It could be nonsense, or it could be gold. Anesthesia inhibits all the senses, including your so-called "filter," so you never know what may just slip out...
Some doctors and nurses have heard very funny things while working on their patients. u/makyael asked them:
Doctors and nurses of Reddit, What is the funniest thing you've heard when a patient was on anesthesia but you couldn't laugh?
Here were some of the best answers.
50. Hey! You! Get Offa My CloudGiphy
Late to the party as usual. I've had my share of decent ones over 15 years of nursing and EMS.
I had a flight medic coworker nearly get a divorce because he confessed to a divorce while profoundly disassociated. I'm 50/50 on whether he was being honest or if he hallucinated a past affair, but they ended up staying together I understand.
I had a medical malpractice lawyer offer his heartfelt apologies for being a med-mal lawyer after he had a few rounds of conscious sedation. That one gave me a good chuckle, but I sure as shit didn't show it while he was in the room.
I've been hit on many, many, many, many, many little old ladies after they get some versed and fentanyl. My wife has been hit on by...well she doesn't need the drugs to get hit on :) (And you young medics out there, go reeeeeeal easy on the versed on the old folks...)
One patient started telling dirty jokes, and didn't stop through the whole case. I actually had to force myself to stop listening so as to maintain my composure and situational awareness. Most were blonde jokes, and she was a late middle-aged blonde woman.
My Mom was an ER RN for decades. One of her favorites was a conscious sedation on a toddler. Mom: "Honey do you know where you are?" Kid: "Yes" Mom: "Where are you?" Kid: "On the cloud...riiiiiiight there (points at ceiling)" Mom to the orthopod: "I think we're good..."
I had a very attractive doc doing the procedure while I sedated. Patient asks us if the hospital only hires attractive people. :) Then the overweight neurologist consult pops his head in as asks if he counts too! Yeah, no stealing our limelight buddy...
Had a patient going in for a urology procedure under general anesthesia. RN goes to prep the groin (i.e. make it super-clean to reduce the risk of infection) and finds a note taped to the inner thigh of the patient. He'd left a note for his urologist! Gave us all a chuckle.
Speaking of thighs, part of my job duties used to include shaving the pubic hair from the hip area because femoral arterial and/or venous access was going to be obtained. (it reduces risk of infection by reducing surface area.). Lots of bikini jokes. Did I mention I get hit on by a lot of old ladies?
There are so many more...they all blur together at this point. These are the ones that really stand out.
49. Make! Out!
I had a bad crash on my dirt bike and where I was was a long way from a hospital so it was about an hour drive in the ambulance (it wasn't serious enough for helicopter or even for them to use the lights and sirens) because it was a long bumpy road they loaded me up with drugs to make me comfortable.
When I was super high I noticed the driver of the ambulance and the paramedic that was tending to me (both males) didn't like eachother very much (or so I thought in my state). I then proceeded to do what felt like an entire doctor Phil episode telling each of them that they need to learn to love eachother and not judge eachother because I like one of them better but I won't tell them which one.
This went on for what must have been half an hour before I finally said "okay so are we all good now?" To which they said laughingly "yes we're all good". To finalize I held up my hands and say "okay good, now kiss" smooshing my hands together.
48. Don't Kill My Vibe, Don't Touch My Weave
Not a nurse.
When I went under for Tonsillectomy when I was 17 I asked for no IV to be put in before they started to put me under with a mask (fear of needles from past trauma).
I think they gave me the IV anyway instead, because as the mask got placed on my face they asked me to sing to them. I sang "O Christmas, Tree" and I remember the nurses laughing.
Next thing I remembered was waking up after and asking when they were actually going to do the procedure, and the nurse kept brushing my bangs out of my face every time she came to check on me....but as a teenage girl my bangs were everything and I kept brushing them back over one eye.
