I was once walking to school during a light snowfall when I fell and busted my butt all over the pavement because I decided to skip through a snowbank.
Clearly I was not meant to frolic like some character out of a musical, but damn it, I still try!
After Redditor joshgutcher asked the online community, "What's the dumbest way you've ever injured yourself?" people were open to sharing the moments when they both hurt and downright embarrassed themselves.
"I pretended..."
i pretended like i was gonna fall down the stairs and i ended up falling down the stairs.
"When I was a kid..."
When I was a kid I would go for walks with my mom on the ranch. I would protect her by fighting off the bad guys (cactus). I had a garden trowel I was using as a "sword". I thrust my "sword" into my foe, and it fought back. I had a cactus thorn go all the way through my thumb. My mom (a nurse) couldn't get it out, my grandma (a doctor) couldn't get it out, ended up going to the ER to have it removed.
"Just to make it even better..."
You know how they say that you shouldn't unplug devices by yanking on the cord because it's bad for the plug?
It's also bad for your forehead.
I was rushing out the door to go to work and yanked my laptop power supply cord out of the wall. The plug flew up and pronged me right in the forehead right between my eyes.
All three of the prongs were very clearly visible and each was bleeding.
But, to make it even better, I didn't even have to tell people what had happened. The first guy to notice it scowled for 5 seconds and then said, "Did you hit yourself in the face with a power cord plug?"
"Yes. Yes, I did."
"When I was like 4..."
When I was like 4 I was just tossing pebbles over our fence. No big deal. My mom ran in the house to grab something super quick. During that time I picked up a brick, tossed it in the air and watched it come down and hit me in the head. Definitely a hospital trip.
"At 5..."
At 5 I was walking around my aunts pool at her apartment complex in California (family members wedding). There was an earthquake the day before and one of those metal grates on the ground had shifted ever so slightly to not be noticeable but enough to not hold anymore. I stepped on it and fell about 10 feet to the bottom. Caught my chin on the steel ladder. Stitches, knocked out, and broken feet. Not a great vacation for me.
"I was told by my father..."
I was told by my father to prune the walnut saplings in the yard. They were springy and young, about 15' tall. I had the bright idea of "instead of climbing a ladder, I'll throw a cable around the top and stake them down. Then I'll prune them and let them spring back up." Well, my "brilliant" idea worked like a charm until about three trees in. I stepped over the cable and the stake came out of the ground caught me behind the knees, jerking me across the yard like the world's fattest, whitest Yo-Yo. Wound up with pulled muscles and a fractured vertebrae. On the plus side, from that point on my dad pruned the trees himself.
"At a comedy show..."
At a comedy show the guy sitting in front of me was so fat his back spilled into my leg room and I had to sit with my legs so far open I pulled a groin muscle.
"The heat adjuster..."
Back in December of 2018 I slept with one arm on my radiator. Woke up with a huge burn on my upper arm, which scarred badly.
Then, end of April 2020 I slept with one arm on my radiator. Woke up with an even bigger burn over the top of my previous burn, which is still yet to heal and will likely scar even worse.
The heat adjuster on my radiator is broken...
"There was a macaw parrot..."
There was a macaw parrot in a pet shot and I often saw the owner of the pet shop sticking out his tongue and the parrot would gently nibble it with its beak. I tried the to do the same, but the evil parrot bit right through my tongue. I was rushed off to the hospital with blood pouring like a waterfall.
I have never repeated that stupidity and learned that you simply cannot trust animals. Always be careful.
"I was scratching my nose..."
I was scratching my nose and somehow managed to jam my finger into my eye as hard as I could. I don't even know how I managed to do it. I couldn't recreate it if I tried. I have really long natural nails too so I sliced my eye open and gave myself a massive eyeball bruise.
It looked absolutely grotesque for a week. The entire white of my eye was a brilliant piss-yellow centered around a big bloody spot. It made me sick to look at it.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
I love a tightly fitted tee. It speaks volumes on the right body.
Classics
lingerie GIFGiphy"Skirt, thigh highs and a bra."
LadyLeia_Inc
"And with a garter belt and matching panties. Can’t leave those out."
