping it in the family, it's not always the goal.
Like Father...
"I have become my father."
– jer1303
Like Mother...
"I have become my mom.... even the voice is similar."
– rogue1206
Dad's Cynicism
"I've taken on a lot more of my dad's cynicism than I would like, but mostly I have my mom's wonder and carefreeness."
"But my dad is rich and mom is poor."
"He does not share the wealth he just shares 'you should've done X like this'. But his advice is the level of 'tear down the sign punch them in the face and say you're looking at your new employee'. I've also never heard a single dad joke from him."
– BugTester350
Posthumous Disapproval
"When I was touring houses to buy before the pandemic, my mother's spirit must have possessed me because I opened my mouth and her voice said 'i don't know, i don't think I could live in a house without both a coat closet and a linen closet.'"
– TJtherock
Adulting is hard.
The Financial Hole
"Get into debt I can't pay off."
– lilviviv
Potty-Mouth
"I said I wouldn’t curse unless a nuke was dropped on my house. That was a f'king lie."
– -notjosh-
Can't Wait, Don't Hate
"Have sex before marriage. Thank f'k I never made good on that one since I'm 41 and have never been married."
– squid1891
I'm a pretty fussy eater. Always have been.
I grew up in a Japanese family where regularly eating natto was a thing.
Natto is a Japanese dish made from Bacillus subtilis-fermented soybeans. It's known to have magical health benefits but the smell is overwhelmingly powerful, and the nutty taste leaves little to be desired.
Many people not used to eating exotic foods can't stand the flavor and slimy, sticky texture–let alone the pungent aroma.
I swore as a child that would be the one food I would never eat again after having a bad experience.
And yet, here I am as an adult, eating it for breakfast 2-3 times a week after truly understanding the health benefits.
Natto–which is rich in protein, vitamins, and minerals– helps maintain healthy cholesterol levels, reduces blood pressure, and can prevent heart disease. Some studies have suggested it can prevent certain cancers.
Once I trained myself to get used to flavor and smell, I actually crave it now.
It's definitely an acquired taste, but it's crazy to know that we are all capable of liking or appreciating something previously thought of as repulsive once we set our mind to it.
Finding love is something that nearly everyone hopes for at some point in their life.
For some, love practically finds them. They hardly need any time searching for the true love.
Others might have to work a little harder and be a little more patient. They never give up the hope that their one true love is out there, somewhere.
Then there are those for whom the search simply isn't worth it and have found themselves resigned to the fact that they may never find someone.
Whether or not that's how they want their life to be.
"Have you given up on love, if so why?"
Fear Of Getting Hurt
"To me the price I have to pay if I want to be in a relationship is I have to be vulnerable."
"And at some level I just don’t want to get hurt that bad again."
"I accept this, and have family, friends, work, hobbies, and things to look forward to."
"So while I wouldn’t say I have given up on love, I’m not looking for it and would be very wary of any new situation."- hdhdhdhdzjursx
"Gotta be honest, pretty much have."
"The last person I loved romantically found just about every way to put me down and reject me, all the while pulling me back in repeatedly."
"It was not worth it."
"I'm going solo but still kind of hoping for Miracle."
"I like me."- ATXDefenseAttorney
Don't Have The Energy
"Yes, because I'm tired."
"Tired of going out to find someone to love, tired of getting to know a new person and being comfortable enough to fall in love, tired of learning new things about this new person and whether we are compatible, tired of meeting each other's families and getting to know a whole new bunch of people..."
"Being single may be lonely, but I won't be exhausted."- Avelevanstar
"Not sure if I've given up, but I am getting real tired."
"Having to get to know new people, putting my heart out there without knowing if I'll succeed this time, so tiring."
"I'm learning more about myself in therapy, and I've seen ladies' heads turn when I speak, I've been told I have a nice voice, but chasing a lady is so much work for so little payoff."
"Never had a girlfriend before too, and I'm hitting 40 soon."
"Each new lady is a learning experience but it's also incredibly draining."
"Sometimes I just wanna curl up on my bed and ignore the whole world."- Blim004
It's Given Up On Them
"I haven't given up on love, but I doubt I will ever love again."
"After 53 years and so many attempts that ended in tears, I don't think I will ever have that chance again for a variety of reasons."
"I spend times just trying to come to terms that I will die alone someday."- kalwayne3573
For Their own Self-Care
"Yes."
"For now."
"Need to repair myself so the next guy doesn’t have to do it for me."- Beginning-Match592
Lack Of Reciprocation
"Given up on love as I am the only one loving, the others just need me."
"When they're done, they push me away."- gameygamer15
Traumatized By Past Mistakes
"Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love?"
"So that's why, though I hope time will heal me or sth."- guess_I_feed
"I was in a 10-year abusive relationship."
"Unfortunately I didn’t realize until very late and then I ended it."
"It’s too much of a risk to meet someone again as these type of people are very manipulative and you don’t realize the cruelty they are capable of until you are trauma bonded."
"It’s not easier being single but it’s a lot less heartache."
"I thank my lucky stars every day that I got out."- corickle
"My last four love interests either cheated or 'found a girlfriend'."
"It's left me believing I'm just not a person who can be romantically loved."- Owlmystery
Happy Being Alone
"I’m not capable of giving someone my all and I enjoy my time alone more than anything."
"Two failed marriages later, we chillin."- HDTempo
Life Is Good The Way It Is
"I had a big love."
"It didn't work out."
"Now I live a truly beautiful life alone and I wouldn't trade it for the world."
