People Share The Dumbest Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To Them
Every now and then you meet someone who says something colossally stupid that you can't help but wonder how they've made it through life for so long.
It's enough to make you facepalm, isn't it? We're certain Redditor DestroyingLegends facepalmed at least once or twice, which prompted them to ask the other members of the online community the following question: "What's the dumbest sh*t someone ever said?"
People soon chimed in with stories of their own.
"I'm an identical twin..."
I'm an identical twin, and I once had someone seriously ask me if I ever forget which twin I am.
No, I do not sometimes think I am my brother.
"Why doesn't he just jump off?"
We were watching the film "The Martian" and my friend (a student at a decent university) said "why doesn't he just jump off?" "what?" "like it's a long shot that he'd hit earth but maybe we could catch him, why doesn't he just jump off into the right direction??"
We had to explain to her what gravity was.
One of my friends thought 9/11 was one plane that flew into the first tower reversed out and then flew into the second tower.
"...when I saw he was serious I chuckled..."
One time a customer asked me if we sold any unfrozen ice. I looked at him incredulous and when i saw he was serious i chuckled (was trying really hard not to burst out laughing) while asking "you mean water? It's behind you" he goes "no no. Unfrozen ice!" I stood there blankly looking at him. He gave an exasperated grunt and left. I laughed and was left wondering wtf he actually wanted.
"I went home crying to my mom about it."Giphy
My first grade teacher and I got into an argument if hummingbirds actually existed. I said they did, she said they didn't. I went home crying to my mom about it.
Next parent-teacher conference my mom was like, "Oh and by the way, hummingbirds are real. So don't tell my daughter they aren't anymore."
"My brother recently started working out..."
My brother recently started working out to work on his weight and health. When he told me that, I said, "If you really cared about your health, you'd stop smoking." He replied seriously, "Smoking gives my lungs exercise." He wasn't even joking.
"Dude was truly, deeply stupid."
I had an ex that thought all cats in existence were male because he had never seen a pregnant female cat or witnessed a cat birth. He just... thought they spawned at random points and set out into the world, I guess. Dude was truly, deeply stupid.
"...they stood by their statement."
I once saw someone pour out a half full pot of coffee that was recently made because they said "it stops working after a half hour" ...implying the caffeine evaporates after 30 minutes or something. I asked for clarification to make sure I didn't misunderstand but they stood by their statement.
"I wonder if I was just being messed with."
This conversation happened a week ago.
I work at Home Depot, paint dept.
Customer: hey this tarp is 8×11, but I need one that's 11×8.
Me: (laughing) that's funny
Customer: (deadly serious look)
Me: wait are you serious?
Customer: yeah, I'm f—ing serious
Me: um, just turn it.
Customer: oh, just turn it huh guy? I'll go to Lowe's and find someone who knows what the f—- they're talkin about.
Me: (laughing again) ok, dude.
I still doubt someone out there is that stupid. I wonder if I was just being messed with.
"I hope we get to see it live."
On New Years my close friend said, "if there's going to be a terrorist attack, I hope we get to see it live" while watching the New York special.
She also thought a drive North would cost more gas money, but was okay with it because going South was "all downhill"
Also told her kids, "you better not get any computer viruses on that laptop, I don't want to get sick"
"I said it was probably evaporating."Giphy
Had a childhood friend who had a big fish tank in his room. The water was low and he commented on how much water the fish were drinking. I said it was probably evaporating. He said "what's that" so I explained the water cycle to him and he thought I was making the whole thing up. I said where do you think rain comes from and he said "God makes it duh" (he was homeschooled) so I said where do you think water on the ground goes and he said it soaks into the ground. I said what about water puddles on pavement he said it soaks into the pavement. He then continued to make fun of me for the rest of the day calling me stupid because I didn't believe God made more rain everytime it rained and thinking it "disappeared into the sky to make clouds". We were probably 14 or 15 at the time and it was pre smart phones so I couldn't google it to prove him wrong.
"There was a Senator..."
There was a Senator or Congressman who objected to putting more Marines on Guam because he was concerned it would overbalance the island and cause it to flip over.
"The Whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over (makes hand gestures indicating something flipping) and capsize." -Senator
"Uh... we don't uh, anticipate that." -Navy Admiral
"I then dumped him."