Vinny_Lam
Perfect Fit
"A long dress with a naked back (and no bra under) bonus point if there is a side split."
SituationScared1724
"I just love how it's the perfect blend of sexiness and elegance."
Nimyron
"Every Bond movie will force an event where the girl is able to wear a dress like that, for this obvious reason."
My1stTW
Reveals
"According to my old school, anything that revealed a shoulder or a kneepad."
a_talking_lettuce
"As a guy who was once a teenager, an exposed shoulder was legit enough to distract for the length of the entire class, and then some. Still 100% bullcrap to demand that the girls cover them so onlookers don't get distracted, though. Teach your kids self discipline and we'll be all good."
tendorphin
Red
"Women in red dresses."
lilredx
"Thigh-highs and panties and girls in red dresses. Flannel and T-shirts and mostly-kempt tresses. Garters and chokers, all tied up with string. These are a few of my favorite things"
bonos_bovine_muse
Woof
blake shelton television GIF by The VoiceGiphy"Buff man wearing flannel."
Hiimbisexual
"Ah. The Plaiddy Daddy."
Vanpotheosis
Work that flannel and a Bounty paper towel roll.
Oh Yes
Sam Heughan Dancing GIF by Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and GrahamGiphy"Buff man in a kilt."
maybeCheri
"Lol. “DUFFMAN… can’t breathe… oh no."
mr9025
Helmets
"A Clone Trooper Phase II armor."
Eggycapibara910
"'Yes honey, you can leave the helmet on tonight.'“
User Deleted
The best...
"Mini skirt and thigh highs."
Wafflesboxedyou
"Sheer white thigh highs with no lace pattern at the top."
VoidsIncision
"Seen that a lot XD I honestly also just gotta say thigh highs are one the most comfiest pieces of clothing I could wear."
Catbug94
It's Art
"Any clothing that's provocative enough is sexier than being naked in my opinion."
wanderingnewbiehere
"I've always held the firm belief that being clothed is sexier than being nude. Nudism is beauty, it's art. Lingerie, pushup bras, and tight underwear accentuate the curves. It doesn't just hide and tease you; it gives you a perfect frame. Do you understand? Now put on the clown shoes."
User Deleted
Sometimes a little bit of clothes can make for a little more magic.
I believe in God. I just sort of have to. I'm also afraid of death.
No
Bored Episode 15 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"At this point in time, No. I've explored several denonminations and attended a church faithfully for a big part of my life, participated in Sunday school as a child and adult, read the bible, prayed."
"But finally accepted that I don't believe in God. I think the God concept is more about feeling connected to something bigger than yourself. Feeling connected to yourself and others. But I don't feel connected and I don't have faith or trust."
Patient5199
Marcus Knew
"Live a good life. If there are Gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are Gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. - Marcus Aurelius"
blargney
Explain Please
"I really hope God is real but lacking any proof it seems like a fantasy to me. I'm terrified of death currently because I don't have a real belief system. I'd be so comforted if I were able to rely on any afterlife at all."
Kurapica147
"Yep if God doesn't understand why I didn't believe then he is not God! 1000s of religions pick the wrong one suffer for eternity! Once again all eternity humans are full of sh*t were barely a blip in the universe's timeline."
arcspectre17
Precisely...
"One of the biggest reasons I don't believe in God is precisely because i presume it was an invention made by a group of people who used their new religion as a weapon to earn easy cash thanks to the fact that it was really not hard to fool people in that era (even easier considering that they probably targeted poor people who needed something to give them a will to keep living in awful conditions)."
"Thats why they tried to silence a lot of intelligent people (for example, Galileo Galilei, who supported the idea that the Earth and the rest of the planets were the ones orbiting around the Sun, instead of the greek theory that the Catholic church imposed that said that the planets and the Sun orbited around the Earth) who, if they hadn't been stopped by the Church, technology would be a lot more advanced than what we have today."
TheGoldenRavioli
Lost It
jesus GIFGiphy"No, was raised a Christian but have had so much loss and general not having enough proof and such and just didn’t enjoy it that I quit believing in it."
Angryriverrose
Being raised certain ways can lead to more questions than answers.
