You don't need to be a Dungeons & Dragons expert to appreciate savage game play when you see it. But to the people who play in these digital worlds, do you ever think - could *we* be nothing more than someone's avatar, existing only for entertainment?
IllGandalf73 asked DnD players of Reddit: What's the most awesome or evil thing you've ever accomplished?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
10. I want an elephant.
One of my party members bought an elephant, but we needed to travel by boat and needed to sell it. Elephants weren't exactly common in the city we were in, but they also weren't in demand. So I (Bard w/ Disguise Self and Actor feat) went to the local stable posing as a noble's servant desperately looking for an elephant for his master's son's birthday. I told him money was no object. He told us that he heard of an elephant in another city, so I told him that I would go there, but would be in town for a few days while arranging travel.
A couple of days later, we had the owner of the elephant go to the stable looking to sell. The stable master saw the opportunity for profit and tried to buy at cost. I was in another disguise, pretending to be someone who had heard of the noble's search, and started a bidding war with the stablemaster. Once the price reached 500, I told him that I would buy it for that price, but I would need a day to gather the money. Stablemaster offered to buy it for 480 right now, and he agreed. And then we got on the boat and left.
Stablemaster latered hired some mercenaries to try to track us down when he figured out he'd been swindled, but I used another disguise self to make them think they were following the wrong group.
9. Defeated at your own game.
A few years ago, I played in a Pathfinder campaign as a lawful good sorceror with a long story arc in which I fully intended he would fall into evil. I used his bloodline (Infernal? Can't remember the name) as the basis for this. I played for several months, becoming a little more evil and unpredictable every session, until I had to quit the game due to some other commitments. The GM and I agreed that my character suddenly just vanished without a word to the rest of the party, under suspicious circumstances.
Several months later they were winding up the campaign and the GM invited me back to play in the final session. They were up against an evil spellcaster who was terrorizing the frontier area they were trying to settle/civilize. GM didn't tell the other players I was coming back - he had the (never seen before) NPC lure them into a trap, while I waited outside the room. On his signal, I strolled casually into the room, in character, and revealed myself as the bad guy they'd been hunting. And then proceeded to try to murder the sh*t out of them. It almost worked, too. But they got in a couple opportune crits and, well, good prevailed in the end. Too bad, really.
Best one I've read so far.
On his signal, I strolled casually into the room, in character, and revealed myself as the bad guy they'd been hunting. And then proceeded to try to murder the sh*t out of them.
Never played any DnD or Pathfinder, but I love this.
We just did this to our players! A player had to leave but we brought her back electronically for the final session as a villain. She had got her powers from the BBEG initially (unknown to her) and we played it off that. The players ended up redeeming her, it was super fun!
This was waaaay back in college. We were a low level party, most of us were new to the game, and we were attacked by ogres. The battle went on forever, but things were looking grim for us once the cleric went down. A few rounds later and the ogres were dead, but everyone but one character was down. I was playing this character for a guy who ended up leaving for an emergency. He had no healing magic.
After everyone was bandaged, I looked to the nearby cave for shelter. We realized there were likely ogre children in there. Nobody could figure out how to tell if anyone was still in there, and how to get them out if they were. I had 2 hit points, and any real fighting would likely end the whole adventure.
I told the DM that I cut off the head of one of the dead female ogres, rolled it in like a bowling ball, and braced myself at the mouth of the cave for back-stabbing bonuses. They ran out screaming, and were killed quickly.
The DM looked at me chuckling as others (new to the game) were shocked by this. "You are a cold motherf*cker," he said.
7. The perfect crime.
I stole from and killed a smith, blamed it on another smith in town, and then stole his stuff while he was being hanged.
That's pretty f*cked up 😂
6. Methodical madness.
I think one of my favorite moments was what I've come to call the Rat Swarm Meat Grinder story.
We were a relatively high-ish level party (low teens or so) and were exploring a dungeon. I forget exactly what class I was playing (it was out of one of the weird side books, gotta love 3.5e having hundreds of those) but it was a sort of Ranger/Rogue hybrid so I was generally leading the pack. We hit the end of a corridor and opened the door, revealing a massive Dire Rat Swarm. The intent of the encounter would be us fighting it off while it chased us back down the corridor we'd come from, lest we be entirely... well, swarmed.
