Driving Instructors Break Down The Worst Student Driver They've Ever Seen
Some people should only have chauffeurs.....
The roads are a battlefield. The truth is, any fool can obtain a license. I can prove this because I was given one after I failed my test eight times. I finally passed on my ninth swing. I don't even want to get into the decade that followed. Let's just say a local traffic judge knew me by name when we met at a local restaurant. Later I became a teacher for a comedy traffic school for people who got tickets.... the novel I could write. Buckle up out there people.
Redditor u/imnotinsane13 wanted driving instructors to help us out and let us know just how dangerous the road is today:
Driving Instructors of Reddit; who was the worst student you had or the craziest drive you had?
NOW you want a license?!
driving ferris buellers day off GIFGiphyMy instructor told me about a little old lady (LOL for short) who some reason had decided that retirement would be a great time to her license.
So they're coming up to a roundabout and this being a RHT country you're supposed to go to the right. Instructor tells her to take the third exit, and comments that you can signal this by signaling left going through the roundabout. LOL. She misunderstands, signals left and goes freaking left!
Luckily nothing happened and the instructor understood that this particular student had a very low cognitive load threshold and would not be able to smalltalk.
He remembered her fondly and even helped her pick out her new car. As he said, that was the least he could do, it was the most anybody had ever spent on license training at that school... By something like a factor of 4.
Driving as a Weapon
Class A CDL instructor.
Not my drive, but another of our trucks was heading southbound. Student driving, instructor in passenger seat. We are located in mostly suburbs/inner city. Lots of traffic.
Student in the left lane while a car heading northbound swerved into their lane. They hit a Ford Focus head on. I arrived on scene before police (we were 5 minutes behind them) and found the guy in the focus still in his car.
I'll never forget how he looked. No injuries, just sad. And when I asked if he was okay he said "I wish I wasn't."
They took him to be evaluated by psychiatrists. The Student and instructor were both fine but the student ended up dropping from the program.
I'm Turning Boss
I'm a driving instructor but I teach people to drive semi's. The worst student I ever had already had four years of driving experience; with what's called a Rocky set, (45' trailer with a 28' trailer behind it.).
This person couldn't turn for crap, I still wonder how they never hit anyone. So, when I train it's two 28's, that's all they pull for two weeks. So, we take our second turn, a left onto a pretty wide street and they're turning like they're in a car. Like, not even into the intersection and they've already started to turn.
I tell them no, straighten out and go forward until I tell you to turn. They keep turning, I say no! Straighten out and go forward until you pass the double yellow lines! They keep turning and if they keep turning like this we're going to clip another car turning left. At this point I say No! Straight! Just go straight! Thankfully he does.
I tell them to pull over and they do. At this point, I turn to them and scream, "What the hell was that?!"
Give me the keys, I'm driving. I take them back to an intersection, make a right and tell them " That's how you turn, wide." Pull over at a gas station and switch back out. Same thing, crap turns.
I ask them what they're doing? "I'm turning boss!" I say, " No, go deeper, you're going to hit someone."
I took me 5 days just get them to turn. He's a good driver though, just needed some edges worked off.
What Did I Miss?
Fear Bugs GIF by Digimate.ioGiphyI'm a driving instructor, I had a low confidence 16 yo driver on the highway for the first time.
Got her in the middle lane doing 65 when she states... " I think I'm gonna fall asleep " As my mind is processing, WTF did she just say, I look over at her and her head goes clunk up against the drivers window and her eyes are closed and she looked passed out. Her hands are still on the wheel but she turned to the left. Now we are in the left lane heading toward the median.
Her foot went to the floor. I tried to get the car back onto the pavement and I had to switch hands because I needed to get her foot off the accelerator, and get the steering back under control. I got the car back onto the roadway, under control and headed for the breakdown lane on the right side.
With my heart thumping I got the car stopped. At this point, the drivers sits up alertly, laughs and says ha-ha. What did I miss??? She had narcolepsy and she nor her parents ever told anyone. I was obligated to notify DMV, and her permit was revoked, until she was certified by her doctor. Her parents were pissed, but you and I are alive because we got her off the road.