47. Reversal Of Mood
As a teenager I had my wisdom teeth out and my mouth was filled with gauze so I couldn't SAY anything but when I came to I was standing and I was really grumpy so when they told me "This way sweetie" all I could think was "That's where the f*cking door is, DUH you morons!!!"
Fast forward years later and I tell them I wake up grumpy when I'm about to have surgery on my broken arm. They tell me there's not much they can do about that so I'm ready to wake up and be in a sour mood--turns out I woke up and immediately called the nurse closest to me "So beautiful." Ironically, unless she was two inches from my face, I couldn't see her without my glasses. Whatever. She was probably gorgeous but hell if I would have known.
46. Well, That Wasn't The Shield I'd ExpectedGiphy
After my wisdom teeth were removed I woke up in a chair. Looked around then felt my left cheek which was still very very numb. I remember clearly thinking "oh great they put a shield in my face to protect me" and immediately began punching my face. My mom and nurse were both there.
My mom lightly touched my arm and said EJ-DJ don't do that. I flopped my head over to look at her and responded "Mom, iiiiii'm fine" and swung my face over to meet my fist as hard as I could. I did this until my fist and knuckles hurt. I looked at my hand thinking "that's such a strong shield" opened my fist saw my palm and thought "nice" and palmed my face as hard as I could until my shoulder was tired.
I then tried this on the right side of my face but the anesthesia was wearing off so I somewhat felt it and determined that instead of a shield they had just put a rock there to protect me so I stopped.
I later learned the reason my mom didn't do more to stop me was I was 16 years old and she was terrified that if she "disciplined" me I would rebel by doing drugs and shagging prostitutes. Lucky for her my anesthesia high induced self-harm rampage really put me on the straight and narrow and I have neither done drugs nor shagged prostitutes. Thanks Mom
45. This Is Far Too Much Information, Thanks!
Had to perform conscious sedation on this early 40's woman who fell and fractured her wrist while completely sh*t-faced. Her partner who appeared younger than her was by her side during triage and Xray. After reducing her fracture, as she was regaining consciousness told us repeatedly how big her partners c*ck was, and basically various ways she could use it.
44. Rainbow Road
Had to be put under when I broke my arm. When I came to I tried stretching but my left arm was in a cast so when it stopped so did my right arm. I thought I was in a bubble. Thinking this I saw the rainbow colored reflection of light and then thought I was riding down a rainbow yelling WEEEE at the top of my lungs. I got a lot of laughs that night lol.
43. Stacey's Mom's In Love With Me
Had a middle aged mother of three come back to her room. Her husband was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room and she leaned close to me and whispered, "you're a very pretty girl" and winked at me. Hard to hold it together when she continued to come onto me.
42. No Gas Shall Be Passed In MY Colonoscopy
A guy in his 50's came in for a routine colonoscopy. He had "cleaned out" the night before, got fentanyl and versed, and was out. About halfway through, air starts coming out of his bowel in loud farts, as it commonly does, but it wakes him up and he is convinced the doctor is farting during his procedure. He demands him to stop and "have some respect". The doc lightly chuckles and orders another mg Versed.
41. My Own MythosGiphy
I got my wisdom teeth out a while back, and my mom worked from home that day to keep an eye on me. When I came out from anesthesia, I apparently repeatedly told the nurse "I have the best mom ever! She's awesome!" and then trying to tell them her long-*ss fancy job title (I can't do that sober, which gives you an idea of what they were seeing).
When the nurse brought Mom back to see me, I told her a couple of times that I felt like Rip Van Winkle, and that I needed to go back to sleep to fulfill my prophecy.
Then in the car on the way home, I became obsessed with a spot of dirt on my window, and badgered my poor mom into going through the car wash to "get rid of the spot before it steals my soul!"
Yeah...I have no clue what they gave me, but it was some seriously good sh*t.
40. Compliments That Are Out Of Line
I was a patient as well and I had a really bad appendix rupture so I had a drainage bag put in me. I was so hot and just internally f*cked up I don't remember the first 3 days. My mom told me at one point I called my nurse a milf then backtracked saying I wanted some milk (i was 15 at the time).
