We all tell the occasional tall tale. Most people won't find out, right?
Now imagine coming up with a dumb lie that you somehow have to cover for. Annoying, right? But what if circumstance surprised you? That's the inspiration behind Redditor Coldmelon56's decision to ask the online community, "What is the dumbest lie you told that became true?"
"In 5th grade..."
In 5th grade, I didn't feel like running the mile in P.E. so I told the teacher I felt sick. She knew I was full of it but she let me go to the nurse anyway. I figured I'd just lie down for the period and get sent back to class. Nurse took my temperature and it read 102, so school policy stated I had to be sent home. Got the rest of the day off to lie in bed and watch Disney Channel.
"I told some people..."
I told some people at my college that my nickname was "Rockin' (FirstName)." They put it in the registry and a bunch of staff started calling me that when I checked in to events or whatever, and so soon everyone called me that.
I gave myself a nickname and it stuck.
"I was probably..."Giphy
I was probably about seven and on vacation with my family and they weren't paying any attention to me and constantly interrupting me. They were talking about someone they knew who had cows so in annoyance I point in an arbitrary direction and yell "hey a cow!" and they all go silent then I hear my dad say "oh my god your right" just as the skinniest cow emerges from behind some foliage.
At the end of 1st grade, for some reason I told my friends I was moving and wouldn't be back next year. (No idea what my reasoning was.)
Later that night a bunch of stuff went down with my (now ex) stepdad and my mom and I ended up moving states the next day.
"It was not cool."
I lied I was bit by a dog, to sound cool as a 6 year old when my parents asked me about an open wound, and got rabies shots. Couple months later, I really got bit by a dog. It was not cool.
"I was sitting..."
I told my 9th grade music teacher that I played the flute.
I was sitting in my first day of advanced music class, then I thought "I'm not gonna carry this big trombone around," so I said flute.
Then I had to buy one (parents weren't happy about the uninformed swap to a brand new instrument) but I stuck through it and not only did I pass the course with a good grade, I ended up playing flute in a marching band for a few years.
"When I was in reception..."
When I was in reception (or kindergarten for those not in the UK) I went around telling everyone that I was a hairdresser for some reason, specifically insisting that I cut and styled my own hair.. obviously no one believed me so I proceeded to cut my entire ponytail off from just behind the bobble- leaving me with a bald patch and a sort of horseshoe style gradient of hair length around it...
I used to work at Walmart and would always be the first choice to fill in for the cart pushers when they called out. One day when we had heavy rain, I wrapped my hand up with a bandage thing and told the managers that I injured my hand, so I could not push carts (of course the cart pushers were all "sick" on the day we had heavy rain).
45 minutes into my shift I actually injured my hand. Took like 2 weeks to heal.
"I had to write..."
I had to write a research paper, but obviously I hadn't finished it on time. So i just randomly generated some letters and numbers into a word document and sent it to the teacher. Even the school's IT guy told me that it was just bad luck and my file just got corrupted.
My father has glasses. I wanted glasses. Because I wanted glasses so bad, I started to pretend I couldn't see correctly. I would complain that I could never see the board correctly or when I read books the words seemed weird. I must have been extremely convincing because my mother eventually took me to the eye doctor. "Oh no" I thought. What happens when they find out I can actually see correctly? Well we go back and he takes a look behind my eyes with some medical voodoo (this was like 19 years ago) and he actually finds some weird spots back there. I then had to do the normal eye test and since I thought the jig was up, I actually tried. I failed. I left that day with a lense prescription and two years worth of eye drops.
tl;dr: Idiot younger me wanted glasses. Turns out I was seeing Minecraft graphics irl.
Not the dumbest, but quite silly and funny.
Several years ago we were in skype conference call with friends, and in the middle of conversation we suddenly heard some noises. I jokingly asked "[friend_name], did you fell off your chair?" and everyone laughed. Then we hear some more noises and a friend's muffled voice "guys wait a minute, I fell off my chair". Needless to say we laughed to stomach pain. We were around sixteen, huh. Good times.
"I'm not going to have sex..."
"I'm not going to have sex with anyone besides the person who I marry."
As it turns out, the man who I lost my virginity to is now my fiance.
"Suddenly, I was a hero..."
I used to lie about video games as a kid. Yeah, I was that kid.
But my best lie was about the secret world in Mario. I was desperate for attention, and I knew that being the keeper of secret Nintendo lore had a good shot at working, so I started fibbing and didn't stop until I'd backed myself into an unprovable corner.
I said that you had to go to the underground level and enter the pipe special, then you'd go to a whole new world, one that didn't even have the usual numbers or anything! And it was the only Mario level that was infinite, you could just play it forever and ever, just as much Mario as you could want.
At first, I was listened to (it sounds cool!) then I was vilified (an obvious lie) and then a kid came to school claiming he'd find my secret world.