Paul
Former instructor here. I was also the office manager for the driver's ed. I mostly did office work but was certified to make extra cash on weekends and to fill in in an emergency. My personal worst was a very sweet, very timid girl who was terrified to go anywhere near the speed limit if it were anything over 30. On back roads in the country that was terrifying.
The worst one I can think of nearly caused an accident while on his driver's license test by just pulling out of the parking lot. That's obviously an automatic fail. So the kid and instructor come back and then the dad comes storming in pissed that his kid failed. He's screaming at me and the instructor while the poor kid is sitting there head in hands obviously mortified by his dad's behavior. I ended up threatening to call the police to finally get him to leave.
The absolute worst drive was after I left the company because I moved but it ended up in the news so I found out. A kid and an instructor were on a drive, great kid by all accounts. Another driver, a dude in his truck was distracted on his phone and hit the driver's ed car. It wasn't a terrible accident but bc of health problems the instructor had he ended up dying later at the hospital. RIP, Paul.
When in Driver's Ed
Not an instructor, but when I was in driver's ed there's was a guy in his third year of the class, second semester. He was a senior, and this was a 1 semester class, so his 6th time. We would be on the driving course, he would go into a different student's zone, I was on the figure 8 and he joined me going the wrong direction (I almost hit a different kid trying to avoid him hitting me), crashed a car through the fence at the end of the course and into the ditch in the field by the course, ended up going the wrong way on the freeway at 70 (no idea how, there was a median barrier), and crashed a car into the auto shop at the school. No idea how he was allowed to take the class in the first place, because he was apparently this bad every time he took the class. Also not sure how he survived his 5 previous times in the class.
My Swan Drive
This is the opposite but I'll never have the chance to share this story otherwise.
I was doing my 2nd "behind the wheel" with a driving instructor. I was already really nervous before I got in the car and she said "You're my last student I'll ever have! They fired me."
After an awkward pause where she stared at me, she laughed and said "No, actually I'm moving to Chicago to work for a local news station."
I didn't find it nearly as funny as she did lol.
Just too Much
Driving The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphyObligatory not a driving instructor but mine told me about all the worst drivers he's had.
He told me about a girl I went to school with (idk why he shared names) and how she refused to get close to the speed limit and he was worried she'd fail because she was too careful.
I asked if he's ever felt like he was in danger and he talked about a guy a long time ago that went way too fast and refused to slow down, blew a stop light, and eventually got pulled over by a cop during his driving lesson.
Small Town Tales
Not an instructor but when I was in driver's ed we had a girl that was terrifying. She was alway over the middle line and hit every pot hole. One especially exciting day she put us in a ditch the car had to be towed out of then on the next lesson side swiped a car in the on coming lane. All while the instructor told us about his second job as a security guard at a popular camping area where he caught my step dad screwing a family friend before he was my step dad.
I asked step father about it he laughed and admitted to it while telling me about said instructor getting caught with my best friend's aunt at the same place. Wild times. My uncle also fought the co-instructor when he was younger gotta love small towns.
Two Wheel Trouble
crash fail GIFGiphyMotorcycle instructor. I had one student blow a turn wobble around back onto the course.
I'm frantically blowing my whistle to "blow the exercise dead." Everyone is stopped but the wayward rider who then slow mo fixated on another student and ran into them. Didn't finish the class.
Wrong Side
Not an instructor but this was while I was doing my driving test along with two other people in the car.
Driver one: almost rammed into a group of kids using the cross walk.
Driver two: she was driving and the teacher said to her "do you see anything wrong with what you're doing right now" she then said she didn't and she was DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.
He then hit his brakes and said "you failed the test. Now get out!" looks and me and said "your up kid" it didn't help me by starting my drivers test while having two kids in the back crying. But I did pass my test though.
Death
angry he man GIFGiphyNot an instructor, but someone I know had his instructor scream "we're gonna die!"
Whoops....
I knew an adult woman who said she had lost the right to have a drivers license. When she was sixteen she took the road test, failed it, and hit the instructor with the car after learning she failed. He got a broken leg and she was banned for life from driving.