I should take a moment here to explain a quirk of basically every character I play. I make a point to always, always buy a small Bag of Holding and fill it with caltrops. It's relatively cheap and infinitely useful to have on hand in those kind of quantities.
I instantly declare I want to roll a reflex save to chuck my Bag of Holding into the room and shut the door, which the DM has me do two rolls for. Nailed the roll for chucking the bag, and hit a 20 on the door-shut part of the action. My argument being that the swarm is a constantly moving entity, so the caltrops were basically going to turn that room into a giant meat grinder, since the swarm was always shifting or moving and would always be taking damage from the caltrops.
We avoided a pretty major encounter in the dungeon with full credit... though opening the door still resulted in my character basically getting bathed in a mix of ground up rats and caltrops, since we still had to move forward in the dungeon.
Less elaborate but still awesome was the time I nailed a triple-crit on a boss during an attack of opportunity. While blind.
Well, I know what's going in my next character's inventory.
I always made sure to have a bunch of random adventuring stuff with me. I actually made sure to go through the tools section and have a good spread of just generic useful sh*t with me. DM's love when you pay attention to detail like that.
I'll try to keep this short.
We were a low level party. I was playing a rogue, David was playing a warlock, and Michael was a fighter. The quest was to get a spellbook from a wizards tower.
We broke in and the fighter failed the stealth check. The warlock was killed by magical rugs that smothered him. David was pretty upset because it was our FIRST session, so he and the DM stepped outside for a few minutes after combat.
When they came in, the DM said that the wizard was walking downstairs. I hid around the corner and used sneak attack to hit him for like 30 points of damage. Insta kill.
Turns out, while outside, the DM said that David could play the wizard as his character had just died. Until I killed him. Whoops.
4. Now it's stuck in my head.
My friend was introduced to DnD while he was away for school. His roommate was an avid player who taught him the ropes.
When he came back, our friend group got together to start a campaign. So we have a mildly experienced DM and four PC's who have no idea what they are doing. However, we are all having a great time, especially me.
Since I was playing a bard, I decided to step it up by bringing an instrument to our second session but the only thing I could find was a finger piano.
So fast forward to the middle of our session, we are fighting some zombies and I use bardic inspiration for one of my party members. Now, everyone was expecting me to sing (It's the way I am and they know me very well ) so I have everyone's eyes on me. I reach into my bag under the table, whip out my finger piano, and play the chord progression to 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' while singing a totally improvised song consisting of the lyrics: "Please don't die."
Later in that session, we were at a bar and there was a fight-cage where a bear was fighting a dwarf. The betting odds were something like 100:1 for the dwarf to win so, naturally, we all placed bets on the dwarf. When the fight started, the bear was kicking some dwarf butt so our warlock used mage hand and a successful stealth roll to rig the fight and make us all very rich.
I'm part of a live improvised D&D stage show in Milwaukee. (Not a traditional D&D campaign but close enough). Each show is it's own story, audience chooses names, classes, etc. for each improviser, as well as a location and villain. Our GM/host and I split NPC duties and he narrates/guides, while I improvise background music on keyboard.
So this particular show, the audience designates one of our players as a cleric who serves a thunder god. The plot gets to a point where the party is defending a small village against a horde of oncoming enemies, who are due to arrive the next day. So our GM gives everyone a chance to do a training/prep montage, sharpening weapons, preparing potions, etc. Our thunder cleric decides to go a cliff on a nearby mountain to commune with his god. Our GM sets him up. "What is your prayer?"
Now, normally I keep the music atmospheric- slow and creepy for suspense, fast paced battle music, etc. But once in a while, when the moment's right (and if I know the chords) I'll throw in a pop song reference. This was one such moment. As the player begins his prayer, I softly begin to play the opening riff of AC/DC's "Thunderstruck." Thunder cleric goes on, building in volume and intensity, and ends up delivering an epic f*cking speech about how much ass we were going to kick in the thunder god's name. All the while I stick with that same riff, and everyone in the audience is chanting "THUNDER!" and stomping their feet along to the beat. I was getting goosebumps, it was f*cking METAL.