Ideas
Design Idea GIF by Veo Branding CompanyGiphy"I do but I don't really follow any religion. I have my own ideas about everything. And there ain't really a reason why. I guess I just wanna believe that there is life after death or something."
Why_The_Sad_Face_Bro
I can’t handle that...
"My dad was a minister. I tried SO hard to believe for my parents’ sake mostly. But I just can’t. I also cringe so hard when people talk about 'God was with him, that’s why he was ok' or 'God saved her!' or 'God was obviously present in this terrible tornado because the bibles in the pews were unmoved.' I can’t handle that. That’s like saying God abandoned the person who wasn’t ok."
"God didn’t want to save that other person. God cared more about bibles in a building than he cared about the actual real lives lost in the tornado. I can’t believe or worship something like that. I also used to say I believed in something, but wasn’t sure it was the Christian God. Now I’m not even convinced of that. Most of the miracles I see happening are the pure results of science."
metubialman2
Saviors
"I have major issues with organized religion. But I can't be sure about anything else. I feel like maybe there is something there, and idk what it is. But I'm trying to live my life as a decent person either way. I do like the story of Jesus. With or without all the majorly religious stuff, he was just a good guy running around being nice to people and telling people not to be a**holes."
"I like the way that Jesus didn't have any problem with anyone who wasn't victimizing another person.
ETA - honestly it's the story of Jesus that gives me such huge issues with organized Christianity. This is their savior, right? Paid for sins and set the world right. But apparently they want to keep Judas-ing him, the way they act."
TinyGreenTurtles
What's Next?
"Having faith of a God kind of just gives me more purpose and makes me more at ease about whatever comes after death. Even if he turns out not to be real then the important thing is I had guidance to follow instead of pondering the point of my useless existence and living for nothing. It's not about following God, It's about following your own beliefs that give you comfort in this crumbling world you will one day leave."
bonniebull1987
No Appeal
Over It Wow GIF by The Comeback HBOGiphy"No. Raised religious but it just never appealed to me. I don’t think about it, question it, or wonder about anything religious or spiritual in nature. Just complete non-interest."
oldfrench*hore
This will probably never be an issue with an answer that makes anyone happy. So believe what brings you comfort.
What do you believe happens after death? Let us know in the comments.
I have two dogs. They make me feel better. That's my wholesome take.
Dam It
Working On My Way GIF by San Diego ZooGiphy"When they hear running water, beavers will automatically start to build a dam. We know this because people put a speaker playing sounds of running water next to beavers, and the first thing they did was start building a dam on the speaker."
OkLack6837
"burial"
"There are reports of elephants finding humans sleeping under trees and the elephants think they're dead. People have woken up with elephants gently stroking them with their trunk and in some cases they try to cover them with branches and sticks as a 'burial.' Elephants are one of the few animals who mourn their dead and have rituals."
Zonerdrone
Poe's Pet
"I saw a video not too long ago of some research ravens given small toys to play with. When the researchers came to collect the toys the ravens hid the toys and tried to trick the researchers into looking in fake hiding spots so they wouldn't find and take the toys away."
HumpieDouglas
"Ravens are crazy smart. They can use tools to solve problems, remember human faces especially ones they have a grudge or connection with, and will sometimes bring trinkets for people who give them food and such."
SquanchMcSquanchFace
Complexity
"Orcas have incredibly complex social structures. They have different languages and regional dialects. They have names. They sing and dance. Pods that are close and speak the same language will mourn deaths and celebrate births together, even from other pods, other families."
"Their young are largely taught by the matriarch(s) of the pod, and they're able to teach verbally, rather than by showing. This means they have culture. Traditions, not just instinct or patterns. One of the only animals in the world that has that."
Anrikay
Group Effort
guinea pig eating GIFGiphy"In Switzerland it is illegal to own only one Guinea Pig as they get lonely."
ExponentSoda811
Two of every pet is always best.
