Sometime the most brilliant people can't do the simplest things. I spent 34 years of my life mopping wrong til a Reddit thread made it glaringly obvious that I don't know how to use a dang mop.
I had to read the comment over about ten times and watch a YouTube a mopping tutorial, fam. I truly did.
And it's not like I had just never mopped, I have lived in a home with not an inch of carpet for like the last 20 years. I mop all the time. I was apparently just doing it wrong all the time.
You'll be pleased to know things are much improved and streak-free floors are now a part of my world, thanks to Reddit.
Thing is, I'm not the only one out here taking an average everyday thing and screwing it up wildly.
And this thread, this thread right here, it SO proves it. Come, join me whilst I dance among my peoples.
But The E-mails
I worked deskside IT support at a Fortune 10 company. There was a Director of some super important division, I think it was involved with the launch of new products. Like all Directors there, he had an assistant. Unlike the rest of the directors' assistants, she had THE biggest printer we supported sitting right next to her, and connected directly to her PC. It wasn't even on the network, so no one could use it but her.
Turns out, it's because EVERY DAY, this woman comes in, prints EVERY email the Director got single-sided, and puts a huge pile on his desk when it's done. He then goes through every one (of course, immediately trashing 99% of them), and hand-writes replies on the back. She then stays late EVERY DAY to type them up and send them. All because this dude found Outlook too challenging.
Had a kid at one of my jobs not know how to use a broom. He swept back and forth as a cartoon would.
My wife is a middle school teacher, and her principal is technologically illiterate. He updates the same Powerpoint (not the same template, but the same literal Powerpoint file) for every single presentation he makes. It's now an illegible mix of fonts, font sizes and formats. His bullet lists switch between unordered and ordered, and different types of sub-bullets (so there would be three "bullet" points, followed by a "4" and an "e").
The worst, though, was when he was giving a presentation about the #MeToo movement, talking about how it might potentially impact their students and staff. Thing was, the guy has no idea what a hashtag is, or how to talk about them in a public setting. His entire presentation, he was talking about the "Pound Me Too Movement".
No actual message was communicated that day.
Turn The Page
I was checking into a hotel and asked if I could get access to the conference room to start setting up for the training I would be conducting all week.
The lady at the desk was adamant we hadn't booked their conference room for a full week. It had only been booked for today. We went back and forth for a little bit until she got out the schedule book to show me.
The schedule book was just a spiral bound book with calendar pages. She points at today the 31st and says "see there's nothing after this."
I screamed internally and just turned the page to show that reality didn't end at midnight and our company name was indeed written in every day that week. She didn't give me any trouble after that.
A Teachable Moment
One of my friends asked me if I would go to the gas station with her and fill up her tire with air because she didn't know how. I gave her the same answer I give most people when they ask me to do something simple that they will need to do again at some point.
"I'm happy to go with you. I won't do it for you BUT I will show you how to do it." She thanked me and said she asked me because she knew I wouldn't make fun of her and was worried people would think she was stupid because she didn't know how to do it.
She was always the first person to call herself stupid. In reality she was just sheltered and underexposed. Our overpopulated public school failed her and let her slip through the cracks (she barely graduated high school). She can be a little slow to grasp a new concept and most people wouldn't take the time to help her so she just figured "she was too stupid to figure anything out"
She really is smarter than she gives herself credit for (and smarter than most of her friends whether she believes it or not). She just lacks confidence in herself. Once something "Clicks" for her, she's got it and can easily build upon that knowledge.
My mom and Gmail.
Quote: „No, I don't need a password to log in. Now get my emails back."
I get older generations are not as tech-savy, not having grown up with computers and internet, but come on, you've had that stupid computer for at least ten bloody years. You must have picked up on the basics by now.
I once saw someone in my office start to climb up the wrong side of a common metal A-frame ladder before being stopped.
So I washed cars at a car dealership as a summer job in high school. Part of my job was to take cars to the gas station if they had less than a 1/4 tank of gas in them to make sure they had enough fuel in case a customer wanted to do a test drive.
One day I take new Chevy to the gas station. I think it was a Malibu. I park at the pump, go around to the gas cap, and see that you can't open it from the outside. "Oh, this must be one of those cars that has a release button on the inside", I think to myself. So I go back to the driver's seat and look around for a button/lever. But there's nothing there. I spend a few minutes looking around but I can't find anything.