We won the battle, of course, but it was the lead-up that was the height of the show for all of us.
TLDR; friends and I brought the house down with an epic speech set to "Thunderstruck" in a live D&D show.
Appearently, in hob-goblin culture, if you kill a women's husband, she becomes your wife. Well, one time my party was attacked by a group of hob-goblins. I killed one (not knowing it at the time) I killed one, and it turns out he had a wife... who was pregnant. Yeah. I had a set of hob-goblin triplets whose mom died in childbirth. But I turned them into a trio of bards, so it was cool.
Was their band called 'Feed after midnight'?
No, we ended up just quitting the campaign before the lives of my "children" went into detail, because our DM constantly wants to switch campeigns, basically every session is a new campaign, and it's annoying because yhe one I mentioned, was my first, and favorite session/campaign
1. Poison most foul.
Had a rogue in our party. Every person we met and needed something from kept dying. Everywhere we went, NPCs dropped like flies. DM kept having us roll at random times, so we knew something was up.
Turned out finally the rolls were to see if any of us noticed the rogue poisoning everyone. I mean EVERYONE. He had worked out a signal with the DM for when he wanted to kill someone, and he got away with it forever. We didn't realize his rolls were for if the poison worked, ours were for if we noticed. He finally rolled a one, the NPC noticed what he was doing, and the plot was exposed.
Turned out he was a spy working for the main bad NPC. When we asked why he didn't just try to kill us and not just those helping us, he said "what makes you think I haven't tried?" Lol
Love is crazy. I've finally come to that conclusion. And marriage, you take your life in your hands and just throw caution to the wind in hopes of survival with that step.
When love falls apart, things can get real messy, real fast. And I've always been stunned by people's behavior when love subsides.
More often than not, it's like they become different people. Sometimes people are beset by tragedy and grief and sometimes people smile wide and move on. It's a coin toss.
But my favorite post divorce personality has to be the sudden super villain. Oh honey watch out for them!
Redditor u/hyperyog wanted to hear all the tea from the divorcees out there by asking:
Divorced Redditors, what is the craziest thing you or your former spouse did after divorce?
I once had a friend who burned her ex's house down when he wasn't home. He had started seeing someone almost immediately, so she thought, lemme set their sparks. Yeah, she wasn't well. Whatever happened to just a quick goodbye?
Swipeddean winters crying GIF by MayhemGiphy
"She removed the retaining clips for my windshield wipers, but put the wipers back on the arms. First storm after I got my car back from her, driver side wiper flew off the car on Interstate 40. Good times."
"He wrote suicide notes and put them in my kids backpacks for them/me to find. Then he turned off his phone and went to a coworkers house to play crib and have drinks.. all the while knowing I would be freaking out searching for him thinking he was in danger or worse. Thankfully my kids didn't see the notes and didn't know what was going on. This was just one of the many, many crazy things he did. Two years out and he just recently stopped showing up at my work and driving by my house at night."
A Sad End
"Died of a drug overdose. To be fair, her drug addiction was the reason for the divorce, so maybe that isn't too crazy."
"That's so incredibly difficult to have gone through. I unfortunately know the depths of this kind of pain, and while I'm sure the circumstances surrounding it are different, the loss that still happened is a tragedy. My condolences."
"Stalked me for 5 years. Would make fake social media profiles to try to follow me (which I would block endlessly) and would try to find where I worked so she could talk to me. This lady cheated on me with 7 different men 2 months after we were married. I kicked her a** to the curb and made her sign the court papers."
"When we had our day in court she cried in the judges office while I just wanted to get this crap done. After, my dad was with me and he threw 50 dollars at her and told her to "change your freaking last name." Good guy Pops. I haven't seen or heard from her in about 5 years, thank goodness."
Take it All!skin care spinning GIF by Primal Life OrganicsGiphy
"I had an ex-boyfriend go through my apartment and take back every gift he had given me that he could find. Then he went in my bedside table and took the condoms. And the vibrator he had given me."
