Doctors Share The Best 'I'm Asking For A Friend' Stories They've Gotten From A Patient


Warning - the following entries contain NSFW content.

Ever done something so foolish and silly, that you kept it to yourself? Doing that is harder when your mishap might require medical attention. Some patients, who aren't brave enough to admit their error even to a professional, might approach their physicians with "hypothetical" scenarios to get the medical treatment and answers they need.

Redditor u/saucx asked doctors, "What's the best 'asking for a friend' story you've heard?" and doctors didn't disappoint with stories of patients who were too embarrassed to ask for help.

20. A quick biology lesson

"Not a doctor.

Visibly panicked younger cousin (17) was asking for a friend ,if it was possible to get pregnant after swallowing ***."


19. Playing with food

"In June of last year a man who came into me about an ingrown toenail asked me, 'if, hypothetical, you put a skittle up the hole of your penis will it dissolve over time if it won't come back out. Asking for a friend. He says it doesn't hurt it's just kind of uncomfortable when he gets a boner.'"


18. This very supportive doctor

"I asked for a friend about hormone therapy, she had just come out to me as trans and I wanted direct information in order to help her as best as I could. I did not expect my doctor to dig out my old blood work and tell me that my transition from female to male would be easier than most due to the already high amounts of testosterone in my body. She asks me every once in a while if I'm ready to start treatment, I don't know if it's a joke or if she legitimately thinks I'm trans as I've explained why I've asked in-depth multiple times."


17. This daring duo


"Can putting a catfish in your rectum cause internal bleeding? Asking for a friend. And I didn't believe him until his friend came in and had seven scars on his face just from trying to catch a knife while laying down. The reason I didn't be live my patient was asking for a friend was because he came into the hospital with a injury from falling off the roof while riding a skateboard inside a shopping cart."


16. A wormy patient

"Well one time had a guy say 'what happens when you stick a tapeworm up you penis' and then he immediately followed with "I'm asking for a freind" my thing was he was squirming a lot so I had already assumed he was lying so I told him he should go to the hospital to get it checked out but I dont know if he did it was very strange."


15. Dog poop is not the same as human poop

"'Asking for my puppy...'

I took a class in medical parasitology. The professor, a PhD in parasitology, once had a very concerned neighbor bring him "dog poop" that had human pinworms in it. He suggested the neighbor take his 'puppy' to the 'veterinarian' for some albendazole and assured him that the infection would resolve."

14. Why would you leave it inside?

"One of my grandparents was and ER nurse for like 30 years, she once had a young girl, like 18 or 19, come in asking-- for a friend of hers-- if she could still get pregnant if he used a condom but left the condom inside her afterwards"


13. They're disposable for a reason 

"My cousin is always telling this story to my sister when shes drunk. The girl who came in asking if her friend washes his condoms after sex and reuses them would they still be able to work. After a week the same girl comes in to ask my cousin to tell her boyfriend that the kid was his. Apparently this friend she was asking about was her boyfriends close friend who she cheated with and he got her pregnant after reusing condoms more than a few times to save money. Won't be saving money for condoms anymore that's for sure."


12. 7th grade concerns

"Not a doctor, but one of the friends. My friend walks into the nurses office asking if size matters when it comes to the purchasing of condoms. The nurse sat there in awe looking at my friend. Needless to say no matter how big your dong is, condom size doesn't matter all that much. This was in 7th grade."


11. This reluctant doctor

"Not a doctor but my dad asked this to my doctor and it was embarrassing.

My mom was in the middle of an anxiety attack, so she took one of my 'take as needed' anxiety pills, and she got extremely nauseous. So my dad asked my doctor about and he just gave the clearest 'I am going to answer that question but pretend I didn't hear it' yeah I've ever heard"


10. It's honestly not for him!

"Wife's dad is a urologist. When we first started dating a friend of mine wanted her to ask if any of the penis enlargement pills were legit and actually worked. She went with the 'asking for a friend approach' and he immediately assumed she was talking about me. Thanks babe!"


9. Please be honest with your doctor

"One girl was interested in laxatives 'for a friend.' She try to learn everything about the dose, where what to buy, how to drink. She was brought in a week later with complete intestinal agony. She tried to lose weight so much and drank two or three tablets at a time."


8. Just stop trying to correct him

"I asked my doctor about AA for a friend of mine. Really. Years later the doctor still asks me how I'm doing with my sobriety. I've stopped trying to convince him I really was asking for a friend."


7. The doctor didn't need to examine him


"ER doc. Had a guy who just got out of jail a few days earlier came in with his GF who had signed in for an STD check. Walk in to meet them and he says casually 'Is it possible to get gonorrhea in your throat?' At that moment I knew he had gonorrhea in his throat."


6. That's basic health class knowledge

"Lady walks in and goes 'so if you cheated and got pregnant, but then had sex with your husband would the baby become his?' it took everything in me not to laugh"


5. At least he asked if it was safe with alcohol...

"Not a doctor but pharmacist. Someone called the pharmacy one day, a young guy, I picked up. -excuse me, how much does Viagra cost? Is there anything cheaper? I have someone that needs it. I explain everything and suddenly ...

-Will it work if I take it with alcohol?

The guy began asking for someone else, at the end was for him and was asking just because he wanted his little one to work while drunk...."


4. That's grossly inappropriate... 

"Not mine but one of the older pharmacists i work with went out to help this 20ish girl with some med questions. She then asked him about condoms and said, 'if you were to do me, what condom would you use?' Yeah... he just walked away"


3. Why would you torture yourself like that!?

"I was in the OPD and this man from a different province came in and told me his friend has injected petroleum jelly in their member years ago and that now it's getting painful. Yeaaa, he came back the next day and showed his lumpy member."


2. They eye drops worked!

"Eye doctor here, finally closed our offices to all but emergency care. Last year or so I had a staff member ask me 'for a friend' if she got shot in the eye with semen and is now getting mild discharge is that okay? I looked at her eye and saw discharge. Went to the cabinet, gave a bottle of antibiotic to her 'for her friend' and then went back to my patients. Two days later I look at her and say 'your eye is looking much better today!' She says 'Thanks, the discharge stopped a half day after using the drops!'"


1. Relax, it's just a pimple

"My father is a doctor and he got a call once in the middle of the night from his call share doctors patient . The man asked what to do about a bump on his 'friends' arm that he scratched and something came out. He mentioned it was leaking a little oil now. It was a zit. He scratched a pimple. Woke the whole family up at 3 am because he had to page my dad over a zit."


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