The nurse was apparently really cool about it and said how that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her. Also when I got out of surgery and got on the elevator to go to my floor I guess I was in awe and said "I've read about this place"
39. Frank Zappa Will Do That To Ya
Not a doctor. I had surgery on my butt with general anesthetic. The surgery took place in a private clinic. In the salon we had a TV and the nurses always kept the remote and the TV was set to AMC all the time I was in there. When the surgery was over and I was starting to wake up a nurse brought me back to the salon and put me back on the bed.
I was on cloud 9 and can't remember anything that happened after the surgery. Next day a nurse came to my bed to see if I was ok. I told her that I don't remember anything that happened the night before. She told me I was mesmerized by a movie that was on TV and when she asked me if I needed anything I replied:
"Umm....yeah.....can you give me some morphine?". She said that she cannot do that and asked me why do I need morphine. She said my last words after surgery were "I think I'm not tripping as hard as I need to" and then immediately fell asleep. I found out later that day that the movie was Frank Zappa's 200 Motels.
38. What A Time To Be A Singer
They gave me Vicodin before my Lasik surgery a few years ago. It hit me HARD and it was like I was drunk. I had to wait a few minutes before the procedure room was ready. Apparently I blew up my boyfriends (now husband) phone with texts like "I love you more than wine," and "I can't feel my eyeballs!!" He was in the middle of taking an exam after a training class for work, and my texts were quite the distraction lol
During the procedure, I started singing...and I should add I was a classically trained opera singer in my youth. The song, of my own creation went, "Getting my eyes did, I'm gonna see good! Gonna have eyesight and not be all blind!! No glasses for meeeeeeeee!!!!" After I was asked to stop singing, I go "hey Doc! When you do these things, do you ever make sound effects in your head? Pew pew! Pew! Pew!!"
That's when the doctor told me the procedure room was a no talking zone.
37. Dory Would Be Proud
Im late to this.
But I work in theatre as a scrub nurse. We did an ACL recon on a girl around 22 years old. As she was waking up from the anaesthetic she started making weird moaning noises. We thought something was wrong because her eyes looked worried. Trying to get info out of her went as follows:
"Are you okay? Are you sore?"
Shaking her head "Wooooaaaaaahhhhhh. Whaaaaaaaaaa"
"Are you thirsty?"
"Ill get you a drink when you're a bit more awake. You sound like a whale"
Nodding enthusiastically "whaaaaaaaaa wooooooaaaaahhhhh"
"Are you speaking whale?"
Nodding and smiling "woohh"
45 minutes later when everything wore off she asked if she was making animal noises because she remembers speaking whale.
36. Equal Opportunity, For The Right Ice CreamGiphy
Not a doctor, but I had an upper GI endoscopy done last week. I'm sure I said some funny things, but what I remember during the wake up process is this:
- To one of the other doctors in the room, I remember grabbing his face and telling him some really prophetic things about an Archangel guiding his life path, and that said angel loves him dearly. (I'm pagan, but I guess I'm an equal opportunity prophet?)
- Talking to the anesthesiologist about how Ben and Jerry's discontinued my favorite flavor years ago, Black and Tan, and I really wanted some.
35. Lost That Time (But They Sure Remember)
When I shattered my ankle and leg years ago I received a large dose of Etomidate, which is more of a dissociative drug so they could reduce (set) all the mess in my leg before I had surgery a week later. So I was totally "conscious" throughout the process but do not remember it at all. They told my dad to leave the room because it would be "hard to watch" but like myself he works in EMS so he declined and stayed with me.
One of the nurses and I were having a conversation about something random and I was mid-sentence, and then blink I finish my sentence and everyone looks at me weird. Apparently between the first half of my sentence and the second they had completed the procedure, during which I had screamed obscenities and tossed nurses and my father around the room. But for me, it all happened in an instant and my brain popped right back to where I left off. Pretty cool, but kind of scary to think of just losing time like that.