Confusions
My first time ever driving a car was with my driving instructor, and I got really confused between the brakes and the gas all the time, I'm sure he thought he was going to die that day. Anyways, the lesson is over and we pull back into the parking lot, and I know that I have to hit the brakes down all the way before putting it in park. But, I forgot which pedal was which and hit the gas all the way down when we were right in front of the building. Thank goodness he was already on edge with me, so he immediately hit the brakes on his side. He practically leaped out of the car lol.
"I have to potty!"
I was the student, and I doubt I was this dude's wildest lesson.
He spent the whole time ranting about his ex-wife and how he "had to" take low-paying jobs so that he would pay less in alimony and child support. Then we get to this park, he tells me to turn into it, and then to park the car. I'm a pretty new driver, so I am inching my way into a spot, trying to get it right even in the empty lot, but then he SLAMS on his instructor brake. He brings the car to a stop in the middle of four spots, blurts out, "I have to potty!" and bolts out of the car into the park's visitor center. I was absolutely flummoxed.
A Bump
driving slow down GIF by Super SimpleGiphyMy drivers ed teacher when I was 15 told me I was "The only student in all his years of doing this that got stuck on a speed bump."
I was so scared I was going so slow I was not able to make it over the speed bump and got stuck right on the top of it. He was laughing in exasperation.
Within Seconds
Not an instructor.
Girl I went to school with was banned from driving her sophomore year when the teacher noticed she was creeping up too fast and instead of hitting the break she hit the gas and drove onto a curb and into a yard and almost hit a house within 6 seconds.
So funny.
They were excellent instructors too. Best testers I think I ever had.
Taught following distance, stopping distance, not to tailgate, and just tons of information that most people I know that took Drivers Ed didn't even know about.
Really cool people.
How she did that was unmistakably not due to the teachers.
Snowed In....
Not a driver's ed instructor but my classmate crashed head on into a huge snowbank during a drive once, I was in the back, instructor in the front. We were in an empty parking lot, I have NO idea how she ended up hitting it but the car was totaled and we had to walk back.
Also the "classroom" was a double wide trailer in another empty parking lot with a 2x4 in the center of the room holding the sagging ceiling up, which my other classmate and friend decided to karate kick out one day.
Edit: Thankfully nothing terrible happened when he kicked the 2x4 out BUT the instructor used to put one of those terrible anti-drunk driving videos on and just go snooze in his office. The video would end and we would wait and wait. Someone would eventually go wake him up. It was kind of a shit show now that I think about it. I'm not a good driver.
Shut Up
Obligatory not an instructor, but my dad once dated a woman who flapped her jaws so much that she couldn't do anything else while talking. She couldn't even eat and talk.
So she gets hired at the local bus company, who would train new hires to get them their CDL if they didn't already have one. My dad also worked there and warned the instructor. "She's going to be too worried about talking to pay attention to what she's doing."
He called it. She talked all the way through training, wouldn't shut up to listen to instruction, would not focus on the training course, and was eventually let go after nearly crashing the training bus into the garage. The instructor told my dad the she was the worst student he'd ever had.
Driver's ED in high school was held in a portable room that was located next to the little test track they made (just a closed off portion of student parking) the first incident was someone who confused gas and break and drove the car into a nearby lake, the second was someone who hit reverse and ended up slamming the car into the classroom.
Adults Who Still Need A Stuffed Animal To Go To Sleep Share Their Experiences
Reddit user Old-Horse1185 asked: '34 percent of adults sleep with a stuffed animal or other sentimental object. Are you one of these people? What do you sleep with?'
Stuffies, plushies, stuffed animals, or plush toys; whatever you might call them, we likely all can remember a fluffy friend we had in our childhood.
But some adults might have carried their childhood friend into adulthood, or even made others along the way, and they might even still go to sleep with them at night, too.
Redditor Old-Horse1185 asked:
"34 percent of adults sleep with a stuffed animal or other sentimental objects."
"Are you one of these people? What do you sleep with?"
The Twin Bond
"My twin sister died when I was 18. Ten years later, I still sleep with her unicorn pillow pet, she gets a nice spot on the bed, and I'd never be with someone who made me feel bad about having it. Only my girlfriend is trusted enough to give pillow pet a bath."
- insomniacinsanity
"My twin brother died when we were seven, and I used to have a specific stuffie that was given to him by an American lady who worked in the hospital he was in, but it got damaged in a house move when I was a teenager and was unsalvageable."
