Children are amazing, magical, hilarious, wondrous, brilliant little beings. Please don't have them unless you really, really want them.
Those amazing, magical, hilarious, wondrous, brilliant little beings demand a LOT of time, resources, mental energy, physical energy ... like ... a lot.
There's a reason animals who raise their young do pretty much nothing BUT raise their young when they're a parent. It's hard, fam. But it's just what you're supposed to do at some point, right?
At one point that was the pervasive thinking, absolutely, and people do still seem to assume that if you're an adult in a long term relationship that kids are an inevitable thing. You're just supposed to have them, or at least WANT to have them as far as much of society is still concerned.
But tides are changing. People are starting to think of children as the kind of major life decision that requires some consideration - and lots are considering it and going "Nah."
But why? For those answers, we turn to this reddit thread:
Redditors who have decided they don't want to have children, what is your reasoning?
Look, at the end of the day we feel like just not wanting them is absolutely reason enough not to have them. They change EVERYTHING and are innocent in that, but may find themselves deeply resented by their parents for it. They didn't ask to be born, but are often the ones to suffer most for it.
So unless you really want them, it's probably best to avoid having them. If that's not a good enough reason, there are plenty more here for you to browse through.
Kids can - and should - be the absolute joy of your life if you want them. But not everyone does, and that's okay.
At one point that was the pervasive thinking, absolutely, and people do still seem to assume that if you're an adult in a long term relationship that kids are an inevitable thing. You're just supposed to have them, or at least WANT to have them as far as much of society is still concerned.
But tides are changing. People are starting to think of children as the kind of major life decision that requires some consideration - and lots are considering it and going "Nah."
But why? For those answers, we turn to this reddit thread:
Redditors who have decided they don't want to have children, what is your reasoning?
Look, at the end of the day we feel like just not wanting them is absolutely reason enough not to have them. They change EVERYTHING and are innocent in that, but may find themselves deeply resented by their parents for it. They didn't ask to be born, but are often the ones to suffer most for it.
So unless you really want them, it's probably best to avoid having them. If that's not a good enough reason, there are plenty more here for you to browse through.
Kids can - and should - be the absolute joy of your life if you want them. But not everyone does, and that's okay.
Terms And Conditions Apply
It is my belief that if you are going to have kids you should love them unconditionally no matter what. I have conditions.
Good on you for recognising that. Most people don't or lie to themselves that they don't. They push their conditions on their children under the guise of 'parenting' and 'knowing what's best/wisdom' and give their children lifelong psychological and emotional issues.
Caretaker Burnout
GiphyI took care of ALL of my parents' needs when they both fell devastatingly "cant wipe my own a$$" ill. My mom was sick for a couple years before passing due to diabetes Type 1 complications, then a year later my dad had a crazy bad stroke that took 3 years to moderately recover from.
My boyfriend was around to help me through both of these experiences thankfully, but its opened our eyes to how demanding taking care of another person is and we're not sure we're up for it. Could just be burn out as we could always change our minds later.
- Ayame550
Took care of both my parents when they were sick and helped raise my younger brother. Caring for people takes a lot of time, patience and is emotionally exhausting. My parents have since passed and my brother is older so he's more independent. This was all in my 20's. I'm drained. I want the rest of my life to be simple and focused on personal goals.
The Only Thing Worse Off Than You Is Your Kids
So many parents are uneducated individuals with no morals who don't discipline their kids and can't afford a twinkie, yet think they're parents-of-the-century. I feel like saying - No, you shouldn't have been a parent and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise.
I hate when people tell me I'd be a great parent. Like how would you know? The only thing worse off than you is your kids... but of course I can't say that..
Just No
I intentionally stopped answering this question a long time ago.
Nobody ever asks people who do want children what is their reasoning.
I could give you any number of reasons ranging from "My childhood wasn't that happy" to "I just don't see my life panning out that way", but when you get right down to it, I just don't want to and I don't understand people who do.
The Younger Sibling Trial
I had to raise my brothers, I got the free trial and want none of that sh!t.
Yep, same here, raised my two younger sisters, and my parents just can't understand why I am not giving them grandchildren. Yeah, been there, done that. No thank you.
Not The Default
I believe that children are a very serious and irreversible lifelong commitment and that the majority of society is wrong to consider them the default option rather than a conscious choice you make for good reasons.
With that belief in mind, I simply have no compelling reason for why I should have children and so I don't have them, because they should be an opt-in rather than an opt-out.
