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Doctors deal with people from all walks of life and all different situations, but one fairly constant thing is the stuff people decide to lie about.

Whether it's out of embarrassment or some other motivation, folks lie about all sorts of things. Most doctors are just trying to help you the best they can though, and whatever embarrassing secrets you may have, they've probably heard it before.


Reddit user u/theElmsHaveEyes asked:

"Doctors of Reddit, what is the most obvious lie a patient has ever told about their health history?"

10.

We got a lot of mandible fractures in the OR and it was always the same basic story of what happened.

"I was minding my own business and some guy sucker punched me at the bar!"

"I fell off my bed and hit my nightstand."

You could tell these people very clearly were in a brawl of some sort. I have a very hard time believing ALL OF THEM were walking their grandmother to church and a random person punched them.

-SucculentOwl

I once gave myself a bruised orbital bone trying to pull my blankets up, so I'll believe a lot

-aholescared

9. 

The doctors that are dentists are probably thinking "I floss every day"

-AngelFrogHammer

Hygienist during my last visit: "So, you know how like, when you're flossing..."

Me, nodding my head knowing full well I don't floss: "Uh-huh!"

-Plynceresse

8.

I used to work in X-ray. Sometimes people don't know they're lying. 'Have you had any metalware replacement?' 'No they just fixed the bone'. Do the X-ray and it's a massive rod in there. And the patient literally had no idea that was there.

Or the sadder cases of elderly people who just don't know. You tell them they've had a hip replacement, and they just don't believe you

-Aethys23

7. 

I worked in a hospital for quite a while though not as doctor. Normally it isn't lying about stuff deliberately. They are often convinced of what they're saying. For instance a guy explained to me that it was normal for him to have very high blood pressure because he had it all the time. This is not normal.

-MrDantastic4269

6.

Not a doctor, but EMT. I love the ones who get revived by Narcan and claim to have only had a couple of beers.

"Um... Narcan doesn't work that way."

-ACorania

5.

Neurology resident here. Responded to a stroke code for a lady who had "acute ataxia and slurred speech." Her blood alcohol level was 0.34, although she claimed to have given up alcohol the year prior.

Mystery solved.

-Unbuzzled

4.

GSW [gun shot wound] to the leg: how did this happen? Well doc, you see I was just minding my own business and it happen. Even I want to know. - Police later confirmed he was caught burglaring by the homeowner. Dude got shot while robbing and jumped of a 2nd floor balcony while getting shot on his leg. He managed to get away with assistance from his "business partner".

-Procrastinating_Doc

3.

Nurse: How much they really drink. Had many patients in full on DTs stating that they only drink a couple of beers per day. Just be honest so we can treat you. We do not really care how much you really drink.

-Lanna33

2.

Working in health care field but not a doctor.

Patient lying about not being allergic to a medication that he was clearly allergic to and we are already wheeling him into the operating room when we kept noticing that he's getting more red as minutes pass.

-8boxes

1.

During my ER rotation in med school I saw several people- male and female, adults and kids- who came in with an object lodged in their rectum. It varied- vegetables, candles, flower vases, one time it was a toilet paper holder. Every single one of those people had the same story: They were naked and fell on it.

-NY568

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Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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