"I just spent the weekend with my friend, her toddler, new puppy and failing marriage and when I got home I nearly cried with the feeling of gratitude for my peaceful life."- spice-pop
"On romantic love, yes."
"I have so many social aversions and require so much space that I'm neither capable or interested to nurture such a relationship."
"I'm happier and more functional on my own."- USAIsAUcountry
Literally Don't Know What They're Missing
"Never been loved before, can't miss what I haven't experienced."- Allnutsz
Social Anxiety
"I wasn't socialized from the ages 12-22 and have severe social anxiety."
"It's hard to meet people when you're terrified of them."- owe-me
The true romantics should never give up the hope that their soulmate is out there, somewhere.
That being said, being without a partner is nothing to be ashamed of.
As the only person in control of your own happiness, is you and you alone.
Hiring Managers Explain Which Mistakes Make Them Want To Throw Away Someone's Resume
A resume is so much more than just a simple list of your work experience.
Indeed, your resume is the first step in getting your foot in the door to your dream job, highlighting not only your past experience but your skill set, as well as things about you that will make recruiters want to get to know you more.
On the flip side, sometimes there are things on your resume that will automatically send you to the reject pile.
Of course, this is bound to include common, careless mistakes such as spelling and grammar errors or missing vital information, such as a phone number or email.
However, no two hiring managers will have the same set of red flags they look for on a resume. This can make finding a format that will please everyone something of a fool's errand.
"Hiring managers of Reddit: What makes you immediately throw out a résumé?"
Not In It For The Long Run
"I once received an application from a man in his 60s."
"Solid CV, lots of experience."
"In his cover letter he wrote 'I'm applying because the Job Centre asked me to'."
"Please note that I intend to retire in 6 months time'."
"We had a good laugh, then sent him a very polite rejection letter and wished him a great retirement."-BeerPoweredNonsense
Season 1 Lol GIF by NBCGiphyMake Sure They Actually Get The Right Document...
"One time I had someone upload how to upload their resume from Dropbox instead of their resume."- rabidwhale
Always Proof Read!
"I'll usually still interview unless there is no relevant experience, but I've seen some atrocious resumes."
"I've seen people use crutch words like 'uh' in writing for a job description."
"I've also seen a sentence 4 lines long with zero punctuation."
"The same resume will have 'attention to detail' as a skill set."
"I've interviewed for one of those resumes, and the applicant said 'I dunno" to about 80% of my questions, and it turned out he didn't even know what job he applied for'."
"It's not that I'm overly picky, but if someone can't spend the 20 minutes or less that it takes to proof read their resume, are they going to put a lot of effort into their job?"
"Maybe, but it's hard to know."- ChristyM4ck
"'Very meticulous and attentive to detials'."- papparmane
Read Book Club GIFGiphyMake Sure It's Legible
"The only time I have ever had to throw out a resume was because someone possibly had it in a bag with their lunch and the paper was soaking wet and dissolving as I tried to unfold it."
"It was just unacceptable to process."
"The application was left in a drop box so I don’t know if it was a prank or an actual applicant."- 416unknown
Unprofessional Email Address
"Back in 98 I asked a new group of hires at GIECO to write their email addresses on a list that was passed around."
"Remember email was kinda new back then.. "
"One young female employee's email address included 'mybaldc**tchie'."- catjugglinpimp
"An email address like DankMeister420@."- Kibitznik
the messengers aol GIFGiphyNever Send Someone In Your Place
"It’s been a long time but I used to do hiring for a cinema."
"Staff were often young, for many it was a first job, making popcorn and selling tickets type of gig."
"I would not pursue anything where parents came in with a CV for their teenager or if parents were contacting me on behalf of their teen."
"Big red flag."
"Either their kid didn’t want he job in the first place or they’re incapable of taking initiative and it doesn’t bode well for how they’d be as an employee."- FigJamAndCitrus
"Having your parents submit your resume while you stand silently beside them."- krim2182
It's Pure, Dumb Luck!
"I remember a meme or maybe a tv skit from a while back."
"The hiring manager had a huge pile of resumes on his desk."
"Someone asked how he was going to sift through them all."
"He took 2/3rds of the pile, threw them in the trash, and remarked 'I don't hire unlucky people'."
"Lol."- SpecialSpite7115
Im Out Breaking News GIF by Homes.comGiphyAll About The Formatting
"This doesn’t matter 100% of the time but bad formatting."
"If it’s hard to read I probably won’t read it."- Far-Gain-3081
Depends On The Job
"If it's a professional position, significant spelling errors will make me pass on a resume."
"If it's a warehouse job or something, I'm less concerned."- staffsargent
Don't Treat It Like A Text Message!
"Former hiring manager here."
"I tossed MULTIPLE resumes that used text message abbreviations throughout the resume and cover letter and one that included emojis."
"While you can do pretty much anything from your phone, it doesn’t mean you should."- spectacularuhoh
text texting GIF by Fifth HarmonyGiphyChoose Your References Wisely
"Not me, but a friend who checks resumes/CVs had a belter."
"Candidate had a conviction and his reference was his friend 'Baz'."- LexiRae24
Make Sure You Have The Relevant Skills
"I know it’s pretty specific but If your looking for a scheduling job make sure you know how to use Excel and clearly state it on your resume."
"It will probably get thrown out otherwise."- LoyalPlanets
As stated before, no two hiring departments will have exactly the same prerequisites and red flags, so no matter how hard you work, your resume is never going to please everyone.
That being said, multiple misspellings and a cheeky e-mail address are a surefire guarantee of not pleasing anyone.