So I give up and drive back to the dealership and ask my coworker how to get at the gas tank in these new cars. He walks over to the gas cap, pushes it in with one finger, and it springs open. facepalm.
Served in the army for a brief time with a girl who didn't know you had to rinse clothes after you soaped them while manually doing laundry. We had incidents where our laundry services would be woefully behind schedule, so occasionally, you had to do some sink laundry here and there. She would get hers wet, soap it up, and then just hang it and wonder why hers always came out worse than everyone else's.
A Smug Grin
A housemate of mine once put something in the microwave that was covered in tin-foil (Not a "foil" lid, something she had covered in actual foil to re-heat).
I saw it happen out of the corner of my eye and dived in to open the microwave before anything went wrong. She got very angry and said "what are you doing? I'm trying to cook my lunch, what's your problem?!".
I said something along the lines of "look mate, you can't put tinfoil in a microwave". She told me to f off and I sat down in the corner of the kitchen to eat my food while she tried to do it again. When the microwave sparked and made a fuss like it was going to catch fire, she started screaming and turned the microwave off at the wall, while I sat there with a smug grin on my face.
I wanted to say "see, told you so!" but I felt the smug grin was probably enough.
I was showing a person where I worked once the difference between Office 2003 and 2007 when it first came out. I pointed to a spot on the screen and said "Put your mouse here".
They lifted up the mouse itself and put it on the screen. Maybe I should've been more specific and said mouse cursor but still.
Came in to work one day and a couple of the office staff were huddled around a desk saying that they couldnt turn a computer on.
Now, computers can crash, but they usually turn on, unless they're not plugged in. I go over to where they are and they are trying to turn on a Dell computer by pressing the circular Dell emblem. I showed them the on/off button and explained what the 0 and 1 on the button meant, then started the computer right up.
But, I was curious. They'd worked here for several months (I was new) and i wondered how they turned on their computers in the past. It turns out that they never shut their computers off. I was amazed that people like this existed. I came from the tech world and you always shut off your computer at night due to memory leaks, or to prevent someone from screwing around with your computer.
These people weren't old. They were in their late twenties/early thirties.
There is this person that I work with didn't understand how to use paperclips... This is how she handed a stack of papers to my friend.
I had a girl at my old job ask me to show her how to wring out a towel, like she just didn't understand how to.
My freshman year of college, a guy in the room next to mine blew up his microwave. The dude had wanted to make a pot of soup, and rather than walk 100 ft down the hall to the kitchen, he decided to put the metal pot in the microwave and cook it that way. The fact that this guy now has a PhD in electrical engineering will forever mystify.
I can't use a lighter. I never learned, and I definitely just embarrassed myself at a party for not being able to do it.
As An Old Dude
As an old dude there are some 'simple' things that is surprises me that people don't know how to use and then it surprises me that it surprised me because the younger generation has just never needed to learn how to use it...
- Manual transmission vehicles
- Church keys (bottle and can openers)
- Cassette tapes (respooling them or freeing stuck reels)
It wasn't until... Two years ago that I learned how to copy and paste things into a document. I've been using computers since I was 6.
I just can't with some people. Well, to be honest, I just can't with most people.
I often just don't have the time, or the mental and emotional bandwidth to figure most people out.
Too many of us are just cemented in our ways. And that can be a turn-off to the rest of the world. I've lost track of the number of conversations I've had where I couldn't connect with a person because they refuse to try.
Redditor u/RTGac wanted to have a conversation about some folks we encounter throughout life, by asking:
What sorts of folks do you refuse to take seriously?
I stay out of any and all political conversations online these days. That is a group (mob) of people who I can't take seriously, because they have lost the thread. And it's coming from all sides.
Service ConcernsArrested Development Do Not Want GIFGiphy
"People who treat customer service like trash."
"Customer service who treat people like trash."
I AM THIS
"People that base their whole identity on one thing."
"Especially when they have no personal contribution to said thing, aka Super Fans. A person who lives and breathes for swimming or cooking or some other activity that requires skill is totally different from somebody who just obsessed over a show or Fandom or whatever bullcrap."
Behind the Curve
"Oh there's definitely at least 100. They have conventions and crap. But yeah still the minority. There is a very fun and interesting documentary about them called Behind the Curve which I recommend if you're interested."
The worst part?