I briefly dated a guy who came up with these two zingers: one, that the Great Pyramids were in California "because the pyramids are in the desert and the desert is in California," and two, that "black people can't speak Spanish because they're from Africa. They can only speak African." I pointed out that African Americans speak English fluently and he couldn't wrap his head around this mind-blowing contradiction. I then dumped him. The old stump and dump.
"I was once..."
I was once watching "walking with dinosaurs", the David Attenborough documentary with my ex.
A T-Rex and some other big ass dinosaur have a fight and the T-Rex gets f**ked. It's lying on a lakeside dying and my ex says "awwwwww, isn't there anything the camera crew can do for it?"
"My older sister once tried to argue with me..."
My older sister once tried to argue with me that the sun and moon were the same size and smaller than the earth because of how it looked in the sky.
"One time I was at the local DMV office."
One time I was at the local DMV office. It was across the street from an abandoned Lowe's Hardware store. It had been empty for a few months after a newer one opened mile down the road.
As I waited inside, this old man approached the DMV lady behind the desk. "I have a question," he said, pointing out the window to the vacant Lowe's parking lot. "If I parked in a handicapped spot there, without a handicapped permit, would I get a ticket?"
DMV clerk: "Sir, parking in a handicapped spot without a permit is against the law, so you'd probably get a ticket."
Him: "But the store's closed? Why would I get a ticket at a closed store?"
DMV clerk: "...... why would you be parking at a closed store?"
Him: "Let's just say I did. Would I get a ticket?"
DMV clerk: "I guess you would."
Him: "But the store's closed! Why would I be ticketed?"
DMV clerk: "....."
I was called to the back so I never got to hear how the closed loop was broken. If the old man was trolling, he played it off perfectly.
Geography class. "Why don't skyscrapers just fall down? Like, without planes crashing into them. They're so tall!"
This was college.
"I nearly crashed the car."
My wife looked at me one day as we drove over a bridge, and asked "How do they know how much the bridge weighs?" As I looked over at her in confusion, she then followed up with complete sincerity "You know, the sign that says 5-Ton bridge? Do they weigh the bridge before they put it in?"
I nearly crashed the car.
"Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down."
Used to work with a guy who was the nicest person I have ever met, but he did have the habit of saying stupid things. This was in a DIY store and he came over to me and a co worker with a product, this product was called cushion corner protectors, they are put on the corners of tables/counters for baby proofing. He came over to me and a co worker and asked us "why do cushions need their corners protecting?"
Honestly as long as we all worked there he never lived it down.
"He then paused..."
This one ranks pretty high on my stupid list. Maybe not the highest but definitely up there.
In middle school, I knew this guy with a monstrous metabolism. No matter how much he ate, he never gained any weight. He was skinny to the bone; shaking his hand would cause his bones to rattle.
He told our entire class his 'secret' for staying skinny. He apparently had a special 'hole' in his throat that caused all of his food to get stuck.
"One day something will hit me in the head so hard all that food will come down. Then I'll be fat."
He then paused, reconsidered, and said,
"Actually, no. Not fat. I'll be obese."
Reddit user Quintowne asked: 'what is a beauty standard you cant believe people actually like?'
We've all been held to some unexpected beauty standard at some point, like how to properly and less comfortably wear that shirt, or how we should cut our hair, or that our teeth should be whiter.
In addition to being inundated with these messages that we are not good enough or beautiful enough naturally, we're also confronted by advertisement after advertisement of the latest tool, makeup, primer, machine, or supplement that will make us that much more attractive.
And some of the beauty hacks that are suggested to us are, quite frankly, really weird.
Wondering what others had heard of, Redditor Quintowne asked:
"What is a beauty standard you can't believe people actually like?"
One Word: Photoshop
"Clearly photoshopped pictures and weird posing angles."
"Overly perfect veneers."
"One of my Facebook friends already has good teeth but then she went and got veneers. Now her teeth are just...too big and too BRIGHT."
The Nose You've Seen Somewhere Before
"Every nose looking exactly the same."
"Thank you from all the non-standard nose people."
"And ski slope or button nose. They are cute but not everyone’s face is meant to have that type of nose and it doesn’t look good on everyone. It sucks seeing so many young girls on TikTok get nose jobs and all have the exact same nose."
The Over-Inflation... Of Lips
"What people do to their lips is wild to me."
"I came here to say the over-inflated lips with the ostrich lashes combo. It’s so much."
"Buccal fat removal."