I didn't believe him to start, because, obviously, I lied about it, I KNOW there's no secret level. But it turns out that if you jump into the pipe wall at the end of 1-2 while crouched, you can slide through the wall to the warp zone, and if you hop into a pipe before it loads, the game glitches and sends you to world -1. This is a water level that has no exit, and you swim forever, or at least until you run out of air and die.
Suddenly, I was a hero and the keeper of secret Nintendo lore, but thankfully I had a subscription to Nintendo Power by then, so all the secrets I told from then on were legit.
"In high school..."
In high school, my friend and I went door to door collecting money for a skate park. At least that is what we told the adults who we were collecting from - we actually used the money to buy beer. A few months later they started building a skate park...
"We had to do a project..."
This happend at the beginning of this year,
We had to do a project where we put 3 items (sometimes 4 if you really wanted to) that represented yourself in a bag
The introduction had to have a fun fact. My birthday is June 30th and my opening fact was that I have the same birthday as yandere dev, sailor Moon and my dog. Only the dog one was a lie.
Low and behold a month later my mother gets a new puppy for me and my brother (we named him max) who has the same birthday as me
"I ended up..."
I once told my mom i felt like i was gonna puke to get out of goin to the dentist... I ended up puking later that day. Guess thats my karma for lying.
"I told my friends..."
I told my friends I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I met in a random Instagram meme group chat who lived in a completely different country............we have been now in an official relationship for almost a year and I'm flying to see her in a month and I couldn't be happier.
"Told her that I could..."
We were required to learn the guitar for music class in high school and my high school crush told me she was having a hard time learning the instrument. Told her that I could bring my guitar to school the next week so I could help her. Problem is I don't own a guitar and I knew as much guitar as she probably did.
That Friday I used a large chunk of my savings to buy a guitar and used Saturday and Sunday to learn as much as I could. Only took breaks from practicing to go to the bathroom, eat, and shower. Things went fairly well with the impromptu lessons, partly because I learned a lot of those things recently so I knew exactly what to do to overcome the early stages of guitar playing. Never got to go out with my crush but I did end up with a skill I treasure and practice to this day.
"About 10 years back..."
I hate chocolate.
About 10 years back I started a new job, and some lady was offering around chocolates. I politely declined several times before having to insist I don't actually like chocolate so she would leave me alone. News quickly spread about the new guy that didn't like chocolate and now it's become the reality, nobody offers me chocolate any more or if they do they quickly retract, people make savoury stuff in the office now to cater for me. Thing is, I don't hate chocolate, I just didn't want any at that time...10 years later my colleagues have never seen me eat chocolate.
"In 5th grade..."
In 5th grade I told everyone that during summer I was gonna move to Hawaii. The plan was to get people to confess crushes to me or hatred towards me, things like that. Nobody confessed anything and now I live in Hawaii, lol.
"I didn't end up saying it out loud..."
I didn't end up saying it out loud but I do remember back in 2012, almost blurting out to a carpool filled with my principal and two best friends having a heated fight about gay marriage and adoption rights that I was gay.
None of them actually knew any LGBTQ+ people and I think I thought that if I made the stakes more personal that they'd stop making making it seem like gay people were sub-human or deformities of nature in their arguments (both for and against.)
I'd personally grown up in a really open house hold and my aunt and her girlfriend were a stable aspect of my childhood. I probably could've just mentioned them but somewhere in my dramatic 15 year old mind I felt like it wasn't a big enough bomb to drop on this car trip of horrors. Thus the almost shouting of "I'M GAY" at full volume from the back seat.
Looking back it's probably a good thing I held my tongue. I dealt with enough rumors about being a lesbian in my last few high school years, I didn't need to jump start that.
But the visceral and clear memory of thinking "What can I do to fix this" "I should shout 'I'm gay' as loud as I can" and "Oh what if I can't convince them I'm not actually gay, I mean I'm not gay, right? If they don't believe me that I'm not gay does that mean I am gay?" and then having a quite unnoticed Identity crisis in the backseat for the next hour as we drove home is burned into my brain.
I'm a happily, mostly out, bisexual/queer gal now but when I did not know that yet in high school, I was a late bloomer and trauma tends to muck things up. Thus I believe I credit that and a particularly enlightening driver's ed course the next summer as my realizing what all those years of confusing feelings might have meant.
"That I would..."
That I would have a dog by Christmas this year. My mom said impossible. So I secretly saved up money behind her back and my grandma loaned me 20$ so that I could have the full 150$ for my little guy. I came home and my mom practically s*** herself. So yea, here is some cuteness!
"In my sophomore year of high school..."