A List
- I don't think this (fcked up) world needs more people.
- I don't like children.
- I don't see myself as a parent and don't think I'd be good at it.
- I don't want to give up stuff like traveling to be responsible for another human who depends on me.
I'm a 25 year old woman. I hate hearing "you'll find the right man to have children with" - no, no I won't. I never wanted kids and I never will.
Get A Dog
GiphyI like kids and think they're cute, so I was like "maybe I really do want kids?"
Then I saw a dog and got 100% more excited than I ever am upon seeing a kid. I think that's a pretty solid sign...
I Can't Even Handle Me
I can barely handle my own emotions, what would I do with a young child that needs, well, whatever a young child needs?! I can barely handle my own fckin health what would I do with a small spawn that needs 3x as much??
100% The Money
It's 100% money for me. I'm the youngest of four, and all my life I've seen the havoc that a unplanned (hell even a planned) pregnancy can have on finances. Two of my siblings had plans for their lives but when kids happened those plans didn't. Another of my sister's straight up didn't even get a chance to have a future because she got pregnant in her early 20's and didn't even get a chance to go to college.
Only one of my siblings had kids and is alright financially, but that's because she worked her butt off for years, got married to a guy who also worked his butt off for years, and when they were in a financially stable position they had kids.
- Tupiekit
Contributing To A Different Population
I'm aromantic/asexual, so the idea of baby-making absolutely repulses me. No man is using my body like that ever. At first, it kinda sucked because I really want to have a family, but I realized that I have a horrible relationship with my siblings, so there's no guarantee that I'd even like my kids. I had an awful, lonely childhood and all the things I would have needed are things I simply don't have time to provide.
On top of all that, I have a birth defect that would give me a 60-75% chance of even carrying a baby to term and on top of that, my misshapen uterus would likely give the baby birth defects too. Even if I don't want kids, I know myself well enough to know that losing a baby would still wreck me emotionally, and I'd be at risk of multiple miscarriages and stillbirths. No way! Plus, I have ADHD and depression, both highly genetic conditions. It would be pretty horrible for me to risk passing any of that onto an innocent child just for my own fulfillment, not to mention extremely selfish.
Ironically enough, I'm considering breeding Cavalier King Charles Spaniels one day, so maybe I'll contribute to a different population. Cavaliers are angels.
Refuse To Put Another Person Through This
I have ADHD and a panic disorder. I can barely take care of myself, let alone another tiny human being. I'm also terrified of passing on my anxiety issues to anyone else, it's made my life a living hell and stole my teen years from me. I refuse to put anyone else through them.
- digicow
After Abuse
It's a lot of factors for me. Im 32 years old, asexual and sex repulsed due to severe sexual abuse in my childhood. This coupled with the fact that I have depression and anxiety and would have to go off said medication to have a child, opening me up to post partum depression and generally not being able to cope, I don't think it would be fair to subject a child to that.
My mother had me after years of abuse in a bad marriage and while she wasn't abusive towards me in any way, she had a lot less tolerance for me than she did my siblings, I feel. It's not her fault but I still feel it stunted her emotionally somehow.
Perhaps I might adopt in later life as I would like to give a disadvantaged child a chance at a good life when I am financially stable but I can't see that happening for at least another decade.
The Worst Accident
I have just never had a desire or interest. Children change your life entirely and if they don't, I think you're doing it wrong. I like my life as is. I'm not maternal and I think unless you're at least 95% in you shouldn't do it. I'm not even 5% in.
It always fascinates me that getting pregnant can happen by accident. It's the biggest life altering decision you can accidentally fall into. You've never accidentally bought a car. Most people spend more time debating a car purchase than having a child. It's insane.
I've also always hated when women, and it's almost always women, tell me I'll change my mind. I've been saying this since I was 16. I'm 32 and it's none of your damn business. Could you imagine if I told a pregnant woman she'd change her mind?
Just Not For Me
I don't think I ever decided, but it's something I just always knew. I'm not nurturing or caring especially towards kids and becoming pregnant wouldn't change that. I'm not the type to coo when I see baby. It's not that I hate children, I just don't particularly like them. Almost all of the time I just want to not interact with them and when I'm forced to it's just awkward for the kid and myself.