"Yes! The buccal fat is there for a reason. It instantly ages them. They look gaunt."
"Yes. There's a difference between a chiseled face and a gaunt face."
"Peak Angelina Jolie, Taylor Hill, Monica Bellucci, etc. have chiseled faces."
"Anya Taylor-Joy, Bella Hadid, and others who underwent unnecessary buccal fat removal surgeries just look gaunt."
"Stupid eyebrows that look like perfectly angled stencils are a shade way too dark for their complexion. Like blonde girls with two black geometric boomerangs on her forehead."
Dislike Big Butts
"Butt implants. Just looks nasty as h**l."
"I just saw one in the wild without all the filters that normally accompany it. It was so weird. Like a flesh diaper that should have been changed hours ago."
Too Dramatic Eyelashes
"Giant eyelashes that will make you take flight if you flutter them fast enough."
"My husband hates the long fake eyelash look, and he asked me why women wear them when men don't particularly like them."
"I thought it would be funny, so I told him it's not about impressing men but about asserting one's dominance on another woman."
"He believed me and now tells all his friends that it's an 'alpha-female' thing, hahaha."
A Little Too Perfect
"The overly sculpted beard trend. You know when the beard is trimmed and looks like it was outlined in concealer? Neatening up is nice but a sudden pale line as a border around your stubble... looks like it was airbrushed on and not touched up."
"Thank you for putting into words what I could never put my finger on. It's that weird barbershop ad look. Too weirdly 'perfect' looking to be attractive."
Dozens of Miss Piggys
"I’m from Stockholm. A lot of girls, particularly from rich areas, like to use so much fake tan that they are orange, and bleach their hair from what was usually dark blonde to platinum blonde."
"Then they style it to make it voluminous (which is easy to do because their hair is dead from all the dyeing) and apply lots of make-up, which typically includes black mascara or fake lashes."
"So, a lot of girls here bear a striking resemblance to Miss Piggy. There’s nothing wrong with looking like this, I just don’t understand it."
"No One's Neck's as Incredibly Thick as Gaston!"
"Those grossly buff guys on all dating shows. They all look like Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast,' and I hate it so much. I don’t even watch those shows, but the lack of variety is appalling."
"Grinding canine teeth flat. A dentist once took me aside and told me that he could grind mine down, flat, and make it a really good smile."
"I said, 'No, thanks,' but was thinking, 'Why in the f**k would I do that?!'"
"Laminated, combed-up, thick a** eyebrows. Why."
"Yes! This is the one I was going to say. It is such a strange beauty trend to me that I've noticed in the past couple of years. Granted, I do come from a time when eyebrows were plucked into a high arch."
"I think people should just leave their eyebrows be for the most part. I can understand plucking, waxing, or trimming very bushy eyebrows or a uni-brow, but combing the hairs straight up and plastering them to your forehead just doesn't look good."
Follow the Leader
"The fact that a huge portion of the world's population has successfully brainwashed itself into thinking that the Kardashians/Jenners are the epitome of beauty to the point that many are willing to imitate whatever moronic thing they do to their bodies is just wild to me."
Standing Out from the Crowd
"Any plastic surgery that makes random women look like they're all related. At one point, we'll all start to think thin lips and big noses are hot solely because they'll stand out in a sea of copy/paste people."
"It’s called the 'Instagram face' and it’s a legit phenomenon that is being studied by psychologists. It’s doing so much harm to people’s self-esteem and self-concept. We aren’t all supposed to look the same."
These certainly were some surprising trends, and some of them seem to refuse to go away, as much as many people dislike them.
But beauty standards have a way of coming and going, so by the end of next year, who knows what will be considered beautiful and trending then?
Those who have traveled to Europe or interacted with Europeans may very well know they do things very differently and vice versa.
The differences between our different cultures can include idiosyncratic behavior, preferences, or attitudes.
And while we can very much appreciate these differences, there are certain customs that can be major head-scratchers.
Curious to hear examples of what those can be, Redditor a_m42_ asked:
"Americans, what is something that Europeans have/do that makes no sense to you?"
Getting from point A to B can vastly different.
It's A Driving Thing
"I'm Canadian, but it's always baffled me that some Europeans consider a half hour's worth of driving a long time. That wouldn't even get me out of the area I'd consider local."