See now, when I'm out... I'm out! I don't want to see you, hear from you or know you. I wish you well in life, but please live it far from me. Anyone agree? Clearly not the people here. Let's continue...
For the Boybicycling father and son GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
"All I wanted was custody of my son, I gave her everything else except one of our cars. She fought me through 5 hearings, I won. She never came to see him again."
"My ex cheated on me the week my mom died in the hospital. She spent a year and a half trying to get in touch with me. She would call my old work and make fake accounts trying to message me on FB. It was insane. She later sends a certified letter explaining she was sorry that she did what she did and that she aborted our child."
"Wanted me to meet her somewhere so she could apologize face to face. She already married some other guy that she had children with and was still trying to get in touch with me. I never understood her."
"After years of telling me she wanted a child, that she wanted to be a mom, that her life's dream was to be a stay at home mom, she got pregnant with the first guy she slept with while we were getting divorced and put the kid up for adoption even before it was born. This was a long-standing thing with her, she always wanted something (car, house, dog, cat, marriage, etc) and the second she got it she immediately hated it."
"Called me and pretended he had been hit by a car while we were talking. He even tried to voice the crowd that had gathered around his "body." God-awful acting, but pretty funny listening to him try to mimic a woman's voice. Points for trying to be inclusive, I guess."
"I think he was trying to get me to re-live my trauma of being on the phone with a friend who actually HAD been hit by a car while we were talking. Too bad he didn't realize that hearing the real thing is worlds different than hearing a dumba** try to act it out."
"I was sending 600 dollars a month to support my daughter because she's the only thing I give a sh!t about. My ex texts me and tells me I need to be sending 1200 a month because she's broke and can't pay her bills and I should feel guilty about it. She left me for another guy while I was on deployment I told her to go screw herself--call my lawyer."
Pop OffTom Hanks Drinking GIF by The Good FilmsGiphy
"Took the sodas from the fridge as he walked out the door. Dumfounded."
See, I blame Alanis Morissette and her "Jagged Little Pill" album. All I'm going to say is... the secret song. I think she gave people ideas. (I love that song) Y'all, seek therapy if you can't shake people. When it's done, let it be done.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is highly regarded for his delicious plates, his ability to run a solid restaurant, and, let's face it, his stage presence.
He's also a foul-mouthed Brit who is all too willing to dismantle people's self-esteems and compare them to livestock animals.
Alas, as watching all reality television goes, we love to see the crashing and burning.
But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were the one being torn into by the sailor of all chefs, Mr. Gordon Ramsay.
Wondering what horrible dishes were lurking in unknown kitchens all over the place, Redditor FalloutSl*t413 asked:
"What's something you made that was 100% delicious but Gordon Ramsay would slap you for anyway?"
Some people talked about those purely functional meals that are just perfect for piling on enough protein and calories to get through the day.
"My mom used to make us 'Volcanoes.' Mashed potatoes topped with ground beef with some ketchup. I still tear it up to this day."
Quick and Easy
"I make weeknight 'enchiladas.' "
"You stick frozen taquitos in a casserole dish and cover them with canned or frozen chili and cheese. Bake them until everything's hot, serve with a dollop of sour cream. They sound disgusting but they taste amazing, and they take like, five minutes to prep."
"I know it looks like, smells like, and probably tastes like cat food but potted meat sandwiches. Look, when you're poor as hell and you can make 3 sandwiches with one little can that cost like 20 cents, it's pretty good."
"While I'm at it, Treet and bologna are pretty great. I have the taste palette of a raccoon and I like it that way."
"When I was younger I would make this thing where it was a patty melded of:"
- "a can of tuna"
- "two eggs
"And I would eat that almost daily, pan-fried, for lunch. Just slap me now and lets get it over with."
Others shared the recipes they make to feel fancy despite being totally trashy.
A Nuanced Process
"I call them 'chicken puffs.' Some par-cooked chicken (white or dark meat, either works) with sauteed serrano peppers and onions and garlic."
"All wrapped in crescent roll dough in little balls (a bit smaller than a baseball), put in a casserole tray filled juuuuust above the top of the little dough balls with cream of roasted chicken soup. Baked to completion/safety."