The idea of raising a life and being responsible for them, teaching them how to essentially be human is hard and terrifying. I'm a very strict person and I feel that my own upbringing would subconsciously affect how I would raise a child in a negative manner. The idea of someone depending on me in a maternal way has always left a visceral feeling that I can't explain and just makes me panic.
I have mental/health related problems and I don't want to even risk giving those issues to a child.
For "selfish" reasons, I just want to live for myself, do what I want when I want, and live an independent life. None of the things I want to do in life have a kid in the picture.
I sometimes think that people have kids because they think it's the natural progression of life or for whatever other reason they decide to bring life into this world, but I don't think it's something I need to do just because it's what's expected of me. The belief that I need to have a child to become a "woman" or that I need to have a child to have a "fulfilling life" is not something people can decide for me.
It's always been a little strange to me why people don't ask why others want kids rather than why they don't.
In other words, it's just not for me.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor lilac_cup asked:
"Which tv series has aged like milk?"
The handling of these controversial TV story lines seem so careless in retrospect.
Addressing Child Abuse
"The very first episode of Hill Street Blues has two cops breaking up a domestic disturbance caused by a woman finding her man f'king her 15yo daughter. The man is told not to be sh**ty, the woman is told to put out more and the child is told not to be so tempting. Then the cops leave, patting themselves on the back for a job well done."
– kifferella
The Teacher's Secret Relationship
"Pretty Little Liars. I think even at the time, the teacher dating his 16 year old student storyline was considered creepy, but in 2022 it’s honestly unbelievable that was ever portrayed in any kind of positive light. Also that her parents didn’t immediately just report him to the police."
– ColdFIREBaker
Forbidden Attraction
"Not the whole series but Ally McBeal. In one episode Ally found out her bf is bi and her reason breaking up with him was she afraid that one day her bf would be attracted to their son."
– thrussie
These reality shows would never fly in a "woke" world.
Racist Cringe
"There was a reality show on Fox called 'Black. White.' Where they put a white family in blackface and a black family in whiteface."
"Just reading about it, it turns out the white family wasn't even a real family. They were unrelated actors."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black._White.
– MichaelJAwesome
Extreme Makeover
"Extreme makeover. I remember watching this show as a kid and being like oh wow they’re fixing all these ugly people with plastic surgery and making them happy. I just think that caused a whole generation to think they could change their body with money. Show lasted like 4 seasons. Couldn’t imagine that show today."
– thenightshifters
Teen Exploitation
"Secret life of an American teenager."
"Just what…."
– carlirodriguez8
A Critique
"My god this show was terrible. My wife’s sister was into it and we ended up watching a lot of it when we were dating. I think they tried to make the banter like Gilmore Girls, but it ended up being the characters repeating their current plots and arcs over and over. I don’t remember the characters at all, but the main character was such a horrible person, and the audience is supposed to root for her."
"The main things I remember about it were the religious girl claiming she killed her dad by having sex with her boyfriend, and apparently you go to Bologna to get bjs."
– MachFighterG
So-Called Expert
"You Are What You Eat."
"Host Gillian McKeith (or to use her full medical title, Gillian McKeith) was an absolute quack with an online medical qualification from a Mickey Mouse university. She pretended to be a scientist by being recorded standing around in a lab wearing a white coat, spouted unscientific nonsense that anyone who had done a GCSE in science could see through, and was obsessed with getting people to shit in Tupperware boxes."
"It got cancelled after the final series when you had to have her move in with you. In the last few years she popped up again as a prominent anti-vaxxer once COVID vaccines became available."
– MattBD
These pageant shows glorifying good looks and talent would never be greenlit today.
Performing Pressure
"Dance moms- used to be entertaining, now all I can see is the psychological effects it must’ve had on those girls."
– KE789
"Americas Next Top Model has to be #1."
"From all the behind the scenes sh*t that went on in production to what the show actually shows. It’s all just horrendous."
– Nickster1619
From Ugly To Beautiful
"The Swan, was 2 women who are considered 'ugly ducklings' participating in a pageant against each other after undergoing a three-month transformative process aka having heaps of plastic surgery."
– twozedzed
Psychological Downer
"Right?! How were they allowed to do so many procedures in such a short time while completely isolating these women from their families? Making them diet and exercise while healing from a tummy tuck, breast implants, and veneers?! The 'therapy' sessions were a joke and were just for show while these poor women with low self esteem were preyed upon for entertainment. Just out of a safety and medical prospective…wow."