The Size Of A Country Matters
"Lol, I moved from Germany to the Netherlands. The Netherlads are so small that the longest you could actually drive from one point to another is 4 hours, otherwise you would cross a border."
"When I was a child I used to go to my grandparents' house every weekend. They only lived an hour away so the way was short to me."
"My boyfriend is Dutch and he told me be barely ever saw his grandma growing up because she lived so far away and they never visited her because of the long way. She lived 1 1/2 hours away."
"My coworkers from Switzerland came out to Denver and I took them over to Glenwood Springs, which is about a 3.5 hour drive and after about half an hour they’re like 'are you okay to drive? Do you want one of us to drive for a bit so you can rest?' I drive two to ten hours to go camping with my husband and two dogs at least two or three weeks a month, so this was just a normal weekend to me, but they were acting like I was some kind of crazy person lol."
Things at home aren't always what they seem as they are in the US.
"It's not that it doesn't 'make sense,' but the first time I saw those windows that can be moved a bunch of different ways, you would have thought I was seeing a rabbit being pulled out of a hat, that's how amazed I looked."
"Tilt and Turn Windows."
"I don't know if you know this, but many European windows also have a winter mode. When the handle is 45 degrees up, they open up just a tiny bit (1-2mm), to provide some small amount of air circulation, but not too much to not lose warm air inside."
"us Germans are obsessed with ventilation. even in the middle of winter, we'll periodically slam our fancy tilt windows open. problem with the tilting or slight opening is it can lead to condensation with low temps and thus lead to mold. and we are obsessed with preventing mold."
"anyways, make sure the air in your room stays good, it makes all the difference."
Just A Place To Sleep
"In Germany, apartments don't normally come with a kitchen. It's purchased/installed by the Tennant. Sometimes you luck out but not usually."
"Edit.. Because this comment blew up, here is an article talking about it."
The Kitchen Stays
"When we sold our house recently, a german woman viewed it and said "this is lovely kitchen. Will be shame to see it go" i was like go where?"
"She was so excited when i said we werent taking the kitchen anywhere. Me and my husband were so confused.. she thought the house was a real catch because of it and was really shocked when the estate agent said that nobody takes their kitchens with them! Odd."
We all act a certain way, but these types of behavior can be jarring to Americans.
Now, See Here
"Idk if its all Europeans but Germans have a real big problem with staring like I owe them money. Also paying to use the bathroom in public spaces."
You Got That Look
"Lol we do stare a lot. When I went to study in the uk one of my professors asked me during a tutorial whether he was saying wrong things because apparently I kept staring at him, I didn’t even notice it haha"
"Edit since apparently it’s causing a bit of confusion: a tutorial is not the same as a lecture, in a tutorial you’re around 15 people in a small room, it’s much more intimate and easier to notice if somebody’s staring at you (which evidently was not just looking at him to show you’re paying attention but much more unnerving)"
We Can't Handle The Truth
"I’m from the Midwest and my family is from the Netherlands. So the society that wouldn’t dare offend you in any way and the society that has no problem dropping truth bombs on you. It’s rough."
"The (in)famous Dutch straightforwardness or directness. We have been taught to tell it like it is. We will be polite and civil about it, but we have no time for beating around the bush when a problem has to be resolved. That being said, some of my countrymen use it as an excuse to be rude a**hats."
"Just say 'Ken jij het beter dan, pannekoek?' and be done with it."
I'm not sure if this is a thing but the first time I went to Paris, I found it very odd that my soft drink was served without ice.
This happened at three different establishments where I asked for a Coke and was presented with the soda can and an empty drinking glass.
When I asked for ice from the server, he scoffed, returned with one ice cube on a spoon and proceeded to pour the drink from the can onto the ice and into the glass.
Are you kidding me??
And he left with the spoon and the partially-melted ice cube. I didn't even get to keep that, so I was talking about leaving a lousy tip, to which my friend who was with me said the French don't tip.
It was definitely a culture shock day for me as a very young traveler.
We've all experienced poor customer service, even at some of our favorite places.
Though we might think certain places are completely reliable, every now and again we might find our food taking an unexpectedly long time, or be treated less than cordially by a new employee.
In most cases, these unfortunate situations were something of a fluke and won't stop us from going back in the future.
Of course, there are more extreme cases, which see the end of our ever using or frequenting certain businesses ever again.
Redditor OpposedToBears was curious to hear cases of businesses permanently losing customers through their practices, leading them to ask:
"How did a business permanently lose you as a customer?"
