Housekeepers get to know their everything going on in their client's house.
Working with people in their most personal spaces is bound to lead to some secrets being exposed. Especially after years of servicing the same families, they get to know the most private things about the people they work for. For example, something hidden from a spouse can easily be stumbled upon while a housekeeper is cleaning.
Redditor u/Hunterofshadows asked housekeepers about the secrets they shouldn't know about their employers.
20. Scandalous affairs
"My mom is a house cleaner and she told me that one of her clients used to be a house cleaner to her now husband. Basically he left his ex wife to marry his house cleaner, he also took his kids and i wonder when the kids are going to make the connection"
19. Mom and daughter were too close
"The wife was too attached to her mother. The husband worked crazy hours and often had to travel internationally. One time, Husband was gone and she had contractors build the basement into a large suite. By the time he was back, his mother-in-law had moved, from Texas to Utah, into his home. The mother-in-law tried to manage the househould while my employers were away at work. The husband ended up buying the mother-in-law an apartment 20 minutes away. He also gave me use of the family vehicles as an apology. About a decade later, they're still together, but have moved accross the country to escape the extended family."
18. A hidden resting place
Giphy
"I was a house keeper for some extra money during summer, this old cute lady asked me to watch her house while she was on vacation, it was night time and I wanted a little snack so I walked to a cabinet in the car corner of the kitchen, moved some cereal boxes around and found a vase with the label 'hubby', It made me shed a tear not gonna lie."
17. Sketchy banking
"No at housekeeper but a personal banker. Lady went to the states with a few stacks of one dollar bills. Cam back to deposit the usd after her trip and accidentally handed me some rolled up hundreds and a coke baggie and condom fell out of her wallet.
She came in a few months later to change her salutation from Mrs. to Ms. as well as her last name, and freeze her accounts."
16. That hair didn't look real
"Was a housekeeper for a family for 9 years... I knew that the husbands hair on top of his head wasn't actually real. Well maybe it was real, but it wasn't attached."
15. The owner of the place must have been furious
"Once cleaned out an airbnb that looked like the two girls who last rented it were both on their period and just let it drain all over the bed, chairs and couch. Horridly nasty."
14. Interesting stuff in the closet
"Nanny here.. I do some light housekeeping as well, which includes the family laundry. Husband has a framed boudoir pic (no nudity) of the wife on his bedside table. Cool, whatever, happy marriage and all that. Known about that one basically since I started there. Last week however I noticed a pic on the wall in their closet (where I set the clean laundry basket) of the wife topless. Didn't really expect to get to know them on that level. Haha."
13. They probably know that this housekeeper knows...
"Went to clean a vacation condo. Cleaned everything, saved bedroom for last. All over the bed and floor, laid and spread out (pun intended), were Penthouse and Hustler magazines. At that moment, I thought I'd run out before the guy came back. But I already cleaned up the rest of the place. I HAD to dust and vacuum this bedroom. Cuz they knew I was there. I know the question presented is for something I know, they don't know I know, but ..."
12. Secrets from the wife
"Not a full time housekeeper, but occasionally house sit/baby sit for my neighbors. Before bedtime the kid gets an hour of game time. So i turned on the computer, getting it ready and I guess the dad forgot to close his tabs. But turns out that he has a lot of kinks/fetishes that I'm sure his very catholic wife wouldn't appreciate. He came back oblivious and I didn't bother telling anyone anything since it wasn't my place to do so."
11. Love letters
"I knew the couple I was cleaning for would get a divorce about 6 months before they did when I found a note from his lover in his coat pocket."
10. Their client's progress
"Dog walker, here. I was dog sitting for an older work friend once and saw her 'days sober' calendar. I was simultaneously sad, because I had no idea she was struggling, and happy for her because she had almost a full month marked off."
9. He couldn't wait for the bathroom...
Giphy
"Not a house keeper but a nanny. A family once took me on vacation with them so I could watch their kids while they'd go out and explore the area. That week, my bed was the couch in the living room. It's late at night, the kids are sleeping, I'm laying on the couch and the parents get back. The dad says, 'is she sleeping' referring to me? I didn't say anything so apparently he assumed yes. He then started farting very loudly."
8. There has to be a line drawn
"My friend who cleans houses said she once had a girl who left dirty pads all over her room. She refused to clean it"
7. Secret passages!
"House I used to work at had a secret passage from the master bed to the attic, also a secret passage from a cabinet in the great room leading to the exterior of the garage"
6. Their legal troubles
"That she got a DUI. Typical religious white collar family; husband, wife, and 4 teen kids. She had one of those at home breathalyzer tests from the court sitting in the master bathroom, it takes your picture as you blow into it and it sends it to your probation officer. I only know because I was on probation a few years ago and had one too. Curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her public record...yup. DUI and she messed up on probation too, had another court date. After that I started noticing 12 step books and such."
5. The lawyer who likes to party
"we know a lawyer (who owns the company) in a pretty big office likes to have hookers come to the office on nights when the stadium nearby is hosting a game. He's married. There's also always alcohol in the trash cans..."
4. This unique collection
"I'm not a housekeeper but my late aunt used to be. One of her clients, who was fairly well-to-do, had a whole closet full of genital themed toys. And when I say 'toys,' I'm not using a euphemism for 'sex enhancement items' or anything like that. Literal genital toys. Windup penises with googly eyes on them, PEZ dispensers shaped like the most browsed pages of a skin mag (I suspect these weren't official PEZ brand), rather risque variants on 'pin the tail on the donkey', a Nerf-like gun that fired foam phalluses..."
