Sometimes a secret weighs so heavily on you that you do the opposite and don't share it with a soul. The old adage What they don't know won't hurt them exists for a reason. Things can get especially complicated when families are involved, especially when you're trying to avoid inflicting potential pain or disappointment.
And sometimes, let's be real about this, you figure it's much easier to be polite.
After Redditor DaRkeSst-MaTTR asked the online community "What is something you don't have the heart to tell to your family?" we were able to have a peek into just why people keep the secrets they do.
"That I despise..."
That I despise my parents for being so selfish during their divorce and not putting us kids first. Still 20 years later we get awful comments from one about the other. At my wedding they wanted some sort of acknowledgment for being able to be civil. Congratulations on doing what 99% of the population can do, bastards.
Well mine is, uh, less impactful than what's already on here but...they're all terrible cooks. Like don't even understand fundamental cooking techniques. I'm no chef but their food is borderline inedible and it's a miracle they haven't given each other food poisoning multiple times.
Problem is they LOVE cooking and are proud of their repulsive standard dishes. I could never tell them the truth and I don't want to ruin our family memories. So I roll with it, have a small helping of everything, and just hit a drive thu on the way home whenever I eat with them.
I have cancer, probably the same kind that killed my mother's parents and is killing her brother. Not curable, but won't start to show for a while, and I want to enjoy what time I have left. Thing is, and here's a bonus relevant to the initial question, I wanted to enjoy most of it without them.
"I can't bring myself to say anything..."
My grandma's bedroom smells terribly of urine. She has a commode in there and I don't know whether urine is getting on the floor or she's not cleaning it or what, but the smell shocks me when I come visit. She has some bladder and incontinence problems but she appears entirely mentally sound. I can't bring myself to say anything about it. She would be really embarrassed. I don't know what to do about this.
"I'm still battling depression..."
That I'm so exhausted 24/7 that I just want to sleep and fade away. I'm still battling depression every day, but I'm "functional" because I'm still able to get up and work and I'm not suicidal. I'm just constantly overwhelmed and so fucking tired.
"I had other reasons..."
I had been going to a therapist and psychiatrist because of my family's constant discouragement to my career aspirations. I had other reasons to see a therapist, but this made me reach out for help.
"I lost all respect..."
I lost all respect for my Dad, I'm starting to get sick of the family gatherings around Christmas time and I'm seriously thinking about just taking vacation around the holidays to Florida.
"I've been hiding my episodes..."
My meds aren't for casual anxiety. They're for acute PTSD. I'm seeing a therapist. I've been hiding my episodes and passing them off as school jitters for months.
"Knowing my parents..."
That I'm not a Christian anymore. Knowing that my parents will think I could go to hell for eternity if I were to die now would break their hearts, and I don't think I could tell them
"I just feel alone..."
I haven't told them that I want this to be my last Christmas. Not currently suicidal, have been in the past.
But more like, I want to move out when I graduate college in a few months and never look back. No contact. No holidays. Maybe talk to my brothers still because it's not all their fault. I just feel alone and I want a new start in a new place so I can make a name for myself. I can just be...me.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/