34. Thank Goodness You Don't Still Support Ron Paul
Not a doctor but when I came out of my operation for wisdom teeth I was extremely high because the root ran deeper than they previously thought and had to keep me under for longer. My mom was cracking up as I professed my love for Ron Paul the entire way home, even saying I wanted to have his children. I am a guy.
This was before I had come to my senses and shifted more to the left, but it is still funny watching me on video.
33. But The Hangover Though
I had jaw surgery at 17 to fix a massive overbite. The anesthesiologist gives me the drugs (whatever it was, gas mask deal). I was a pretty sheltered 17 year old that hadn't been drunk or high yet, and this stuff was a BLAST. I wasn't awake for long, but I remember saying "wwhooooaaaahhh!!!" And shaking my head back and forth, watching the room get swirly.
The last thing I heard:
Surgeon: "I think he likes it."
Anesthesiologist (perfect timing, deadpan delivery): "yeah, it comes in six-packs."
32. Roused By The Baby
Reverse of what you asked. I thought I was hilarious!
Awoke from anesthesia and the nurse asked me where I was. I said "Edmonton" and burst out laughing because I'm from a small town outside of Edmonton.
Nurse, very seriously, "Do you know where you are?"
Me, very seriously, "Yes, I'm in recovery, and you're no fun."
I then burst into laughter again.
Another time, going under, I mumbled, "It does taste like garlic."
I remember the anesthesiologist laughing and I was out.
Third time, again recovery, eight months after having my daughter.
I hear a baby crying and I start thrashing around, trying to wake up. It's like coming up from the bottom of the ocean...
Nurse, "What's wrong?!" while restraining me.
"My baby! I hear my baby crying!"
"Oh, that's a 12 year old boy in the next bed. He just had his tonsils removed."
Poof! I was out again. Apparently motherly instinct is only instinct about your own child when groggy.
31. A Narrative I Wish I Could Un-KnowGiphy
I have 2 from my days as a Naval medic doing my training in a civilian hospital.
The first was a patient that was a professional rugby player undergoing an electric cardioversion. This a a procedure where a person has an abnormal heart rhythm and is put to sleep for just long enough for the heart to be shocked back into a normal rhythm using a defibrillator.
The patient, being a rugby player, was a big man and the and the anesthetist had a long discussion with the surgeon about the amount of anesthetic that should be administered to knock the guy out for just a few minutes. Eventually they came to a decision and administered the anesthetic. The moment that they shocked the patient with the defib he sat bolt upright, looked at the surgeon and screamed "What the f*ck was that?" before flopping back down onto the table, unconscious.
The second was an older lady in her sixties, that was admitted with abdominal pain and bleeding and had been given some fairly strong pain killers and some gas and air that had made her as high as a kite. The Dr I was assisting wanted to carry out a rigid sigmoidoscopy so we asked the husband to stand outside of the curtains while we carried out the procedure.
A rigid sigmoidoscope looks like a dildo with a handle on it (almost in the shape of a gun) the instrument is put up the patients anus and the centre is removed, leaving a hollow tube inside the anus, allowing the dr to see the last part of the sigmoid colon.
As soon as the end of the scope touches the patients *ss she screams "Oh no Derrick!" the Dr, trying hard not to laugh, pushed the scope into the patients backside. The lady then said again "No Derrick, No!" followed by "You know I don't like this Derrick, We only do this when I'm drunk, it's too messy!"
At his point the Dr's shoulders are shaking with the effort of not laughing and the lady follows up with "For god's sake Derrick, just put it in then and get it over with". We all managed to maintain our professionalism and composure but when we opened the curtains for her husband to be allowed back in Derrick had gone for a walk.
30. Repetitive Requests
When I had my very very impacted wisdom teeth removed, I asked the nurse to punch me in the face while my face was still numb.