"It was a limited-run stuffie that you could only get in a specific American store in the 90s, so it was basically irreplaceable. My husband, 10+ years later and without letting on, tracked one down and paid a silly amount of money to have it shipped to the UK and gave it to me for Christmas a couple of years ago."
"I sleep with it every d**n night. I'm mid-30s, and I'll never stop."
- beesandsids
Keeping Them Close
"My partner passed away a few weeks ago, and I now cuddle his shirts that still have his scent. When my son spends the night with his grandparents, I also cuddle w his blanket or the pillow he sleeps on."
- anonmomanonnin
Cuddles and Fidgets
"My grandma made me a pillow when I was born. She sewed the pillow together and the pillow case, which had kittens all over it."
"I’m 33 years now she passed when I was 31, and I sleep with the same pillow in my arms every night."
"The pillow case is worn to bits because I guess I use it as a fidget thing I rub in between my fingers. Yes, I’m weird."
- Valuable_Panda_4228
From the Beyond
"I bought my wife a big stuffed seal for our first Valentine's Day. This seal has a slight green tint to it, so we named him Sealo Green. She had Sealo for a couple of years before she passed away."
"I hug Seal-o every night and pray to my wife, tell her about my day, things coming up, etc. I'll start using her perfume on Sealo soon, so I can smell her while I pray to her. My heart can't take it right now."
- Cubbycupcake-Uther
A Gift from Grandma
"I am one. My grandma gave all the grandkids a cat plush. A cat food brand had a promotion, if you bought enough cat food you'd get a free plushie. With 14 grandkids, a lot of food was bought to get there. Her cats didn't complain though, lol (laughing out loud)."
"I still sleep with it, it's a feeling of comfort, safety, and home."
- DavyJonesLocker2
An Evolving Friendship
"Stuffed dog I've had since my mom was squeezing him while giving birth to me. That dog has seen some s**t."
"He's a 'Sad Sam,' and his eyes used to break my heart when I was a kid, so I buried him under other stuffed animals or made him face the wall so I wouldn't have to look at him."
"Then I felt really guilty because I didn't want him to feel punished when all he wanted was to be loved. So I've been sleeping with him for almost 40 years now."
"I recently bought an original one off eBay to see the comparison and man, I have loved the daylights out of that dog!"
- dumdadumdumAHHH
A Special Bond
"I now sleep with my girlfriend's stuffed bunny she has had since birth. He’s my best friend now! I love you, Bootstin!!"
- silversauce
"Aww, that's awesome. My partner is the only person I've ever been with who didn't make me feel like crap for still having my blanket. When I travel, I leave it with them, and I think they probably cuddle up with it as much as I do after a rough day."
- the_Ozz
Keeping a Partner Close
"Sometimes when I take a nap and my wife doesn't, I'll take her pillow to sleep with because I like the smell."
"It smells like baby powder, vanilla, and her."
- TrailerParkPrepper
Very Considerate
"Huge jellycat bears. I don’t even wanna, but I’m just afraid I’ll hurt their feelings if I don’t."
- CommonAd9606
"As a kid, I routinely slept with a zillion stuffed animals on the bed because I didn’t want any of them to feel left out."
- PumaGranite
"As a kid? I'm 26 and still have to hug them all as I go to sleep or they'll feel left out!"
- Scymber
Lower Back Pain
"I sleep with a body pillow (plain cover). Doctor recommended it a few years ago to help with my lower back pain and it really does help."
- HappyTimeHollis
"I sleep with a body pillow but it's an alligator. My grandparents gave it to me when I was 11 years old. It has a huge open mouth you can put your arm through or use to prop your phone. Had it 24 years. Love it to death."
- smoretank
Full Body Support
"Squishmallows. I have sciatica and they're great for when I go to bed. I put one between my knees at night (side sleeper) and I snuggle up with one."
- Raging_Utahn
Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty
"I'm not one to sleep with plushies, but my cat likes to snuggle up to me and sleep with his fluffy little head on my shoulder."
- imaybeacatIRL
"Cats have to count. My previous cat actually slept as the little spoon, snuggled in my arms."