Colors
Video Platypus GIFGiphy"Despite all the weirdness that is the Platypus, they are still discovering weird things about it. Within the past two years it was discovered that platypus fur glows blue-green when exposed to ultraviolet light."
the_spurring_platty
Packs
"Wild wolf packs and murders of crows form bonds over time. The crows help lead the wolves to live prey and in return and crows get the scraps after the wolf pack has eaten their fill. Crows have been seen playing with wolf pups and bringing them sticks and feathers as gifts."
"These same crows and wolf pups reunite as adults and do the deal time and time again. Sometimes the birds and carnivores just hang out together, supposedly just to enjoy each other's time. Like Hood Nature (Casual Geographic) once said, 'There's a Disney movie in here, I just know it.'"
StorytellerEclipse
Sharing is Caring
"Vampire bats will share food with other vampire bats who haven't fed in the last day or two (their metabolism means they die if they don't eat roughly every three days). This helps support members of the colony, even though it puts the sharer at risk. It is considered one of the few forms of altruism observed in non-human animals."
Chiropteran_Coffee57
"My father in law worked for a commercial plumbing company. They got a job putting in all the water related stuff for the primate enclosures at the local zoo. While working near orangutans, they had to not leave their tools unattended, and take inventory when they left. The orangutans would try to use the tools to take their enclosure apart."
"Bonus Wholesome: Years later, my son got a book on animals at the book fair. Reading it together, when we got to the part about orangutans it said, 'orangutans are so smart, plumbers working on their enclosures at the (Hometown) Zoo had to be careful not to get their tools taken when working on their enclosure.'"
"I said, 'Holy crap, they are talking about your grandpa!!'"
middleagethreat
Slumber
Wildlife Zebra GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy"Zebras can’t sleep alone which leads to my theory Marty spent like 80% of the Madagascar movies as a raging insomniac hence explaining his erratic personality at times."
winoozie
I love animals. They're so much better than us humans.
Reddit user DrillSargeee asked:
"What common household item would be priceless in a post-apocalyptic scenario?"
We'll get back to my theory that Britney Spears from the "If You Seek Amy" video might actually be our post-apocalyptic final girl superhero, but first let's talk to Reddit.
Sodium Hypochlorite
Nicksplat Bleach GIF by NickRewindGiphy"Bleach"
- [Reddit]
"Absolutely. You only need a teeny tiny bit to make a lot of water drinkable."
- ish*tcupcakes
"I was told by one of my patients who survived in Germany during WWII. She asked me multiple times if I kept enough bleach at home. She said it was by far the thing they used most, in order to purify water for drinking."
- Lngtmelrker
"Bleach starts to degrade after six months and gets less effective by 20% every year. And that’s if you store it properly. So make sure to adjust calculations if using older bleach."
- Bay_Med
Duct tape
"Duct tape"
"That's uselful for anything"
- GeraltofRiviva
"Much like the Force, it has a dark side and a light side and it binds things together."
- TriscuitCracker
"Every time we go hiking my dad brings duct tape, and every single time we use it. It's pretty impressive stuff"
- a_singular_fish
"I remember seeing one of those prepper shows, and he was talking about legit prepping for a zombie apocalypse."
"This bit always stayed with me cos I thought it was genius, but he was suggesting wrapping duct tape around clothes to create a kinda makeshift leather armour. to protect against bites."
- tatsumakisempukyaku
Multi Use Shovel
"Shovel."
"(based on a roleplaying session with very limited tools. My character was quickly nicknamed 'Shovel' based on the multitude of problems he could solve with the only item he could find)"
- Evan_Underscore
"Digging holes, cracking skulls, digging holes for the cracked skulls"
- Labrat_The_Man
"Ah, that satisfying 'Pang!' from hitting a face *just* right! -Chef's kiss-"
- heroesarestillhuman
"Is it a Tactical Shovel with 1,000,001 uses including eating ice cream?"
- BirbMaster1998
"When my mom took me and my sister to stock ourselves with a bug out bag, one of the first things I grabbed was a collapsible shovel."
"Entrenching, making fire pits, one edge is serrated for cutting wood, and the handle is designed to make it easy to use as a makeshift battle axe. Probably in the top 3 of most important tools I have."
- PokemonMaster619
Iron, Cast Iron
"I have a cast iron skillet that I use so much it feels like part of my hand. Seasoned to a black mirror shine. It's a pan, it's a bowl, it's a melee weapon, what more could you need?"