"Overly indulgent and delicious."
A Famous Side
"I consistently make a box of pastaroni angel hair and herbs as a side with meals I prepare for people. EVERYONE always asks for the recipe LOL please don't tell my secret"
Just a Couple Additions
" 'Fancy Ramen' Ramen made normal. Don't mix seasoning. Drain water. Add Mayo. Then mix in seasoning. And Volia. A lot of people question it. Until they try it."
Others outlined the things they eat that combine some ingredients it may seem disgusting to mix together.
Throw An Egg On There
"Fu** it lasagna, alternating layers of bread and shredded cheese (your choice which, I use cheddar) then crack an egg on top and put it in the microwave. Old depression meal, but it still holds up."
Hard to Wrap Your Head Around
"As a kid I would eat a banana with a cheese slice. Haven't tried it in years but it might hold up" -- Send_it_to_me
"Let's not" -- Sea-Entertainer-4974
"When I was younger I would make toast with peanut butter on it, then add pepperoni. Delicious then but I cringe thinking about trying it today"
The truly horrifying thing? There are so many more recipes out there that would leave Ramsay trembling.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
People love to talk about food. There are blogs, books, television shows, conversations in bars and farmers markets. In all likelihood, there is a recipe swap happening right this second in some deep corner of a suburb somewhere.
But sometimes talk is a lot of hot air. And the topic of food sure isn't immune to that criticism.
You can't get through a day without some telling you what "you gotta try."
The problem is, talking about food is often far more exciting than the food itself.
Redditor anicaodha asked:
"What food is overhyped?"
Many people were angry about garnishes. They hated the way restaurants try to entice people to eat certain menu items by slapping some kitschy ingredient on there.
A Very Expensive Burger
"Anything with gold flakes, absolutely pointless." -- Spend_Total
"ugh, i just remembered throwing up gold flakes from goldschlager, yuck!" -- spaceygracie12
"Aka how to add a crunch to your dish like a douche." -- CakeBot_TheReckoning
Catches the Eye Though
"Any rainbow food, rainbow grilled cheese, rainbow smoothie..."
"Just a cheap money grab."
No Breath On My Meal Please
"Dragon's breath/ nitro puffs or any dessert that contains liquid nitrogen to make it look cool." -- throwjango
"This stuff exists? God, I'm out of the loop." -- -The-Magic-8-Ball
"Truffle oil, usually doesn't contain a single truffle." -- BlckontheMoon
"The 1 thing I love about Truffle oil is I've never seen someone use it on a cooking competition show and not lose." -- igotmadshirts
Some people talked about the big trends that they just never could quite figure out.
That Almighty Nectar
"Remember when people were treating Nutella like it was the second coming of Christ?" -- Grapezard
"I had an Italian friend once invite me to his birthday party in high school. His mom made a Nutella pie and it was one of the greatest desserts I've never had the pleasure of trying again. It was so simple, like a soft flaky dough covered with Nutella."
"I don't want to come out of the blue and ask this kid for his mom's recipe 15 years later so I'll just suffer I suppose." -- JupiterTarts
"Red velvet is literally a red chocolate cake that has nowhere near enough chocolate and to much red food coloring. It literally was invented when done dudes chocolate turned kinda red when he added vinegar to the chocolate cake mix."
"Friends loved the color, but it was finicky to get the red color without changing flavor of cake, so he decided to use red food coloring."
"Fu**ing Avocado Toast.
"Avocado is a buck. Toast is few cents. Avocado Toast is $10+"
And some discussed the things that people insist are fancy and delectable, but are really just run of the mill entirely.
Meat is Meat?
"steak is good, and I'd even say a high quality steak can be very very good. But people act like it's better than busting a nut and that's just not true. It's just meat"
"Lobster. It's good, but poor value given it's almost always the most expensive protein available."
"Plus most places just drown it in butter, which again, fine, but if all you taste is butter, why spend that much?"