- disapprovingfox
The Long-Distance Relationship
"I am a guy, I recently got to sleep with a stuffed animal for a week, I won't go into the details as to why or how, just know that I lovvveeeed it. I would get called a weirdo if I confess to this to the world, so I have kept this to myself and my bestie only."
"The stuffed animal was a large teddy bear, since then it has been taken away and now it is placed in the living room, my bedroom has one small stuffed toy that I sleep with, it's not super large and not as comfortable as the teddy but it works."
"It makes me feel good and less alone, the closest person in the world to me is 700km away, what I'm about to say is weird but hugging the teddy and pretending it's her makes me calm and makes me want to sleep."
- uninformed-but-smart
Build a Friend... with IKEA
"Ikea Hippo, Ikea Elephant. The Ikea bigs are the superior sleep companion. I also have the shark, but he is not right for my shoulder when cuddling so he guards."
- pm-me-neckbeards
"I also keep my Ikea shark on guard at night! The Ikea octopus is the guard when I sleep at my boyfriend’s house."
- jeff-buckleys-teeth
A Comfort Become Real
"When I was a toddler, I got a stuffed animal as a present from my uncle. It was a light brown rabbit with button eyes and ears with rainbow stripes on the inside. I'm unsure of when I got it, but I was either one to two years old or four years old."
"I don't know how or why, but it had a distinct scent, not particularly noticeable unless you shoved your face in its fur, like I did, haha. As I grew up, I needed to have this rabbit with me or I would not be able to sleep. I remember this one time when I couldn't find it in time for bed, and I was so distressed trying to fall asleep that I started hallucinating."
"Over time she lost an eye, her ears became frayed, her fur fell out in patches, and she looks like a well-loved creature (because she is) or hot garbage, depending on who you ask."
" Even in my rebellious teen years, I couldn't pretend to dislike her because the scent and texture of her fur gave me a feeling of comfort and safety, even when it felt like everyone was against me."
"I live by myself now at age 34 and you better believe I still keep her in my bed. The scent is gone but sometimes I can trick my brain into thinking it's still there, and when I touch the texture of her fur, I will still get a wave of comfort and reassurance the same way I did as a child."
"It's amazing not only how humans will bond with anything, but also the effect these things will have on a person."
"This got sappy, my apologies."
"PS: Her name is Ninni."
- Mwuuh
"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'"
"I'm reminded of this quote from 'The Velveteen Rabbit.'"
- tinycole2971
While everyone might feel a little silly about their sleeping arrangements, most of those who still sleep with a cuddly friend have spent a great deal of their life with their companion already.
From sentimental reasons to physical needs, everyone needs comforted from time to time, and there's nothing quite like the unconditional love of a favorite stuffie friend.
Working remotely from home certainly has its advantages, including not having to endure traffic and deal with coworker drama.
But many people found that during the pandemic, the isolation of working from home left little to be desired.
People who have jobs requiring them to commute every day and arrive at the workplace are given the opportunity to be social and feel like they're a part of society.
But being a part of a work environment can come with its own unique occupational hazards.
Curious to hear from strangers in the workforce, Redditor AMGBOI69420 asked:
"What’s the most f'ked up thing you’ve seen at work?"
People in medical professions draw on their endless list of shocking events.
The Crazy Patient
"I was sorting all the psych patients that were hospitalized in my state, and got to this guy: a teenager or maybe a bit older, and he got sent to the ward because he suddenly got aggressive and started to have some episodes that he squirmed in pain/took off his clothes and things like that. Before being hospitalized he was complaining about these things, but nothing the medics did was working and nothing wrong was found, so it should be a psychiatric issue, no?"
"Wrong, he was put in the ward for 2 or so years and lost a lot of his life, being considered insane, because he developed a rare spinal cancer that was hard to detect and caused him extreme pain. Really f'ked up, I don't remember what happened to him afterward, but I not really optimistic that it had an happy ending."
– vtomal
The First Aid Officer Who Couldn't Unsee These
"I was a first aid officer in a corporate job."
"Elderly pedestrian hit by a car in our car park: compound tib fib fracture that tore through her calf muscle"
"Deep laceration with arterial bleeding after some idiot from another department tripped and dropped a metal first aid down a flight of stairs during a fire drill."