Bank Robbery... Done By The Bank!
"I had been a Wells Fargo account holder for 13 years."
"I started with a joint account with my parents as a teenager and later opened my own accounts and closed the joint account."
"My brother also had a joint account with my parents that he later closed when he opened his own account."
"He didn't really use his account with them and it was sitting empty."
"Fast forward to me being in law school and broke as a joke and my brothers account overdrawn because of some fees they were hitting it with."
"Wells Fargo decided to pull money from my almost empty account to cover my brother's overdrawn account."
"The only link between my account and his that we both, at some point in our lives, had joint accounts with my parents even though they were both now closed."
"Wells Fargo was wholly uninterested in listening to any sort of reason and repeatedly stated that this was their 'policy' despite the absurdity."
"My brother reimbursed me but I closed my account and have refused to do business with Wells Fargo on any level since."- kikithemonkey
Their Service Is Ironically Anything But "Direct"...
"They let you buy any movie or channel package online or with a remote, but if you want to cancel something you have to call into their 1-800 number."
"After sitting on hold forever and then having to sit through a bunch of offers on other channels and packages I just cut the cord."- ClassicPatsGamesYTTv Guide Satellite GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy
Corrupt Car Salesmen Is a Cliché. That Just Won't Die...
"Bought a car out of state and they never transported it."
"They also never handled the paperwork."
"Seller and I had to do it all ourselves."
"Weeks of phone calls with AutoTrader ending in, 'We promise', 'doing that now', 'just shipped', 'you should hear from them within X hours'."
"2 months.. nothing."
"Never again Autotrader."
"I don't believe your lies."
"Thank goodness seller was a decent human."- hyteck9
The Customer Is Always Right...
"I ordered carryout from a French restaurant in Pittsburgh early in the pandemic."
"The order was around $120."
"I gave them my PayPal debit card number."
"When I got to the restaurant, I added a bottle of water, which changed the amount I owed to, say, $127."
"So they processed the two orders, for a total of $247, which I did not realize until sometime the next week."
"It took over a month to get my first $120 returned to me."
"The owner of the shop could not have been any nastier, saying it was my fault."
"Never have I ever gone back there."- EnlargedBit371Shocked Night Out GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy
Makes You Wonder How They Ever Turned A Profit...
"SiriusXM called me to get me to renew my subscription."
"Here's how the convo went:"
"Me: I haven't used it in so long I didn't even know I had a subscription."
"You can go ahead and cancel it."
"SiriusXM rep: OK, your credit card on file is expired, so for you to cancel your subscription we need your updated credit card info so we can charge you for the last month of service and the cancellation fee."
"Me: Wait, so you want me to give you my credit card info so you can charge me to cancel your service, which I just told you I'm not using?"
"SiriusXM rep: Yes, that's right."
"Me: And if I don't give you my credit card info you have no way to charge me?"
"SiriusXM rep: Yes, that's right."
"Me: LMAO no. Goodbye."- OuterRimExplorer
People Expecting To Get What They Pay For Shouldn't Come As A Surprise...
"I purchased a floor ticket for a concert and was sent a mezzanine (2nd floor) ticket and unfortunately didn't notice til I got to the concert."
"Obviously floor tickets were WAY more expensive than the ticket I received."
"Vividseats refused to refund me because 'the seller fulfilled my order' ."
"Apparently doesn't matter if you don't get what you pay for."
"I filed a charge back with my credit card and just found out this morning that I won."
"I won't ever be using them again, customer service was horrible."- evelocityfDesolation Row Concert GIF by My Chemical RomanceGiphy
Some Might Call This Karma...
"Twenty-seven years ago there was a little Italian restaurant in Greenwich Village in New York City."
"We had a friend who was on tour with an entertainment act, and whenever he would pass through New York, we would all get together with him for dinner."
"He was coming through the city late one night."
"We couldn't start dinner with him until 10:00 PM."
"This was not good for my wife and me as she was in her first trimester and waiting that late for dinner was not good for her stomach."
"My wife and I had an early dinner in the city, saw a movie, and then met our friends at this Italian restaurant."
"We decided that since we were not hungry, we would buy all the appetizers for the whole table."
"There were about 12 of us."
"We also said we would not be ordering an entree."
"We were told that this was unacceptable and I asked to see the owner."