– Snoo-8746
Judging The Reflection
"Didn't they also not allow the contestants/patients to have mirrors the whole time so they were surprised when they saw themselves? Psychologically having massive changes like that and it being sudden is extremely bad for your brain, you can end up rejecting the reflection because it's not 'you.'"
– Delouest
As audiences evolve, so does the writing and development of all forms of entertainment.
But because the changes are gradual, it is jarring when looking back and noticing how offensive and isolating some of these shows can be.
Times sure have changed in the world of entertainment–mostly for the better.
Curious to hear experiences from strangers online, Redditor WallStreetDoesntBet asked:
"People who moved out of the parent’s house before 30, how?"
Most people can't afford to live on their own.
Roommate Is Key
"yeah this exactly. I've never lived by myself, was roommates until I got a serious girlfriend and now fiance. There's exactly 0% chance of me being in the same position I'm in financially if I had been paying full rent all those years."
– lick_me_where_I_fart
Not A Care In The World
"I was 17, we had 4 of us in a ghetto 2bd apt (bunkbeds) we had a beer bong on a lanyard screwed to the ceiling. We'd have keggers, party's every weekend and always had randoms crashing on the floor. Could barely afford to feed myself and pay bills but still not a worry in the world and it was the best time of my life."
– ApprehensiveAd6006
One inconvenience shared by many was the sacrifice of a good, home-cooked meal.
Change Of Scenery
"Just needed a little R&R."
"Roommates and Ramen."
– SudoPuff
The "Wild" Years
"This, lol. I was kicked out at 16 and after couch-surfing for a few months I moved into a studio apartment with 4 other people."
"When I say we were poor, I mean poor - most of us didn’t have jobs. I lived off the worst of the worst food. Knockoff ramen. Dollar store canned veg. Rice and terrible year old pasta."
"It was a wild few years."
– Vetiversailles
Rice For Life
"Or rice. I lived off rice for a full year. Fancied it up by adding some salsa, and then extra fancy by also adding ranch dressing."
"Those were hard times."
– Ok_Opinion_
Having work definitely makes things easier.
Saving Up To Leave
"Started working while I was in school. Got out as soon as I could."
– ReallyIdleBones
Not Much Fanfare
"Yep, moved out for college in 2006. Came back for the summer in 2007, but thereafter I got an internship so I just stayed in the city. Got a job at the same place after I graduated."
"It was never some big moment for me (my parents are fine, just annoying), just a natural progression for me."
– Zerole00
Building A Life
"At 18. Worked in construction. Lived on a couch with 6 buddies in one house paying for college. Bought cheap land during the recession. Then built my own house."
– ReubenZWeiner
Not moving out by choice seemed to be a common shared experience.
High Turnover Rate
"Got kicked out at 14. Finished high school sleeping on friends couches while serving tables. Had a ton of roommates for the next 10 years. At any given time I was living with like 3 or 4 people, it was never boring haha"
– herriotact
Different Parenting
"I am hearing that so many people are actually kicked out in the really young age is well."
"But i am not getting that why parents are so tough because in my country they try to keep them under their wings."
– wowoao
Tough Love
"My friends parents were going to kick him out immediately after he graduated high school simply because 'That's what their parents did when they were his age.' His Dad fully expected him to go out at 18 and buy a house because 'he was able to.'"
"Then his Dad got pissed when my friend did not buy a house and went to live with his uncle instead. Even after his uncle broke down the whole 'Your mortgage is $2200/month with taxes and you expect your son, who works part time at $7.25 an hour to afford a mortgage? With no credit history?'"
"Some parents do it out of tough love. Some parents do it because they shouldn't have had children. Some parents still think the world is the same as it was in the 70s-80s and think minimum wage part time employees can thrive."
– bangersnmash13
Placed Expectations
"My parents didn't kick me out, but there was definitely an expectation for me to be moved out and financially independent at 18. My mother walked into a job as a radio DJ at the age of 18 and then became a journalist with only a high school education a few years later (early 1970s), so she had this expectation that I could do the same. The thought of me being able to do anything like that in the 2000s was laughable."
– pie12345678
I moved out of my parents' house because I booked my first professional gig on a cruise ship.
It couldn't have worked out better. I was paid to perform on board in the shows while my rent was already taken care of since I lived and worked on the ship.
I packed one suitcase and traveled the world doing what I loved for about two years. It was the best way to transition into an exciting new chapter in my adolescent life.
What's your moving out story?