– W2ttsy
Patient Left Against Medical Advice
"Patient comes in to the ER, gets full sepsis workup. His chemistries are all f'ked up, he required a manual white cell count because his was so high the analyzer basically said 'WTF?!', his urine was full of white cells and bacteria. You know, your classic 'old person UTI that's gone septic.' We figure he's going to be admitted. Nope, they send him home. Mind you, this was not a case of 'patient left AMA (against medical advice),' this was just the doctor said 'Yeah, seems like you've got a UTI. Go home and drink some cranberry juice.'"
"Two days later, the same patient comes in, with the same complaint. Gets the same blood and urine tests. While I'm doing the manual white cell count, the phone rings. It's the reference lab down the street. The blood cultures on the patient I'm currently working on from two days prior have come up positive. I take the notification and call the ER to let them know. Us labbies figure he's going to be admitted for sure this time. Come to find out, they sent him home again. (Again, not an AMA, a 'Go home and drink some cranberry juice.')"
– coffeeblossom
Those in customer service share their shocking eye-witness accounts.
Trailblazer
"I worked at one of the busiest Walmarts in the country during Spring Break for 6 years... I wouldn't even know where to begin."
"I guess the drunk lady leaving the bathroom with her pants around her ankles while actively sh*tting as she walked across the front of the building and back outside into the wild."
"None of the workers wanted to deal with it so they parked a shopping cart over each turd until the cleaning crew came in."
– UncleGrako
Slimy Salespeople
"Worked at a Nissan dealership where most salespeople where slimy POS. One senior citizen with a veteran ballcap was working on a deal for a car for his grandkid. Nice old guy got tired and fell asleep in the chair waiting for the salesguy to work out the deal with the sales managers. One of the managers from the bullpen walks by and farts right in the sleeping old mans face then runs back to the bullpen where everyone was watching and laughing. It was disgusting, I told the sales guy who I knew was a Iraq vet. He went to the bull pen and screamed in the face of every single one of those f'kers. He screamed so much at them I thought he was gonna pass out."
– adrielago
Work environments can be extremely dangerous.
"Once saw someone step into a bucket of hot fryer oil, it got into their shoes and everything. Was so bad that when they took the shoe off it peeled of skin with it. The person had 2nd and I believe 3rd degree burns. He never came back but I saw the pictures and it was horrific."
– Mrlionscruff
"I worked at a printing manufacturer and saw something like this happen in person, the guy had his right arm shredded. The wrench in his other hand stopping the machine is the only reason he didn't go all the way through. Later that month a 2400lbs paper roll was dropped on a coworker in front of me. I'm glad to be out of that job."
– Beullersghost
Threatening The Employee
"I worked at a Goodwill for a few years, we had lots of drug addicts trying to shoot up in the changing room and had an occasional OD."
"But the most shocking thing I experienced was the amount of times people physically threatened or attacked me or my co-workers when we refused their donations. Getting in our faces and trying to push us around, one guy tried to hit someone with a car. Another one threw a picture frame that narrowly missed smashing my supervisor's head, another threw such a temper tantrum that he smashed an entire set of chairs and a kitchen table."
"There was also someone who called the police because we changed the prices on soft-cover books."
– carefulwithyrbananas
T.M.I.
"Saw one guy drop dead (office job)"
"One get an arm cut off (Pulp mill)"
"One get de-gloved (Paper mill)"
"But the winner was the day we walked into work at an auto parts store and found the assistant manager f'king another assistant manager. Just going at it."
– Bigdaddyjlove1
Mechanical Nightmare
"Box cutting job saw a guy die after losing his arm to the machine. I still to this day dont know how my room mate at the time kept going to work for another few weeks before quitting."
"We'd go to work stoned off our a**es everyday. And seeing that guy die was a nope for me. I knew it was far to easy for the same mistake to happen to me stoned. Wasn't gonna get sucked in and die for 15 bucks an hr."
"Any heavy machinery related jobs since Ive made sure to ask about work related accidents and how common they are along with when the last one happened."
– idontneedjug
When I was a parade performer at certain theme park, we performed on a day when it was reportedly record-breaking heat, and some of my fellow performers who were dancing atop a couple of the floats collapsed and passed out from heat stroke in view of guests.