"The owner came over and informed us it was the policy of the restaurant that we must order an entree regardless of how many appetizers we purchased."
"I protested pointing out that I had ordered over $100 in appetizers and I could get 2 entrees for $15 each."
"This idiot would not budge."
"So I canceled the appetizer order and purchased 2 lasagnas instead."
"I then requested that the entrees be packaged for takeout as neither my wife nor I were hungry in the least."
"I was once again informed that the entree MUST be presented at the table before being boxed to take out."
"Neither we nor any of our friends ever set foot in there again."
"I had a client in the village four months later and I walked past that restaurant."
"It was boarded up."
"Good riddance."- SprocketholerLisa Ling Thank You GIF by MaxGiphy
You Can See Right Through Them...
"Make you leave a review to read reviews."
"On top of that they delete reviews posted by employees."
"I just want to know if the company I'm applying for is a hellhole."
"That's it."- heavenstarcraft
When Communication Is Your Business, You'd Better Communicate...
"I had the weirdest situation."
"We had to transfer our landline to their new service but still AT&T to AT&T."
"It took over 21 days to get it working and I called them every single day (no joke)."
"They would say the same stuff 'we'll reset the system'."
"I decided to cancel it then said well you need to pay for the cancelation fee."
"I'm like, but you guys lagged so long that it made me cancel."
"Did not budge at all and said well you missed the deadline."
"Cancelled - AT&T internet ,phone, cable."
"Cancelled - AT&T business internet/phone."
"Cancelled - AT&T Mobile."
"I understand I'm just a number and won't bring down their business but you ain't getting another dime."- shocktopper1Internet Web GIF by Sam OmoGiphy
No matter our profession, we've all had an "off" day at least once in our lives, so it's always a good idea to give people the benefit of the doubt.
But when people don't treat others with respect or compassion, or frankly don't do their job, don't expect any kindness or understanding in return.
When I was in college, I worked at a restaurant as a hostess. Since I previously only babysat and tutored, a restaurant was a whole knew world to me.
Two of the girls who worked the same days as me were the ones to train me. They were a couple of years older than I was and had been working there for a year already, so they had a lot of experience. They not only taught me how to do the job, but gave me a lot of tips to make some of the more tedious tasks easier.
They both seemed like responsible girls, so when I came in the week after my training was over, I was shocked to hear they were both fired. According to a server I'd become friends with, the girls had snuck in some alcohol on what was supposed to be a slow day (it was a Tuesday, which was always our slowest day) and decided to have a "party at the host stand."
They got completely wasted and basically kept tripping as they led guests to their seats, even as they told the guests to watch their step. When one of the girls accidentally poured a milkshake over one guest and had to call a manager to smooth things over, they were caught and fired on the spot. I was cringing at their stupidity!
Apparently, I'm not the only one who has had to deal with co-workers doing something utterly stupid while they were on the job. Redditors have borne witness to this and are eager to share their stories.
It all started when Redditor Adrian0091 asked:
"What‘s the dumbest thing you‘ve seen a coworker do on the job?"
Such A Pretty Display
"I asked one of the new kids to stack the shoe department."
"Easy if but a bit boring. I showed her, stack by brand then size, big at the bottom, small top yeah?"
"She decided to organise it by the color of the boxes instead because it looked prettier."
"Took me hours to fix that mess."
Oooh, Burn! (Quite Literally)
"In high school, working at a Chinese restaurant, was there basically to take orders and bus tables. Another dude I vaguely knew from high school got hired there. Nice, popular dude, but not much common sense. Within his first two weeks, he went to make himself some food (we were allowed to do that to a certain extent), and he dropped some wontons into the deep fryer. When he decided they were done, and as we were having a conversation, he just REACHED HIS HAND into the oil to retrieve it. I don’t think I even reacted for a moment or two, and then rushed forward. He somehow ALSO didn’t react for a moment or two before pulling his hand out and yelling out a cartoon-style “YEEOUCH!”"
"He went to the hospital, and quit the job."
"One dude once photocopied a slice of pizza. We found cheese and stuff inside the machine for weeks. Was pretty funny though."
"Inside? Did the idiot put the pizza into the document feeder or something?"
"How else would you feed the machine pizza."
"I saw a tattooist I worked with tattoo "Laugh now cry Ladder" across a guy's chest..."
"He was let go, and a few years later, a guy came in with "Warior" across his upper back in bold letters, wanting it fixed. Same tattooist lol."
