Some people are just trash. And we can't help ourselves but fall in love with these fools. We give ourselves to them. We love them and teach how to love. And what do they do? They cheat.
Or turn the relationship into a "Dateline NBC" episode.
I have really heard it all when discussing the reasons for straying outside of a relationship. The fact that some people try to sell their madness with a straight face is commendable. But why do it? If you're not happy... leave.
Redditor u/OneAttention2623 wanted to hear about all the best excuses we've been fed from partners about being a lowdown, dirty, scandalous cheat, by asking:
What is The Dumbest Excuse An Ex Has Given You For Cheating?
It just happened. That one is a favorite. Like it was magic or destiny.
Huh?
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"My ex-husband said these exact words to me. "It wasn't anything to do with you. You were never supposed to know." Freaking f**ker!"
"just a friend"
"I didn't wanna break your heart by dumping you. And you thought cheating would be LESS hurtful???? Forget you, Jess. I only found out because her secret boyfriend unexpectedly showed up at our house one night. She went ghost-pale, swore up-and-down that he was "just a friend" and then HE told me then had been doing/dating for several weeks. Who knows how many OTHER guys she was with behind my back over the 10 years we were together."
Angel of Mercy...
"I thought he had cancer."
"Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry, but it's cancer. It's in your liver now, but we can assume it will metastasize and move throughout your body. There aren't many treatment options that are available to us that stand much of a chance of working."
"Unless... and this is quite unorthodox... but preliminary studies show that freaking u/dreaminggod05*'s significant other may increase your chances of remission by nearly 69%. After all,* u/dreaminggod05 shows no signs of cancer at all, and we have to assume that benefit must be transmitted sexually. The contact info is available on nearly any restroom wall, but I'll write it down for you before you leave."
2 Psychopaths
"I don't owe you an explanation." She cheated on me with my own damned older brother. That was my first serious relationship, y'all. He and I had already been estranged for a few years. It's what happens when you lie to the cops about your mother beating you with an electrical cord and then pull a buck knife on your little brother and tell him you'll assault him with it if he ever talks to you again"
- MC_Crit
LOLOLOLOL
Season 2 Lol GIF by FriendsGiphy"My friend's girlfriend told him that she "forgot she wasn't single anymore" lmfao."
I don't know where to begin. This mess is even beyond Oprah, Brené Brown, Iyanla and Dr. Phil. Just stay single.
You Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"He said that it was my fault that he cheated because I raised his confidence so much and he figured if he could get me he could get other girls and he decided to test that theory. A lot."
Eyes Closed
"I was sleep walking."
"There was an episode of "House" where a woman was wondering why her ex who lived in the same complex thinks she wanted him back. When House tells her she's pregnant it turns out she was going to his apartment and was having sex with him in her sleep. I don't remember how it ended because it was just the side plot that led him to figure out the main story."
it's probably not yours…
"When I found out she cheated on me and I asked why, she said "I thought you were going to say we should take a break." When I asked her if the kid was mine or his, she said "it's probably not yours… it could be his or his room mates', to be honest." And that's the magical combination from a fiancé that will send you into depression."
- k0uch
The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
History is littered with unsolved mysteries. Whether those answers are buried somewhere or lost forever, it doesn't stop people from wondering or hypothesizi...You'll love her!
"Hey so I've been meaning to bring this up but I'm actually interested in a poly relationship even though we've been together for years and I've never once mentioned it. You'll love her!" Meanwhile he tried to cut me off from all my male friends. I know quite a few poly people, and see how it works for them, which just added to the bull factor."
Fly Away
thevoiceau stank GIF by The Voice AustraliaGiphy"I only had one man cheated on me in my life and that's my ex-husband. And he basically frame it as, "My butterflies for you has flown to her." What more other explanation do I need right? Makes sense..."
Like a Virgin
"I was not a virgin previous to the relationship, so it was not fair that she had not had sex with someone else."
- ehren123
"My ex bf broke up with me for the same reason when previously we were making plans for the future. And when he found out that other women's vaginas aren't more magical than mine he tried to come back to me lol. But at least he did break up instead of cheat."
Be Natural
"Humans are not naturally monogamous. It doesn't make sense for us to be monogamous, so you really can't blame me for acting naturally."
- moonchz
"I had one similar to this, who told me that the expectation that women not cheat was part of the patriarchy and by expecting her not to, I was being abusive and controlling."
It hurt but I forgave her.
"I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because "clearly I don't care about her since I didn't get that mad." I wasn't as forgiving the second time, broke some sh*t in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now."
Daughters
"I had postpartum depression after my third daughter. My daughters were four, three and one when he slept with my neighbor. He said I emotionally pushed him away 🤔."
"Maybe you did. It would be normal and understandable of you had; three small children and depression would make it very difficult to cater to your husband's needs. So, a decent, unselfish and loving husband would understand the stress and difficulty you're experiencing, and would step up to take care of you and the kids while you recuperate, and would make an effort to maintain the emotional connection between the two of you. What an utter failure at being a husband."
Mud
"He didn't "cherish" me. He knew he promised to in his vows but he didn't do it. We divorced in 2012 after 30 years together and he passed a year ago. I'm bittersweet about the whole thing. That man made a mud hole out of my heart by the time I was done."