"I wont feel it I promise."
"I'm not punching you in the face. Please stop asking."
29. Close Calls
My step-daughter and I had a . . . complicated . . . relationship. I came into her life when she was a young teen and, for a while there, she was wary of me. She thought I was going to keep her mom away from her (I didn't) or that I was trying to replace her bio dad (I wasn't).
When it came time for her to have her wisdom teeth out, she had the whole conscious sedation thing and her mom and I brought her home. I still have a video of her being very concerned that she left her tongue at the dentist's office and me telling her that I would go get it as soon as she finished her shake.
But the thing that still gives me chills is when, later that day, she was complaining that there was something on her (apparently now returned) tongue. She was trying to reach into her mouth to get it out and her mom called me into her bedroom to hold her hands while her mom looked in her mouth. I did and her mom turned to me and said, "Oh my god, there really is something on her tongue."
I told her to take it out and she said she couldn't. So I had to. Ummmmm, ok.
I look into her mouth and it looks like there's clear fishing line on her tongue. I hesitantly reach in, grab it and gently pull it from her mouth, hoping that it wasn't attached to anything. It wasn't.
28. This Time It Wasn't The Sedated One
I was an OR nurse for several years. Anesthesia was started as soon as the patient hit the holding room to help relax them. I was taking care of this old guy (70s) when his much, much younger wife proceeded to tell him all the secrets she had been hiding. She wrecked the car, had an affair, blah blah blah.
He just nodded. She informed me that she had been waiting for the exact time to disclose all of this info because she knew her sugar daddy wasn't going to remember anything. Well played. Well played.
27. Puns On Puns On Puns
Apparently I said this, they told my wife.
Me: Woken up after back surgery
5 mins later:
Me: Is she ok?
Me: That actress who was stabbed
Nurse: Really, who??
Me: I don't know...Reese somebody
Me: No, with a knife!
Me: Laugh like a hyena for 5 mins
26. The Queen Would Be Proud
I woke up unable to remember my native language, so I switched over to English, like with a proper British accent and everything. My dentist commented that maybe he should go under as well because he'd always wanted to learn French. My mother eventually got scared it wouldn't wear off and refused to talk to me until it did.
25. Rocket LauncherGiphy
I'll preface this by saying that I don't like hospitals... especially when I'm the patient.
I went in for a colonoscopy and was given Propofol and whatever for pain. I'm a complete drug wimp so fell asleep in about 2 seconds. When it was over, I was being taken to recovery and I kind of woke up. I said, "Am I done? Can I go home?" and the nurse said, "you can't go home until you pass gas so that we know all of the air is out of your intestines."
I thought, "right, then... " and as I was being wheeled into the little recovery bay (with curtains, not walls), I pushed as hard as I could.
Simultaneously my husband stood up and said, "hey, ba---" and I farted so loudly and for so long that I almost launched myself into the next room. I heard my husband bellow, "JESUS CHRIST!" and then I heard some laughter from somewhere else.
I said, "I'm ready to go home!" and passed back out while my husband stood there looking around in confusion about what had just happened. I've never heard the end of this.
24. Because I Got High
When sending my patient to sleep, we were giving the drugs via the IV he said "you'll have to give me lots of that stuff" (referring to the drugs). Worried I said "why?" Thinking he an undisclosed allergy or condition we hadn't known about, instead he said as he fell asleep "because I smoke weeeeeeeeeee". Difficult to keep a straight face!
23. Got Lost In This Game
I have epilepsy and we have a fugue state after our seizures where we're confused and loopy but it's also blacked out in our heads so I don't remember this at all.
Apparently, in the ambulance after the seizure I was singing Britney Spears "Oops I did it again" in reference to seizing again. The EMT's found it so funny that they made sure to tell me about it once I was in the hospital and awake enough to remember.