Depends on the House
" 'Housemade' ketchup. Give me the damn Heinz and get your banana aoili mess away from me." -- peanutbutterallytime
"I live in Pittsburgh and I have seen multiple restaurants try and fail to make housemade ketchup work. Every single time they go back to Heinz." -- HooBoy401
So if you find yourself tired of hearing people go on and on about something you don't go wild over, know that there are others fuming too.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
It's not easy to always do the right thing.
Which is why most people don't usually do the right thing. Doing the right thing involves a lot of thought, empathy for others, and a self-awareness of your place in the world. You're not making a choice just for yourself, you're more often than not doing it for someone else. This, in itself, presents a difficult hill for most people to climb so, usually, they feel it's easier to make the selfish choice.
Doesn't mean people always do. They can surprise you sometimes.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
What's the hardest moral decision you've ever had to make?
Even when the choice amounts to something small, it can still matter to someone else.
How Dare You Make Me Morally Astute?!
"This is small potatoes compared to most of the people on this thread but many years ago I was travelling and had very little money. I went to a stall at a market, handed them a 10 dollar bill. Item cost 5 dollars but instead of handing me a five dollar note, the handed me a 50."
"I was walking away from the stall when noticed. My first thought was BONUS. But I had lately been hanging out with a bunch of people who were really into karma. So I stormed back to the stall, slammed the 50 down on the counter and told them off for making me make moral decisions. Lady behind the counter was like "ahhhhhh, thanks"
Didn't Believe The First Time, But Can't Deny Visual Evidence
"I told a co-worker his wife was cheating on him. It ruined our friendship for a good amount of time, until he caught her himself."
"To bad he couldn't just believe you."
Owning Up To The Mistake
"Fessing up to an error I made at work that cost the company 5k. I was a manager and misinterpreted a sales promotion. I almost lost my job, this is the one time that telling the truth actually saved me. It's true what they say that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. Lesson learned.."
Doing something morally correct when it comes to family can be tricky. On one hand, you don't want to ruffle the feathers of the people you're going to be related to for the rest of your life...which is how family works.
On the other hand, do the right thing.
Making The Best Call For Your Children
"Removing the mother of my two sons out of their lives completely as she was unfit and abusive while I was on deployment. They were 3-4 years old then and now they are 17 and 15 with their mother never attempting to come back into their lives which I would prefer at this point."
Because They're Going To Be Sad Later...
"My grandmother died, and I lied to my parents about it."
"My grandparents were 95 and my parents hadn't had a vacation in 30 years. So when she passed away with only 5 days remaining on their vacation, my family decided not to ruin it for them; instead, we'd plan the entire funeral and if my mother wanted to make adjustments when she returned, we'd arrange it for her; there was nothing they could do to get her back."
"Having to decide on the DNR (do not resuscitate) order for my father who had been victim to a massive stroke..."
"I know millions have done it before and millions will again but to me it was devastating....."
"As a health worker, you did the right thing by your father. I've come across families of patients who keep them alive for their own peace of mind while the patient themselves is tired and in alot of pain mentally and physically from the constant treatments and would rather rest from it all. Don't feel bad for your decision."
Never doubt your actions when it comes to protecting children.
"Calling CPS on a student's family after she begged me not to. CPS did an investigation and she was pissed at me for months until the vice principal had a talk with her and explained that I only did it because I care and didn't want her to get hurt."
"That VP is awesome. I sat in his office while he coached me through the call, since it was my first time calling CPS."
Standing Up For Your Friend, Even When No One Else Will
"I was in high school and my best friend was being bullied on the bus. She brought a knife to school and had previously mentioned a list of people. I cried a lot when I went to the principal to turn her in. I knew I was ruining her life but I wanted her to get help. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because we were all just kids. She was expelled and forced into therapy. We had been friends since we were 11."
"My mom listened on the phone line when I was trying to comfort my friend (while absolutely not admitting it was me) and my mom jumped on and told her I'm not allowed to be her friend anymore. I had told my mom I had turned her in and she had no empathy for this girl. Because I had been bullied and stood up for myself and never "did anything like that". My friend was getting cornered on the bus by 4 people whereas I was normally taunted in public and was lucky enough to always have an upperclassmen or school employee around to help me out. I felt guilty about turning her life upside down for many years but would do it again because she did get help."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/