"Cry me a ladder."
– Deleted User
"Cry me a liver."
"Telling the manager on duty, “I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?” when the manager was trying to explain to her how to correctly prepare a customer’s food."
"Watched a coworker of mine at a Pizza Hut (1976) clean off the food prep counter with a gross floor broom. The kitchen was open, so people at the tables could see the food being made, and someone saw him and yelled out to the other customers, and people started walking out."
"Cleared it out."
"Once the manager figured out what happened, he fired the guy on the spot."
Misstep After Misstep
"Admitted to not having spoken to any of the business stakeholders, but instead "made up their own story.""
"This was at the end of what was supposed to have been a four-week information-gathering phase of the project."
"That afternoon, when one of the managers went to escort her from the premises, they found her by the printer with a stack of confidential documents."
No Cell Phones At Work
"Worked with a lot of hazardous chemicals. Had a coworker who was notorious for being on his phone. We had to use a pump to put a hazardous chemical into a tank. Problem was you couldn’t look at the destination and pump the pump at the same time. Someone had to pump and someone had to watch. So I specifically asked said coworker to not look at his phone this one time. Tank overflowed and spilt the chemical everywhere because he was staring at his phone. Took hours to clean up."
"A coworker of mine was fired for using his cellphone in an electrically classified area, cell phone wasn't explosion proof, not to mention the fact no cell phones on the floor, they gave him a warning, second time they walked him out."
"Bad part for him was that his wife found out he was talking to his girlfriend."
"Twenty years down the tubes."
"As we liked to say, "He fired himself.""
"A guy I worked with sent a spreadsheet round with all the women in the office ranked in a spreadsheet and graded overall based on 1-5."
"He was somehow shocked he didn’t pass his probation."
Thank God He Was Fired
"My best friend, he took his mop bucket and poured it down a water fountain instead of using the closet with a sink that was literally right next to the water fountain. He got fired the next day."
"He told me he was in “f**k it” mode with the job and he didn’t care. We worked at a hospital."
""Who cares if sick people get exposed to a little bit of antibiotic-resistant flesh-eating bacteria.""
Get Right Back Up
"There were 2 of us installing an air conditioner. He had a bit of work outside that required him going up a ladder about 3 or 4 feet, not high. I was inside doing wiring."
"I heard a loud thud and scream, so I ran out to see what happened. He fell off the ladder. I've seen gruesome injuries from stupid thing like this before, so I ran outside to help him out. No injuries, he picked himself up and got back at it, I went back inside."
"Five minutes later, same thing. I walked out to check on him again after a small fall. He was ok again, but I told him to chill out and watch what he's doing. I went back inside."
"Heard another thud from outside. He fell again. I just looked out the window the third time and went about my business."
"He opened a Skype window (yes, this was ~10 years ago) and started messaging me to sh*t-talk a person who was in the same call as us."
"Except, he forgot he was sharing his screen."
"After checking the correct lock-out tag-out procedure was followed, I assured an employee that it was safe to change dies on a horizontal press. But he was skeptical so unbeknownst to anyone he put a piece of tooling steel about the size of a coffee can under the die base. Some of you know where this is going. He made the tooling change, forgot his “safety measure”, and cycled the press. We all heard a $400k press eat itself in a fantastic swan-song of a noise that would take Stephen King four pages to describe."
The Stupidity Of The Human Race
"Late 90’s, I was a custodian in a NYC public school to pay for college. One of my coworkers accidentally spilled about 15 gallons of gasoline in the school parking lot. He didn’t want to get in trouble for spilling that much gas so he thought the best course of action was to burn off the gasoline. Of course gasoline burns with huge billows of black smoke so he panics and tries to put out the fire BY DRIVING HIS CAR OVER THE GIANT PUDDLE OF BURNING GASOLINE. Fire department shows up within minutes and sees him doing donuts in the giant fire and they spend a whole hour screaming at my coworker about how f**king stupid he was."
"Edit: and in 1997 when this happened, gas was 97¢ a gallon. He could have replaced all the gas for less than $15."
"I'm a veteran of the Internet, and enjoy reading accounts like this. I must have read thousands."
"This is, hats off, quite literally one of the most stupid decisions I ever heard anyone make."
I really don't want to believe that last one really happened!
Do you have any great stories? Let us know in the comments below.