Then a few weeks later I got a package with a Britney Spears CD in it and a post it note saying "Seize the moment. But seriously, take your medicine."
22. ANY, Mom.
I have type 1 diabetes, so any time I'm anesthetized, a lot of concern is directed at low blood sugar. My wisdom teeth surgery was done as the first of the day (to avoid fasting as much as possible) and after I woke up, they made me drink a glass of juice. I chugged it and then raised both my fists in the air and said loudly "I didn't spill ANY."
I'm still pretty proud of that, numb mouth, half out of it and with fewer teeth than normal? That's skill.
I was also sure my anesthesia wasn't actually working the first time I went under. They pushed it into my arm, I hung out for a few, and then looked at the nurse and said "I don't think it worked, I don't feel any different," but she just kind of glanced at me and they wheeled me off anyway.
I objected once more and then concluded I was just going in dry and shouted "Alright fine BRING IT ON". And then suddenly I was wearing gauze underpants in a different room and a nice nurse handed me a ginger ale and asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10.
This is what I remember:
According to all witnesses what actually happened following the drug push was as follows: I lolled my head towards the nurse, struggled to focus, said "Uh duh finkus wording", she patted my hand and told me I would be fine, I grunted a bit when they took away my stuffed lion (may or may not have been drooling at this point), and then I just let out a strange whoop-holler and went out like a light.
21. Comparisons And List
Peds ED doc here. We do tons of sedations and ketamine is our drug of choice. I usually warn parents/family about the side effects and I've never had anyone truly get mad when their kid said something under the influence. Some swearing, some very intense discussions about Pokemon, etc. It's pretty common. But my two favorites?
I had a teenager who was with his mom and his girlfriend. He kept going on and on about how sexy his girlfriend was. To her complete humiliation and his mom's utter amusement. I walked in and he said, "Doc, you are SO SEXY!! But, no offense, my girlfriend is MUCH SEXIER!" Thanks, dude!
Then there was a pre-teen boy who dreamed he went to another country (I tell kids they can pick the dreams and it usually works). I ask him if he went and he nodded in awe. Asked what he like best and he said, still awestruck, "The women!" (Complete with hands cupped in front of his chest). His dad laughed so hard he fell to the floor.
20. Be Prepared For Secrets
Nurse in the ER, we do conscious sedations for broken bones or chest tubes and stuff. We make sure to remove all family from the room prior to sedating because patients really do say some pretty bad stuff.
One was a kid who came out to all the staff and he had never told anyone before.
The other was a woman who talked about the sexual troubles with her husband and how they were having marital troubles.
19. Makin' Friends
My wisdom teeth extraction. I woke up crying and the doctor/nurses were really concerned...until I told them I was crying because I missed my wisdom teeth. They enjoyed that one.
I then proceeded to point at the light switch and ask them to turn the radio on, and ask the nurse if the doctor was a good guy because I wanted to invite him to my birthday party. I was probably 16.
18. Blunt And To The Point
When I had surgery on my ankle, I apparently got my Dr to laugh, and some of the nurses after the surgery to laugh.
So, they gave me a shot of something to numb me up or do something important before they actually put me to sleep. I remember up the point where they gave me a second shot. After the second shot, my Dr told me to count backwards from 10. Apparently I just looked at him and said "No need!" And passed the out.
After the surgery when I was waking up, but still pretty out of it, the nurses brought my dad back to help get me ready to go. When I saw him, I yelled "You're not my mom!" To which he replied "I'm your dad, dummy." Apparently that was the best thing the nurses had heard all day.
17. Too Much Detail
My husband had his wisdom teeth out and while under sedation he told the Dr and the nursing staff that he couldn't wait to get me home and into bed. Rather explicitly. It was hilarious.
Also the dentist had the same name as a famous male adult film star. I was waiting for him to make a joke about that but he was shuffled out pretty quick once he started talking about our sex life.