"best interests"
"You're too emotional and she was giving me advice about you." And "Well I'm much happier now." it's been a year and I'm still seriously f*cked up about it."
"I just posted about mine who said some similar bullsh*t about how she was giving him advice about me. He actually tried to tell me that she had my "best interests" at heart and was doing me a "favor." Yeah, sure."
"This witch I've never met (but who knew I existed and was with my partner) was really looking out for me by jumping on my partner's penis and then sexting him constantly afterward. It's been over a year for me and I'm still messed up about it too. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like that, or gaslighted afterward with such absurd, blame-shifting excuses."
I'm Alone
Nbc Idk GIF by Good GirlsGiphy"My Cousin's ex wife cheated on him with her personal trainer and told my cousin it was his fault because he didn't go to the gym with her."
Comfort
"Oooh... I've got a good story about this. I thought something shady was going on with an ex and her work colleague. I asked her about it and she denied it. Then I got confirmation from another friend who also worked with her. He said she was with this dude on the side."
"So I confront her again and asked why she lied when I asked her about this colleague before and also asked why she was cheating. She said whatever she was doing was between her and work colleague, and so it was none of my business. That's why she didn't have to tell me."
Make a Wish
fire birthday GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"It's my birthday too. During the summer after high school (UK) so was 16, got with a gal who had the same birthday as me unknowingly which was quite funny tbh. Fast forward to her birthday party her family threw for her and invited a bunch of friends, I'll never forget walking up the stairs to see them making out. Was the worst birthday I'd ever had."
- Jazs1994
No Chairs
"Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. Girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work "because of lack of chairs."
I give people points for comedy and ingenuity but come on. I hope in these divorces the scorned took the cheater for EVERYTHING! I would.
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No matter how long ago we saw it, there are some scenes or images from movies that still send shivers down our spine or keep us awake at night to this very day.
Pennywise appearing in the sewer in It, Janet Leigh surprised in the shower in Psycho, Freddy Kreuger's tongue popping out of the telephone in A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Of course, some of the scariest, most disturbing, or most emotionally traumatizing scenes from films might have been featured in films outside of the horror genre.
Even more shockingly, some of these films were primarily marketed towards children!
Redditor alina_love was curious to hear which non-horror films the Reddit community saw as children still send shivers down their spines today, leading them to ask:
"What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?"
It Was Tim Burton, After All...
"'Pee Wee's big adventure'."
"Large Marge scared the crap out of little me."
"I was even scared of the fortune teller."- BlueStarrSilver·
With A Title Like "Temple Of Doom"...
"'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'."
"The scene where the guy gets his heart ripped out traumatized me for years."- Pbhf
That Funeral Scene Though...
"'My Girl'."
"Fear of death, fear of losing a friend, fear of bees, fear of puberty."- heidismiles
macaulay culkin kiss GIFGiphyJurassic Park's Got Nothing On This...
"'The Land Before Time'."
"Watching Little Foot’s mother die was awful."- HourglassSass
He'll Always Regret Not Bringing Her To The Museum...
"'Bridge to Terabithia'."- jumpstart-the-end
"Everything goes so well and it falls apart SO FAST and your left absolutely traumatized."- VortexDestroyer99
The Reason People Hold On To Their Appliances For As Long As They Do...
"The Brave Little Toaster'."- Catgurl
"The junkyard scene alone was responsible for so many nightmares."- ManChildMusician
brave little toaster animation GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyAnd Let's Not Forget The Coachman's Smile...
"Disney’s version of 'Pinocchio'."
"The scene where kids are turned into donkeys and kept on the island and then resold was f*cking weird."
"You felt bad for that bully kid after he looked sad and nobody understood what he said because he was a donkey."- earnestlikehemingway
Few Things More Sad And Scary Than Deforestation
"'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest'."
"That evil tree scared me so bad."- slutsdotnet
Anything But "Truly Scrumptious"...
"The 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' Childcatcher guy!"
"I'm still scared of him!"- Jet_Maypen
child GIFGiphyOffing Children One By One...In A Children's Movie!
"'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' boat scene."
"Honorable mention of claustrophobia when Augustus gets stuck in the chocolate tube."
"UGH!"- looseseal-bluth
At Least We Know He Had A "Sole"...
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."
"That poor shoe….."- dalalice5555
At Least The Song Is Catchy...
"Neverending Story."
"Not even Artax, which was awful, but the Rockbiter and his good strong hands."- marxychick1
Neverending Story 80S GIFGiphyDorothy Gettying Electro Shock Therapy Says it All...
"Return to Oz."- Jeff_Steelflexx
"Horrifying! What about the animated wig heads?"- weensfordayz
The Reigning King Of Childhood Trauma
"Old Yeller."- IceTech59
"I remember watching this on TV during, I think, Wonderful World of Disney (Sunday nights were Disney night on TV)."
"Cried and cried and cried."
"I've never been able to watch it again and I've never shown it to my kids!"- crowwitch
Not All Friendships Are Tenable... A Terrifying Thought
"'The Fox and the Hound'."