- DelsMagicFishies
"I had so many answers, then I read this.."
"It's just too useful to leave."
- Iyotanka1985
"Proper iron intake is essential for survival. You get iron simply by cooking in your skillet. You may have the best answer here."
- marypants1977
"Who knew, right?"
- crawshad
Fight Boredom
"Books, because hiding out in a bunker would probably get old quick"
- AgentAwesome2008
"Things like manuals, encyclopedias, atlases and even cookbooks hold a lot of knowledge that would definitely come in handy."
- DrillSargeee
"I have an antique pharmacists' guide from the 1890's that I bet would be useful!"
"It doesn't just list how to make medications. It lists how to make things like lotion and diaper rash cream and toothache powders. All types of daily things."
- Lets-B-Lets-B-Jolly
"Nice one. Cabin fever might be the intro to full-blown mental breakdown."
- sbenzanzenwan
Unibrow Or Not, Useful .
"Tweezers… I know that’s not a kitchen thing… but they come in handy from splinters to unibrows. As for an actual kitchen thing, perhaps a sturdy pot and sharp knife (weapons and food prep)."
- slarock12
"I'm letting my unibrow go if we get to post-apocolypse. (Tweezers are super useful though)"
- TerpeneTiger
"So many medical uses for tweezers! You can perform a minor surgery with tweezers and a sharp knife."
- marypants1977
Multi-Tool
knife tools GIF by Kaho YoshidaGiphy"A Leatherman multi-tool."
- AnusEinstein
"We called them diggits in the navy. I always have one on me and my wife got me an upgraded one last birthday."
- bluishgreyish
"Good to know. I just bought my boyfriend one for his birthday."
- DrunkAtBurgerKing
"Ha ! Was here for saying that. It's a tool with a range of uses beyond imagination."
- OnTheGoodSideofLife
Scales
"A scale."
"Weights and measures are often overlooked in dystopian fiction. But they form the very basis of early/emerging economies. Having a reliable scale means you can conduct trade and bartering effectively and consistently."
- AudibleNod
"Especially an analogue scale. Digital scales will eventually need rechargeable batteries and a screen replacement."
- aggie_fan
"God damn. You just blew my mind. Never once thought of this, thank you"
- SkyWizarding
"Especially if we go back to precious metal dependence"
- 72MinuetsOfFame
"I have a feeling you're going to be dosing medicinal herbs before you conduct trade."
"Or mixing up saltpeter, sulfur and charcoal."
"But good answer 👍"
- stevolutionary7
Buy Or Harvest , Vitamin C
"Vitamin C"
"Humans cannot produce it but need it. Depending on what SHTF scenario, transportation might be impacted, meaning no fresh foods and no vitamin c until you can grow something. Some cheap vitamin c tabs could prevent issues due to vitamin c deficiency"
- slider728
"Nettles make a wonderful spring tonic due to all of the needed chemicals they contain. People used to make a tea with nettles and peppermint (it's really tasty too) to help recover after a long winter."
- LightOtter
"I don't know where you live but in my area most people have dozens of plants that contain high concentrations of vitamin C right in their yards, and many can be harvested year round"
- BigBoiArmrest684
"Birch bark tea/sap fixes that issue."
- minnymins32
Knife
raul julia GIFGiphy"Good quality knives."
- bumpy-ride
"Knife sharpener too"
- BridgetheDivide
"This is the only good answer here. People think perishables and medicines will matter. Those things only matter in society because we continue to replace them. In the apocalypse, they are only stop-gaps."
"They buy you time but they solve nothing. You will eventually run out of them and you will be back at square one. Everyone here is also assuming the incredible privilege of sheltering in place. In a true apocalypse, nowhere is safe. You will have to be a nomad or be incredibly lucky to find a tiny oasis of civilization. Even then, there won't be anything remotely resembling modern drug production or agriculture."
"The only people surviving the apocalypse are the people already living like they're in one. (Not me)."
- Xylosoxidans
Well, we're certainly going to add some of these items to our bug out bags if Z-day every does come.
Do you have something to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.