16. Bridge The Gap
When my father went under for the removal of several teeth, he woke up he reveled an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of bridges, which he revealed to the cab driver. I have never heard of him talking about them before or after but he was confident enough to name his top ten bridges and their engineers.
15. Strange Feelings
After getting my wisdom teeth taken out, the nurse waiting for me to wake up told my mom that when I opened my eyes I sat up immediately and asked for my teeth (I asked the doc prior if I could keep them and he said he'd leave them in a baggie so she was going to give it to me anyway lmao). Was brought out to a waiting area so she could have my mom come get me, I guess someone else was there and I very proudly showed this stranger my bagged teeth, then passed out again.
She told my mom it wasn't uncommon for people to ask if they can keep their teeth but she'd never seen someone be that desperate to have them, she also made it a point to say I kept putting the baggie up to my face and getting a very serene smile lol.
My daughter had tubes in her ears on what was apparently "hemorrhoid day". All the other recovery rooms were full of loudly flatulating patients, one of whom would scream "Help! I'm dying!" after every fart.
13. Ball Game
Coming out of my C-section, higher than a hippie at Woodstock, I was presented with my beautiful newborn son. I declared, "Oh my God, his scrotum is HUGE!" and then laughed hysterically.
In my defense, it really was.
12. Grand Theft... Appendage?
Funny story when I got my wisdom teeth out I was CONVINCED they removed my tongue too so when I got home I was stomping around angry telling my dad to prove his loyalty and "get my tongue back"
11. L'Shana Tovah
You can always laugh or smile. The OR is not some serious stoic place, and some people are hilarious while sedated.
I gave ketamine as part of a cocktail of IV drugs to this obese, middle aged Caucasian guy who began loudly singing in Hebrew in the OR during his hemorrhoidectomy under spinal anesthesia. For like 15 minutes.
We all enjoyed the very surprising live entertainment.
10. Vroom Vroom Vroom
Work in an ER.
Anytime we have to do a closed reduction of any joint (shoulder, ankle, knee, etc) we give some Etomidate or Ketamine. We had a 16-year-old who dislocated his shoulder, so we discussed using Ketamine which both he and his parents were agreeable to. After administering it and reducing the joint, the patient started to come down.
He began making "race car" noises by yelling VROOM VROOOOOM and making it sound like he is shifting gears in his car. His mother said that he recently bought his first car, and has been excited about driving it for a long time. The car was a Kia Soul lol.
9. Monkey In The Middle
Nurse here. Not under anesthesia but I had a patient with ICU delirium who said "how did that monkey get in here" while pointing at the ground. She also asked me why I was kissing said monkey. I couldn't help but bust out laughing while politely reminding her there was in fact no monkey.
8. Testing My Patience
This was 2011 and I was 17 and a huge Tiger Woods fan. I was out for either a spinal tap or a bone marrow aspirate. When I was waking up my family had come into my hospital room and I was still feeling the heavy effects of ketamine. A physicians assistant came into the room knowing she could get me riled up for a laugh and she asked, "How do you feel about Phil Mickelson?" In front of my family that had never heard me swear before I very loudly and and angrily say, "Phil Mickelson's the worst"
7. The Price Ain't Right
I'm a nurse, working in ER.
We gave ketamine to a 7yr old to reduce a horribly fractured arm. When she started to come down, she began howling like a wolf. Loud!
Another older lady we gave fentanyl & propanol & she launched into a monologue about how handsome Bob Barker is, and her fantasies about him. We didn't ask when she fully woke up. Best to let some things slide.
Patient here - when I was 14 I had a sports related injury to my elbow and had to have surgery. When I woke up, the nurse was helping me put on my sports bra and all I kept saying was "DON'T LOOK AT MY BOOBS" over and over.
And then i apparently explained to her why i had huge holes in my ears (gauges) and all i said was "you wouldn't let me wear my earrings today"
5. Hit Me
Paramedic, wife is RN. I pretty much knew my entire OR team for foot surgery. They do a spinal, so I'm awake, but completely numb, nipples down.