"Still makes me incredibly sad, lol."- mental_reincarnation
best friends friendship GIFGiphySometimes, writers and filmmakers simply overestimate what might go over a child's head.
Or, for that matter, they might underestimate their emotional capacity.
Regardless, ask any of Fairuza Balk's fans which is scarier, Return to Oz or The Craft, and their answer will be immediate...
(... and it won't be The Craft...)
Sometimes it's fun to toy with someone.
Especially if it's an enemy or a loved one who simply deserves a good ribbing.
Some cryptic sentences can send anyone into a tailspin.
And oh the fun that can be had.
You have to be as vague as possible and as sincere.
You have to sell the sincerity. That's vital!
And then just watch them implode.
Redditor theary18 wanted to hear about the most creative ways to throw somebody off their game, so they asked:
"What is the best thing to say to someone to subtly f**k with their head?"
I love to come up behind someone and say "I can't believe they would treat you this way. I got you girl!"
Then I scurry away.
Tee-hee...
It's YOU!
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Just tack on the phrase 'given your history' to any question you ask someone."
"Are you sure you want another drink? Given your history?"
"Do you mind driving? Given your history?"
hamletreset
Mean Kids...
"I moved to my elementary school in the 5th grade. Mid-year, a boy came up to me and said, 'I really thought you were gonna be somebody.' I'm now 45 and I'm still like, what the f**k was he talking about?"
NicklePlatedSkull
"Likely something they heard a parent say to someone. Kids love to repeat the dumb stuff you say the next day at school."
itsallgoodman2002
"All jokes aside he probably thought you were someone else. I've done the same things countless times and it's happened to me a few."
Download_more_ramram
"I would interpret this as this kid hearing there's gonna be a 'new kid' and then their imagination ran wild as to who this new star is going to be, that it will be like in some kid movie or something, but you turned out to be just another kid student."
i_was_planned
I Like You
"I don't get why other people don't like you."
Dependent_Main2643
"Another variant is..."
"I don’t care what everyone else is saying. I think you’re great!"
"They’ll take it as a compliment at first but then they’ll think about it and it’ll eat away at them."
Oh-Cool-Story-Bro
"A guy I work with says this time to me every time I help him 'I don’t care what everyone else says about you you’re alright. Literally everyone else. We did a poll.' XD guy says some crazy s**t. When he started he tried to convince us he was a flat earther. He just likes fucking with people."
ThreeBeatles
Rumors
“'I heard about you.'"
ignorantpigeon
"Whenever I hear this I always respond with 'if it’s all good, it’s all lies.' Usually shows my sense of humor and if it is bad things they heard it usually lightens the mood."
ElApolloLoco
"Years ago I worked at a cafe and function venue which was sold after a few years to a new catering company. The first time I met the new restaurant manager I introduced myself and she exclaimed 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' and I was a bit weirded out. Then not long later I met the new owner and she also said 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' I still wonder twenty years later what they’d both heard about me."
winoforever_slurp_
Problems
Drunk Party Girl GIFGiphy"Go up to someone at a party and say: 'I just want you to know that personally, I have no problem with you being here.'"
LuketheMook
"I once got drunk and effectively said that to a girl at a wedding. 'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I always liked you' or something like that."
Supersnazz
Parties are the perfect setting for these shenanigans.
Especially with the drinkers.
But get them at least semi-sober.
I got You
Okaay What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"If you are chatting with someone and another person walks up look at them and say 'I just want you to know that I was defending you' then turn and walk off. It's a good 2fer."
could_use_a_snack
Hush
"'We know, but don't worry, we'll keep it a secret.'"
ch3rrycsmos_
"A friend in high school (actually still a current friend) said something similar to me and it definitely f**ked with my head. 'You know you're not fooling anyone, right?' He wouldn't elaborate and it took me the rest of the day to figure out he was f**king with me. As a guy with imposter syndrome, especially as a teen, that had me turned for a bit."
ablackcloudupahead
You Again
"If it’s someone you interact with repeatedly, always introduce yourself as if you’ve never met before."
Stillwater215
"I keep doing this to a guy I see very occasionally. He's a friend of my sister-in-law, but I've introduced myself to him at least four times. Right now, I'm trying to picture his face and I totally can't, so if I see him again, I'll introduce myself again. He remembers me though. And I don't have this issue with anyone else, I just can't remember this guy's face for some reason."
KrtekJim
Big Mouth
"You really need to brush your teeth."
setthepinnacle
"Somebody jokingly left a message on the 'tip' line that said 'Take a breath mint.'"
"I'm like 90% sure it was just the first thing that came to his head but it f**ked with me for weeks. I was self-conscious when talking to people, being close to them with my mouth open, and I'd constantly be brushing longer/harder taking mouthwash a couple extra times a day, and using mints."
ToFaceA_god
Head Issues
Think About It GIF by IdentityGiphy"Give all your friends a few dollars to compliment their hat if they’re not wearing one. When 50 people insist you’re wearing a hat, you start to think you’re wearing a hat. It will drive them insane."
Stillwater215
Hats off for that last one. That's harmless but devious.
Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments below.