It was the scariest thing to see several paramedics bursting onto the scene and taking these unconscious young performers being carried away in stretchers.
Since then, the park instituted a code-90 protocol where the choreography was modified whenever the temperature hit 90 degrees.
Be it desperation, self-indulgence, or simply optimism, many people never leave home without a condom.
If the chances of "getting lucky" are much more likely at some places than others, one never knows where or when they might hit it off with someone.
Including a funeral.
Bizarre and tasteless as that sounds, a recent study reportedly showed that 1 in 8 men under the age of 35 do, in fact, bring condoms with them when attending a funeral, "just in case".
Whether or not these condoms were used, however, is another story entirely.
"After a recent study found 1 in 8 men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals "just in case", what's your experience with this?"
Select Crowd...
"I went to my grandma's funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse."
"Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin."
'You know who shows up at funerals for old people? "
"Family members."- bumblef**kglobal
"I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral."
"Immediately thought was I should chat her up."
"Then my brain went to, 'What if she's family and we just never met?'"
"I just went back to mourning."- VideoGameDana
Okay then...
"Once I was dating a girl whose dad absolutely forbid us from dating."
"Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate."
"She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture."
"He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral."
"My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home."
"Condom was necessary."- crunchysquare
car studio GIF by ZI ItalyGiphyNever The Funeral, Always The Wake
"Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes."
"In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself."
"So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case."
"I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation."- Goryokaku
Oops...
"Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp."
"But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong."
"Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night."
"Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? )."
"Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people."- ESQBOJaguar
If You Really Think About It...
"Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary."
"Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion."
"Socially speaking, some people, both men and women, seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation."- KURO-K1SH1
Season 18 Episode 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyBetter Safe Than Sorry!
"If you forget to bring a condom you increase the chance of casual sex with 10.000%."
"It’s a well-known fact."- Mukkeman
Not Just Men...
"I'm not a man and I've taken condoms 'just in case' pretty much anywhere."
"I've told folks to take condoms 'just in case' to a festival who I was sure would never have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman."
"It's a safety."
"The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somehow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility."
"Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day, and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom."
"And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolutely sure of that."-deterministic_lynx
It Is, Indeed, A Source Of Comfort...
"I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief affects everyone differently."
"Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here."
"Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically to a funeral makes perfect sense to me."- Sexy-Snowflake
"My bf's son died, and his sex drive was significantly higher around that time period, I think it's just a way men deal with stress."- Arielxxxlee
"There is no 'wrong' way to grieve."- Noctudeit
Sexy Ava Gardner GIF by Turner Classic MoviesGiphyAlways Listen To Your Mother...
"When I turned 15 my mom told me to always have a condom in my wallet just in case."
"That was before people realized it was really bad to keep it in your wallet."
"So yeah I’ve been pretty much everywhere with one 'just in case'."- euphoria110
If It's Already There, Why Take It Out?
"I do too."
"I'm not going to remove the random condom that is in my wallet just because I'm going to a funeral."
"Not that I ever needed one, I'm still a virgin BTW."- azarbi
When One Life Ends, Another Begins...
"I’ve heard that the proximity of death increases the desire to make new life."
"Anecdotally, my FIL and MIL met at a funeral and 9 months later my husband was born."- KerouacsGirlfriend
Lionel Messi Hug GIF by FC BarcelonaGiphyNot SPECIFICALLY Funerals...
"We bring condoms everywhere, 'just in case', not only the funeral, you silly!"- WeetIkVeelNL
No one should be judged if they happen to have a condom with them when attending a funeral.
After all, should the moment arise, better to be prepared and safe.
On the other hand, if any of these people are attending the funeral with the intention of "getting lucky", that's just... yeah...
The Best Real-Life Examples Of 'Never Interrupt An Enemy While They're Making A Mistake'
People will trip themselves up eventually.
Because liars and lunatics always make mistakes.
They may be small mistakes, but they leave just enough room to expose their wicked ways.
Sure we all want to fight off an enemy and be the victor.
But sometimes the victor's greatest weapon is nothing but a little patience.
Then, we celebrate with a smile as we watch the crumble.
And maybe we have a little victory dance.