Anesthesia Doc asks if I want some sedation, I say no. He says, "Are you sure? You seem nervous."
Me: "I don't feel nervous, why would you say that?"
AD: "Look at your vital signs."
Yeah, I was nervous. Heart rate over 110 (normal resting is 60). BP 150/90ish (my normal is normal - 120/80ish). Basically, I'm ramped up. So I said, "yeah, those numbers are WAY out for me, hit me."
And he did. Let me tell you, I totally understand benzo addiction. Next thing I know, my whole body feels like a warm hug from the inside. I'm happy, and calm. I can't adequately describe how wonderful and relaxing this feels, despite hearing the Ortho Doc sawing, and hammering, and chiseling my foot.
I look at my vitals: pulse of 56, BP 110/60ish. And I feel like I'm cuddling a million puppies.
Me, in a soft, sing-songy voice (maybe even whiny): "Dr. Wonka?" (not his real name)
Anesthesia Doc: "Yes, tarhoop?"
Me: "What did you give me?!"
AD: "Versed. Why? Do you need some more?"
Me: "Nah, just checked my numbers, they look good, I was just wondering what you gave me."
AD: "Why, is something wrong? Any side effects?"
Me: "Oh no, nothing like that. I just want to make sure it's charted that, I LOVE VERSED!"
(not so much shouted as, perhaps, proclaimed in an enthusiastic fashion)
My Ortho Doc had to put down his tools and take a giggle break, along with the rest of the OR staff.
4. Rum Rum Rum Rum
For my wisdom teeth removal I was put on laughing gas, I can remember most of what happened. I would keep waking up to myself saying things in response to the dentist or just randomly.
At first they gave me something that tasted like pineapples and the laughing gas. I woke up to myself having said, "Ew tastes like it has rum in it" and both of the dentists dying laughing. Mind you I was 16.
I also kept waking up to me laughing and the dentist cracking jokes.
Also since the dentists were friends of my dad's they asked things about my dad. I dont remember exactly what things were asked.
3. Melania Can Come
Dental assistant - when I was on rotation through an oral surgeon's office a patient was coming around after anesthesia. She looked at the pulse reader on her finger and thought it was an engagement ring. The other assistants joked and told her that the anesthesiologist proposed, and the girl sighed dramatically.
She said, "Are you sure it wasn't Joe Biden? I think it would be him... we wouldn't invite Trump to the wedding though... but his wife can come." She then called every one of her contacts with FaceTime talking about how much she loved them. Totally unforgettable.
2. Not For Home Use
Anesthesiologist here. Not so much heard as seen. When protocol first came out, it had an interesting side effect when used with midazolam (versed, like Valium) in a small subset of young women. They'd wake up with some pretty intense dreams. It was a bit weird when seeing it for the first few times before it was reported in our literature.
There was one young attractive and nervous woman I'd given a strong sedative to on the way to the OR. When we got there, in front of the 4 people in the room, she sat up, took her gown off and drunkenly asked if we liked her breasts. We all politely stopped what we were doing, looked at her and said yes. She smiled and thanked us as she'd just had implants done. Besides that, most patients remarked they'd like to have some of my meds at home. I'd just laugh and say nope, see you next time.
1. An Insult From Shakespeare
Not a nurse (yet!) but when I was 15, I went in for a tonsillectomy.
Apparently, I started freaking the hell out. I bawled that the doctor was going to drop the scalpel and pierce my trachea and kill me. This is while we're all chilling out in triage. Not even started yet.
The nurse came over, put something in my IV to calm me down.
Evidently, I started spilling my guts about a recent party I'd gone to, wherein my BFF at the time had tried to get me to play 7 minutes in Heaven with a boy I liked.
It started to wear off, as we were in triage for quite a while, and my parents promptly asked for more and asked me if there was anything else I'd like to confess to.
All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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