In my sophomore year of high school we had a mandatory history fair that we had to participate in. I hated my school because, for a nice neighborhood, they didn't give a f***. Pumped all the money into athletics and let academics suffer (thanks, American south!). For example, the textbook we were using that year for the history class was the same one I'd used in eighth grade in a different school in New Jersey, so I wasn't exactly smarter than anyone else, I'd just learned the material already and spent the rest of the time just reading other stuff to kill time in class.
But, given I could see how little the administration actually made an effort, I wanted to see how far I could push it. So I took the option of writing a paper which I COMPLETELY made up one Saturday morning while watching infomercials and generally not giving a damn. Granted, I hit the necessary page/word count, but completely falsified all my sources. They were all internet ones too, so all anyone would have had to do was type in one of the links and it would have been over, but I figured the worst thing that would happen was that it would drop me a letter grade and still pass the class.
Turns out, I took it to the limit. So, I go there to pick up my paper after it had been judged, expecting the whole time to get called out on it, because it's a county-wide affair with a bunch of schools participating and I figure SOMEONE has to call it out, but there's nothing.
Paper is an 'A' and I go away even more disillusioned than when I started the farce. That's not the end though. The next day over the school announcements they're recounting the history fair and my name gets called with a bunch of other people. It turns out that I had left too early the previous evening picking up my paper and missed the award I had won. Along with the others I had won The World History award. It even came with a plaque. So, thanks Florida public schools...
"It's such a weird coincidence..."
When I was a kid, I told my friend that I'd seen the Robin costume from Batman Forever in a magazine when I was on holiday abroad the week before. This was a lie, I have no idea why I told him this, but I did. 10 year old me thought this would make me cool I guess.
This was about a year or so before it was due to come out, so there hadn't been any shots of the costume or stills from the movie or anything.
Anyway, I described what it looked like to him, that it was like metallic version of the old suit.
I even drew a picture of the new 'R' symbol on his chest. He told me I was full of s***.
Anyway, about 6 months later, there's something in a movie magazine that showed the costume. It was just like I had described it. Even the R symbol looked like the drawing of it I had done.
It's such a weird coincidence that has always stuck with me.
I have two older sisters. Our mom was always pretty passive aggressive, so a lot of the time she'd say to me, "Promise me you'll never become a bratty teenage girl like your sisters." Obviously as a young kid I agreed even though I was aware that some day I'd be a teenager and probably act just as annoying.
Joke's on mom though, because I'm trans and she died before I became a teenager.
"I was at a dinner..."
I was at a dinner with a bunch of students for a college I was accepted into and wanted VERY badly to attend. While at the dinner everyone was bragging about all the universities they were accepted into and before I could even stop myself I blurted out a school that had rejected me in the first round of applicants. My mother looked at me and she was over joyed as both my father and her so desperately wanted me to go to that specific college as my tuition would be dirt cheap considering it's a top ranking uni. Not to mention I'd be in the same city as my parents.
To my dismay my mom immediately told my father about me being accepted. At the time he was working away from home. It was tough on us all because we deeply missed him and he felt very alone while he was away. He had told me he was proud (via FaceTime) and I hadn't seen him that happy in months. I felt so guilty for lying and I suddenly hated that I had even said anything. To distract myself I went scrolling through my emails to find in bold headlining "congratulations on your acceptance!" :) I was so happy that night I had cried. I actually ended up attending and I'm so happy that my lie came true.
"Every time someone asked me..."
This one requires a little background.
The first Presidential election I was old enough to vote in was 1992, and the main contenders were George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton. I didn't like either one of them: Clinton was a sleaze and Bush had terrible domestic policy. So, what is a young man to do, in a state guaranteed to go for Bush? That's right...third party candidate, baby!
Ross Perot was making a lot of noise that year, and while my older brother was a Perot fan, I didn't like that guy. I voted for James Warren, the Socialist Workers Party candidate. For two reasons. First, a message to the big boys that we don't have to choose between the two major parties. And second, because it was a great joke!
Every time someone asked me about the election I could remind them that just the year before the Soviet Union had collapsed, which meant that they were a burgeoning democracy, and that in order to keep the Cold War going we would need to have one authoritarian superpower who ignored the will of the people and traded favors to keep the powerful in power and used their surveillance abilities against dissenters of the True Party. Might as well be us!
Some joke, huh?
"When I was little..."
When I was little I would make up facts instead of going through the "why" phase and try to figure out the world on my own. Ex: instead of "why is this slug yellow?" I would say "did you know that slugs are yellow to look like bananas?". I cant think of any off the top of my head I was right about but I'm sure there are quite a few with how often I did this.
"I wanted to make my teacher..."
In grade five my teacher put me in time out because she caught me crossing my eyes at a boy across the carpet. He had been doing it too so I was indignant that only I got in trouble.
I wanted to make my teacher feel badly so after my time out I told her that I had a medical condition that made my eyes cross involuntarily.