"Anti-vaxxers, anti-masks, holocaust deniers and more recently, "gravity deniers". These people makes me lose faith in humanity sometimes. They think the force of gravity was invented, or just doesn't exist. It resonates with some flat-earthers... the concept of gravity is correlated with a spherical planetary mass with a force pulling everything to the ground (center of the mass)."
"To the earth be plane, some believe that what keeps our feet on the ground is bc this plate is always moving upwards. The worst part? I know all this freaking disgraceful bull. Somehow I lost to them by occupying my already small brain with this crap."
Question Peopletinder swiping GIFGiphy
"At what point can someone be seen as a "redditor"? I use it a lot but I don't consider it to be a part of my identity whatsoever. It's just an app I use to pass time. I rarely talk about it to anyone."
Oh reddit. You are a quirky beast aren't you? And customer service, there is so much vitriol being thrown about, I'm opting to just stay home.
All about You!Pick Me Season 10 GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy
"People who think that the fact they have problems negate the fact that others have problems. Shockingly, many types of problems can exist simultaneously."
"People who get their news off social media. I mean more the people who will take social media as gospel. I will hear things and do research outside of social media to hear the actual information. And even then it's all from biased perspectives. So I read both lmao. Fox and CNN so I can get both sides"
"I do, but before i tell anyone about it I search for the whole article online so that I don't accidentally lie to my loved ones."
"People who won't even try to think about how other people feel about things wether it be political, religious or just something petty and instead act like their world view is the correct one. Reddit can be a bit of echo chamber for any and all political/social beliefs. Some sub Reddit's get banned just because they are too right wing or too left wing and I'm totally against that crap people should be able to say what they want unless it's threats of violence. Reddit ain't perfect when it comes to to censorship."
"Oh, must be nice"
"There's also the people you know who are always broke or in heavy debt and can't afford anything. Who always sarcastically scoff "Oh, must be nice" when you mention you went on a vacation or bought yourself something new, because they suck at finances and can't let others enjoy themselves."
For Sure!Angry Excuse Me GIF by JinGiphy
"People who are 100% sure about literally anything, and 1-uppers you know the people who always have or did or something the same as you or someone else but better somehow."
Wow there are a ton of messy humans running amok. Is it any wonder why the rest of us drink? And I loathe 1-uppers. I had to say that!
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Goods and services are always going to have a cost. Such is life.
Something overpriced where you live? Let's talk about it.
What is incredibly overpriced in your country?
We're certainly paying a lot for the tiny super computers in our pockets, aren't we?
Paying To Pay To Use A Phone
"Cellphone service fees."
"It's insane. I just got here and wanted to setup a phone plan. Visited 3 store until I understood this where the regular prices. I'm not even paying a 10th in Europe of what I'm paying here."
"Mobile data. Canada pays some of the highest prices in the world for mobile data."
"In Finland I pay about 20€ for unlimited phone calls, text messages and data (they are truly unlimited)."
"20 dollars in canada gets you about 100 minutes calling, free texts and 200mb of internet lol, its unreal"
It isn't just America, before you go assuming we're the most over costed country in the world. Turns out others might have to be paying a lot more than we are for goods and services.
"An RTX 3090."
"Jokes aside, gas at the moment. It used to be €1.60 per litre. Now it's up to €2.05 per litre. When we go to Germany for some gasoline it's around €1.60 where it used to be between €1.30 - €1.45"
"F*ck! That's $9.01 a gallon!! At to think I was bummed gas here is ~$3.75/gal (~€0.86/L?)"
Paying A Lot For The Bare Minimum
"Housing. It's a travesty."
"Tell me you live in NZ without telling me you live in NZ..."
"As an Aussie, NZ is my affordable alternative."
"Good luck finding a beach front peice of land for 200k here with a less than 1 hour commute to the city."
"Plus, in NZ, you can buy old houses and have then transported on a truck."
"I was doing math the other day"
"Beach front land - $195k"
"Restored 1920s house - $90-110k"
"Transport, foundation setting and connection - $75k-$100k"
"Approx $400k for a really great set up. In Australia you pay more than that for a sh-t apartment that catches fire, in a leaning building, with no resale value."
Contrasts Between The Two
"Most things in Australia except food…a trip to the US is an eye opener re cars,clothes,electronics etc…"
"I would expect food here to be substantially more costly than the US. Take out is real expensive unless you're buying something very unhealthy like Maccas, which frankly doesn't seem cheap either"
"American supermarkets are weirdly expensive. Their restaurants are crazy, crazy cheap"
USA? Are we really "the best" when we can't take care of the people who need it the most?