Redditor Spinksy48 wanted to understand the fun of letting your opponent lose by just doing nothing, so they asked:
"What is your 'never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake' moment?"
If the story starts to get really crazy, just wait for a break.
Then ask a question from the beginning.
I guarantee you know more of the lie than they do.
Just keep talking, friend.
Gotcha
Dashcam Hello GIF by TranscendGiphy"I let the lady who changed lanes into me run her mouth about how I rear-ended her before pulling the cop aside to show him my DashCam footage."
ThrowingChicken
A Cherry Wave
"I was accused by a neighbor of reversing out of my drive and hitting his car. He gave me the date and time I had allegedly done it and pointed to a (small) scrape on my car that supposedly matched perfectly the location of the dent on his. This was 7 weeks after the alleged event, by the way."
"I said it wasn't me but told him to contact his insurance and we'd see what they said. A few weeks later I get a letter from my insurance asking what had happened, to which I responded with the date I had bought my car (and updated my insurance) - two weeks after the supposed bump."
"He never spoke to me again but I used to give him a cheery wave every time I saw him glowering at his window."
Gazcobain
Speak Once
"In a meeting with my project manager who has not been in the office or worked a proper full day for MONTHS, she has increasingly been annoyed by people bypassing her to get things done by telling me and her other direct reports what to do."
"I was about to answer a question for stakeholders, and she told me to let her speak one sentence and will let me have my bit. I did as I was told, and she told the stakeholder a completely wrong thing about the system we were handling and made a complete fool out of herself. She got sacked this month."
choiaera
We Hated Each Other
"Guy stole a presentation from me, this is 25 years ago. We hated each other. When he started presenting I realized I had made a huge error, didn’t say anything. Let him get through it. Asked him about the error, but he couldn’t answer. This was in front of COO. Got fired, not for just that, he was an overall douche. This was before everyone was on PCs, and had one printer in one room."
Bmilvis
Whoops
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"When a coworker who I hated got fired a few weeks after I decided to stop fixing his mistakes even if it impacted a client."
Hrekires
It's always thrilling to see the bad colleagues go!
Bye. Bye. Bye.
I will see you on the 15th
Idiot Reaction GIFGiphy"Not my story, but several years ago my older brother was fighting for custody of his son with his ex-wife. As the first custody hearing date approached, they were exchanging [un]pleasantries over text and my brother ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm not continuing this conversation. I will see you on the 15th.' The ex-wife told him, 'The hearing is on the 25th dumba**.'"
"So of course instead of correcting her, my brother just allowed her to keep thinking it was the wrong date, and she missed the first hearing entirely. It became the first of many mistakes she made in the court system that eventually led to my brother and the woman who is now his second wife winning full custody of his son."
Damn_Furries
Follow the Prints
"I'm working on a job site and the architect is there one day. I've been given some light fixtures for the sconces in a leasing office lobby. The fixtures are meant to be hung from a ceiling, they can't be installed on a wall. I attempt to convey this to the architect, but he brushes me off and just tells me to follow the prints."
"I turn to the apprentice and say, well you heard the man, put them up. A bit later, we hear the crashing of glass. The architect asks what was that? I said your light fixture. As I picked up a broom and dustpan to go clean up."
Ohhhhhhthehumanity
No Debt
"As I was being fired from a job, the district manager requested we record the conversation. He thought I was gonna be very upset, so I obliged. Then when he started to tell me why I was being fired he started with, 'You are gonna be graduating college soon, and we want to make sure we get ahead of you leaving us.'"
"I very calmly asked him to send me the recording right after he said that. Then later that day I called a lawyer. I now have no student loan debt."
JRTHEAMAZING
The Screams
"I reminded my ex-wife the divorce court was the next day and was invited to Get F**ked. So I went by myself, she failed to appear and pissed off the Judge so he asked what would be my desired outcome for assets and Custody of the kids. He wrote down whatever I wanted and I could hear her screams when she read the Orders from 3500km away."
comfortablynumb15
Silence
"There's a thing in law enforcement/legalese called a spontaneous utterance. Many many people will bury their own cases with these while bi*ching and moaning at their arresting officer on the way to jail."
raccoonsonbicycles
That last one is good knowledge to have in the back pocket.