For the remainder of the school year and subsequently every time I saw her after that, I had to remember to periodically cross my eyes to keep up the lie.
It became so reflexive that I actually started wondering if I DID have a condition that made me cross my eyes involuntarily.
I didn't lose this habit until a year after I left her class.
Also, upon reflection she obviously knew I was lying and probably laughed at me whenever she saw me cross my eyes again.
"I removed a virus..."
I removed a virus from my friend's computer nearly a decade ago. My IT teacher heard and assumed that I was an all-knowing coder. I went along with it because I gained rep as the smart kid. Not knowing what coding entailed made it ever so difficult to keep up the facade, so I learned how to code in a very short period of time. Just enough to prove that I knew something. I realized quickly that I loved computers, coding, and just about anything that relates to it. I never planned on it, but computer science became a passion. I wake up in the morning to learn and I still, after all these years, forget to sleep when I'm coding.
"My family was having a Christmas party..."
My family was having a Christmas party but I had to work at a s****y retail store. I called in sick that day and said I had the flu or something. At the party I got wasted and the next morning I had to work at like 7 AM. I spent the entire shift throwing up lol I was so hungover. But I'll tell ya what, they definitely believed me.
"I now have..."
I'm said I was allergic to tobacco.
I now have an asthmatic relation to tobacco when i don't to most other forms of smoke.
I didn't when i said it, the smoke just made me uncomfortable.
"I was 7 years old..."
I was 7 years old and not getting enough attention at Thanksgiving dinner. I stood up and yelled to all the friends and family, "MOM IS PREGNANT!!" Apparently they weren't telling anyone at 2 months along... But I was right.
"When I was in middle school..."
When I was in middle school, I didn't want to go to school. Said I was sick. But I went. My school bus had a minor run in with a car. No big deal. When I got to school, the principal approached me and the other girl that was on the bus from our school and asked if we were ok. I started crying and told her that it was really scary and I was very upset by it. She sent both of us home via the bus. Best day off ever!
"After twenty minutes..."
A lame one: We were on our institute break, and someone brought a Clue game. We round up and start a game.
After twenty minutes I was bored and decided to get out (My plan was to just say a random culprit and leaving). Turned out my guess was the correct one and ended the game altogether.
"I dismissed it..."
Teacher called me into a classroom after school in 3rd grade and informed me I had gotten a 55 on a math test. I dismissed it asap, not wanting to deal with a confrontation, and left, when my parents asked what that was all about. Instantly the lie came out and I replied "I was moved up a level in math." Well s***, the parent teacher conferences, calls, meetings, came flooding in. They met with the principal, etc, etc, and I lost track from there, but all I know is that next year I was up a level and in another class with a different teacher. Yes, I passed barely passed elementary school math with C's, and ended up being grouped in with gifted kids all because I lied on instinct that I was special.
"I'm still not publicly out..."
When I was in my teens I would joke to my friends that I was just going to get a sex change that I was a guy just in way prettier packaging, and I spent a good long time as a man on Facebook because it let me swap my gender any time I wanted. I even 'married' my best friend on FB and was her husband for over a year so randoms would stop messaging her.
Turns out I'm a trans identity. Welp.
I'm still not publicly out but I flex my gender presentation online a lot. It feels nice when people refer to me as he/him, I just don't correct them anymore.
Back in the time of Walkmans, someone asked to borrow mine to play a cassette with disco on it. I said, "No my Walkman will only play heavy metal." They of course badgered me into lending it to them and when they put in the cassette and pushed play nothing happened. Put my cassette back in, played as normal, swapped again, no disco.
Lied myself into a f*cking magic Walkman.
Looking back I think his tape was over tensioned and my battery was low, so when he put in his cassette there was not enough torque to turn the cassette while mine was adequately low.
"I didn't have a lot of money..."
Was going on a weekend with friends but actually really didn't feel like it. I didn't have a lot of money and was just generally tired. I was already thinking of excuses not to go (should I say I'm sick? Should I pretend I hurt my foot?) when a car opened their door right in front of and I rammed against it, ripping open my foot from toe to heel. Couldn't go on the trip, also couldn't walk for two weeks. Still have a scar to remember this by.
As a kid, I liked referencing this one punchline of a joke that I don't even remember— "O I C U R M T" (read aloud & it's "oh I see, you are empty!").
I once randomly referenced it in the car with my sister driving and my mom in the passenger seat... because of me, they checked the gas and found it was close to empty. Oops?
Shortly after Super Smash Bros Brawl was released, I composed a short list of joke characters that would be appearing in the next Smash Bros game. My biggest joke from that list was "The Dog From Duck Hunt."
"I said I was..."
I said I was dyslectic because I just hated math, but I hated math because I couldn't understand it... because I am, in fact, dyslectic.