Ohhh, Bootstraps. That's All We Need.
"Housing, childcare, and medical services/insurance."
"Geeze bud. Don't buy a house have kids or get sick if you can't afford it. Do you have bootstraps you could try? /s"
Step one: acquire bootstraps
Step two: pull
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit"
Just Pay Your Workers? Maybe?
"Tipping. Not just restaurant waitstaff but everyone…at hair salons, hotels, taxis, coffee, tour guide or anything travel related, bar. It's no problem to tip the individuals trying to make a living, but it's ridiculous that we as patrons are expected to pay for these companies labor costs based on how the US functions"
"It's getting really out of control in the beauty service industry especially. Lots of people rent a small room or just a chair in a salon to say, do lash extensions or hair coloring. Or they own their own salon outright. These aren't people making under minimum wage and working for someone else. They own their own business and set their own prices. And yet they still demand a 20% tip minimum."
"Just charge me the price you expect to make and don't do this BS tip song and dance that just makes it awkward for everyone."
"Have the time they also act like they're doing you a huge favor by even allowing you to be graced by their presence. Thankfully with YouTube I've learned to just do everything myself."
"Sorry.... How..... How is that the most expensive... It's literally free?.... Oh.... American I presume?"
"Our country charges $1000 for a life saving medicine that other countries charge $30 for because Capitalism."
Leaving Hawaii To Hang With Their Pricey Milk
"In the 50th state."
"Milk and gas."
"7 bucks a gallon "
"try and guess which one I'm talking about."
"Hawaii or Alaska?"
"I can get mine for $2.72/gallon"
"We do have to have lactaid, so I actually pay $5.72/gallon"
Be smart, try to see when someone is trying to pull one over on you, and always be willing to walk away to find a better deal when you can. That's not always going to be possible, but it's important to try.
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When I was a child, I wanted so badly for dragons to exist. To be fair, I had a bit of an obsession with stories of man-eating reptiles and serpents after watching The Lair of the White Worm at too young an age. (Thank you for rocking my world, Ken Russell.)
Sadly... they don't. And if they did, I gather they'd probably pose a major national security risk!
People told us all about the mythical creatures they wish actually existed after Redditor Nymeria asked the online community,
"What creature from folklore do you think exists or once existed?"
"Amphisbaena - two-headed snake, said to have been created from the blood of Medusa's severed head.
The animal is Amphisbaena vermicularis which is a legless type of lizard, and since it digs through earth most of its life, its head and tail look alike to the untrained eye, hence the misconception that it is a two-headed snake."
A likely story from the two-headed snake propaganda team!
"Nobody mentioned Rocs or Thunderbirds? I mean I'm generally skeptical of cryptid stuff but of all the ones on the list, big ol' bird seems pretty plausible to me. I figure the whole elephant lifting, thunder flapping thing is big fish story stuff but I could see something like Argentavis surviving to the time of stone age man and god knows Quetzalcoatlus gives a pretty good idea how ridiculously large a creature can get and still be capable of flight. Who knows what's sitting in the fossil record with a Neanderthal clutched in its beak."
"The pouakai, a monstrous bird from Maori folklore, is more than likely a memory of the Haast's eagle from southern New Zealand. It's main prey were the also-unbelievably giant moa birds, but I imagine it would have little difficulty carrying off a small human child. So indeed, perhaps there are other long-gone giant raptor birds that posed a threat to early humans and then grew even larger in their imaginations."
"The family that lived there..."
"The mysterious so-called "flabby egg monster" at Glamis Castle, in Scotland.
I think it existed, but the mysterious and inaccurate folklore around it basically masked what it really was. It's far more likely that this was a highly disabled or otherwise deformed member of the family that was kept hidden from public view, with accounts from the time suggest something that sounds an awful lot like what we now know as Noonan Syndrome. People with Noonan Syndrome can have totally normal lifespans which explains why it went on for so long.
The family that lived there had a long history of genetic abnormalities, including one of the Queen Mother's own relatives who was hidden from public view and died in 2014."
"Since we didn't really start..."
"Definitely something in the sea. Since we didn't really start truly exploring underwater or polluting it except for the past 100 years or so. I definitely could've seen some near-extinct rare sea serpent-type thing living well beyond the rest of its race. Hell, even today we find new creatures once thought extinct in the depths."