3. The basement from "Parasite"
"There's a secret basement in the house behind a shelf in the kitchen, the previous owner did it."
2. Marriage troubles are obvious
"Haven't been a housekeeper in years but we can always tell when your marriage is falling apart. The amount of 'giving up' is clear."
1. Congratulations!
Giphy
"Our maid service found our positive pregnancy test in the bathroom trash, after presumably finding negative pregnancy tests in the bathroom trash for the previous 12 months. Left us a nice little congratulations note on my wife's nightstand."
Redditor Beadiest_Cape wanted to hear the best cuss free insults out there and asked:
“What's the best insult you've heard without swearing?"
Professor burn…
“After getting a compliment on his assignment, A buddy of mine leaned back in his chair and told our college professor, ‘I'm not as dumb as I look.’ To which he leaned forward on his podium and said, ‘You couldnt be.’” dusty_boots
“…and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“One of the best is from Billy Madison, ‘What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’” maswriter
You should apologize…
“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.” WhatThatBoiDoin
“Whenever this question is posted, my favorite is usually along the lines of: ‘There's a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize." all_worth
How low can they go?
“The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel” BlckAlchmst
“That reminds me of one comment i read saying: ‘the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil’.” give_it_a_vodkashot
Series 2 Limbo GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy"Having been born an infant, and realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever." overt-wan-kenobert
“From Casablanca: ‘You probably think pretty poorly of me don't you?’”
"’I would if I gave you any thought’" koiven
These teachers got clap backs for days…
“I had a teacher tell some kid ‘Nothing you have to say is of any consequence...to anyone.’ He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.” glib_battling
“I had a guy sit behind me in English class let out of fart that reverberated off the wooden seat. The whole class heard it. The teacher said ‘that's the most intelligent thing you've said all year’. Priceless” melbers22
Bob Dylan…
“Bob Dylan: One day, I wish you'd be in my shoes, so you could know... what a drag it is to see you.” WhatDaufuskie
“I was at a karaoke 50th the other night and this one caught my eye. Thankfully I wasn't drunk enough to sing it. But I love this song for its sick burn. Poor old Edie. Bob really gave it to her that time.” crankenfranken
Down the Monty Python rabbit hole…
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!” UpTwoDownOne
“Elderberries were the cheap replacement for grapes in making wine. That is basically ‘your father is a drunk and can't afford the good stuff’.” ukezi
“And hamsters have sex all the time with no regard for monogamy.” draconum_ggg
“So, ‘Your mother is being cheated on but is also a w*ore and you father is a drunk who is also broke’.” EmpanadaDeMayonesa2
Firefly insults…
“‘My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a...middle.’ --Mal Reynolds”
"’It's not that I hate you, exactly; it's just that any admiration I have for you is well under control.’” FlourChild1026
Shakespeare master of insults…
“Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers’.” Dundeklil
“Also from Shakespeare: (Fallstaff, after Bardolf calls him fat) ‘Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life.’” driving_andflying
Excuse us while we go grab the burn cream.
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Sure, it's depressing, but you know what? Aging happens to all of us, and no one is getting out of here alive.
"What gets worse with age?"
Physical consequences of aging is one of the cruelest things in life.
What The Body Does With Food
"Digestive system."
"Every meal is followed by a poop."
Fighting Gravity
"Bending over to pick a quarter off the ground. Hurts your back, gut and your fingers don't work. That's why there is change all over my floor. ;)"
After A Wild Night
"Hangovers for sure."
"At 18 I could go heavily drink and feel damn near 100% the next day. Now I get horrid mental and physical effects. Probably should quit drinking all together."
When our senses gradually start to fail us, it's yet another reminder of our brief mortality.
Look, See
"eyesight."
"Make sure you get your eye dilated every year and check for cataracts."
See, Hear
"My hearing is on the decline. I don't think it'll go completely, but I did get hearing aids last year."
Deaf GIF by memecandyGiphyThe degeneration of certain abilities as we get older is too much to bear.
Staying Above Water
"My ability to cope. I'm just burnt out all the time."
"I feel the same. Aside from my family and friends, I have no care for anyone or anything anymore. Nothing phases me but that's not a good thing IMO. I feel very apathetic towards everything, I'm tired all the time and just want to lay down."
Counting Sheep
"The ability to sleep through the night."
– dabuku1
"Used to be a world champion sleeper and now 5-6 straight hours is huge. Pretty much wide awake every night at 3am."
Putting Up With People
"Humanity.... The older I get the less I want to deal with people."
Maintaining Friendships
"Friendship - making new friends after your 20s becomes a big struggle, and the newer friendships just aren't the same. You can literally run out of 'lifelong friends' due to death, disease, people growing apart, etc."
– cowanon7
I found as I'm getting older my patience and tolerance for certain things have gotten worse.
Waiting in line at the grocery store while someone fumbles with their payment option, or getting antsy when the food I ordered at the restaurant is taking way too long are things that never bothered me ten years ago.
I"m not curmudgeonly by any means, at least not yet. Besides, I'm not that old.
But to all the cranky elders I grew up with who complained about poor service or lack of efficiency, I get it now, and I hear you.