Pets sure do get into a lot of mischief, which is why they seem to be highly entertaining to watch.
But there are some things that just make pet owner facepalm – whether it's a dog staring out a window all frickin' day or a cat doing a number two outside the litter box.
There may be rational explanations for their odd behaviors, but no logic will convince us they're not the brightest bulb in the household.
Curious to hear from pet owners online, Redditor vxah asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you've seen your pet do?"
Dogs
We love 'em. They're loyal and stupidly hilarious.
Pretty Lion
"my dog was sniffing around a tree and bumped into a dandelion. he yelped and hopped away."
"i never let him forget that time he was scared by a dandelion."
– buckut
Who's There?
"My dog wouldn't come in from the front garden so I rang the doorbell and she ran straight in so she could look out the window to see who was at the door."
Foul Offender
"She farted and then looked over her shoulder, growled, and barked at her butt."
"Same-ish, my dog used to think he was gunna get in trouble for farting, so he'd sneak away. Like a ninja farter. Walking into rooms, farting then leave. Tbh, I think he knew his farts were rancid."
– anarae
Cats
Felines aren't necessarily smarter than doggies, as these Redditors can attest.
Swimming With Fishes
"my cat bit a glass plate and got angry bc she couldn't eat it then went to bother the fish and fell into the fish tank."
Time For Breakfast
"At 4am I woke up to the sound of my cats 'I've hunted and caught a thing' noise. It's a high pitched squeak/meow/trill/music of the happiest of cats."
"She was running closer and closer, squeaking all the while, muffled slightly by the fact she obviously had her prize in her mouth as she ran."
"I live in a place that rarely gets mice or anything nasty, so as usual, I just assumed it was her toy and she wanted to show it off."
"Then she dropped a full bag of bagels on my face."
Airborne Kitty
"My parents were staying with us for the weekend in our upstairs bedroom. The cat was outside the door looking to play and had brought it's toy mouse with them. So my dad tosses the toy a little too hard and it ends up going over the upstairs railing. At which point you would assume the cat would be like, nah, but not our little guy. He jumps straight off of the ~12' cliff after this toy."
"The cat full on bounced off the floor and went right back to playing with my dad. Only later when I heard the story did I realize that I had my security cam facing that direction. When I went to check it, this is what I found. https://youtu.be/TGd5R8yAWH8"
"The cat was all good after this incident, but it scared the crap out of all of us."
– Guyver_3
Guinea Pigs
The domestic cavy is a very social animal, and their interactions with others can be highly amusing to witness.
Fresh Veggie Ritual
"My guinea pigs get so excited about fresh veggies that they have to throw it around in celebration first before eating it. The best is whole tomatoes, they brain each other with them and they're so focused on stealing their buddy's tomato that they just keep getting smacked in the head."
– Zukazuk
Troublesome Veggie
"My two piggies once fought over a piece of veggie neither of them liked, but because one of them had food the other had to steal it, then drop it because it tasted disgusting, then get it stolen, then get mad because his brother had food, steal it AGAIN.... I finally removed the veggie."
Take Us To Church
"My mom caught one of our guinea pigs sitting in the hay feeder and the other two in front of him like they were acting out a sermon. The 'preacher' is now dubbed 'King Leo of the Hay Feeder'."
I have never had a pet in my life. But after reading through some of the ridiculous anecdotes shared by Redditors here makes me want to become a pet owner more than ever.
Because nothing sounds more entertaining than watching a dog get confused while standing in front of a mirror, chasing their own tail, or forgetting that the screen door is not open.
Sloppy doggie kisses, however, is something I can probably do without.
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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