I remember how much it blew my mind to learn about the discovery of the coelacanth, which were thought to have become extinct in the Late Cretaceous, around 66 million years ago, but were rediscovered in 1938 off the coast of South Africa!
"The current information..."
"The current information we have on different species of humans before ours won out really makes me believe that stories of dwarves and woodland elves might come from a place of truth."
This is exactly why I enjoyed watching Trollhunter.
"I think a lot..."
"I think a lot of folklore creatures were probably based on stories of real animals from far-off places, just heavily distorted with time and retelling by generations of people who'd never actually seen it."
"I think there was a species..."
"Humans have a fear or natural revulsion to things that look human but not quite human (think uncanny valley). Natural fears help keep us alive, for example, most people don't like spiders because they present a real danger to us and they move in a decidedly unhuman way. I think there was a species that almost looked human but was a predator to humans until we got smart enough to hunt them into extinction. It's probably the source of skinwalker legends."
Have you read a few skinwalker legends? They're terrifying stuff. Do not recommend reading about them late at night!
"But I certainly doubt..."
"Nessie is probably based off a real aquatic prehistoric animal. But I certainly doubt she actually exists in Loch Ness. If you wanted to take a picture of Nessie you are millions of years too late."
Sadly, Nessie continues to evade us. It just wants to be left alone!
"I honestly think..."
"I honestly think there's a solid chance Bigfoot or something extremely similar exists out there."
Where are you, mythical creatures?
If you're hiding out somewhere, I can't say I blame any of you. Humans will just find a way to capitalize off you.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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It's always nice to be complimented, isn't it?
Maybe? It might have been a compliment?
What is the strangest compliment you have ever received?
It's nice to be given recognition for the work we do, for the effort we put in to the things we get done.
It can still feel weird when it happens.
In Today's Day And Age, That Matters
"I was washing my hands in a gas station, and this lady told me I'm very good at washing my hands. Then she leaned close and said, "No, really. I'm a health inspector, and I'm very impressed."
Don't Ignore Those Calf Raises
"Years ago, I was working out at my high school's gym. This young lady approaches me and says something along those lines "It's completely unjust! I'll never have ankles as good as yours, no matter how much I work out! You're f-cked!" Prior to storming out. I'm also a man."
Upside! Otters Are Cute.
"When you cry, you look like a sad otter. It's very cute."
"Said to me as a 27 year old man."
"In their defense, otters are adorable. And age is not inversely proportional to adorableness."
You can only gauge so much from a person just by looking at them. To really know them, you have to get to really know them.
In these circumstances, these people were clearly enigma's to others.
What An Odd Prediction
"I was minding my own business in a New York bar. I was sleepy and yawned a lot because it was late."
"This random person who I'd never met before approaches me and asks me a question "Are you a native of Boston? You yawn the way people in Boston movies yawn."
"I am from Boston, and he was from Norway."
"You have a very swan like voice". She did mean it as a compliment but she'd never heard a swan so she was just going off of how swans look."
"I imagine they sound like angry geese, which doesn't sound like it'd be a compliment, or it'd be a passive-aggressive insult"
Blessed Be You, Sir
"A homeless man once yelled out 'Heyyyy sexy Jesus!' at me."
"So that was nice."
People like what they like. If someone says they appreciate a part of your body, first, make sure you're comfortable with it and, if you're not, tell someone, and second, it takes all kinds.
Ready To Start Dropping Kids
"I was told by a random lady in the grocery store that i have birthing hips, i am a 26yo man. Not sure if it was a compliment, but it was definitely strange."
You Don't Know What You've Got...?
"I was told that I have nice legs by some random guy that didn't have legs at Wal-Mart once."
Just Because You're Dead Doesn't Mean You Skip Leg Day
"I was dressed as a zombie for a scare acting job at a haunted house - full-on gore, horrendous outfit, the works."
"I scared a group of lads and then as they were walking away I heard - "Dude, was it just me or did that zombie have a fantastic @ss?"
"Stupid sexy zombie..."
In To My Sweet Sense Of Fashion
"A random girl passed me at the mall one time. We made eye contact for maybe a second. Then she just said "Nice pants" and kept on walking. My roommate said she was talking about my butt, but I like to think I had some sweet pants on that day."
Take the compliment?
Wins are so rare in this day and age, you should take the 'W' whenever you can it seems.